i can't believe it has almost been one year...
"It still makes me sad
When I think of my Grand-dad
I miss him each and every day..."
I can't believe that on friday it will have been a year. I still miss him, just as much as I did the day he passed away. I hear a song on the radio and tears fill my eyes just wanting to pour over. A smell can bring me right back to a memory of him. Sometimes, when my dad makes a goofy smile I see my grandfather's face. The holidays had a strange emptiness to them. The snail salad just wasn't the same. I have done my best to avoid his house. The smell, the feeling, the warmth is all different when walking through the front door. And his birthday, made me think of how healthy he was at that time last year. A year ago yesterday was the last conversation I had with my grandfather. I will forever remember that conversation. The look in his eyes when he nodded in reply to my question of if he knew just how much I loved him. Through out this year he has been missed, thought of, his presence wished for many times.
The year has brought much change, postitive change also. My uncle is on his own for the first time in his life. He has met someone, that the family is growing fond of. And as of March 3rd of next year at the age of 54 he will be marrying for the first time. It is all new to the family, maybe a bit rushed some may think. But the way I see it is, I have seen my Uncle smile more in the past 11 months then I have in my whole life time put together. And that, well how can that be a bad thing? Do I worry? Yes, maybe I have watched one too many LifeTime Movies and fear she will go crazy and kill him for his money. Yes I know how silly I sound. But when you have gone your whole life knowing your Uncle to never have had a girlfriend (that you have met), let alone talk to people in general, well you too may question the motive of a woman who comes into his life right after his wealthy father passes away and he gets the nice big house.
It may have possibly brought our family closer together. I have seen my Aunt and cousins more since the years before. I still have to go out on a saturday nite with Sheena, but I am working on it. And like I said my Uncle has opened up, he talks, I mean has an actual conversation, not just mumbles a reply to my "Hello Uncle Paul", "How are you Uncle Paul" or "Goodbye Uncle Paul".
We all miss him, as I believe we still should and always will. Annie and I still have tearful conversations about him and how much we think of him and miss him. For us and expecially Annie, this is the first person we were close too, that we were old enough to actually understand the pain of the loss. After seeing him the way I did at this time last year I know he is much better off. With my grandmother once again. I wish, as strange as it may sound that I was able to miss her in the way that I miss Pa. I remember very little about Nana, so it is very unlikely that a smell or song will trigger a memory and possibly make me tear up. Maybe at one point in time I did miss her this much, but can't even remember that. I do miss her though, and even more I miss the chance of getting to know her while I grew.
Pa, said to me once when I spoke of what I wished for in my future, actually it was during an argument of what my dream car should be, because he felt I wasn't dreaming enough. Anyway, said to me "God willing...". And well, "God willing..." whatever may come my way, I hope I am making both of them proud of me and what I do in my life (as corny as that may sound). And I certaintly hope that they both know how much I wish they were still faces I saw in person, instead of just the pictures I keep.
When I think of my Grand-dad
I miss him each and every day..."
I can't believe that on friday it will have been a year. I still miss him, just as much as I did the day he passed away. I hear a song on the radio and tears fill my eyes just wanting to pour over. A smell can bring me right back to a memory of him. Sometimes, when my dad makes a goofy smile I see my grandfather's face. The holidays had a strange emptiness to them. The snail salad just wasn't the same. I have done my best to avoid his house. The smell, the feeling, the warmth is all different when walking through the front door. And his birthday, made me think of how healthy he was at that time last year. A year ago yesterday was the last conversation I had with my grandfather. I will forever remember that conversation. The look in his eyes when he nodded in reply to my question of if he knew just how much I loved him. Through out this year he has been missed, thought of, his presence wished for many times.
The year has brought much change, postitive change also. My uncle is on his own for the first time in his life. He has met someone, that the family is growing fond of. And as of March 3rd of next year at the age of 54 he will be marrying for the first time. It is all new to the family, maybe a bit rushed some may think. But the way I see it is, I have seen my Uncle smile more in the past 11 months then I have in my whole life time put together. And that, well how can that be a bad thing? Do I worry? Yes, maybe I have watched one too many LifeTime Movies and fear she will go crazy and kill him for his money. Yes I know how silly I sound. But when you have gone your whole life knowing your Uncle to never have had a girlfriend (that you have met), let alone talk to people in general, well you too may question the motive of a woman who comes into his life right after his wealthy father passes away and he gets the nice big house.
It may have possibly brought our family closer together. I have seen my Aunt and cousins more since the years before. I still have to go out on a saturday nite with Sheena, but I am working on it. And like I said my Uncle has opened up, he talks, I mean has an actual conversation, not just mumbles a reply to my "Hello Uncle Paul", "How are you Uncle Paul" or "Goodbye Uncle Paul".
We all miss him, as I believe we still should and always will. Annie and I still have tearful conversations about him and how much we think of him and miss him. For us and expecially Annie, this is the first person we were close too, that we were old enough to actually understand the pain of the loss. After seeing him the way I did at this time last year I know he is much better off. With my grandmother once again. I wish, as strange as it may sound that I was able to miss her in the way that I miss Pa. I remember very little about Nana, so it is very unlikely that a smell or song will trigger a memory and possibly make me tear up. Maybe at one point in time I did miss her this much, but can't even remember that. I do miss her though, and even more I miss the chance of getting to know her while I grew.
Pa, said to me once when I spoke of what I wished for in my future, actually it was during an argument of what my dream car should be, because he felt I wasn't dreaming enough. Anyway, said to me "God willing...". And well, "God willing..." whatever may come my way, I hope I am making both of them proud of me and what I do in my life (as corny as that may sound). And I certaintly hope that they both know how much I wish they were still faces I saw in person, instead of just the pictures I keep.