(no subject)
This week has not been a very good week for me. I don't know what it is exactly, but somehow i feel...inadequate. I feel like something has changed, and I've lost some of the special things in my life that i appreciated. It seems like the more you get involved--facebook, texting, new hangouts with new friends--the more of yourself that you lose. What was once a comfortable, quiet life is now no longer acceptable. I was fine with who i was, because i knew that girl. But now, when i have no idea who i am, i am the furthest from being content. Time and time again, i try to fill voids in my life that are missing, and time and time again i seem to fail. I don't know what this world requires of me, but i know that what i'm doing isn't it, because nothing i do seems to work. There is so much anxiety all the time now, warranted or not, that surrounds me. I used to be able to go through life carefree and realaxed, and now all i can think about it whether or not i've offended this person, or why this other person didn't call me back, or what i'm going to do on saturday (because GOD FORBID i just sit at home with my family). I'm afraid of things staying this way, but i know i could never let it go. I'm afraid of things changing next year, but i know i'd sooner die than not go for it. I'm afraid that i'm changing inside, but i don't want to stay the way i am forever. Most of all, i want someone to tell me what i want, and what they want, and i want them to be right.