friendship
so i once had a really good friend who i thought i was pretty close to in the sense that we would talk some, write to each other every once in awhile, and we'd talk online whenever we saw each other on. when we started growing apart, i wasn't really certain what went wrong. i somehow arrogantly blamed it on life and how everything changes as we grow older. if only it were that simple. i was pretty bummed actually. this person was pretty cool, down to earth, lots of fun. yet, now that i understand certain things, i don't blame life.
the problem with friendship is not that there is always someone or something to blame, but its more that we make excuses for our actions, our counterfeit misgivings, our mistakes. i am owning up to mine, and i feel really sad. maybe not literally, but i'm sad that now i understand things the way they are, yet didn't appear to be, because i became blinded by my own selfishness. pretty sad. should i apologize for the need to repair a friendship? i'm not sure. i feel like i'd be intruding on knowledge that i wasn't supposed to have attained. so, no. i probably will never apologize, and i will probably never understand why i am looked at with some degree of hatred. but i will try to understand how this person feels, because in a sense, i took something away that i didn't know i had in the first place. not really, at least. that's pretty sad. i see things too late, and then try to somehow analyze them till i become jaded. it sucks. especially since i know how sucky it is now to be placed in the same situation...well, sort of...at least what i imagine myself to be in, or worse, because of lack of communication. but still in a similar situation, nonetheless. that's pretty sad. God is funny though. he makes me understand things better. i am so oblivious until someone tells me outright.
haha and i'll bet people if they read this, think they'll know what i'm talking about, BUT they're all WRONG.
its pretty funny. now that i really see things out in the open, i'm pretty amused. if people are more honest about stuff, i think it'd make life easier. hah and i'll bet i'm a hypocrite, because i'm so vague and FICKLE about everything. yay for nonconfrontation!
the problem with friendship is not that there is always someone or something to blame, but its more that we make excuses for our actions, our counterfeit misgivings, our mistakes. i am owning up to mine, and i feel really sad. maybe not literally, but i'm sad that now i understand things the way they are, yet didn't appear to be, because i became blinded by my own selfishness. pretty sad. should i apologize for the need to repair a friendship? i'm not sure. i feel like i'd be intruding on knowledge that i wasn't supposed to have attained. so, no. i probably will never apologize, and i will probably never understand why i am looked at with some degree of hatred. but i will try to understand how this person feels, because in a sense, i took something away that i didn't know i had in the first place. not really, at least. that's pretty sad. i see things too late, and then try to somehow analyze them till i become jaded. it sucks. especially since i know how sucky it is now to be placed in the same situation...well, sort of...at least what i imagine myself to be in, or worse, because of lack of communication. but still in a similar situation, nonetheless. that's pretty sad. God is funny though. he makes me understand things better. i am so oblivious until someone tells me outright.
haha and i'll bet people if they read this, think they'll know what i'm talking about, BUT they're all WRONG.
its pretty funny. now that i really see things out in the open, i'm pretty amused. if people are more honest about stuff, i think it'd make life easier. hah and i'll bet i'm a hypocrite, because i'm so vague and FICKLE about everything. yay for nonconfrontation!