Big girls don't cry...
I don't write in this much...
My other entries are pretty stupid.
Mostly because I was pretty stupid.
I still have my occasional stupid moments
however, it's pretty crazy how much one can change in just a few months...
.......
I feel like venting and unfortunately at 1:26 am....live journal is all I got....*le sigh*
You know what I hate?
People that judge me and decide they don't want to know me before they even have one conversation with me
When one gets to know me, they find that I have a lot of intelligent, interesting things to say
I can't stand that people base their opinion of me on the fact that they saw me hit my friend with an ear of corn once or that they "heard" that I had a somewhat "slutty" stage in my life or that I wear teal nail polish or that my favorite shoes have pink penguins on them, etc, etc, etc.
But Kamilah! Surely those things define who you are and mean that you're immature and its not worth having ONE conversation with you because you have no substance!!!!!
Seriously?
I'm a well rounded person. I have my immature moments, but I also have my brooding, quiet, serious moments. I'm not going to try so hard to be "mature" that I end up looking like a huge, pompous, asshole, prick.
In my personal opinion, those who don't even ATTEMPT to accept people are the ones who are immature...
Just sayin...
You know what else I hate?
(Insert huge change of subject here)
The fact that I have no clue where I'm going. I wake up, go watch some tv and/or go online, go to work, come home, go to sleep, REPEAT
What am I doing?
I can't work at Jcpenney for the rest of my life
But kamilah, why don't you just go back to school?
Because I don't know what the hell I want to do! I don't want to be another corporate zombie. I don't want to work for anyone
I want to be free....
But alas, that isn't possible in this world...
unless I was a bum, and bums don't get pedicures....so thats a no-go
(What can I say? I'm spoiled, I'm a product of this narcissistic society we live in...)
i feel like im not living.
I feel like I'm a zombie and im just doing what I can to survive
DEPRESSION
Fuck it.
I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of wondering why Matt doesn't call me anymore. I'm tired of thinking about why I always end up in love with guys like Eibar. I'm tired of trying to avoid thinking about money problems that my Mom and I both have. I'm tired of trying to forget that I'm not a teenager anymore and I actually have to do something with my life sooner than later. I'm tired of pretending that I don't notice when my friends are trying WAY too hard to be "mature" and "artsy". I'm tired of playing the part of someone normal.
Who the fuck needs to be normal?
Not me.
I really don't care what people think of me anymore
and you know what?
That's lifted a lot of pressure off of my shoulders
However,
Sometimes I do wish that people would take me seriously...
But hell,
I can't force people to stop being judgmental hypocrites!
Fuck...
I need to go to sleep. It's 2 am and I work at 9:45.....
Oh well.
I'll sleep when I'm dead....
My other entries are pretty stupid.
Mostly because I was pretty stupid.
I still have my occasional stupid moments
however, it's pretty crazy how much one can change in just a few months...
.......
I feel like venting and unfortunately at 1:26 am....live journal is all I got....*le sigh*
You know what I hate?
People that judge me and decide they don't want to know me before they even have one conversation with me
When one gets to know me, they find that I have a lot of intelligent, interesting things to say
I can't stand that people base their opinion of me on the fact that they saw me hit my friend with an ear of corn once or that they "heard" that I had a somewhat "slutty" stage in my life or that I wear teal nail polish or that my favorite shoes have pink penguins on them, etc, etc, etc.
But Kamilah! Surely those things define who you are and mean that you're immature and its not worth having ONE conversation with you because you have no substance!!!!!
Seriously?
I'm a well rounded person. I have my immature moments, but I also have my brooding, quiet, serious moments. I'm not going to try so hard to be "mature" that I end up looking like a huge, pompous, asshole, prick.
In my personal opinion, those who don't even ATTEMPT to accept people are the ones who are immature...
Just sayin...
You know what else I hate?
(Insert huge change of subject here)
The fact that I have no clue where I'm going. I wake up, go watch some tv and/or go online, go to work, come home, go to sleep, REPEAT
What am I doing?
I can't work at Jcpenney for the rest of my life
But kamilah, why don't you just go back to school?
Because I don't know what the hell I want to do! I don't want to be another corporate zombie. I don't want to work for anyone
I want to be free....
But alas, that isn't possible in this world...
unless I was a bum, and bums don't get pedicures....so thats a no-go
(What can I say? I'm spoiled, I'm a product of this narcissistic society we live in...)
i feel like im not living.
I feel like I'm a zombie and im just doing what I can to survive
DEPRESSION
Fuck it.
I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of wondering why Matt doesn't call me anymore. I'm tired of thinking about why I always end up in love with guys like Eibar. I'm tired of trying to avoid thinking about money problems that my Mom and I both have. I'm tired of trying to forget that I'm not a teenager anymore and I actually have to do something with my life sooner than later. I'm tired of pretending that I don't notice when my friends are trying WAY too hard to be "mature" and "artsy". I'm tired of playing the part of someone normal.
Who the fuck needs to be normal?
Not me.
I really don't care what people think of me anymore
and you know what?
That's lifted a lot of pressure off of my shoulders
However,
Sometimes I do wish that people would take me seriously...
But hell,
I can't force people to stop being judgmental hypocrites!
Fuck...
I need to go to sleep. It's 2 am and I work at 9:45.....
Oh well.
I'll sleep when I'm dead....