still wide awake.
well...here i am. it's a little past three a.m. in the morning and i honestly have nothing better to do with my life than to sit here infront of this screen and type down anything that comes to me. it has been quite difficult for me to fall asleep lately. every second that i close my eyes, my thoughts submerge me. these aren't exactly the most comforting thoughts in the world...they're dreams. they're the kind of dreams that you could only wish would come true. the kind that you long for, that many people attempt to reach for, the ones that you only see in movies. unfortunately, these are the ones that have been keeping me up at night. on top of this all, college has started to choke away at me.
honestly, i am excited. but then again i'm also nerve wrecked. i feel like i'm walking on the edge of a cliff, and even though i know the fall won't be so bad...i'm still scared shitless. i'm going up to davis knowing basically no one and i haven't even seen the fucking school. it's horrific, but at the same time it excites me. i'm like...ready to see it like you have no idea. i'm not expecting anything, which is the beauty of it all. i'm ready for the challenge of showing the world who i am and facing my own problems. it's kind of a wake up call that i'm growing up. it's almost hard for me to accept this, but this is all i can really see now.
i'm 18 years old, and i have a lot of dreams. i have a lot of ambition. now it's just a question of whether or not i'm willing to have the determination to back this all up. i want to change the world... i want to make myself happy. i want to fall in love. trust me, if i had to list all the things i wanted, i'd probably take up more pages than the bible.
life is beautiful, but at the same time is a little saddening. it's hard to realize that 18 years of my life have quickly come to pass, and it's only within the past 2 years that i've met the most amazing people the world has to offer. i would give up my life in a second for any single one of them. we're more than just friends. i think in all honesty, that when we're together, we're what heaven has to offer. love, hope, peace, humor, and music. my utopia comes into existence whenever i'm with my friends. it's beautiful. and what i love...is that we all share the gift and love of music. my friends really do make up who i am, and it's hard to realize that this is the point in our lives where we will all begin to follow our own stars...pave our own paths. all i can do is hope that all goes well, and that whenever we come back so southern california, that this doesn't change. that the love remains, and that the friendship stays true.
now i'm still sitting here looking at the clock and i can't help but hear my heart beat. lately i've found myself in utter confusion, and in almost a dream state. i've begun to close myself off from the world around me and simply begun to analyze myself and my emotions. i am a hypocrite. it's horrible. i'm a motivational speaker that's fallen off the horse. i need to follow through with my words...and trust me i will. i speak so rhetorically that i've even begun to bug the shit out of me. my heart's confused and that's the bottom line. it feels so much, but sometimes the unseen jealousy begins to surface and jealousy is an emotion that i could live without. but at the same time there's this curiosity that resides in my heart, and this curiosity triggers the dreamlike states that i have. i always wonder...and this wondering makes me truly think that maybe...maybe the emotions i think i feel are real. but i'm still so lost and so confused.
life is beautifl.
sorry this whole post has been a ramble,
but honestly who reads this?
chances are i won't even come back to read this.
there is no art to this at all.
it's simply a downpouring of emotions comprised of words.
i miss the days where my fingers would dance across the keyboard
and my emotions would create a story.
i miss it a lot.
farewell and goodnight.
- bryan.
honestly, i am excited. but then again i'm also nerve wrecked. i feel like i'm walking on the edge of a cliff, and even though i know the fall won't be so bad...i'm still scared shitless. i'm going up to davis knowing basically no one and i haven't even seen the fucking school. it's horrific, but at the same time it excites me. i'm like...ready to see it like you have no idea. i'm not expecting anything, which is the beauty of it all. i'm ready for the challenge of showing the world who i am and facing my own problems. it's kind of a wake up call that i'm growing up. it's almost hard for me to accept this, but this is all i can really see now.
i'm 18 years old, and i have a lot of dreams. i have a lot of ambition. now it's just a question of whether or not i'm willing to have the determination to back this all up. i want to change the world... i want to make myself happy. i want to fall in love. trust me, if i had to list all the things i wanted, i'd probably take up more pages than the bible.
life is beautiful, but at the same time is a little saddening. it's hard to realize that 18 years of my life have quickly come to pass, and it's only within the past 2 years that i've met the most amazing people the world has to offer. i would give up my life in a second for any single one of them. we're more than just friends. i think in all honesty, that when we're together, we're what heaven has to offer. love, hope, peace, humor, and music. my utopia comes into existence whenever i'm with my friends. it's beautiful. and what i love...is that we all share the gift and love of music. my friends really do make up who i am, and it's hard to realize that this is the point in our lives where we will all begin to follow our own stars...pave our own paths. all i can do is hope that all goes well, and that whenever we come back so southern california, that this doesn't change. that the love remains, and that the friendship stays true.
now i'm still sitting here looking at the clock and i can't help but hear my heart beat. lately i've found myself in utter confusion, and in almost a dream state. i've begun to close myself off from the world around me and simply begun to analyze myself and my emotions. i am a hypocrite. it's horrible. i'm a motivational speaker that's fallen off the horse. i need to follow through with my words...and trust me i will. i speak so rhetorically that i've even begun to bug the shit out of me. my heart's confused and that's the bottom line. it feels so much, but sometimes the unseen jealousy begins to surface and jealousy is an emotion that i could live without. but at the same time there's this curiosity that resides in my heart, and this curiosity triggers the dreamlike states that i have. i always wonder...and this wondering makes me truly think that maybe...maybe the emotions i think i feel are real. but i'm still so lost and so confused.
life is beautifl.
sorry this whole post has been a ramble,
but honestly who reads this?
chances are i won't even come back to read this.
there is no art to this at all.
it's simply a downpouring of emotions comprised of words.
i miss the days where my fingers would dance across the keyboard
and my emotions would create a story.
i miss it a lot.
farewell and goodnight.
- bryan.