(no subject)

[smilesfade]

it inches closer and closer to me as the days progress. my heart constantly mutters the tale of how it was never enough to get you. and now i sit silently against the cold steel rail and watch you become entangled in his charm, his smile, and his laughter. sometimes i begin to choke, just a little, when i realize that he's everything you want and i'm everything that's fallen short of that. my addictions have eaten away at me, and as a result i've lost every possible chance of being with you. even my mind refuses to let me create those scenes in my head where everything is a fairy tale between you and i. i guess this is what has happened. i regret my decision of losing you. i regret not letting go of everything else, when you asked me to choose. i'm sorry for not trying. i'm sorry for never saying the words you wanted to hear, but i'm simply me. my dreams, my positives, my falls, my heartbreaks, my curses, my addictions, all of it...is just who i am. i've chosen the other world over you, and now all i can do is sit and pretend to feel, when all i feel are apathetic waves running through my blood vessels.

this was my choice
and now i have to live
with the repercussions.