The Dance - Chapter 17: Long Time Comin'

[smiles_a_lot]

Genre & Rating: Canon/AU, NC-17 for cussin only, despite the very slashy chapter title. Sorry.

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis were created by the Great and Mighty Annie Proulx. I'm just the dude behind the yellow curtain working the lights and using the Big Voice microphone.

Summary: This is the continuation of The Package, and takes place after Ennis

Comments

[brokeback1963]

I’m so very glad Jack called Ennis…though now I wonder if Ennis had called Jack if Jack had not called first…I wanna think he’d have done it after all what Missy said to him. I was not surprised when Ennis already knew that the call was from Jack even before picking the phone up. They know each other so well.
I read these lines repeatedly, and I think that show one of the main problem our boys had in their relationship in the film. Ennis and Jack are so used to being beaten for life and for everyone they know that they assume that everything is gonna be the same for them. I always thought that it was mainly for Ennis, but now I can see that it was the same for Jack. They were always afraid of losing what they loved the most so they were always suspecting of good things…not trusting joy or their luck. They thought deep in their hearts that they would never get what they wanted…..so with every little pot hole on the road they said: “I knew it, this is it….This had to happen, this is the end”. I’m glad Jack can see this now, and Ennis wants to fix it. It’d be a HUGE step in their way to live their dreams. You can’t enjoy a cake if you think that every sweet thing you eat could be poisoned. That’s not life. Ennis see a tired face and he already thinks that that person knows his secret and hate him for that…and then Jack sees Ennis surprised or worried face and he thinks that it’s the end and Ennis is ashamed of him….They are like locomotives…They run blind and act without thinking…They base their present experienced in past ones. Because Ennis failed once Jack now thinks Ennis is gonna do the same every time he’s acting stunned or moody, and because Jack did mistakes in his past and always wanted more and more from Ennis, now Ennis thinks that Jack will never be satisfied with what he, Ennis, has to give. Because OMT and Ennis dad didn’t think they were worth of love, now our boys think that every one is gonna think always that way. Because Ennis lost his parents, all those beings he loved the most, now he thinks he's gonna lose again everyone he loves; he really thinks that he's gonna be "losing loved ones" the rest of his life. Damn….Missy said it well: They put their thoughts in other people’s heads!!
Awesome writing in this moving part, Em!!

**
“Ennis, you ever get so used to being beat down you don’t recognize good when it come to you? Like, you’re so full of fear you can’t trust happiness when you feel it?”

This time Ennis tasted blood from where he’d been biting his lip. He blinked his eyes furiously; he’d cried enough for one day. “Jack, goddammit,” was his only response.

“Ain’t that !@#$ pathetic, Ennis? I’m so used to having misery be the way of things, I don’t even feel comfortable until I’m sinking in it. How do we rise above a lifetime of that, huh? Ennis?” Jack’s voice was thick with emotion, his agony so palpable it reached out and grabbed Ennis by the throat.

Suddenly, Ennis was just as angry as before, not so much at Jack, but at this thing that was standing in his way but couldn’t be pinned down.
**

Well, this is when I lost it and started to cry….My baby Jack….I can imagine shivering, worried, SCARED of losing Ennis, whispering…and my heart aches for him…And then Ennis about to cry again…I just wanted to hug them tight…Why can we be so !@#$ idiot and blind when we love? Poor boys…They need to be happy, I need them to be happy.

**
“Ennis can you…” Jack whispered, so soft he had to strain to hear it. “…can you…forgive me?”

Christ. Seems he was wrong about crying enough for one day cause he felt his eyes fill up yet again. For what popped into his head was a postcard he’d gotten one day after work, stuck in between some catalogues, the first sign of life in four years. Friend, this letter is long over due.
**

[brokeback1963]

Oh girl, what you did to me with the ending. You gave me wings again!! I wish I could read the next chapter now. I’d sure wanted that Jack had stayed in Kansas…but well, I know life has its pace…and I know it’s better this way, but I can’t wait for them hugging each other, kissing each other. I'd like to know what that day was for Jack, or at least to know some of his thoughts...because what he was feeling that day I think I know them well, since I've been on the same road as him so many times in my life.

**
So he said a soft good-night to his guy and stopped himself from hoping tomorrow was a better day. Because today hadn’t turned out that bad, considering.
**

Thank you Em, for brightening my day. This sure was very special.