The Dance - Chapter 17: Long Time Comin'
Genre & Rating: Canon/AU, NC-17 for cussin only, despite the very slashy chapter title. Sorry.
Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis were created by the Great and Mighty Annie Proulx. I'm just the dude behind the yellow curtain working the lights and using the Big Voice microphone.
Summary: This is the continuation of The Package, and takes place after Ennis ( Read more... )
Your writing in this chapter is so vivid, intense and painfully gorgeous. So very BEAUTIFUL chapter, Em, so many emotions here, so so so much LOVE with capital letters.
I was breathless reading about Ennis thoughts and feelings. You know I understand what Jack did, but hell, Ennis was right too and I can’t stand seeing him like this. Still, you wrote precious images of what he had inside.
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He was unsurprised by the emptiness he felt, cause Jack had crushed his insides like chalk under his heel and ground them to dust, leaving footprints that grew faint as Jack walked away. He didn’t even feel that gut-clenching nausea that usually overtook him. There was nothing inside him to throw up. Everything he had was gone from him now. Hell, he’d told him to go.
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Agree with Ennis here once more…..He’s doing everything he can and beyond…but when you love sometimes everything is not enough, right?
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He was in Kansas, for f***’s sake, sending letters written in green crayon, playing barn games and almost breaking his brand new bed. What else did he have to do to prove himself?
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OMG, this got me with my mouth open. I’m so very proud of Enniss, so proud. Way to go, cowboy!! This is your home and no one can tell you here how you have to live your life!! And of course I was clapping when Ennis said “my boy”. I had in my face the biggest smile ever even if I was suffering for Ennis there.
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“Now see here. I know you’re my big sister and all and you gotta right to be upset. But for once in my life I got me a home. This place here, it don’t belong to Daddy and Mama. Or the bank. Or you, or K.E., or even Alma with her gingham check curtains. This here’s my place and I will not stand here and let you talk about my…my…”
“Spit it out, Ennis, cause that’s what you gave up your family for! Spit it out!” she goaded, getting up in his face.
“My…my…my guy!” he yelled.
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I was mad at Missy at first because I though she was gonna hurt Ennis…and our boy doesn’t need more hurt..but then, oh my, I swear I could hug and kiss her!! She’s so right in every word she said!! Thank you Em for giving Ennis the kind of family he deserves, or at least, the sister he deserves.
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In a haze he watched with astonishment as the edges of Missy’s lips curled up, ever so slightly, her eyes softening and her lips trembling with emotion. She reached out tenderly with both hands and bookended his jaw, her thumbs wiping away tears he didn’t even know were there.
“Oh my Ennis. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t disrespecting him, or you. Damn my spitfire temper and how it short circuits my brain.” She leaned forward, getting in his face again but this time for another reason, looking deep in his eyes. “I was tryin' to tell you this secret wasn’t worth losing ten years over. You should have told me, baby. It wouldn’t have changed how much I loved you.”
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Missy shook her head again. “There you go again, putting your own thoughts in other people’s heads, like you’re your own judge and jury. Give it time, little brother. You been together so long, you think fifteen minutes a shoutin’ at each other’s gonna kill what you got? He may have walked away today but I don’t think he’s gonna stay away. And…” she grinned wickedly. “…seems to me your Jack’s worth waitin’ for.”
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I read these lines repeatedly, and I think that show one of the main problem our boys had in their relationship in the film. Ennis and Jack are so used to being beaten for life and for everyone they know that they assume that everything is gonna be the same for them. I always thought that it was mainly for Ennis, but now I can see that it was the same for Jack. They were always afraid of losing what they loved the most so they were always suspecting of good things…not trusting joy or their luck. They thought deep in their hearts that they would never get what they wanted…..so with every little pot hole on the road they said: “I knew it, this is it….This had to happen, this is the end”. I’m glad Jack can see this now, and Ennis wants to fix it. It’d be a HUGE step in their way to live their dreams. You can’t enjoy a cake if you think that every sweet thing you eat could be poisoned. That’s not life. Ennis see a tired face and he already thinks that that person knows his secret and hate him for that…and then Jack sees Ennis surprised or worried face and he thinks that it’s the end and Ennis is ashamed of him….They are like locomotives…They run blind and act without thinking…They base their present experienced in past ones. Because Ennis failed once Jack now thinks Ennis is gonna do the same every time he’s acting stunned or moody, and because Jack did mistakes in his past and always wanted more and more from Ennis, now Ennis thinks that Jack will never be satisfied with what he, Ennis, has to give. Because OMT and Ennis dad didn’t think they were worth of love, now our boys think that every one is gonna think always that way. Because Ennis lost his parents, all those beings he loved the most, now he thinks he's gonna lose again everyone he loves; he really thinks that he's gonna be "losing loved ones" the rest of his life. Damn….Missy said it well: They put their thoughts in other people’s heads!!
Awesome writing in this moving part, Em!!
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“Ennis, you ever get so used to being beat down you don’t recognize good when it come to you? Like, you’re so full of fear you can’t trust happiness when you feel it?”
This time Ennis tasted blood from where he’d been biting his lip. He blinked his eyes furiously; he’d cried enough for one day. “Jack, goddammit,” was his only response.
“Ain’t that !@#$ pathetic, Ennis? I’m so used to having misery be the way of things, I don’t even feel comfortable until I’m sinking in it. How do we rise above a lifetime of that, huh? Ennis?” Jack’s voice was thick with emotion, his agony so palpable it reached out and grabbed Ennis by the throat.
Suddenly, Ennis was just as angry as before, not so much at Jack, but at this thing that was standing in his way but couldn’t be pinned down.
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Well, this is when I lost it and started to cry….My baby Jack….I can imagine shivering, worried, SCARED of losing Ennis, whispering…and my heart aches for him…And then Ennis about to cry again…I just wanted to hug them tight…Why can we be so !@#$ idiot and blind when we love? Poor boys…They need to be happy, I need them to be happy.
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“Ennis can you…” Jack whispered, so soft he had to strain to hear it. “…can you…forgive me?”
Christ. Seems he was wrong about crying enough for one day cause he felt his eyes fill up yet again. For what popped into his head was a postcard he’d gotten one day after work, stuck in between some catalogues, the first sign of life in four years. Friend, this letter is long over due.
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So he said a soft good-night to his guy and stopped himself from hoping tomorrow was a better day. Because today hadn’t turned out that bad, considering.
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Thank you Em, for brightening my day. This sure was very special.
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