there's a hole in my trust
it's 2:24 in the morning. i've been listening to "Everythign i once
had" by The Honorary Title on repeat for the past 3 hours. It truely
speaks to me right now. I wish there was a way for me to have no one
ever be in pain again. But with out pain the in the world, i suppose
there wouldn't be as much passion to live. So i'll go on looking the
other way. Helping where i can.
I want to be the girl that a guy changes for. I think that is the reason why i always choose the guys that are so wrong for me. So maybe they'll change and we'll live happily ever after. It's almost like an addiction i can't quit..wanting what i can't have. I've been so stressed lately i've been smoking down to the filters, pack by pack. i hate smoking. so why must i do it? i'll probably get shit from people for smoking, but it doesn't matter.
I'm so cold i'm shaking. but i won't get up and get a blanket. almost like i'd rather be cold, then warm and happy. i feel pathetic. i've cried so much over stupid things these past two days. i wish my anti depressants...could make me hold back tears. so i dont look back and think i'm an idiot for crying. i dont know who reads this. and i dont know how it will effect you, if it does at all..i sat on the phone today. for a half an hour not speaking. just because i had nothing to say. i feel like my mind is going blank more often than it should. i almost have no emotions when i should. and too much when it's the wrong moment.
my dad keeps calling me. i ignore it. he says he just wants to wish me happy birthday.. but i know he really wants to appologize. he doesnt mean it though. he's just tired of fighting. i want him to appologize when he is REALLY sorry. not just because i am more stubborn than him. i want him to realize what he's put me and my family through. a girl can dream can't she?
sorry this was so long. i can't sleep. this seemed my only antidote
I want to be the girl that a guy changes for. I think that is the reason why i always choose the guys that are so wrong for me. So maybe they'll change and we'll live happily ever after. It's almost like an addiction i can't quit..wanting what i can't have. I've been so stressed lately i've been smoking down to the filters, pack by pack. i hate smoking. so why must i do it? i'll probably get shit from people for smoking, but it doesn't matter.
I'm so cold i'm shaking. but i won't get up and get a blanket. almost like i'd rather be cold, then warm and happy. i feel pathetic. i've cried so much over stupid things these past two days. i wish my anti depressants...could make me hold back tears. so i dont look back and think i'm an idiot for crying. i dont know who reads this. and i dont know how it will effect you, if it does at all..i sat on the phone today. for a half an hour not speaking. just because i had nothing to say. i feel like my mind is going blank more often than it should. i almost have no emotions when i should. and too much when it's the wrong moment.
my dad keeps calling me. i ignore it. he says he just wants to wish me happy birthday.. but i know he really wants to appologize. he doesnt mean it though. he's just tired of fighting. i want him to appologize when he is REALLY sorry. not just because i am more stubborn than him. i want him to realize what he's put me and my family through. a girl can dream can't she?
sorry this was so long. i can't sleep. this seemed my only antidote