14 September 1899.
my dearest john-michael,
sorry for not formatting your name correctly. it's not that i don't care. but honestly, my son. sometimes, you make it impossible to like you. although i love you dearly. that will never change.
your letter was nothing less than i ever expected. i was ready for the anger, hostility and cursing. it's hard when somebody tells you something you don't want to hear about yourself. and i don't suppose you would get so upset if you didn't feel in your heart somewhere, that some of what i said is true. i can tell i hit home, and maybe you will think about it, and that is all i could ask for. you are a tough one to get to my boy. you are tough minded, but sometimes you need to soften your heart.
i wish not to upset you further with my reply. i just would hate myself if i went to my grave knowing that i didn't try to let you know that i love you (though you never did believe me), and if i didn't try to help you with your condition as well.
i do love you.
as i find myself in the last days of my life, disease ridden, and scared to die..i am much more afraid of not making amends with you. this will probably never happen. but i want to know i tried, when i am literally on my deathbed. which my doctor tells me will be within four months.
take care dear son, take care and find and cherish all the love you can attain.
you are a dear, dear, gifted boy.
love and sincerity,
your dear old dad.
sorry for not formatting your name correctly. it's not that i don't care. but honestly, my son. sometimes, you make it impossible to like you. although i love you dearly. that will never change.
your letter was nothing less than i ever expected. i was ready for the anger, hostility and cursing. it's hard when somebody tells you something you don't want to hear about yourself. and i don't suppose you would get so upset if you didn't feel in your heart somewhere, that some of what i said is true. i can tell i hit home, and maybe you will think about it, and that is all i could ask for. you are a tough one to get to my boy. you are tough minded, but sometimes you need to soften your heart.
i wish not to upset you further with my reply. i just would hate myself if i went to my grave knowing that i didn't try to let you know that i love you (though you never did believe me), and if i didn't try to help you with your condition as well.
i do love you.
as i find myself in the last days of my life, disease ridden, and scared to die..i am much more afraid of not making amends with you. this will probably never happen. but i want to know i tried, when i am literally on my deathbed. which my doctor tells me will be within four months.
take care dear son, take care and find and cherish all the love you can attain.
you are a dear, dear, gifted boy.
love and sincerity,
your dear old dad.