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CONFESSIONS POST
i want everyone who passes this post to confess something. big, small, get that shit off your chest. anon enabled.
i want everyone who passes this post to confess something. big, small, get that shit off your chest. anon enabled.
Thing is, *I* can't do what I do. every day, i slip just a litle bit further, get just a little bit farthe rbehind, emotionally, mentally, physically. I've fought so hard and so long for everything, it seems, and then other things just fall into place when i sure as fuck don't deserve them to, and i should be *thrilled*, but all I ever want to do is cry.
I've got one very, very, very good reason to live in my life right now, and it's the only thing that keeps me going. I don't fight to get out of bed in the mornings, but all i do on days that don't involve the necessity of leaving the house is sit on the couch and stare at my laptop. I used to write anytime i could. now, it's like pulling teeth.
I want it back. i want the joy back, i want the flowing words, i want the strength to get up and *do* things. And yet...here I am. Unable to do any of it. I'm no where near as strong as everyone things I am.
I feel like a fraud.
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one reason is all you need, right? my philosophy is that things go in cycles. and it sucks really badly right now, but if you just keep pushing, you will get through it.
i've been dealing with depression sapping my urge to write like crazy, too. i find that forcing it just makes it worse, makes me feel more frustrated. maybe just give it a break? even if you wrote like it was your air, sometimes you just need a break from things. i can't promise you that will change, that it will come back just like before, but forcing will help nothing.
you are not a fraud. you're still here, aren't you? from the sounds of it, that's taking courage alone. don't undervalue yourself and what you've done.
feel free to email me sometime. mindscomeloose at gmail. i like to listen.
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