long, but has to be said for myself
I think there is a big difference in unconditionally loving someone vs. caring about them.
To unconditionally love someone you take the good and the bad willingly. And you see that person as who they are and love them for it. You enjoy being around them.
I've thought about this a lot lately with my sister's wedding and she's been through her share of awful relationships and we talked about her and Jorge and how they got together. How they didn't want to be in a relationship in the beginning because all the baggage from previous relationships, but the more they were together the more they couldn't deny that they belonged together and wanted to be with each other. And all that stuff from their past didn't matter. It was the past.
I'm really happy for her. It's made me real emotional and sad lately just because I want that in my life. But I know my time will come. That someone will see me and love me for all the stupid things I do- like being a klutz, or my horrible pronunciation of words, the fact that i sometimes snore, walk real loud, or when I'm supposed to be quiet, get overly excited and talk really loud, then tell the most pointless stories ever or even lose things like tiffany bracelets within a matter of a day.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I've made mistakes. Some I'm not proud of, but I'm past them. And I just wish someone would see me and say to themselves she's beautiful and funny and I could talk to her and listen to those stupid stories and be fine with it because I'm with her. I want someone to see me not for who I was, but for who I am. I want someone to want to take me to dinner and grab my hand in public and hold it close as we walk down the street. I know what it's like to love someone unconditionally, but I have no idea what it feels like to have someone love me unconditionally (other than by my family, because my mom just sat in my room with me and hugged me while I cried and it didn't matter what happened. She understood.) I want to know. I want to feel that. For a moment tonight I felt like that would never exist for me. That nobody could. But I know better than that. Fear and pain can be crippling. I can't let distrust or paranoia rule my life. I've been there and since the fall I've been working on getting over that. And besides my close circle of girls, the whiskey crew have been the best example of that because it took a while for me to open up and trust them because of the intersection points of our lives have been well "soap opera"y and I thought they wouldn't want to be my friend, but ended up none of our past ever matter. No one cared. Every time something comes up that I think, this is it, they won't want to be friends with me now, they embrace me more. And I just can't explain how much that has helped me and changed my viewpoint of my life. I'm totally grateful for that, and I'm glad that they are my guest to my sister's wedding. Instead of one date, I get three awesome friends to share in the celebration of my sister.
So I guess in short, I'm ready to find my someone, but in the meantime I'm thankful I have my friends.
To unconditionally love someone you take the good and the bad willingly. And you see that person as who they are and love them for it. You enjoy being around them.
I've thought about this a lot lately with my sister's wedding and she's been through her share of awful relationships and we talked about her and Jorge and how they got together. How they didn't want to be in a relationship in the beginning because all the baggage from previous relationships, but the more they were together the more they couldn't deny that they belonged together and wanted to be with each other. And all that stuff from their past didn't matter. It was the past.
I'm really happy for her. It's made me real emotional and sad lately just because I want that in my life. But I know my time will come. That someone will see me and love me for all the stupid things I do- like being a klutz, or my horrible pronunciation of words, the fact that i sometimes snore, walk real loud, or when I'm supposed to be quiet, get overly excited and talk really loud, then tell the most pointless stories ever or even lose things like tiffany bracelets within a matter of a day.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I've made mistakes. Some I'm not proud of, but I'm past them. And I just wish someone would see me and say to themselves she's beautiful and funny and I could talk to her and listen to those stupid stories and be fine with it because I'm with her. I want someone to see me not for who I was, but for who I am. I want someone to want to take me to dinner and grab my hand in public and hold it close as we walk down the street. I know what it's like to love someone unconditionally, but I have no idea what it feels like to have someone love me unconditionally (other than by my family, because my mom just sat in my room with me and hugged me while I cried and it didn't matter what happened. She understood.) I want to know. I want to feel that. For a moment tonight I felt like that would never exist for me. That nobody could. But I know better than that. Fear and pain can be crippling. I can't let distrust or paranoia rule my life. I've been there and since the fall I've been working on getting over that. And besides my close circle of girls, the whiskey crew have been the best example of that because it took a while for me to open up and trust them because of the intersection points of our lives have been well "soap opera"y and I thought they wouldn't want to be my friend, but ended up none of our past ever matter. No one cared. Every time something comes up that I think, this is it, they won't want to be friends with me now, they embrace me more. And I just can't explain how much that has helped me and changed my viewpoint of my life. I'm totally grateful for that, and I'm glad that they are my guest to my sister's wedding. Instead of one date, I get three awesome friends to share in the celebration of my sister.
So I guess in short, I'm ready to find my someone, but in the meantime I'm thankful I have my friends.