Help!

[smilegirl1416]

Okay, so for creative writing we had to write a 5 page screen play. I think mine is six. We need to have it edited for tomorrow, except I don't know what to change. So I am going to post it on here and please please please please please edit it. It doesn't need to be perfect, but anything that sounds weird or any pieces you think don't fit, let

Comments

Re: jjj

[anonymous]

Elsie: That’s not just it. We can’t keep forgetting about our problems. There is something seriously wrong here. I think we are heading in two different directions here. I want to better my career and lifestyle. I have goals. I can’t keep living in fantasyland always dreaming but never doing.

Jeff: I get it Elsie. I know you think I don’t listen to a word you say, but I get it. You think I’m acting like a five-year-old and you are 26 going on 77. You need to remember how to enjoy life.

Elsie: I do enjoy life, just not the way you do. I…I think…. maybe we should stop fooling ourselves. This clearly isn’t working. Maybe it’s best if we just put this on hold.

Jeff: Put what on hold? Tonight? You can’t do that Elsie. You’ve worked hard to even get this far. You deserve that promotion. I know I don’t support you, but you were right, you work hard.

Elsie: Jeff, stop. You know I don’t mean the dinner. I am going to go tonight…alone. I’m sick of all the fighting. As soon as you sense you’re in trouble, you say a few nice words to make everything better. I’ve had enough.

Jeff: So this is it? I’ve known you all my life, and you’ve been my girlfriend for half of it.

Elsie: I’m sorry…

Jeff: No. You aren’t sorry and you shouldn’t be sorry so don’t even let that lie come out.

Elsie: Okay.

Jeff: Yeah

Elsie: Maybe you should go…

Jeff: Just like that?

Elsie: Just like that.

Jeff: Bye.

Elsie: Bye, Jeff.

Elsie: I can’t believe it. He’s gone. Oh my God! How did it get to be so late? I am more than fashionably late to my dinner now. I’ll call the restaurant. They can give a message to Mr. Danielson and Mr. Gerard that I suddenly felt very ill and couldn’t make it and that hopefully we will be able to schedule sometime soon. Ugh, I really do feel sick now. Did that really just happen? Is he really gone? How did I ever manage to let things get this far? We were together for so long. Of course it couldn’t work. There wasn’t enough space. He thought he knew me so well. God, I can’t believe he brought up those pigtails. He did know me so well. How could I have been so stupid? Lost him all over a stupid promotional dinner that I’m not even going to. Hmmm…I thought I heard something. Oh, I did. There’s someone at the door. (this needs work, also, do ppl really regret their actions that fast, or does it take a few days, or years)

Elsie: Please let it be Jeff. Please let it be Jeff. Please let it be Jeff. Who is it?

Jeff: It’s me. It’s always me. Will you open the door?

Elsie: I’m not sure if I can talk to you right now.

Jeff: Elsie, please, I only have a few things to say. You don’t have to answer at all if you don’t want to. Please, just open the door, and listen to what I have to say.

Elsie: Okay.

Jeff: Can I come in?

Elsie: Umm…I guess…

Jeff: You’re right. We are different. As a matter of fact, we are two completely different people. We live on different sides of town, you in this nice apartment, with a better one on the way, me in a not nearly as nice apartment that I am still pretending is livable. You have a great work ethic, and I just get by. We think differently, we want different things, everything about it us is different. I never thought we were too different though. I always saw our differences as what made us so great. You made me want better of myself, and I always kind of hoped that helped mellow you out.

Elsie: You did…

Re: jjj

[anonymous]

Jeff: There was one thing you got wrong. I do have goals, and dreams. I was hoping to make tonight very special. So uhh, take this. It was meant for you anyway. I know you just broke up with me, but after getting the promotion tonight, I was going to propose. My dream, and the only one that really mattered, was to have someone like you in my life forever.

Elsie: I can’t take this.

Jeff: Yes, you can. I bought it for you, it was meant for you and if you change your mind, you’ll have it already. All right, I am going to go now. Think about it, please.

Elsie: I will.

Jeff: Oh, one more thing. Down.

Elsie: What?

Jeff: Your hair, down. You look like a different woman with your hair down, there’s no way they could see you like that, and not give you the promotion.

Elsie: Jeff, wait!

Jeff: Hmm?

Elsie: Thank you. I was stupid. Please forgive me. I love you.

Jeff: Is that a yes?

Elsie: That’s a yes.

Jeff: Come on, we are late for your dinner.

A little trite there at the end, but I guess the actors have to make that scene.