Update/Culture talk/God talk
Hey Everyone,
Okay so I haven't updated in FOREVER, but if you look at all my last 500 posts, they all start with the line, "okay so i havent updated in forever" haha so you all must be used to this by now. Anyway, I thought I'd update you all on my life here in Indiana, jump into a topic I have become passionate about since the shootings, and throw my normal God talk in there as well. So bare with me and here we go!
My Life:
Well, I'm finally here in Indiana and have been for a little over a month now. It is going well and gets better as each day passes. It was a little hard at first to adjust to the lack of mountains, conservative viewpoints, lack of social life, etc. But now, things arent that bad. I am making some new friends which is exciting. I am doing well in my grad classes-in fact I got a 100 on my ethics quiz and was TOTALLY psyched about that. The grad classes are interesting. I get to observe some sessions, I am doing a mock 20 or 30 minute session in a few weeks (cant remember how long :)), doing hte normal tests, quizzes, reading..but it's all really interesting. It's really cool to see how my personality is fitting with some of the theories that we are discussing and to see where I want to go in counseling. I also have a full time job besides going to school full time. I am working as the Office/Interpreter Coordinator for Interpreter Network Reaching Indiana and also I am interpreting for the agency as well. This agency reaches deaf clients from north of Fort Wayne down to south of Indy and as far west as Purdue University in West Lafyette and as far east as the indiana border. SO i've been pretty busy with that supervising all the interpreters and paying people and billing people, blah blah blah. However, ti is nice because the office is in my boss's house, Nita. Nita is pretty cool. Her and her husband both own their own business and Frank is working for Rick, her husband. Keri is also working for Nita on the side, so it is an interesting dynamic. I found a church to be a part of which is pretty cool. I really enjoy it. Who said that Wesleyans can't dance or have any soul? This church has got the most awesome black, white choir you would have ever seen. Granted it helps that the music pastor is black himself and used to tour with Sandi Patti for several years. He's pretty cool as well. Jen and I are probably goign to start signing in church agian which is exciitng. I am looking forward to that. I am also in this sunday school class which is interesting. And I start going to a sunday night bible study group tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. So yeah, doing really well. Then on the side of course, hanging out with friends, watching Lost or going to Good Time Charles....i mean it has been fun. My sister is coming ot visit next weekend with her friends and I am SO psyched for that. So that is exciting as well.
Okay end of update on my life.
Next topic:
Culture Talk *trigger*-in other words, if you have personal experience with abuse and haven't dealt with it, ya may not want to read this
Okay, so here we go and dont shoot me till I am finished. So this is about those school shootings that occured earlier this week and last. As you all have probably heard there was a school shooting in Colorado where the gunman kept six girls as hostages, sexually assulted each one, then let them go one by one and shot the last one and himself...and of course there are more details than that....then there was a shooting at an Amish school outside of Phili where the gunman was intending to also rape the girls. And before I start, let me say, I think these events were horrific. They were horrible and no one should ever have to endure that. Now, here is my thing: after this happen lots of people started getting passionate about these shootings and how horrible it was that these girls were raped. Now, why is it that we, as a culture, can get passionate about these girls getting rape, but nobody gets that passionate about the children that live with this everyday for years. Or, why is it we don't get passionate about the children that are subjected to pornography or fondling because "even fondling" can damage a child emotionally for a long time. There are children out there today in our world that are subjected to this humiliation and shame. Sometimes it happens when it is just the abuser and the victim alone...sometimes family is around..and sometimes it is around other children. We see it happen all the time in our culture, yet we never say anything. We don't "want to stir waves." We don't want to cause trouble, yet we know something is wrong. We have that gut feeling, yet we choose to ignore it. "maybe it isnt a big deal." If you are wondering about it, then it is a big deal. It says something. Why is it that our media gets so psyched up about the sexual acts done to these children at the shootings, but they don't with everyday sexual acts done to children? Why is it our country can follow the media and get psyched up about it, but then forget about it a few days later? One in every three females are molested/sexually assulted/rape by the time they are 18. This obviously is a horrible statistic. So why arent we doing anything? We get passionate about welfare, social security, the war in Iraq, medicare, etc, but why is nobody doing anything to help preserve the innocence of children? Why do we cover it up? Why do we hide away in shame and embarrassment? Well, I say no more! No more should we keep our mouths shut, no more should America keep this swept under the rug....We need to become aware of it. Now for me to say this this is huge, but both the abuser and the victim needs help. Obviously for a person to do that to a child there is something wrong and they need help just as much as the child that endured it. Nobody chooses this kind of life for themselves and they need desparate help. By us keeping our mouths shut, we arent helping the abuser nor the victim. By opening our mouths, by standing up, by making this an issue in our country, we are making both the abuser and the victim a survivor. So stand up will ya?
Okay culture talk is done :)
God Talk:
Okay time to switch gears here. God talk time. Okay, so I am person to be blunt when it comes to my faith in God. I will not lie to you guys. I am having a difficult time lately. Now, wait, it isnt that i dont believe in God or I dont love Him. It is more fear. It is the fear that I always have-what if He leaves? Can I trust Him? Or worse, I dont deserve Him. I don't want His love because I don't deserve Him. Now how many of us wonder that in our life? I would bet all of us do-even those that don't believe in God. I believe alot of it boils down to fear....fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, just fear. Well lately, I've been trying to remind myself that God has been with me through some pretty horrific things and through some pretty WONDERFUL things. He was there through it all. And He has yet to leave me, so why do I always ponder on that? WHy do I worry that He is going to leave? He hasnt yet, so why should I fear that? I know deep down I need to work alot on my fears of abandonment....and you know something I have been trying to learn is that, it's okay to be alone, because God is always there with you. In your darkest times, God is there with you, holding you and loving you. Even when you doubt Him, even when you yell at him, "WHY GOD? WHY?" or say "don't leave me..please." He is there holding you, whispering in your ear, "i will never leave you. I love you. i have always been here and always will." I try to keep that in mind as I go through those dark valleys of doubt and fear. God loves me. He always has and always will. Even when I think I'm not good enough He says, "i dont care. I made you, I love you. I sent my Son for you, to save you, all of you. Even the bad." and that gives me a sense of inner peace. So I know even when I am doubting, wondering, even when I am furious with God or sobbing, I know that God is there, just holding me...and you know what? He understands...He gets it....because He made us, He knows where we are coming from and why we are doubting...He gets it and He justwaits...waits until we are ready to be fully His...and that brings me peace.
Okay talk time over...I am finish preaching, yelling, chatting. :) Hope you all are doing well in your lives and I'll catch ya later!
Blessings,
Flora
Okay so I haven't updated in FOREVER, but if you look at all my last 500 posts, they all start with the line, "okay so i havent updated in forever" haha so you all must be used to this by now. Anyway, I thought I'd update you all on my life here in Indiana, jump into a topic I have become passionate about since the shootings, and throw my normal God talk in there as well. So bare with me and here we go!
My Life:
Well, I'm finally here in Indiana and have been for a little over a month now. It is going well and gets better as each day passes. It was a little hard at first to adjust to the lack of mountains, conservative viewpoints, lack of social life, etc. But now, things arent that bad. I am making some new friends which is exciting. I am doing well in my grad classes-in fact I got a 100 on my ethics quiz and was TOTALLY psyched about that. The grad classes are interesting. I get to observe some sessions, I am doing a mock 20 or 30 minute session in a few weeks (cant remember how long :)), doing hte normal tests, quizzes, reading..but it's all really interesting. It's really cool to see how my personality is fitting with some of the theories that we are discussing and to see where I want to go in counseling. I also have a full time job besides going to school full time. I am working as the Office/Interpreter Coordinator for Interpreter Network Reaching Indiana and also I am interpreting for the agency as well. This agency reaches deaf clients from north of Fort Wayne down to south of Indy and as far west as Purdue University in West Lafyette and as far east as the indiana border. SO i've been pretty busy with that supervising all the interpreters and paying people and billing people, blah blah blah. However, ti is nice because the office is in my boss's house, Nita. Nita is pretty cool. Her and her husband both own their own business and Frank is working for Rick, her husband. Keri is also working for Nita on the side, so it is an interesting dynamic. I found a church to be a part of which is pretty cool. I really enjoy it. Who said that Wesleyans can't dance or have any soul? This church has got the most awesome black, white choir you would have ever seen. Granted it helps that the music pastor is black himself and used to tour with Sandi Patti for several years. He's pretty cool as well. Jen and I are probably goign to start signing in church agian which is exciitng. I am looking forward to that. I am also in this sunday school class which is interesting. And I start going to a sunday night bible study group tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. So yeah, doing really well. Then on the side of course, hanging out with friends, watching Lost or going to Good Time Charles....i mean it has been fun. My sister is coming ot visit next weekend with her friends and I am SO psyched for that. So that is exciting as well.
Okay end of update on my life.
Next topic:
Culture Talk *trigger*-in other words, if you have personal experience with abuse and haven't dealt with it, ya may not want to read this
Okay, so here we go and dont shoot me till I am finished. So this is about those school shootings that occured earlier this week and last. As you all have probably heard there was a school shooting in Colorado where the gunman kept six girls as hostages, sexually assulted each one, then let them go one by one and shot the last one and himself...and of course there are more details than that....then there was a shooting at an Amish school outside of Phili where the gunman was intending to also rape the girls. And before I start, let me say, I think these events were horrific. They were horrible and no one should ever have to endure that. Now, here is my thing: after this happen lots of people started getting passionate about these shootings and how horrible it was that these girls were raped. Now, why is it that we, as a culture, can get passionate about these girls getting rape, but nobody gets that passionate about the children that live with this everyday for years. Or, why is it we don't get passionate about the children that are subjected to pornography or fondling because "even fondling" can damage a child emotionally for a long time. There are children out there today in our world that are subjected to this humiliation and shame. Sometimes it happens when it is just the abuser and the victim alone...sometimes family is around..and sometimes it is around other children. We see it happen all the time in our culture, yet we never say anything. We don't "want to stir waves." We don't want to cause trouble, yet we know something is wrong. We have that gut feeling, yet we choose to ignore it. "maybe it isnt a big deal." If you are wondering about it, then it is a big deal. It says something. Why is it that our media gets so psyched up about the sexual acts done to these children at the shootings, but they don't with everyday sexual acts done to children? Why is it our country can follow the media and get psyched up about it, but then forget about it a few days later? One in every three females are molested/sexually assulted/rape by the time they are 18. This obviously is a horrible statistic. So why arent we doing anything? We get passionate about welfare, social security, the war in Iraq, medicare, etc, but why is nobody doing anything to help preserve the innocence of children? Why do we cover it up? Why do we hide away in shame and embarrassment? Well, I say no more! No more should we keep our mouths shut, no more should America keep this swept under the rug....We need to become aware of it. Now for me to say this this is huge, but both the abuser and the victim needs help. Obviously for a person to do that to a child there is something wrong and they need help just as much as the child that endured it. Nobody chooses this kind of life for themselves and they need desparate help. By us keeping our mouths shut, we arent helping the abuser nor the victim. By opening our mouths, by standing up, by making this an issue in our country, we are making both the abuser and the victim a survivor. So stand up will ya?
Okay culture talk is done :)
God Talk:
Okay time to switch gears here. God talk time. Okay, so I am person to be blunt when it comes to my faith in God. I will not lie to you guys. I am having a difficult time lately. Now, wait, it isnt that i dont believe in God or I dont love Him. It is more fear. It is the fear that I always have-what if He leaves? Can I trust Him? Or worse, I dont deserve Him. I don't want His love because I don't deserve Him. Now how many of us wonder that in our life? I would bet all of us do-even those that don't believe in God. I believe alot of it boils down to fear....fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, just fear. Well lately, I've been trying to remind myself that God has been with me through some pretty horrific things and through some pretty WONDERFUL things. He was there through it all. And He has yet to leave me, so why do I always ponder on that? WHy do I worry that He is going to leave? He hasnt yet, so why should I fear that? I know deep down I need to work alot on my fears of abandonment....and you know something I have been trying to learn is that, it's okay to be alone, because God is always there with you. In your darkest times, God is there with you, holding you and loving you. Even when you doubt Him, even when you yell at him, "WHY GOD? WHY?" or say "don't leave me..please." He is there holding you, whispering in your ear, "i will never leave you. I love you. i have always been here and always will." I try to keep that in mind as I go through those dark valleys of doubt and fear. God loves me. He always has and always will. Even when I think I'm not good enough He says, "i dont care. I made you, I love you. I sent my Son for you, to save you, all of you. Even the bad." and that gives me a sense of inner peace. So I know even when I am doubting, wondering, even when I am furious with God or sobbing, I know that God is there, just holding me...and you know what? He understands...He gets it....because He made us, He knows where we are coming from and why we are doubting...He gets it and He justwaits...waits until we are ready to be fully His...and that brings me peace.
Okay talk time over...I am finish preaching, yelling, chatting. :) Hope you all are doing well in your lives and I'll catch ya later!
Blessings,
Flora