(no subject)
so i just went outside to get something from my car and found myself sitting on my porch looking up at the sky.
Its so beautiful, yet so depressing. Like all around me is this beautiful existance. I have amazing friends, i appear to be having fun, but then reality hits and you relise that the "you" your playing doesnt always cut it within yourself.
I cant even be myself anymore because im afraid that everyone will look at me and go "thats not the kit we know, thats the kate we dont know" or something. Like im expected to be what i think i am, but in hindsight, im playing out the person i thought i was.
Anyway, i have been the most insensitive person to my friend, he needed me alot and all i could do was stand back, say the wrong things, fuck up our friendship and manage to make everything worse for him. I feel like the biggest arsehole too. I cant apologise, because that will mean nothing, and i cant do anything to help, because i'll just fuck things up even more.
Im not always like this, im just trying to run away from the person i hated being instead of trying to change myself to be a better person.
i have no more to say because my brain is fried. Its times like right now that make everything seem so real. Its times like this i wish i could run away and pretend i was happy.
"you see, it's never been enough to just leave or give up
but, its never good enough to feel right"
Its so beautiful, yet so depressing. Like all around me is this beautiful existance. I have amazing friends, i appear to be having fun, but then reality hits and you relise that the "you" your playing doesnt always cut it within yourself.
I cant even be myself anymore because im afraid that everyone will look at me and go "thats not the kit we know, thats the kate we dont know" or something. Like im expected to be what i think i am, but in hindsight, im playing out the person i thought i was.
Anyway, i have been the most insensitive person to my friend, he needed me alot and all i could do was stand back, say the wrong things, fuck up our friendship and manage to make everything worse for him. I feel like the biggest arsehole too. I cant apologise, because that will mean nothing, and i cant do anything to help, because i'll just fuck things up even more.
Im not always like this, im just trying to run away from the person i hated being instead of trying to change myself to be a better person.
i have no more to say because my brain is fried. Its times like right now that make everything seem so real. Its times like this i wish i could run away and pretend i was happy.
"you see, it's never been enough to just leave or give up
but, its never good enough to feel right"