Am I depressed or just pathetic

[smileemptyheart]

I am lonely. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not working right now because of the show. But the show hasn't started taking up that much time. I don't have very much school work. I feel empty. I need money and have none. I need friends and have few. I have to go to painting soon. Which is such a mediocre hobby...meaning I'm not that great. The days are depressing and the nights are worse. I'm complaining...but right now, I don't feel like doing anything else. I'm cold. I am tired. I want to sleep. But I have to fucking PAINT. I look forward to rehearsal. Sometimes the weekends. Depending. I need to be working at Urban Outfitters, but I can't until I am done with the show. I hope I have a paycheck there tomorrow. And my discount card. I'm doing dog walks...but that only makes so much money, and I can't do the overnights for Andee because of the show. So there goes a couple hundred. Ugh. It was sunny and now it looks gray. I'm dreading the winter. And why is it supposed to be so hot on Monday? I don't want to move from my bed. I don't want to get graded on the apples, because I know I fucked up even though I tried to fix the stupid fucking apples they look like flat apples. Dimension is tricky, and perspective is worse. I am taking photography next semester. No drawing. No painting. No video art. I keep having shitty weeks. I keep expecting things to change, but nothing has yet. I want to work more. I want to wear my fairy costume and be on the stage. In about a week I will be. But then...it's over.

Good thing before I go paint: My Halloween costume is quite wonderful, if I say so myself. I am going to be a vampire from the Civil War era. I bought a Civil War reenactment dress and everything. Well, I didn't. My mom did. I'm paying bills...sigh. I have to get teeth.