Apr 19, 2008 18:19
....at times.
I have been in some pretty fucking awful moods lately. Which is weird, because I shouldn't be. I'm just getting pissed about everything. I'm so angry. About so much. But I never say that I'm angry. I just paint my nails black and sit in silence, for the most part. Sometimes I'll write on here. Emo, much? Hm.
1. I hate my living situation. I want to gauge my roommates eyes out at the moment. If I saw her more often, I probably would.
2. I don't understand why Kristen doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Me choosing to live elsewhere really has nothing to do with her, other than I won't be living with her next year. It's not like I won't see her. Although, now I probably won't, because she thinks I am selfish self righteous bitch.
3. I'm tired of eating alone.
4. I feel like I do the same thing all the time. Get up, maybe buy some shit, do homework, smoke weed, drink, see the boyfriend, go to rehearsal...not in that order of course, because I don't drink or smoke before I go act.
5. I always am going to Virginia. I like it, but sometimes...I don't know. Blahg.
6. I'm pissed that I am always afraid that I am going to lose the friends that I have now.
7. Why the fuck did Jonny stop talking to me?
I'm just having a bitch fest. In all honesty, these reasons don't even compare to how I feel inside. I want to fucking scream. Cry. I don't know. I feel lonely. Fuck, I always feel lonely. I know I shouldn't. But I do. And I hate it. Part of the problem is, is that I isolate myself from others. I don't know why. I really think people don't like me. And I don't say that just to hear that people DO like me. I really think people have a problem with me, or who I choose to date, or how I live my life..anything, you name it. I am so insecure, and I don't get why. I try not to be insecure. But I dunno.
Also, I notice that I get much more moody when I have a guy in my life. Someone that I love. I get pissy so much more. And I'm not really sure why. Do I have some hidden dark reason why I get angry with someone that I love so easily? I don't tell them that I'm annoyed with them. I just let it build inside. It just builds and builds. I don't want to be moody and bitchy. But I just feel like I am on my period constantly lately. Which only means one thing - I'm pregnant. Just kidding, I hope?. But really, I'm frustrated with everything. Money woes. Rehearsal. etc. etc etc. I don't need to bitch, you guys get the picture.
I want to know why I don't have many friends from my childhood. I feel like that is such a negative thing. I don't know.
I need to do some fun things. Maybe to clear my mind...but I need to do things. I want to go camping. I want to go swimming. I want to go to the ocean. I want to go see bands. I want to go out to bars. I want to make new friends and hang out with my friends which I feel like I haven't done enough of lately.
I want to move in with Cat and Nick and get away from this shitty living situation.
BLAHG. I need to inject myself with happiness. I wish that existed.
So, who wants to do something fun with me. Anyone?