Nov 25, 2005 17:38
Your breaking through my boundaries
doodoodoo
So I was just looking over my other journal. My old one. I had so much more to say back then. People liked reading with what I wrote. So Im gonna make you love what I'm writing right now. mhm.
What does it mean when theres a boy, that you dont necessarily like, yet you avoid him in the halls anyways. And you don't avoid him because you hate him, or dislike him. And you dont avoid him because you think he's awesome. You just dont like that little awkward exchange of Hello and his wierd little wave nod thing that drives you absoutely crazy.
But anyways. I did a survey type of thing a few weeks ago. To see if I was intimidating. The results pretty much led me to believe that I am. I dont even know why. I mean I dont look intimidating looks wise. Curly hair, blue eyes? Hardly scary. But then someone said that because I dont look intimidating, as soon i talk it's like "holy shit this girl is serious" type of thing. Meh. Iv'e come a long way. I really have.
Seriously. I used to be this little timid huge-eyed child who sat at the hopscotch things crying because her grandfather died, when really it happened three years before she was even born. And then I cried for three hours when this girl I didn't knows mom died because her mom was a really great person yet I never knew her. I used to 'coach' my 'boyfriend' in grade two for the 'olympics' and that same boy laughed at my face and told me I looked like a boy two years later. This was all very traumatic for me. In grade five I had to learn what it was like to loose a friend. Really loose a friend. And then I moved in with my nonna for seven months while we waited for our house to be built, living in basically one tiny room for all of that time. Grade six and I didnt care what you thought about me. I pretended I had a goldfish named Mimo living in my brain and I danced and acted stupid and some people hated me and some people love me. I used to think I could write beautiful poetry because I was tired of being an OK dancer and an OK swimmer and an OK student. Then I realized im an OK poet who can't get anything meaningful down. And now I dont really tell you whats going on until I get an impossible math test and break down because suddenlly I cant remember y=mx+b and all that other stuff.
So Iv'e come a long way. And Im kinda just figuring that all out when I look back on old stuff and just think.."so what if this didn't happen..?"
basically the score is
Life: 1
Cassie: 3