(no subject)
it really feels like everything is going wrong. i don't even know where to begin. we fight all the time, i cry all the time because i get so frustrated. anyone who has met me knows of my anxiety problem. anyone who knows me also knows how irrationaly afraid i am of pregnant people. so dealing with THAT and all of the added stress, i'm an emotional mess. scott doesn't understand ANY of it .. the irrational fear or the stress caused from it. it upsets me because he gets upset that i'm not my 'usual self'. it infuriates me that he expects me to act like this is the best thing to ever happen to me. oh, sure, getting pregnant from my boyfriend of 2 months who is already thinking of leaving for an undetermined amount of time after he promised me he'd be there for me. i have no one out here. no one i can can't on and he says things like 'i'll send you money' or 'i hope i'm back before the baby's born'. uhm, what?! i don't want your money, i don't want an empty promise that you'll be back before the baby comes. i want you THERE like you said you would be. fuck all of your 'i'm doing this for us bullshit' .. this is just adding way too much stress.
