cant breathe... drowning in obsession
Im scared by how obsessive I've become. I've never in my life felt so... wierd.
Not seeing david tonight really tore me up, and it doesnt seem normal at all. It seems completely unhealthy to be that relient on another person to make your day go by...
So I think things are the picture of perfection, but what happens if tomorrow morning he wakes up and decides he wants time to figure shit out before he settles down again? Then where am I but face down in the mud with nothing to hold onto.
Girls night was great, but after seeing David dancing with Page, my whole mood took a turn for the worst. My whole heart just started aching... and I guess I got a glimpse at what life would be like knowing he was with somebody else. I feel like Im going to throw up. I must be too obsessed. I needed to see him and know he loves me but here I am... not knowing what he was thinking when he went to bed... and I NEVER got to say goodnight. I fucking hate not getting to say goodnight. I FUCKING HATE IT.
I hate how I feel right now. I feel lost and more than anything, alone. We were supposed to have a walk on the beach tonight... we were supposed to see each other... and he just doesnt fucking care. He just falls asleep like our plans mean NOTHING to him. my heart. shit. I need to stop
I love this man. and I know that he loves me... because when he looks in my eyes, its not just words anymore...
holy shit. I gotta go to bed to stop my mind from continuing with this shit.
goodnight.
Not seeing david tonight really tore me up, and it doesnt seem normal at all. It seems completely unhealthy to be that relient on another person to make your day go by...
So I think things are the picture of perfection, but what happens if tomorrow morning he wakes up and decides he wants time to figure shit out before he settles down again? Then where am I but face down in the mud with nothing to hold onto.
Girls night was great, but after seeing David dancing with Page, my whole mood took a turn for the worst. My whole heart just started aching... and I guess I got a glimpse at what life would be like knowing he was with somebody else. I feel like Im going to throw up. I must be too obsessed. I needed to see him and know he loves me but here I am... not knowing what he was thinking when he went to bed... and I NEVER got to say goodnight. I fucking hate not getting to say goodnight. I FUCKING HATE IT.
I hate how I feel right now. I feel lost and more than anything, alone. We were supposed to have a walk on the beach tonight... we were supposed to see each other... and he just doesnt fucking care. He just falls asleep like our plans mean NOTHING to him. my heart. shit. I need to stop
I love this man. and I know that he loves me... because when he looks in my eyes, its not just words anymore...
holy shit. I gotta go to bed to stop my mind from continuing with this shit.
goodnight.