(no subject)
I have to vent because if I do not, I will not achieve anything. These words will not help me later. They will only help me now. So for all the years and years I've been told I was always at fault and the person who ruins everything, not once have I believed it. I do take fault for what has gone through my hands, but I will not take fault for a confrontational father marching up and down the stairs, going from room to room until he finds me and can harass me about whatever he so feels like... probably in relation to the fact that he's a lazy salesman who hasn't made a sale for months now. I feel sorry for the little prick, because he is so stupid he just doesn't realize it that when I do make it out of this hell whole, he is fucking cut off. I will have kids and a wife one day and a house and all that crazy shit I don't have now.. but the truth of the matter is that he will never see them or have the privilage to. He rather treat his kids like animals than like human beings, and when I can make it clear out of here, I am pretty damn sure he will never see me again. My mother too.. for as much as I love her, she just agrees with him, and so I being left in a corner must crawl my way out and fuck off from the both of you. Corrupt my young heart, make me feel miserable and sad during high school, and now finally tell me I am no good for university. My biggest problem in life so far has been not having enough self esteem to do what I want to do in that I would tell my parents about my aspirations, they would shit on them, and then I'd end up working up to their expectations of working a dead end job my whole life. I fucking hate the fact that I havent been strong with myself this far. I put on the act that I had everything together, when really I was just ignoring and pretending life at home just wasn't happening.. when really I have to get the fuck out of here.