The Dark Side and The Small Glimmer of Light

[smiddlecn]

I never thought I'd be quoting Springsteen or Nirvana...but there are two songs that keep circling in my head.  "I'm just tired and bored with myself....I need just a little help..."  "I feel stupid and contageous."  Yeah, that's me.  The whole never-ending, almost five month fruitless slog to find a job has finally gotten to me.  When you have to give youself a pep talk to get out of bed--you're depressed.  When you seriously entertain the idea of calling the crisis center (but immediately dismiss the concept--because they have more important things to deal with) just to have someone to talk to who might have a notion how to untangle your screwed-up life--you are depressed.  I've been here before.  I don't like it.  I haven't a clue what to do about it.  I use to have my mother to talk to...or Lynn (who has enough problems of her own now)...or Ben (who seems to have vanished from the face of the planet.)  Daddy has heard it all.  He does his best--but let's face it, he's not the empathy type.  I honestly don't know where to go from here.  All the clerical jobs want you to do accounting or Excel (cringes)...all of the retail places want you to cashier (oh yes, perfect job for a screamingly shy person)--and all I get is "not hiring", "over-qualified" or " we'll pay you minimum wage to do the work of two people". *sigh*  I've run out of places to inquire.  I've filled out enough applications to make a novel of them.  *Waves white flag*  What a mess.  I'm pathetic.  I'm also really tired of worrying about every cent I spend.  I could make a big list of Things I Can't Afford Now...going to the movies (no Wackness...no X-Files movie...no Wall-E...darned movie looks so cute!)...no renewal for TV GUIDE...or ROLLING STONE...no DVDs...no CDs...and let's not even think about that nice new chock-full-of-photos R.E.M. book that just came out.  Instead, I get to tuck aside every cent for fun things like insurance (car, health, house), groceries and utlilty bills.  Whee.  I guess I got really spoiled by my former paychecks.  Granted, I wouldn't go back to that job if they offered it to me...hours of comute in horrid traffic, hyper-A-type manager dogging my every step, hours and hours of miserable stressy overtime...

Enough whining.  The list of good things ahead is very small, but very bright.  A Drake & Josh movie!  Please writers, get it right...don't haul Mindy in again...don't have the two cat-fighting and sniping through the whole movie...give us some hugs and warm words!  The new season of HOUSE (eons away...but it's coming!).  Okay, the previews look ominous...but you never know.  Waiting with fingers crossed for that one good House-Wilson reconcilation scene!

I guess I've vented enough for now.  Back to the job search sites...and oops--here comes more email!