Learning the World - Sex!
The longer I'm in Texas, the happier I am to be here, and the more sure I am I will not be staying here.
When I first moved here, I heard all sorts of 'I would NEVER want to live in Texas because...' arguments, and most of them have been relatively void. I've grown comfortable, happy, and stable. However, I also know I don't fit.
It's odd that the more comfortable I am here, the more I realize this is not my home. I have a house, my family is all around me, and I'm healthy, but I can't wait to be finished with University so I can leave. It's been an inkling for awhile, rubbing at the edges. Just little things like 'Eh, cowboy culture. Not my thing.' or the general political temperature of the area. Those were never severe, though. If I'm not into big hair and George Strait, I'll just call myself a Yankee and let people chuckle at me a bit. I'm going to college where there's always plenty of idealist running amuck who won't be cheering for the next Palin run.
Honestly, what it's come down to is sex.
There's a club on campus I'm looking forward to joining that informs students on sexual, relationship, alcohol, and general health. I had dreams for this program - looking for ways to inform for victims male and female, to debunk the big *GASP* behind STD's so more students were willing to be tested and treated, talk about sex as an act of consent and the healthy ways to relate to it, and even push for education on sexual preferences - what IS Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Bisexuality, Pansexuality and Asexuality and having something available for basic sex safety - vaginal, anal, oral, and vibrators. I'm not talking a 'how-to for the best orgasm ever!' but letting people know about things like 'How to deal if you're allergic to latex' 'Many women need outside lubrication for vaginal penetrative sex' and 'Your toys need to be cleaned with soap and water after every use'.
Then I found out sex shops are illegal in Texas and Lubbock recently arrested a lingerie store owner for selling vibrators - kept in the back of the store where they can not be seen by the regular customers - to people who ask. Apparently, even owning more than 6 sex toys is a crime.
Holy cow. Scoot back on pushing the boundaries on the general sexual acceptance. Apparently, my town doesn't even want to accept vanilla straight sex exists. No dildos, vibrators, or porn is available for purchase. Sure, in the big cities these rules are ignored and no one cares, but in Lubbock, they still matter.
I'm still joining the club. I'm still going to make my mark. I'm just going to have to start miles behind where I thought I'd be, and I know I'm going to make people uncomfortable.
I don't like being hauled backwards, socially. That's really what bothers me most. The chances of me finding and founding a relationship with someone as sexually comfortable as me was always low, but that's part of building a relationship. You share and learn with each other. The culture here, though, is so heavily sex-shamed that I'm not sure how happy I'd ever be able to be with friends who aren't readily comfortable with sex or who still respond to light kink like I've joined a cult.
The reasons linking sex and shame are so all-encompassing that it effects every part of people's life. Their perceptions of themselves as attractive, their perceptions of others as moral people, it's too ingrained for me to feel comfortable. I do hope that perhaps the university culture is slightly more accepting than the general population, but it'll still be a hard change.
So, I'm happy to be here. I'm hoping to learn everything I can and to make a difference in the lives I leave behind. But I'm also going to be looking to leave when I'm done. Maybe I'll move to California. Ideally, back to Alaska would be best, culturally, but I need sun. I guess it's kind of cool to know when I'm done with University, I'll be embarking on a new path in life.
When I first moved here, I heard all sorts of 'I would NEVER want to live in Texas because...' arguments, and most of them have been relatively void. I've grown comfortable, happy, and stable. However, I also know I don't fit.
It's odd that the more comfortable I am here, the more I realize this is not my home. I have a house, my family is all around me, and I'm healthy, but I can't wait to be finished with University so I can leave. It's been an inkling for awhile, rubbing at the edges. Just little things like 'Eh, cowboy culture. Not my thing.' or the general political temperature of the area. Those were never severe, though. If I'm not into big hair and George Strait, I'll just call myself a Yankee and let people chuckle at me a bit. I'm going to college where there's always plenty of idealist running amuck who won't be cheering for the next Palin run.
Honestly, what it's come down to is sex.
There's a club on campus I'm looking forward to joining that informs students on sexual, relationship, alcohol, and general health. I had dreams for this program - looking for ways to inform for victims male and female, to debunk the big *GASP* behind STD's so more students were willing to be tested and treated, talk about sex as an act of consent and the healthy ways to relate to it, and even push for education on sexual preferences - what IS Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Bisexuality, Pansexuality and Asexuality and having something available for basic sex safety - vaginal, anal, oral, and vibrators. I'm not talking a 'how-to for the best orgasm ever!' but letting people know about things like 'How to deal if you're allergic to latex' 'Many women need outside lubrication for vaginal penetrative sex' and 'Your toys need to be cleaned with soap and water after every use'.
Then I found out sex shops are illegal in Texas and Lubbock recently arrested a lingerie store owner for selling vibrators - kept in the back of the store where they can not be seen by the regular customers - to people who ask. Apparently, even owning more than 6 sex toys is a crime.
Holy cow. Scoot back on pushing the boundaries on the general sexual acceptance. Apparently, my town doesn't even want to accept vanilla straight sex exists. No dildos, vibrators, or porn is available for purchase. Sure, in the big cities these rules are ignored and no one cares, but in Lubbock, they still matter.
I'm still joining the club. I'm still going to make my mark. I'm just going to have to start miles behind where I thought I'd be, and I know I'm going to make people uncomfortable.
I don't like being hauled backwards, socially. That's really what bothers me most. The chances of me finding and founding a relationship with someone as sexually comfortable as me was always low, but that's part of building a relationship. You share and learn with each other. The culture here, though, is so heavily sex-shamed that I'm not sure how happy I'd ever be able to be with friends who aren't readily comfortable with sex or who still respond to light kink like I've joined a cult.
The reasons linking sex and shame are so all-encompassing that it effects every part of people's life. Their perceptions of themselves as attractive, their perceptions of others as moral people, it's too ingrained for me to feel comfortable. I do hope that perhaps the university culture is slightly more accepting than the general population, but it'll still be a hard change.
So, I'm happy to be here. I'm hoping to learn everything I can and to make a difference in the lives I leave behind. But I'm also going to be looking to leave when I'm done. Maybe I'll move to California. Ideally, back to Alaska would be best, culturally, but I need sun. I guess it's kind of cool to know when I'm done with University, I'll be embarking on a new path in life.