Too long...
I've been putting on a smile for everyone to see... Putting on a brave face... For reasons i'm still not sure of... I know what i wanted, i know that that has never been different...
What it is i MUST do changes constantly...
So fast that i really cant keep up...
There's SO much that i want to say, if i could just get the opportunity to say it...
There isn't anyone or anything to distract me at the moment... I'm just left here to enduldge myself in self pity i guess...
I am pretty sure now that Naomi was never 100% honest with me... I know that she wouldn't have done what we did if she had felt any different to what she said, and she did say that everything she said was true...
For the record... I'm not coping right now... I dont think i will cope until i know that she'll be okay - in the long run...
There are things i know that some people will never know... I'm not making them public, but there was alot of things that happened off camera... To me, and to Naomi, and to both of us, whilst we were together...
I've made so many mistakes... Done so many bad moves... But i realise them... All of them, yeah, thats right, i know what your thinking, but i really do realise those mistakes too...
Every little one...
Its been eating away at me... I wont let it... Because i know that i see those mistakes, that i've learnt from all of them, in such a way, like no other...
Time will break the barriers that mistakes have made...
So i guess you could say i'm feeling seriously nostalgic...
Tis cold in the house!
Well yeah...
I want to say, to everyone... In particular - Naomi, Lucy, and Jen...
- I'm sorry for letting you all down, im sorry for letting myself down... I wish that in time you'll forgive me for the mistakes i've made... Many many mistakes... But your friendship to me now, is more important than anything under the sun (All three of you.) I've never felt more motivation to change, more power to become someone different... It wont happen overnight, but i swear, by the time you next see me - you'll think OMG! Is that really Nick???? You wont be dissapointed, but proud... Glad that you knew me not sad...
And you'll be glad - as i am, that things went the way they did to make me realise these things, and become this person...
Out of everyone i've cared about... Out of everyone i've met...
Naomi is the one i feel the most attachment with... I think she would know why, because i know i do... There have been moments where you want the stay in that moment for the rest of your life... I know for sure, that the feeling was mutual.
I'm sure happy to have had the chance to know those 3 people...
I've learnt so much from them, which i cannot possible repay...
One thing which truly touched me, was that Naomi stayed by me, even after what i did... Shows just what type of friend she is... Which is why i'm gonna do only the same for her... Its the least i can do...
After the last 2 weeks, i am changing, i am learning and moving in ways i've never done before... Words are words, and you can say as much as you like, but its actions that count.
Cant say much other than this -
You'll be seeing it any time soon :)
What it is i MUST do changes constantly...
So fast that i really cant keep up...
There's SO much that i want to say, if i could just get the opportunity to say it...
There isn't anyone or anything to distract me at the moment... I'm just left here to enduldge myself in self pity i guess...
I am pretty sure now that Naomi was never 100% honest with me... I know that she wouldn't have done what we did if she had felt any different to what she said, and she did say that everything she said was true...
For the record... I'm not coping right now... I dont think i will cope until i know that she'll be okay - in the long run...
There are things i know that some people will never know... I'm not making them public, but there was alot of things that happened off camera... To me, and to Naomi, and to both of us, whilst we were together...
I've made so many mistakes... Done so many bad moves... But i realise them... All of them, yeah, thats right, i know what your thinking, but i really do realise those mistakes too...
Every little one...
Its been eating away at me... I wont let it... Because i know that i see those mistakes, that i've learnt from all of them, in such a way, like no other...
Time will break the barriers that mistakes have made...
So i guess you could say i'm feeling seriously nostalgic...
Tis cold in the house!
Well yeah...
I want to say, to everyone... In particular - Naomi, Lucy, and Jen...
- I'm sorry for letting you all down, im sorry for letting myself down... I wish that in time you'll forgive me for the mistakes i've made... Many many mistakes... But your friendship to me now, is more important than anything under the sun (All three of you.) I've never felt more motivation to change, more power to become someone different... It wont happen overnight, but i swear, by the time you next see me - you'll think OMG! Is that really Nick???? You wont be dissapointed, but proud... Glad that you knew me not sad...
And you'll be glad - as i am, that things went the way they did to make me realise these things, and become this person...
Out of everyone i've cared about... Out of everyone i've met...
Naomi is the one i feel the most attachment with... I think she would know why, because i know i do... There have been moments where you want the stay in that moment for the rest of your life... I know for sure, that the feeling was mutual.
I'm sure happy to have had the chance to know those 3 people...
I've learnt so much from them, which i cannot possible repay...
One thing which truly touched me, was that Naomi stayed by me, even after what i did... Shows just what type of friend she is... Which is why i'm gonna do only the same for her... Its the least i can do...
After the last 2 weeks, i am changing, i am learning and moving in ways i've never done before... Words are words, and you can say as much as you like, but its actions that count.
Cant say much other than this -
You'll be seeing it any time soon :)