Feeling so real now...
So I got the first draft of my divorce papers today to review. Awesome. Reading the part about how my name will be changed back felt like an ice pick being stabbed into my chest. FYI, don't ever do this in the winter. It sucks. I feel like an emotional pinball right now. After I spent four hours in the yard today cleaning up shit that he was supposed to deal with months ago I felt totally ecstatic to have him and the list of crap he was constantly ignoring gone, but tonight it's exactly the opposite. I guess the fact that the amount of time I spend missing him is only a fraction of each day should indicate it's what's right. On the other hand, I know somewhere deep down he's aware he's running from this for the wrong reasons, and I wish there was something I could do to help him see that. I'm so tired of these moments where I feel like my whole world is just wrong now and I might not be able to keep it together much longer, but I guess they have been slightly fewer and far between. I'm beginning to catch glimpses of a hazy purpose every now and then, so hopefully it'll be in full focus soon.