Haml33t
Thought this would be funny to do; so here is part of Act 1. Scene V of Hamlet, in l337!
$C3N3 V. @n0th3r p@rt 0f th3 pl@tf0r|v|.
3nt3r GH0$T @nd H@|v|L3T
H@|v|L3T
Wh3r3 wilt th0u l3@d |v|3? $p3@k; I'll g0 n0 furth3r.
Gh0$t
|v|@rk |v|3.
H@|v|L3T
I will.
Gh0$t
|v|y h0ur i$ @l|v|0$t c0|v|3,
Wh3n I t0 $ulphur0u$ @nd t0r|v|3nting fl@|v|3$
|v|u$t r3nd3r up |v|y$3lf.
H@|v|L3T
@l@$, p00r gh0$t!
Gh0$t
Pity |v|3 n0t, but l3nd thy $3ri0u$ h3@ring
T0 wh@t I $h@ll unf0ld.
H@|v|L3T
$p3@k; I @|v| b0und t0 h3@r.
Gh0$t
$0 @rt th0u t0 r3v3ng3, wh3n th0u $h@lt h3@r.
H@|v|L3T
Wh@t?
Gh0$t
I @|v| thy f@th3r'$ $pirit,
D00|v|'d f0r @ c3rt@in t3r|v| t0 w@lk th3 night,
@nd f0r th3 d@y c0nfin3d t0 f@$t in fir3$,
Till th3 f0ul cri|v|3$ d0n3 in |v|y d@y$ 0f n@tur3
@r3 burnt @nd purg3d @w@y. But th@t I @|v| f0rbid
T0 t3ll th3 $3cr3t$ 0f |v|y pri$0n-h0u$3,
I c0uld @ t@l3 unf0ld wh0$3 light3$t w0rd
W0uld h@rr0w up thy $0ul, fr33z3 thy y0ung bl00d,
|v|@k3 thy tw0 3y3$, lik3 $t@r$, $t@rt fr0|v| th3ir $ph3r3$,
Thy kn0tt3d @nd c0|v|bin3d l0ck$ t0 p@rt
@nd 3@ch p@rticul@r h@ir t0 $t@nd 0n 3nd,
Lik3 quill$ up0n th3 fr3tful p0rp3ntin3:
But thi$ 3t3rn@l bl@z0n |v|u$t n0t b3
T0 3@r$ 0f fl3$h @nd bl00d. Li$t, li$t, 0, li$t!
If th0u did$t 3v3r thy d3@r f@th3r l0v3--
H@|v|L3T
0 G0d!
Gh0$t
R3v3ng3 hi$ f0ul @nd |v|0$t unn@tur@l |v|urd3r.
H@|v|L3T
|v|urd3r!
Gh0$t
|v|urd3r |v|0$t f0ul, @$ in th3 b3$t it i$;
But thi$ |v|0$t f0ul, $tr@ng3 @nd unn@tur@l.
H@|v|L3T
H@$t3 |v|3 t0 kn0w't, th@t I, with wing$ @$ $wift
@$ |v|3dit@ti0n 0r th3 th0ught$ 0f l0v3,
|v|@y $w33p t0 |v|y r3v3ng3.
Gh0$t
I find th33 @pt;
@nd dull3r $h0uld$t th0u b3 th@n th3 f@t w33d
Th@t r00t$ it$3lf in 3@$3 0n L3th3 wh@rf,
W0uld$t th0u n0t $tir in thi$. N0w, H@|v|l3t, h3@r:
'Ti$ giv3n 0ut th@t, $l33ping in |v|y 0rch@rd,
@ $3rp3nt $tung |v|3; $0 th3 wh0l3 3@r 0f D3n|v|@rk
I$ by @ f0rg3d pr0c3$$ 0f |v|y d3@th
R@nkly @bu$3d: but kn0w, th0u n0bl3 y0uth,
Th3 $3rp3nt th@t did $ting thy f@th3r'$ lif3
N0w w3@r$ hi$ cr0wn.
H@|v|L3T
0 |v|y pr0ph3tic $0ul! |v|y uncl3!
Gh0$t
@y, th@t inc3$tu0u$, th@t @dult3r@t3 b3@$t,
With witchcr@ft 0f hi$ wit, with tr@it0r0u$ gift$,--
0 wick3d wit @nd gift$, th@t h@v3 th3 p0w3r
$0 t0 $3duc3!--w0n t0 hi$ $h@|v|3ful lu$t
Th3 will 0f |v|y |v|0$t $33|v|ing-virtu0u$ qu33n:
0 H@|v|l3t, wh@t @ f@lling-0ff w@$ th3r3!
Fr0|v| |v|3, wh0$3 l0v3 w@$ 0f th@t dignity
Th@t it w3nt h@nd in h@nd 3v3n with th3 v0w
I |v|@d3 t0 h3r in |v|@rri@g3, @nd t0 d3clin3
Up0n @ wr3tch wh0$3 n@tur@l gift$ w3r3 p00r
T0 th0$3 0f |v|in3!
But virtu3, @$ it n3v3r will b3 |v|0v3d,
Th0ugh l3wdn3$$ c0urt it in @ $h@p3 0f h3@v3n,
$0 lu$t, th0ugh t0 @ r@di@nt @ng3l link'd,
Will $@t3 it$3lf in @ c3l3$ti@l b3d,
@nd pr3y 0n g@rb@g3.
But, $0ft! |v|3think$ I $c3nt th3 |v|0rning @ir;
Bri3f l3t |v|3 b3. $l33ping within |v|y 0rch@rd,
|v|y cu$t0|v| @lw@y$ 0f th3 @ft3rn00n,
Up0n |v|y $3cur3 h0ur thy uncl3 $t0l3,
With juic3 0f cur$3d h3b3n0n in @ vi@l,
@nd in th3 p0rch3$ 0f |v|y 3@r$ did p0ur
Th3 l3p3r0u$ di$til|v|3nt; wh0$3 3ff3ct
H0ld$ $uch @n 3n|v|ity with bl00d 0f |v|@n
Th@t $wift @$ quick$ilv3r it c0ur$3$ thr0ugh
Th3 n@tur@l g@t3$ @nd @ll3y$ 0f th3 b0dy,
@nd with @ $udd3n vig0ur d0th p0$$3t
@nd curd, lik3 3@g3r dr0pping$ int0 |v|ilk,
Th3 thin @nd wh0l3$0|v|3 bl00d: $0 did it |v|in3;
@nd @ |v|0$t in$t@nt t3tt3r b@rk'd @b0ut,
|v|0$t l@z@r-lik3, with vil3 @nd l0@th$0|v|3 cru$t,
@ll |v|y $|v|00th b0dy.
Thu$ w@$ I, $l33ping, by @ br0th3r'$ h@nd
0f lif3, 0f cr0wn, 0f qu33n, @t 0nc3 di$p@tch'd:
Cut 0ff 3v3n in th3 bl0$$0|v|$ 0f |v|y $in,
Unh0u$3l'd, di$@pp0int3d, un@n3l'd,
N0 r3ck0ning |v|@d3, but $3nt t0 |v|y @cc0unt
With @ll |v|y i|v|p3rf3cti0n$ 0n |v|y h3@d:
0, h0rribl3! 0, h0rribl3! |v|0$t h0rribl3!
If th0u h@$t n@tur3 in th33, b3@r it n0t;
L3t n0t th3 r0y@l b3d 0f D3n|v|@rk b3
@ c0uch f0r luxury @nd d@|v|n3d inc3$t.
But, h0w$03v3r th0u pur$u3$t thi$ @ct,
T@int n0t thy |v|ind, n0r l3t thy $0ul c0ntriv3
@g@in$t thy |v|0th3r @ught: l3@v3 h3r t0 h3@v3n
@nd t0 th0$3 th0rn$ th@t in h3r b0$0|v| l0dg3,
T0 prick @nd $ting h3r. F@r3 th33 w3ll @t 0nc3!
Th3 gl0w-w0r|v| $h0w$ th3 |v|@tin t0 b3 n3@r,
@nd 'gin$ t0 p@l3 hi$ un3ff3ctu@l fir3:
@di3u, @di3u! H@|v|l3t, r3|v|3|v|b3r |v|3.
3xit
Oh yeah....I've finally got another job, at the hospital!
$C3N3 V. @n0th3r p@rt 0f th3 pl@tf0r|v|.
3nt3r GH0$T @nd H@|v|L3T
H@|v|L3T
Wh3r3 wilt th0u l3@d |v|3? $p3@k; I'll g0 n0 furth3r.
Gh0$t
|v|@rk |v|3.
H@|v|L3T
I will.
Gh0$t
|v|y h0ur i$ @l|v|0$t c0|v|3,
Wh3n I t0 $ulphur0u$ @nd t0r|v|3nting fl@|v|3$
|v|u$t r3nd3r up |v|y$3lf.
H@|v|L3T
@l@$, p00r gh0$t!
Gh0$t
Pity |v|3 n0t, but l3nd thy $3ri0u$ h3@ring
T0 wh@t I $h@ll unf0ld.
H@|v|L3T
$p3@k; I @|v| b0und t0 h3@r.
Gh0$t
$0 @rt th0u t0 r3v3ng3, wh3n th0u $h@lt h3@r.
H@|v|L3T
Wh@t?
Gh0$t
I @|v| thy f@th3r'$ $pirit,
D00|v|'d f0r @ c3rt@in t3r|v| t0 w@lk th3 night,
@nd f0r th3 d@y c0nfin3d t0 f@$t in fir3$,
Till th3 f0ul cri|v|3$ d0n3 in |v|y d@y$ 0f n@tur3
@r3 burnt @nd purg3d @w@y. But th@t I @|v| f0rbid
T0 t3ll th3 $3cr3t$ 0f |v|y pri$0n-h0u$3,
I c0uld @ t@l3 unf0ld wh0$3 light3$t w0rd
W0uld h@rr0w up thy $0ul, fr33z3 thy y0ung bl00d,
|v|@k3 thy tw0 3y3$, lik3 $t@r$, $t@rt fr0|v| th3ir $ph3r3$,
Thy kn0tt3d @nd c0|v|bin3d l0ck$ t0 p@rt
@nd 3@ch p@rticul@r h@ir t0 $t@nd 0n 3nd,
Lik3 quill$ up0n th3 fr3tful p0rp3ntin3:
But thi$ 3t3rn@l bl@z0n |v|u$t n0t b3
T0 3@r$ 0f fl3$h @nd bl00d. Li$t, li$t, 0, li$t!
If th0u did$t 3v3r thy d3@r f@th3r l0v3--
H@|v|L3T
0 G0d!
Gh0$t
R3v3ng3 hi$ f0ul @nd |v|0$t unn@tur@l |v|urd3r.
H@|v|L3T
|v|urd3r!
Gh0$t
|v|urd3r |v|0$t f0ul, @$ in th3 b3$t it i$;
But thi$ |v|0$t f0ul, $tr@ng3 @nd unn@tur@l.
H@|v|L3T
H@$t3 |v|3 t0 kn0w't, th@t I, with wing$ @$ $wift
@$ |v|3dit@ti0n 0r th3 th0ught$ 0f l0v3,
|v|@y $w33p t0 |v|y r3v3ng3.
Gh0$t
I find th33 @pt;
@nd dull3r $h0uld$t th0u b3 th@n th3 f@t w33d
Th@t r00t$ it$3lf in 3@$3 0n L3th3 wh@rf,
W0uld$t th0u n0t $tir in thi$. N0w, H@|v|l3t, h3@r:
'Ti$ giv3n 0ut th@t, $l33ping in |v|y 0rch@rd,
@ $3rp3nt $tung |v|3; $0 th3 wh0l3 3@r 0f D3n|v|@rk
I$ by @ f0rg3d pr0c3$$ 0f |v|y d3@th
R@nkly @bu$3d: but kn0w, th0u n0bl3 y0uth,
Th3 $3rp3nt th@t did $ting thy f@th3r'$ lif3
N0w w3@r$ hi$ cr0wn.
H@|v|L3T
0 |v|y pr0ph3tic $0ul! |v|y uncl3!
Gh0$t
@y, th@t inc3$tu0u$, th@t @dult3r@t3 b3@$t,
With witchcr@ft 0f hi$ wit, with tr@it0r0u$ gift$,--
0 wick3d wit @nd gift$, th@t h@v3 th3 p0w3r
$0 t0 $3duc3!--w0n t0 hi$ $h@|v|3ful lu$t
Th3 will 0f |v|y |v|0$t $33|v|ing-virtu0u$ qu33n:
0 H@|v|l3t, wh@t @ f@lling-0ff w@$ th3r3!
Fr0|v| |v|3, wh0$3 l0v3 w@$ 0f th@t dignity
Th@t it w3nt h@nd in h@nd 3v3n with th3 v0w
I |v|@d3 t0 h3r in |v|@rri@g3, @nd t0 d3clin3
Up0n @ wr3tch wh0$3 n@tur@l gift$ w3r3 p00r
T0 th0$3 0f |v|in3!
But virtu3, @$ it n3v3r will b3 |v|0v3d,
Th0ugh l3wdn3$$ c0urt it in @ $h@p3 0f h3@v3n,
$0 lu$t, th0ugh t0 @ r@di@nt @ng3l link'd,
Will $@t3 it$3lf in @ c3l3$ti@l b3d,
@nd pr3y 0n g@rb@g3.
But, $0ft! |v|3think$ I $c3nt th3 |v|0rning @ir;
Bri3f l3t |v|3 b3. $l33ping within |v|y 0rch@rd,
|v|y cu$t0|v| @lw@y$ 0f th3 @ft3rn00n,
Up0n |v|y $3cur3 h0ur thy uncl3 $t0l3,
With juic3 0f cur$3d h3b3n0n in @ vi@l,
@nd in th3 p0rch3$ 0f |v|y 3@r$ did p0ur
Th3 l3p3r0u$ di$til|v|3nt; wh0$3 3ff3ct
H0ld$ $uch @n 3n|v|ity with bl00d 0f |v|@n
Th@t $wift @$ quick$ilv3r it c0ur$3$ thr0ugh
Th3 n@tur@l g@t3$ @nd @ll3y$ 0f th3 b0dy,
@nd with @ $udd3n vig0ur d0th p0$$3t
@nd curd, lik3 3@g3r dr0pping$ int0 |v|ilk,
Th3 thin @nd wh0l3$0|v|3 bl00d: $0 did it |v|in3;
@nd @ |v|0$t in$t@nt t3tt3r b@rk'd @b0ut,
|v|0$t l@z@r-lik3, with vil3 @nd l0@th$0|v|3 cru$t,
@ll |v|y $|v|00th b0dy.
Thu$ w@$ I, $l33ping, by @ br0th3r'$ h@nd
0f lif3, 0f cr0wn, 0f qu33n, @t 0nc3 di$p@tch'd:
Cut 0ff 3v3n in th3 bl0$$0|v|$ 0f |v|y $in,
Unh0u$3l'd, di$@pp0int3d, un@n3l'd,
N0 r3ck0ning |v|@d3, but $3nt t0 |v|y @cc0unt
With @ll |v|y i|v|p3rf3cti0n$ 0n |v|y h3@d:
0, h0rribl3! 0, h0rribl3! |v|0$t h0rribl3!
If th0u h@$t n@tur3 in th33, b3@r it n0t;
L3t n0t th3 r0y@l b3d 0f D3n|v|@rk b3
@ c0uch f0r luxury @nd d@|v|n3d inc3$t.
But, h0w$03v3r th0u pur$u3$t thi$ @ct,
T@int n0t thy |v|ind, n0r l3t thy $0ul c0ntriv3
@g@in$t thy |v|0th3r @ught: l3@v3 h3r t0 h3@v3n
@nd t0 th0$3 th0rn$ th@t in h3r b0$0|v| l0dg3,
T0 prick @nd $ting h3r. F@r3 th33 w3ll @t 0nc3!
Th3 gl0w-w0r|v| $h0w$ th3 |v|@tin t0 b3 n3@r,
@nd 'gin$ t0 p@l3 hi$ un3ff3ctu@l fir3:
@di3u, @di3u! H@|v|l3t, r3|v|3|v|b3r |v|3.
3xit
Oh yeah....I've finally got another job, at the hospital!