Ack

Feb 26, 2009 08:41

I have a thing about my body. it forces me to be grateful for what I have. Well. I am grateful for the smile after my pained lips. They are healing nicely only this morning I woke up and they were in a wretched state. Anyway. now My back hurts. I can feel it every time I breath. I was about to say that I was grateful for the ability to breath deeply. Yes. The breath. Because I also am hacking up guck. Well. This is a good thing I think. I have a picture of myself frolicking in the ocean in Mexico when I was small. it is very nice. I almost imagine that the world is round and I can see the horizon bending. i love my perspective. God fuck I love it.

I lost all my contact information that I don;t have on gmail. yes. it's tru. i lost it all. Well, I like losses because it...no, they are good because they put a grace on you to be resourceful. Stay around long enough and all comes out in the wash. I only have a small section of my music that is on this shuffle I was lent. Why is it that sometimes we can't see what is right in front of our faces. Oh the people must be smiley. I have not ingested coffee since sunday. Actually...yeah sunday. no. It was Saturday. I work a long time today. it is creeping up on me./

I don't want to spoil this. I am scared that it will go away. I am scared to get attatched. i am scared of others good intentions. A year ago I was recovering from College Hospital in Long Beach Ca. Excuse my evil thoughts please. Oh god, what it is to be able to believe. AAAAHHHHHH. I feel fucked! I don't want a religion. I want to cope without one. I am a little mad. \\\
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Lent. Dad said he was having coffee and banana bread. What the fuck happened to the coffee and sweets deal. He used to ALWAYS give those up. What is with this life today.

No!!!!! I have to go to work.

Grateful. meeting last night. smell. breath. long hair that cooperates. love. patience. kindness. love. beds. shoes. snow. air. colors. love. love. family. airplanes. generous generous generous generations of kin.

love, trips, work, coffee

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