life, or something like it
ok, i decided i should attempt to do a real update to let those of you who think reading my journal keeps you updated on my life in on somethings going on...
i spent last week/weekend in cali sitting shiva with my family for my grandmother, and recalling what an amazing woman she was -- knowing that she lived her life the way she wanted to, and died the way she wanted to. i only can hope that i am as amazing as she was when i pass.... granted she did make me feel like shit about myself for many years, but without all of that i would not be the person i am today, and it isjust how she knew to express herself and her honesty always coming forth and all that jazz.... no matter what she was truly amazing and i realized in talking with family friends, that i have a lot of the qualities which they admired in her! and that made me happy...
as for my adorable niece mackenzie - she's doing well so far. her braind and heart are good. they keep switching her respirators to keep her lungs as good as possible. and exciting news is that they were told they coudl request nurses, and we had an awesome nurse with conner, so they requested her but couldn't have her b/c she is a "critical care nurse" and apparently my princess is not a critical care patient! YAY!
school is almost over for the semester and i couldn't be happier... i'm just way not into it right now, and am way not into illinois at all actually. i think the program is a great fit for me, but i doubt this town and i being a fit at all quite often. i have a strong suspicion i'm just biding my time until my internship then heading back to cali... this place is just not me... not that cali always is either, but yeah - i'm not cut out to live in small town america....
i go home soon though and then i get to go spend 9 days at the only place i've ever felt like i was home at immediately - high valley ranch... i cannot wait, plus i get a night in sf prolly and to fly from there to oc with dj boo before having to come back to this place....
i know that i am lucky to be in a great programa nd to have these opportunities, but it was designed to be a learning and growing process which it definitely has been and will continue to be. i've had huge revelations since i've been here, and the week while i was at home on a ton of levels but if i were to write all those this entry would be way longer than it already is, so let me close with saying that who we each are makes a difference, we all have a lot to contribute to this world in our time here, so don't waste it - live it up, be the person you see inside, and stop caring so much about what the rest of the world things...
Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to
someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally
disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on
at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you
got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or
sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your
example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a
lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those
who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a
matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.
It really matters
ps - that was my first ever lj cut!
i spent last week/weekend in cali sitting shiva with my family for my grandmother, and recalling what an amazing woman she was -- knowing that she lived her life the way she wanted to, and died the way she wanted to. i only can hope that i am as amazing as she was when i pass.... granted she did make me feel like shit about myself for many years, but without all of that i would not be the person i am today, and it isjust how she knew to express herself and her honesty always coming forth and all that jazz.... no matter what she was truly amazing and i realized in talking with family friends, that i have a lot of the qualities which they admired in her! and that made me happy...
as for my adorable niece mackenzie - she's doing well so far. her braind and heart are good. they keep switching her respirators to keep her lungs as good as possible. and exciting news is that they were told they coudl request nurses, and we had an awesome nurse with conner, so they requested her but couldn't have her b/c she is a "critical care nurse" and apparently my princess is not a critical care patient! YAY!
school is almost over for the semester and i couldn't be happier... i'm just way not into it right now, and am way not into illinois at all actually. i think the program is a great fit for me, but i doubt this town and i being a fit at all quite often. i have a strong suspicion i'm just biding my time until my internship then heading back to cali... this place is just not me... not that cali always is either, but yeah - i'm not cut out to live in small town america....
i go home soon though and then i get to go spend 9 days at the only place i've ever felt like i was home at immediately - high valley ranch... i cannot wait, plus i get a night in sf prolly and to fly from there to oc with dj boo before having to come back to this place....
i know that i am lucky to be in a great programa nd to have these opportunities, but it was designed to be a learning and growing process which it definitely has been and will continue to be. i've had huge revelations since i've been here, and the week while i was at home on a ton of levels but if i were to write all those this entry would be way longer than it already is, so let me close with saying that who we each are makes a difference, we all have a lot to contribute to this world in our time here, so don't waste it - live it up, be the person you see inside, and stop caring so much about what the rest of the world things...
Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to
someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally
disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on
at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you
got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or
sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your
example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a
lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those
who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a
matter of circumstance but of choice. Choose to live a life that matters.
It really matters
ps - that was my first ever lj cut!