Like Passing Notes in Secrecy 12/13
Title: Like Passing Notes in Secrecy
Chapter: 12/13
Rating: R
Character: Puck/Rachel
Summary: He's never really missed a girl before. He never cared enough, really, to miss anyone.
Word Count: 3,900
Disclaimer: Don't own.
By the end of June, he's finally finished his course and has a diploma. He's pretty fucking pissed off when his boss tells him that even though they promised him he'd have a full time job when he was finished his major, there's nothing available for him right now. He's been working there for a fucking year and they're totally screwing him over. He feels like shit about it, like they really don't give a damn, and he's fucked. He needs money and experience, and he thinks it's really shitty of them to pull this shit on him after telling him all along he was doing great and is the type of employee they want working there. They have a funny way of showing it, to be honest.
He wants to quit, but he's talking to Rachel's dads about it at dinner one night and they convince him not to. They're right in that he needs to work in his field and there's nowhere else in town to do it, but he's pretty pissed off and doesn't feel valued at all. Plus, there's the money thing.
Then Brian says, "We have a position available at the office. It's part time and we could work around your schedule at the clinic."
So Puck thinks he couldn't love the Berrys more than he does right now.
He has to wear a shirt and tie, and he works in a little cubicle and basically pushes paper all day and answers the occasional phone call, but it's money and Brian has his back. Plus, Rachel tells him she always loved him in a tie. Not that she's there to see it or anything, but it helps. He doesn't mind hearing that shit from her, and certainly not in the voice she says it in. It's just that he's actually at the office when she does, and her dad's door is open 10 feet away and she's being fucking ridiculously sexy for 11:00 in the morning. He knows she's at her office, too, so he doesn't know what the hell her deal is.
"I'm just bored," she tells him. "Talking to you is far more interesting than selling tickets to this ridiculous show."
He laughs at her and shakes his head. "Same."
"How is Hannah?"
"Fine. She loves having the house to herself every day," he says. The kid's old enough now that she doesn't need someone looking after her every second of every day, so she's home alone while Puck works. He's not really that nervous about it because she's pretty responsible and whatever and their neighbours randomly check in on her for him.
"Oh. Yes. Of course," she says quickly.
He doesn't like that. Something's up and his girl is keeping a secret. "What?"
"Nothing!"
"You're a shitty liar. What?"
"It's just...God, I really shouldn't say anything," she mutters. "Don't tell her I told you or she'll kill me."
He does not like the sounds of this. "What?"
"She likes a boy," she explains. He sets his jaw. Fucking hell. "And he likes her back."
"Fuck no. Not allowed."
"Noah," she giggles. "You should really watch your mouth while you're working. Daddy hates cursing."
"Yeah, I know," he says, tipping back in his chair to make sure that slip went unheard. "Maybe you shouldn't tell me this stuff when I'm here, then."
"I shouldn't have told you at all," she admits. He can hear her typing. She's really good ad multitasking, which is great, but he likes all of her attention. He's selfish that way or whatever. "His name is Ephram."
"What kind of name is Ephram?"
"A Hebrew one."
Fuck.
"Whatever," he mumbles. Thing is, he knows how much his mom would have loved this. The two of them would have squealed over it and then probably called Rachel and brought her into the whole damn thing, and he's now having kind of a hard time being a big brother and wanting to beat this Ephram kid's ass. Not that hard a time, but still. "She's too young for that."
"She's 14," Rachel laughs.
"Too young."
"When did you have your first girlfriend."
"You were my first girlfriend."
"Shut up! I mean it," she giggles. "When?"
"I am being serious. Sophomore year. I didn't really have a girlfriend before then," he explains. She's totally quiet. She either doesn't buy it or she totally loves that she was the first. "Rach?"
"I don't know if I should believe you."
"Well, I'm telling the truth, so yeah, you should," he says. He laughs a bit and she sighs into the phone. "Whatever. It's not a big deal."
"But you and Santana..."
"Me and Santana screwed a lot and she liked to think she owned me. Not exactly the same as listening to you talk for ages about fucking Broadway like you actually believed I cared," he says. She makes a sound like she disapproves of what he just said or something. But it's true. Santana was never his girlfriend and she would have kicked him in the balls if he'd ever called her that. "Whatever. This is about Hannah and the fact that I'm going to lock her in the basement for at least the next two years."
She laughs and calls him crazy under her breath. (Pot, meet kettle.) "I have to go."
"Tell her not to date this kid," he says quickly.
"Noah."
"I'm serious. I don't like it."
"You don't have to like it. If your mom had told you not to sleep with Santana at that age, would you have listened?" she asks seriously.
He needs to answer this question very carefully. She knows, obviously, that he lost the big V to Santana at that age, but...Fuck. It's not like they want to talk about it.
His mom did tell him not to, but he found ways. He'd rather know what Hannah's doing and not like it, than her sneak around behind his back and do it anyway.
"Whatever. Hang up now, you slacker," he says. He's pissed off now. He's going to be thinking about this for the rest of the day. Thanks, Rachel.
"I'll talk to you later."
She's laughing. Bitch.
He talks to Hannah when he gets home from work and she tries to deny that there's a boy, but when he accidentally drops the name, she shouts, "Goddammit, Rachel!" and he laughs his ass off because sometimes she's so much like him it's scary.
"Look, I guess if you wanna, like, talk to this kid, it's fine. But just don't be stupid about it," he says. He thinks she'll probably understand that. Her cheeks go red and he knows she does. "And don't be pissed at Rachel, 'cause I made her tell me."
He meets this Ephram kid a couple weeks later when he picks Hannah up after she goes to watch the guy pitch a baseball game. He catches the last inning and the guy is actually good, so he starts hating him a little less. He talks to Hannah after, and Puck decides to walk over and interrupt their conversation. He figures he's allowed, since he's the one who has to make sure she's not making shitty choices and dating losers.
And the kid isn't all that bad. He could use a haircut and he's roughly six feet tall, so he towers over Hannah, but he's polite enough and acts mildly scared of Puck.
"You freaked him out!" Hannah yells once they're in the car. He laughs. "You just had to tell him you've got nun-chucks. How do you even work that into a conversation without sounding like an idiot?"
He just laughs all the way home while she crosses her arms and pouts, and she calls Rachel as soon as they're inside the house. She slams her bedroom door, but he doesn't even really care.
Until Rachel calls him an hour later and tells him in her most stern voice to stop being a jackass and trying to embarrass Hannah like that. She bitches at him until he agrees, and then she's begging him for all the details and he gets her to admit that she's ready to kill this kid, too, if Hannah ends up hurt.
He totally loves her for that shit.
... ... ...
She spends a day and a half in a haze. Other than quitting her terrible job and walking out of the office without even giving them the courtesy of giving two weeks' notice, she goes to her apartment and tries to think of what to do or where to start.
She doesn't know who to call first, her fathers or Noah. She just doesn't call anyone until it's settled in her mind that this is actually happening.
Noah calls her and starts telling her how he drove Hannah to a date last night, and Ephram's parents dropped her off at home and they really aren't that bad. He says he doesn't actually hate the kid, and Rachel tries to act completely normal and like everything isn't about to change drastically.
Two days after that, when she's already bought some of the things she's going to need very soon, she finally shifts from stunned to excited and calls him to tell him.
"I got a part!" she practically yells. You'd think since she's known for days that she'd have this out of her system, but other than people at work, most of whom she doesn't care about, no one knows.
"What?" he asks loudly. He's smiling. "That's awesome!"
"I know!" She feels herself tearing up and hates herself for it, but she thinks she's allowed, after a year of auditions and rejections, to be excited by this. "It's Kiss Me, Kate. I'm playing Lilli slash Katherine, or Kate!"
He laughs a little and she knows she sounds crazy, but she doesn't even care. "Rachel, that's amazing, baby."
"Workshops start in two weeks, and I...I've known for a few days, but I didn't know how to tell you."
"This is good," he admits. She smiles and wipes her face, looks at the stack of boxes she's already packed. "I'm so fucking proud of you right now."
She thinks her smile might split her lip or something. "There's another thing." He doesn't say anything and she realizes maybe she shouldn't scare him. "It's not in New York."
That might not have been the best thing to say, in that case.
"Oh."
She can't possibly keep this news to herself any longer.
"It's in Chicago." The line is quiet and she can only hear him breathing. That's a good thing, at least. She waits a few moments before she starts getting scared.
"Chicago, Illinois?" he asks.
She giggles - can't help it - and says, "Yes, of course Chicago, Illinois."
"That's only four hours from here," he states. Yes, she knows that, too. "Fuck, Rachel."
He sounds so happy and so proud of her, and she wants to be there with him right now so she can see the expression on his face. She wants to know what he's feeling and he still can't put that into words sometimes, even if he is infinitely better at it than he used to be. She's sick of being apart from him, and even though four hours away in Chicago is way closer than however many (too many) away in New York, she doesn't want to have to schedule visits with him anymore.
She wants to come home to him.
"Come with me," she says, and the words tumble from her lips before she can stop them.
"What?"
"To Chicago. Come with me, Noah," she pleads. She doesn't care about begging or pride or anything like that. She just wants him, all the time, every day. "You can move. We can...Noah, we can be together."
He's quiet again. She hates it when he does that.
"Goddamn, I wish you were here right now to talk about this," he says. "Baby, this is..."
"It's not crazy, and don't you dare say it is!" She doesn't care if she's being bossy or childish. They've sacrificed all along and she's tired of it. "Noah, you can get a full time job, and Hannah...There are schools and suburbs. We could get a house and...I just really want you with me."
"I can't just pull Hannah out of school!"
"It's the summer!" she reminds him seriously. "She could start a new year at a new school and it'd be less of an adjustment."
"Rachel," he sighs, "baby, you know if it was just me, I'd do it."
She feels her heart breaking. "Don't say no," she pleads. "Please don't."
"I can't just decide this shit right now," he tells her. He sounds a little angry and she hates that. She just put everything on the line and asked him to do the one thing they've been talking about since before they even became a real couple, and he's turned her down. She should be the angry one, and she is. "I'd have to sell the house and...Fuck, Rachel, there's legal shit with Hannah and whatever, and..."
"And my dad is a lawyer!"
"Rachel," he says, like a warning. She hates that voice right now and she's so mad at him she could cry. She probably will.
"I didn't think you'd say no. I thought you'd just say yes and tell me we'd figure everything else out," she admits. That's his go-to line, so why isn't he using it the one time she'll actually believe him? "I guess I thought you wanted to be with me as much as I want to be with you."
"Come on," he groans. "Don't fucking pull that insecure bullshit with me."
"Don't make me question..."
"Rachel," he repeats again. He sounds as mad as she's ever heard him. "I'm hanging up before we say shit."
"Don't. Don't hang up," she tells him. "Why are we fighting about this?" She sighs and wipes her eyes. "It's what we both want, isn't it? So why are we fighting?"
"It's not as easy for me as it is for you," he explains. She understands that. She really does. That doesn't mean he should just not even bother trying.
"It doesn't really feel all that easy to me right now," she says quietly. He lets out another groan, and she's so mad and disappointed that she can't even talk to him anymore right now. "I have to go. I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to my fathers. I haven't told them yet."
"Don't go."
"Goodbye."
She rarely ends their phone calls like that, so formally, with no affection. She's just having a hard time being anything but heartbroken right now.
... ... ...
If there was some kind of award for being a big fucking idiot, he'd win it. As soon as she's practically hung up on him, he realizes what a stupid asshole he's being and how fucking hurt she must be feeling. She should be nothing but happy right now, and she deserves that, and he fucked it up for her. He's the one guy who's supposed to make her feel good all the time, and he just made her so upset that she won't even answer when he calls her back.
But he's still thinking about it an hour later, and he thinks it would actually be pretty easy to move to Chicago. He's always liked it there, even though he's only been a couple times. Whatever. It's nice, and he knows there are tons of good neighbourhoods. He could probably talk to his boss at work and see if the guy knows of any clinics there where Puck could get a job, and he knows his boss would give him a reference and help him out. The house would sell easily enough. He had to have it appraised after his mom died, for legal stuff and whatever, and damn, all he really has to do is make sure Hannah won't have a fucking tantrum over leaving Lima, and they're good to go. He just needs to know whether or not he can leave the state with her or whatever, and he knows someone who can figure all that shit out for him.
So he texts Rachel right away.
Tell your dads now or I will.
He gives it a day and a half. Rachel still won't answer his calls, which he kind of thinks he deserves or something, as much as it pisses him off. After two days, though, he walks into her house and he can immediately tell that her dad knows what's going on between the two of them. Rachel practically tells them everything, and shit has been tense lately.
"How is she?" is the first thing he asks, because he knows Mark probably knows they haven't been talking.
Her dad sighs and leans back in his chair at his desk in his office. "I don't think even she knows."
"We're not breaking up," Puck says, like it's a fact. In his mind it is one. He's actively trying to make sure of it. Mark smiles a little bit. "I need to talk about Hannah."
Mark smiles even wider and they spend the next two hours talking about Ohio state laws and all the stuff Puck doesn't really get at all. He knows Mark wouldn't steer him wrong, though. By the end of it they learn that since Puck has sole guardianship over Hannah he can basically take her wherever he goes.
He's going to Chicago.
He talks to Hannah about it and she freaks out. It's not even really in a bad way. She's just excited. It's weird, since he thought she'd cry her face off over leaving this Ephram kid, but she basically looks at him like he's nuts when he mentions that.
"I'm 14. He's just a guy. It's not like I'm gonna marry him," she says, and as he's laughing she asks, "Can I have my own bathroom in Chicago?"
So he's thinking she's on board with the whole thing.
He spends all night calling Rachel. Seriously, he calls until she answers, which takes about two hours. He almost starts feeling like a creep about it, but then he hears her voice and she's almost laughing, so he doesn't give a fuck.
"My god, Noah. I was in a dance class. Did you really need to call 30 times?"
"Well!" he shouts. He probably shouldn't yell at her. "I dunno. You've been ignoring me for fucking ever, so I figured I'd just call until I annoyed the fuck out of you and you answered."
"I'm still mad at you," she says. She's giving him attitude and it's kind of hot, but he thinks better of mentioning it. It'd probably wear her down a little bit, but he's got another way right now.
"Guess what I did today?" he says, grinning.
She sighs like he annoys her. "What did you do today?"
In a way it's kind of good that she's acting like she doesn't care, because when he tells her she's going to lose her shit and it'll be awesome.
"I put the house up for sale."
She doesn't make a sound and for a minute he worries he's given her a heart attack or something. And she's kinda making him nervous, because she should be screaming and telling him how awesome he is. At least that's how it played out in his head.
"Are you serious?" she asks calmly.
"Yeah," he tells her. "And I have a realtor in Chicago."
"Noah," she whispers. She sounds like she's all in disbelief and stuff, and he thinks that's kind of dumb of her.
"Fuck, Rachel, are you that surprised?" he laughs.
"After the other day, I thought...I didn't know what was going to happen." He can hear her starting to cry. Perfect. "I didn't think we were breaking up, but I thought it was going to be so tense, and...Are you really going to come?"
"Yeah," he says quietly. He ignores all the jokes in his head and just stays real with her, because this is a serious conversation and he owes it to her to keep it that way. "Sorry I was a jerk."
"I don't even care," she says, and he can hear the excitement growing in her voice. "What about Hannah?"
He laughs. "Oh, she's totally down with this. She's excited, actually." She lets out a tearful laugh, and he wants to tell her everything he's done in two days. Done for them. "I talked to my boss, too. I gave my notice and he's talking to some people. I don't know about the house and stuff, but as long as we're in Chicago before Hannah has to start school, we'll..."
"Stop," she says tearfully. He's kinda confused by that. "Just...This is overwhelming, and I can't...We're actually going to be together."
"Fuck yeah, baby. I can't wait."
She laughs and he doesn't want to go so long without hearing that laugh ever again.
He's a pussy and he knows it, but he doesn't care one bit.
He hears her sniffle and then laugh a little more. Fuck, she's cute and he wants her here right now. He's trying to imagine being with her every day. He's been trying to imagine it for a while, and it's hard even though he wants it so bad. He's never really had it and it's hard to think of what it'll be like to come home to her or wake up with her or...
"I'm not mad at you anymore."
Yeah, he didn't really think she would be.
...Chapter 13...
Chapter: 12/13
Rating: R
Character: Puck/Rachel
Summary: He's never really missed a girl before. He never cared enough, really, to miss anyone.
Word Count: 3,900
Disclaimer: Don't own.
By the end of June, he's finally finished his course and has a diploma. He's pretty fucking pissed off when his boss tells him that even though they promised him he'd have a full time job when he was finished his major, there's nothing available for him right now. He's been working there for a fucking year and they're totally screwing him over. He feels like shit about it, like they really don't give a damn, and he's fucked. He needs money and experience, and he thinks it's really shitty of them to pull this shit on him after telling him all along he was doing great and is the type of employee they want working there. They have a funny way of showing it, to be honest.
He wants to quit, but he's talking to Rachel's dads about it at dinner one night and they convince him not to. They're right in that he needs to work in his field and there's nowhere else in town to do it, but he's pretty pissed off and doesn't feel valued at all. Plus, there's the money thing.
Then Brian says, "We have a position available at the office. It's part time and we could work around your schedule at the clinic."
So Puck thinks he couldn't love the Berrys more than he does right now.
He has to wear a shirt and tie, and he works in a little cubicle and basically pushes paper all day and answers the occasional phone call, but it's money and Brian has his back. Plus, Rachel tells him she always loved him in a tie. Not that she's there to see it or anything, but it helps. He doesn't mind hearing that shit from her, and certainly not in the voice she says it in. It's just that he's actually at the office when she does, and her dad's door is open 10 feet away and she's being fucking ridiculously sexy for 11:00 in the morning. He knows she's at her office, too, so he doesn't know what the hell her deal is.
"I'm just bored," she tells him. "Talking to you is far more interesting than selling tickets to this ridiculous show."
He laughs at her and shakes his head. "Same."
"How is Hannah?"
"Fine. She loves having the house to herself every day," he says. The kid's old enough now that she doesn't need someone looking after her every second of every day, so she's home alone while Puck works. He's not really that nervous about it because she's pretty responsible and whatever and their neighbours randomly check in on her for him.
"Oh. Yes. Of course," she says quickly.
He doesn't like that. Something's up and his girl is keeping a secret. "What?"
"Nothing!"
"You're a shitty liar. What?"
"It's just...God, I really shouldn't say anything," she mutters. "Don't tell her I told you or she'll kill me."
He does not like the sounds of this. "What?"
"She likes a boy," she explains. He sets his jaw. Fucking hell. "And he likes her back."
"Fuck no. Not allowed."
"Noah," she giggles. "You should really watch your mouth while you're working. Daddy hates cursing."
"Yeah, I know," he says, tipping back in his chair to make sure that slip went unheard. "Maybe you shouldn't tell me this stuff when I'm here, then."
"I shouldn't have told you at all," she admits. He can hear her typing. She's really good ad multitasking, which is great, but he likes all of her attention. He's selfish that way or whatever. "His name is Ephram."
"What kind of name is Ephram?"
"A Hebrew one."
Fuck.
"Whatever," he mumbles. Thing is, he knows how much his mom would have loved this. The two of them would have squealed over it and then probably called Rachel and brought her into the whole damn thing, and he's now having kind of a hard time being a big brother and wanting to beat this Ephram kid's ass. Not that hard a time, but still. "She's too young for that."
"She's 14," Rachel laughs.
"Too young."
"When did you have your first girlfriend."
"You were my first girlfriend."
"Shut up! I mean it," she giggles. "When?"
"I am being serious. Sophomore year. I didn't really have a girlfriend before then," he explains. She's totally quiet. She either doesn't buy it or she totally loves that she was the first. "Rach?"
"I don't know if I should believe you."
"Well, I'm telling the truth, so yeah, you should," he says. He laughs a bit and she sighs into the phone. "Whatever. It's not a big deal."
"But you and Santana..."
"Me and Santana screwed a lot and she liked to think she owned me. Not exactly the same as listening to you talk for ages about fucking Broadway like you actually believed I cared," he says. She makes a sound like she disapproves of what he just said or something. But it's true. Santana was never his girlfriend and she would have kicked him in the balls if he'd ever called her that. "Whatever. This is about Hannah and the fact that I'm going to lock her in the basement for at least the next two years."
She laughs and calls him crazy under her breath. (Pot, meet kettle.) "I have to go."
"Tell her not to date this kid," he says quickly.
"Noah."
"I'm serious. I don't like it."
"You don't have to like it. If your mom had told you not to sleep with Santana at that age, would you have listened?" she asks seriously.
He needs to answer this question very carefully. She knows, obviously, that he lost the big V to Santana at that age, but...Fuck. It's not like they want to talk about it.
His mom did tell him not to, but he found ways. He'd rather know what Hannah's doing and not like it, than her sneak around behind his back and do it anyway.
"Whatever. Hang up now, you slacker," he says. He's pissed off now. He's going to be thinking about this for the rest of the day. Thanks, Rachel.
"I'll talk to you later."
She's laughing. Bitch.
He talks to Hannah when he gets home from work and she tries to deny that there's a boy, but when he accidentally drops the name, she shouts, "Goddammit, Rachel!" and he laughs his ass off because sometimes she's so much like him it's scary.
"Look, I guess if you wanna, like, talk to this kid, it's fine. But just don't be stupid about it," he says. He thinks she'll probably understand that. Her cheeks go red and he knows she does. "And don't be pissed at Rachel, 'cause I made her tell me."
He meets this Ephram kid a couple weeks later when he picks Hannah up after she goes to watch the guy pitch a baseball game. He catches the last inning and the guy is actually good, so he starts hating him a little less. He talks to Hannah after, and Puck decides to walk over and interrupt their conversation. He figures he's allowed, since he's the one who has to make sure she's not making shitty choices and dating losers.
And the kid isn't all that bad. He could use a haircut and he's roughly six feet tall, so he towers over Hannah, but he's polite enough and acts mildly scared of Puck.
"You freaked him out!" Hannah yells once they're in the car. He laughs. "You just had to tell him you've got nun-chucks. How do you even work that into a conversation without sounding like an idiot?"
He just laughs all the way home while she crosses her arms and pouts, and she calls Rachel as soon as they're inside the house. She slams her bedroom door, but he doesn't even really care.
Until Rachel calls him an hour later and tells him in her most stern voice to stop being a jackass and trying to embarrass Hannah like that. She bitches at him until he agrees, and then she's begging him for all the details and he gets her to admit that she's ready to kill this kid, too, if Hannah ends up hurt.
He totally loves her for that shit.
... ... ...
She spends a day and a half in a haze. Other than quitting her terrible job and walking out of the office without even giving them the courtesy of giving two weeks' notice, she goes to her apartment and tries to think of what to do or where to start.
She doesn't know who to call first, her fathers or Noah. She just doesn't call anyone until it's settled in her mind that this is actually happening.
Noah calls her and starts telling her how he drove Hannah to a date last night, and Ephram's parents dropped her off at home and they really aren't that bad. He says he doesn't actually hate the kid, and Rachel tries to act completely normal and like everything isn't about to change drastically.
Two days after that, when she's already bought some of the things she's going to need very soon, she finally shifts from stunned to excited and calls him to tell him.
"I got a part!" she practically yells. You'd think since she's known for days that she'd have this out of her system, but other than people at work, most of whom she doesn't care about, no one knows.
"What?" he asks loudly. He's smiling. "That's awesome!"
"I know!" She feels herself tearing up and hates herself for it, but she thinks she's allowed, after a year of auditions and rejections, to be excited by this. "It's Kiss Me, Kate. I'm playing Lilli slash Katherine, or Kate!"
He laughs a little and she knows she sounds crazy, but she doesn't even care. "Rachel, that's amazing, baby."
"Workshops start in two weeks, and I...I've known for a few days, but I didn't know how to tell you."
"This is good," he admits. She smiles and wipes her face, looks at the stack of boxes she's already packed. "I'm so fucking proud of you right now."
She thinks her smile might split her lip or something. "There's another thing." He doesn't say anything and she realizes maybe she shouldn't scare him. "It's not in New York."
That might not have been the best thing to say, in that case.
"Oh."
She can't possibly keep this news to herself any longer.
"It's in Chicago." The line is quiet and she can only hear him breathing. That's a good thing, at least. She waits a few moments before she starts getting scared.
"Chicago, Illinois?" he asks.
She giggles - can't help it - and says, "Yes, of course Chicago, Illinois."
"That's only four hours from here," he states. Yes, she knows that, too. "Fuck, Rachel."
He sounds so happy and so proud of her, and she wants to be there with him right now so she can see the expression on his face. She wants to know what he's feeling and he still can't put that into words sometimes, even if he is infinitely better at it than he used to be. She's sick of being apart from him, and even though four hours away in Chicago is way closer than however many (too many) away in New York, she doesn't want to have to schedule visits with him anymore.
She wants to come home to him.
"Come with me," she says, and the words tumble from her lips before she can stop them.
"What?"
"To Chicago. Come with me, Noah," she pleads. She doesn't care about begging or pride or anything like that. She just wants him, all the time, every day. "You can move. We can...Noah, we can be together."
He's quiet again. She hates it when he does that.
"Goddamn, I wish you were here right now to talk about this," he says. "Baby, this is..."
"It's not crazy, and don't you dare say it is!" She doesn't care if she's being bossy or childish. They've sacrificed all along and she's tired of it. "Noah, you can get a full time job, and Hannah...There are schools and suburbs. We could get a house and...I just really want you with me."
"I can't just pull Hannah out of school!"
"It's the summer!" she reminds him seriously. "She could start a new year at a new school and it'd be less of an adjustment."
"Rachel," he sighs, "baby, you know if it was just me, I'd do it."
She feels her heart breaking. "Don't say no," she pleads. "Please don't."
"I can't just decide this shit right now," he tells her. He sounds a little angry and she hates that. She just put everything on the line and asked him to do the one thing they've been talking about since before they even became a real couple, and he's turned her down. She should be the angry one, and she is. "I'd have to sell the house and...Fuck, Rachel, there's legal shit with Hannah and whatever, and..."
"And my dad is a lawyer!"
"Rachel," he says, like a warning. She hates that voice right now and she's so mad at him she could cry. She probably will.
"I didn't think you'd say no. I thought you'd just say yes and tell me we'd figure everything else out," she admits. That's his go-to line, so why isn't he using it the one time she'll actually believe him? "I guess I thought you wanted to be with me as much as I want to be with you."
"Come on," he groans. "Don't fucking pull that insecure bullshit with me."
"Don't make me question..."
"Rachel," he repeats again. He sounds as mad as she's ever heard him. "I'm hanging up before we say shit."
"Don't. Don't hang up," she tells him. "Why are we fighting about this?" She sighs and wipes her eyes. "It's what we both want, isn't it? So why are we fighting?"
"It's not as easy for me as it is for you," he explains. She understands that. She really does. That doesn't mean he should just not even bother trying.
"It doesn't really feel all that easy to me right now," she says quietly. He lets out another groan, and she's so mad and disappointed that she can't even talk to him anymore right now. "I have to go. I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to my fathers. I haven't told them yet."
"Don't go."
"Goodbye."
She rarely ends their phone calls like that, so formally, with no affection. She's just having a hard time being anything but heartbroken right now.
... ... ...
If there was some kind of award for being a big fucking idiot, he'd win it. As soon as she's practically hung up on him, he realizes what a stupid asshole he's being and how fucking hurt she must be feeling. She should be nothing but happy right now, and she deserves that, and he fucked it up for her. He's the one guy who's supposed to make her feel good all the time, and he just made her so upset that she won't even answer when he calls her back.
But he's still thinking about it an hour later, and he thinks it would actually be pretty easy to move to Chicago. He's always liked it there, even though he's only been a couple times. Whatever. It's nice, and he knows there are tons of good neighbourhoods. He could probably talk to his boss at work and see if the guy knows of any clinics there where Puck could get a job, and he knows his boss would give him a reference and help him out. The house would sell easily enough. He had to have it appraised after his mom died, for legal stuff and whatever, and damn, all he really has to do is make sure Hannah won't have a fucking tantrum over leaving Lima, and they're good to go. He just needs to know whether or not he can leave the state with her or whatever, and he knows someone who can figure all that shit out for him.
So he texts Rachel right away.
Tell your dads now or I will.
He gives it a day and a half. Rachel still won't answer his calls, which he kind of thinks he deserves or something, as much as it pisses him off. After two days, though, he walks into her house and he can immediately tell that her dad knows what's going on between the two of them. Rachel practically tells them everything, and shit has been tense lately.
"How is she?" is the first thing he asks, because he knows Mark probably knows they haven't been talking.
Her dad sighs and leans back in his chair at his desk in his office. "I don't think even she knows."
"We're not breaking up," Puck says, like it's a fact. In his mind it is one. He's actively trying to make sure of it. Mark smiles a little bit. "I need to talk about Hannah."
Mark smiles even wider and they spend the next two hours talking about Ohio state laws and all the stuff Puck doesn't really get at all. He knows Mark wouldn't steer him wrong, though. By the end of it they learn that since Puck has sole guardianship over Hannah he can basically take her wherever he goes.
He's going to Chicago.
He talks to Hannah about it and she freaks out. It's not even really in a bad way. She's just excited. It's weird, since he thought she'd cry her face off over leaving this Ephram kid, but she basically looks at him like he's nuts when he mentions that.
"I'm 14. He's just a guy. It's not like I'm gonna marry him," she says, and as he's laughing she asks, "Can I have my own bathroom in Chicago?"
So he's thinking she's on board with the whole thing.
He spends all night calling Rachel. Seriously, he calls until she answers, which takes about two hours. He almost starts feeling like a creep about it, but then he hears her voice and she's almost laughing, so he doesn't give a fuck.
"My god, Noah. I was in a dance class. Did you really need to call 30 times?"
"Well!" he shouts. He probably shouldn't yell at her. "I dunno. You've been ignoring me for fucking ever, so I figured I'd just call until I annoyed the fuck out of you and you answered."
"I'm still mad at you," she says. She's giving him attitude and it's kind of hot, but he thinks better of mentioning it. It'd probably wear her down a little bit, but he's got another way right now.
"Guess what I did today?" he says, grinning.
She sighs like he annoys her. "What did you do today?"
In a way it's kind of good that she's acting like she doesn't care, because when he tells her she's going to lose her shit and it'll be awesome.
"I put the house up for sale."
She doesn't make a sound and for a minute he worries he's given her a heart attack or something. And she's kinda making him nervous, because she should be screaming and telling him how awesome he is. At least that's how it played out in his head.
"Are you serious?" she asks calmly.
"Yeah," he tells her. "And I have a realtor in Chicago."
"Noah," she whispers. She sounds like she's all in disbelief and stuff, and he thinks that's kind of dumb of her.
"Fuck, Rachel, are you that surprised?" he laughs.
"After the other day, I thought...I didn't know what was going to happen." He can hear her starting to cry. Perfect. "I didn't think we were breaking up, but I thought it was going to be so tense, and...Are you really going to come?"
"Yeah," he says quietly. He ignores all the jokes in his head and just stays real with her, because this is a serious conversation and he owes it to her to keep it that way. "Sorry I was a jerk."
"I don't even care," she says, and he can hear the excitement growing in her voice. "What about Hannah?"
He laughs. "Oh, she's totally down with this. She's excited, actually." She lets out a tearful laugh, and he wants to tell her everything he's done in two days. Done for them. "I talked to my boss, too. I gave my notice and he's talking to some people. I don't know about the house and stuff, but as long as we're in Chicago before Hannah has to start school, we'll..."
"Stop," she says tearfully. He's kinda confused by that. "Just...This is overwhelming, and I can't...We're actually going to be together."
"Fuck yeah, baby. I can't wait."
She laughs and he doesn't want to go so long without hearing that laugh ever again.
He's a pussy and he knows it, but he doesn't care one bit.
He hears her sniffle and then laugh a little more. Fuck, she's cute and he wants her here right now. He's trying to imagine being with her every day. He's been trying to imagine it for a while, and it's hard even though he wants it so bad. He's never really had it and it's hard to think of what it'll be like to come home to her or wake up with her or...
"I'm not mad at you anymore."
Yeah, he didn't really think she would be.
...Chapter 13...