Made Up Mind
Title: Made Up Mind
Character: Puck/Rachel
Summary: He was totally okay when he thought he didn't really know anyone else going on this trip. But now that Rachel's here, that's all shot to hell, 'cause she knows him, okay? She fucking knows him, and he can't pretend around her that he's got any better prospects than this.
Word Count: 6,261
Disclaimer: Don't own.
"You've gotta be kidding me."
"Be nice," his mom growls, nudging him forward with her elbow in his side, as if that'll make him any fucking happier to be standing outside this short bus on a fucking Saturday morning in the McKinley parking lot.
And that's not even the worst part.
Rachel Berry is walking up with her stupid pink suitcase, and like, couldn't anybody drive her? She's walked all the way here? It's like three miles. Maybe not. He doesn't know. He just knows her two dads have three cars between them and there's no way Rachel should be fucking around walking with luggage.
(For a three day trip, might he add, but whatever.)
He was totally okay when he thought he didn't really know anyone else going on this trip. And yeah, his is sorta more or less court mandated (and one hundred fucking per cent mom mandated). There're like 12 of them getting on this bus and driving a few hours to West Virginia to look at some colleges and whatever. He recognizes the people milling around waiting for their chaperone (Mr. Cliff, who asks everyone to call him Phil, which no one does). Like, there's the kid who was in his freshman gym class and is literally the best dodgeball player Puck's ever seen, and the quiet girl from his homeroom who he knows missed half of last semester because of a car accident that like, broke her neck.
The thing is, when it was just these people he barely knows, he could walk around and act like he didn't give a fuck and didn't have to be looking at these schools no one's actually ever heard of. That was his plan, anyway. But now that Rachel's here, that's all shot to hell, 'cause she knows him, okay? She fucking knows him, and he can't pretend around her that he's got any better prospects than this. She'll see through all his bullshit and constantly remind him to pay attention and take this seriously. Which, fine, is probably a good thing.
It just doesn't explain why she's here.
He turns to his mom, crosses his arms and narrows his eyes.
"Did you do this?"
"Oh, for Pete's sake, Noah," she says, exhausted, and pins him with a glare that's slightly terrifying. "I can't control what other people do."
"Not for lack of trying," he mumbles, and she tilts her head, and abort mission, that's what she does when she's real fucking sick of his shit.
"I barely know Rachel."
Rachel, who's leaving her suitcase with the rest of the bags. Because everyone else recognized that you need one pair of pants and three shirts for this length of trip and didn't empty their closet into a fucking station wagon sized…
Okay he's really gotta just go with it, 'cause he knows they'll end up talking and stuff, and there's nothing he can do about it. Other than jump from a moving vehicle, but shit, she's not that bad.
It's just…She's loud and annoying and they kind of have this weird relationship, 'cause she doesn't understand like, social queues, and he doesn't think before he talks. That combination of stuff is horrendous and means they piss each other off most of the time. The rest of the time, they just totally get each other, and that honestly scares the bejeezus out of him. Not because he doesn't want people to understand him, but because he can't figure out why it's her who sees past all that shit.
He says goodbye to his mom and helps Mr. Cliff load up the bags 'cause no one else seems like they're going to and the guy's not in the best shape and looks like he might have a stroke or something if he lifts all this shit himself. He thanks Puck and pats him on the back, so whatever, they're off to a good start. He's not dumb enough to think he'll be able to get up to any shit on this trip, 'cause it's a small group and he knows damn well his mom's gonna have like, a pop quiz for him as soon as she picks him up Monday night.
Rachel's sitting at the front of the bus and he's the last one on, so he ends up sitting in the seat behind her, leaning over the seat to say, "Hey," because he doesn't want her calling him an asshole or being bratty if he doesn't acknowledge her or whatever.
"Good morning. I didn't know you were coming."
"I'm pretty surprised to see you, too." She almost smiles, then ducks her head, and he's not super comfortable with the seat digging into his arms when he leans like this, but they're like, having a conversation? Maybe? And he's not just gonna bail without ending it somehow. "D'you walk from home? What the hell?"
She looks at him like he's lost his mind or never had one to begin with. "My dad dropped me at the corner. He had to take the car in because the brakes need changing and he's completely paranoid about having me in it at all, let alone going down the hill towards the school. So," she says, and Puck's just trying to keep up, "I walked about 300 feet. You just weren't paying attention."
"Oh." Well, he'd feel dumb, but how would he have known? "Probably distracted by mom like telling me to be on my best behaviour."
Rachel giggles a little bit and gives him a look. "I'm not sure I'd even know what that looks like."
Puck smirks. "Me neither." She pushes her hair behind her ear and reaches for her iPod, so he thinks she wants to be left to that, but he's got more questions. "Why're you coming?"
She sighs and sort of glares at him, but whatever. "Against my will also. My fathers are terrified because I haven't gone to see any schools. They signed me up, without my knowledge, for the next available school-sanctioned trip. It's absolutely ridiculous. Why on God's Earth would I pick any of these schools? I've never even heard of two of them!"
When she's done her little tirade, Puck's fists are clenched and he grinds his teeth a bit. God, she's fucking unbelievable. And the kid sitting the next seat over just heard all that and looks like he feels like shit about it, too.
So Puck just says, "Yeah," and sits back in his seat, lets her put on her music and, honestly, wishes she wasn't even here.
… … …
The first school they stop at is like barely a step above a community college, but the first girl he sees is seriously hot, so he's already paying more attention than he thought he would today. Nathan (who Puck calls Dodge, and he can tell the guy loves it) is walking next to him, and Puck doesn't even mind if they sort of stick together. It's not like they're friends, but they're easily the two most popular people here, though Puck is definitely way ahead on that scale. The guy's cool and they started talking on the bus, so whatever. At this point he's happy to have someone to talk to so he doesn't have to put up with Rachel and her bitch-face attitude all weekend.
"Oh my god, it's like they let loose all the hot girls when they know high school guys are coming," Dodge says, and Puck's busy looking at this one girl's tits, but yeah, he'd believe that and grunts in agreement.
"I assure you these women are not here to be ogled and degraded by boys who wouldn't know what to do with them even if they did have a chance," Rachel says as she walks by, doesn't even look at them, and Puck glares so hard he thinks he might be able to make her feel it.
"She. is. the. literal. worst," Dodge tells him once Rachel's out of earshot.
And the fucked up thing is that Puck's first instinct is to defend her.
… … …
They're staying in the dorms on campus, 'cause apparently there's just a chunk of rooms reserved for this kind of trip. And Puck isn't a fan of sleeping on a mattress a bunch of other people've slept on. Yeah, he did that in juvie and was hoping to never have to do it again.
These rooms are small as fuck and the only redeeming thing about them is they're singles, so he doesn't have to share with any of these people he doesn't really care to get to know any better. Like, yeah he's cool walking around with Dodge, but that doesn't mean he wants to fucking sleep four feet from the guy.
Rachel's room is two doors down and across the hall from his. He notes it only so he knows where to stay away from.
She's the only one who has her door closed while they all settle in and drop their things before dinner.
… … …
He's stuck sitting next to her at dinner.
And by that he means no one else would go within 10 feet of her and she was sitting alone, and he's not enough of an asshole to just leave her out on a limb. He knows how she feels when that shit happens - she's told him, in the privacy of her bedroom after they made out once and he was actually listening. He doesn't want to sit with her, but he doesn't have it in him to like, make her cry, either.
"You can go sit with your friends," she tells him, and she's not being shitty. She sounds super sad and depressed and she's looking at him, not the menu in her hands.
Puck shrugs his shoulder. "They're not my friends."
Rachel just stares at him, blank expression on her face. "Neither am I, right?"
Yeah, she's never gonna let him live down that day last year when she broke up with him and he only said that to hurt her. He doesn't even think she knows that's what he was doing, is the thing. Seriously, she probably thinks he meant it, and he doesn't actually feel like having that conversation with her, telling her he was just being an asshole and…
Whatever.
"Everything looks terrible," she says when he doesn't reply, and her eyes are on her menu again.
"Yeah, this place is a shithole," he says quietly, leaning across the table. She looks suspicious as to why he's so close. "What? I don't want anyone to hear. Don't want a loogie in my burger."
"God, Noah," she whines, scrunching her nose. She closes her menu and pushes it across the table as though she'll catch a disease just touching it.
She orders a salad with dressing on the side, and he wants to ask her about like, protein or any sort of thing that's gonna like, fill her up. But she's a big girl and her eating habits are none of his fucking business, to be honest. And fuck, when the food comes hers looks about 10 times better than his burger and fries anyway. She drizzles dressing over it and takes a bite, and he can't help himself after a bit, spears a piece of lettuce and a dried cranberry with his fork and pushes it into his mouth. She just smiles back at him, and fuck, he absolutely hates how much he likes the way she looks when she does that. It's like, a legitimate weakness for him. She could ask him to rob a bank for her right now and he'd probably start drawing up plans.
Honestly, it'd be so much more convenient if he felt that shit about a girl he could actually, you know, tolerate for longer stretches of time.
Mr. Cliff tells them they can explore campus all they want, that curfew is 10:00 and room/door checks are at 10:30. They're doing the thing where he puts a piece of tape across their doors on the outside so he can tell if someone sneaks out 'cause the tape'll be broken. Whatever. Puck's got no intentions of fucking around, 'cause the first person who'd find out would be his mom, and he's already living a life of misery at home and doesn't need her to up her pain-in-the-ass-mom game.
"Gosh, you'd think some of them have never left Lima before," Rachel says, sort of joking, as he walks with her a bit behind the rest of the group. Everyone else is being loud and joking and doing what most kids do when they're given freedom away from parents and chaperones.
Puck reminds her, "Maybe they haven't," and Rachel thinks about that for a moment, then nods, and he feels good knowing he might've made her see something she couldn't before.
"I just…I can't imagine that," she admits quietly, and he's trying not to jump to a judgement and say she's being shitty, but he really thinks that's where this is heading. "I can't imagine this being my big dream."
She gestures to the campus buildings around them, and yeah, they aren't exactly pretty. It's like a typical place that was built in the 70's and could use upgrading but isn't bad enough for that yet. Everything's pretty like, institutional, and Puck can't say he's super jazzed about this place, either. But he's also not in any position to judge anyone for going to college, 'cause he doesn't even know at this point if he could get in anywhere.
He doesn't say anything. And because it's Rachel and she can't read people like normal human beings can, she just thinks that means she should keep talking.
"I just don't want to be here." Puck rolls his eyes and bites his tongue. "I'm going to New York. I understand my dads' logic, but if they want me to visit schools, they should send me there, not to some place where the best I can earn is a certificate in paralegal studies."
Puck's fucking had it. Seriously. Like, he fucking knows all that and she didn't even have to say it. She's just so goddamn selfish that she can't keep that shit to herself. She's gotta let everyone know exactly what she's thinking, whether they want to hear it or not. He's just so fucking sick of hearing people talk shit all the time. If he fucking wanted that, he would've suggested they have glee club rehearsals all weekend instead of coming on this trip. Lord knows no one in that group knows how not to be a prick to the others.
"Look, princess, some of us don't have your money and your talent," he says, and Rachel stops and looks at him like he's crazy. Which is fucking backwards if you ask him. "We need the subpar shitty schools you don't even want to know the names of. So quit shitting all over everything and think about someone else for a change. Snot."
He can tell as soon as he's finished that she's about to start crying, and shit, that really wasn't what he was going for. But she's spent the whole day acting like this whole trip is for losers and she's too good for it, and he just wants her to cut it the fuck out.
But if she starts to cry in front of him, he's gonna be apologizing and they're gonna have to have a conversation about things, and frankly, he doesn't have the energy for that right now. So he just turns around and starts jogging to catch up with the group.
(He knows, though, that she walks behind them all the way back to the dorms, then stays in her room when the rest of them go out to get frozen yoghurt at the place they saw earlier. He doesn't want her to come. She'd probably lecture them all on the horrors of the milk production industry or some shit and make everyone puke. So fuck it. He leaves her alone.)
… … …
When she walks into the dining hall in the morning, she looks hotter than he's ever seen her. Seriously. Legitimately. Not even exaggerating. She's got on jeans and a black v-neck tee shirt, her hair down and curled a bit like the last time they sang together, and just…
Look, he's never denied that he's attracted to her.
She gets a bowl of cereal and some orange juice - which is surprising 'cause she once told him about sugar and acid and whatever else and said the stuff is like drinking poison - and sits down alone, and like, she's her own worst enemy, you know? She just assumes everyone hates her, so she isolates herself, then people think she's weird and don't wanna be around her 'cause they think she's either a bitch or a weirdo or just plain wants to be left alone.
He sits down across from her with his plate of bacon, scrambled eggs and toast, puts his coffee down and waits for her to say something or look at him. She does neither.
After he takes a few bites of (mediocre) eggs, he sighs and washes them down with coffee, then looks right at her.
"Really? Not gonna talk to me?" Yep. Ignored. "All right. I'm good at the silent game. I got a little sister who pulls this shit all the time. I can talk about just about anything. For a long time."
"Stop it, Noah," she says, sounding exhausted. "I don't feel like socializing." Puck scoffs and looks at her like he sees right through that load of bullshit. "I can't say I'm having the most fun."
"You're not trying," he shoots back, and Rachel just stares, looking like she sort of wants to hit him, not that she ever would. "Seriously, we had fun last night, and you were locked in your room."
"And I wonder why that was," she hisses back, leaning forward, like not raising their voices is going to hide the fact that they're fighting. Or disagreeing. Whatever's happening. "You were…You were mean."
"Only 'cause you were mean first!"
"Shh!" She looks around, like even one of these college students up for early classes gives a fuck about these two high school kids. "Of all the things you've ever said and done to me…"
"Oh, come on," he groans, narrowing his eyes at her. "Are we really bringing up that shit now."
"It's just an interesting track record," she says, then literally sips her tea like she's winning. Which. What the fuck. She's not. "You lash out at me when you…"
"Don't," he says lowly.
She stops.
Seriously, he doesn't lash out at her. He's been in counselling and he fucking knows that's not what it is. The fact that she thinks his shit has anything to do with her sort of pisses him off, and he's just not about to let her think he's proving her right. He takes a deep breath and thinks about what he's gonna say.
"Look, everyone and their fucking mother knows you're going to New York." She just looks at him, as if she's thankful he understands and knows that. "But I'm not. Dodge isn't. Clarissa isn't."
Rachel's eyes go all soft like they do when he does something awesome. He has no idea what he's done this time. Last time, he sang a line exactly how she'd told him to. Yeah, he remembers some shit, okay? Fuck.
"You've learned everyone's names?" She stirs the milk in the bottom of her bowl. He figures she's not gonna drink it.
"There're like 13 people," he says, confused. It's not hard to keep track of 'em.
Rachel shrugs her shoulder slowly, looks back up at him. "It's nice." She pauses, lets out a little laugh, and Puck wishes he knew how she goes from angry to laughing so quick. Really, he just wishes he knew how to do that without doing something mean or stupid, usually at someone else's expense. "You're nicer than I am."
He doesn't really want to believe that might be true.
"Yeah. Right."
Rachel tilts her head, then looks down the table at everyone else. "Will you help me integrate into the group?"
Puck just rolls his eyes. Jesus Christ, it's high school. All she has to do is stop being an asshole to them and they won't care. Well, stop being an asshole and stop being annoying. He's pretty sure the second thing'll be harder than the first.
"Will you like, say half the amount of words you usually say, and at least pretend like these schools aren't hell on Earth?"
She looks like she wants to be pissed, but nods her head and steals a triangle of his toast. "I'll certainly try."
"Ah, ah, ah," he says, pointing his fork at her. "Just say 'yes, Puck.'"
Well, fuck. Yeah, he's…Let's just say he's heard her say it before when the situation was super different, and he'd fucking love a repeat of that moment.
She blinks at him from across the table, takes a tiny nibble of toast, and says, "Yes, Noah," like she can fucking read his mind.
He doesn't know what the hell she's trying to do to him.
… … …
On the bus from the first school to the next, she says something so funny it makes Dodge spit orange juice into his hand. Seriously. It's fucking hilarious and the guy just looks at Puck like he wants to ask if this is the same girl from yesterday or if she was lobotomized in the night.
It's just the Power of Puck, really.
She's sitting next to him and her hand bumps against his, and when she pulls it away, she looks anywhere but at him, then backs up on the seat so it's her ass he's touching. He nearly pulls his hand away like he's the one doing something wrong, but he doesn't want to call attention to it or to make her think he doesn't want to touch her ass, so he just leaves it be.
Better than he got when they were dating, to be honest.
… … …
"What was that back there?" he asks during their guided tour. He hasn't had a chance to bring it up when there weren't other people too close.
"Shh. I'm listening."
Puck snorts. "You don't give a fuck. Are you flirting with me?"
She looks mad when she finally glances over at him. "If you have to ask, perhaps you're not even sure what you're looking for."
Then her hand shoots up and the tour guide (aka: ultra nerd) calls on her and she's asking some shit about green spaces on campus and Puck is just…Who fucking cares? He knows for damn sure she doesn't.
… … …
They get split up because of sports, as if Puck's good enough at any of them to play at a school. And like, he's not an idiot. He knows that if he were going to be scouted and given an offer to play, it would have happened by now. But Mr. Cliff said something to the guide about Puck being good at football and then he's being pulled away from the group so someone can show him the Athletics facilities, which are, to be honest, like, barely better than what they have at McKinley. Sue might be crazy as fuck, but she prioritizes health and fitness. Or she just doesn't want to see chunky people. That's what he's heard her say anyway.
Anyway, this guy Felix is showing him the locker room and Puck's just going with it. Fuck, if showing a little interest means maybe he can talk to coach and see...He doesn't want to get his hopes up but he can't help it if he's thinking getting money from some shitty school to play on a terrible team is better than having to pay for college totally out of pocket.
"Got a girlfriend?"
Puck knows he's fucked when he thinks of Rachel immediately. Totally fucked.
"No."
Felix gets this creepy as shit smirk on his face. "'S'good. We got cheerleaders."
Puck scoffs. He's so done with cheerleaders, to be honest. Not saying he'd never go there again, but man, so much drama. And the ones he's been with have been so goddamn fickle and downright mean, you can't blame a guy for looking elsewhere. He's pretty sure Felix says the same shit to everyone, too, and like. Puck's just not here for being lumped in with the crowd, you know?
"Who's the hot brunette you were talking to? She single?"
Yeah, Puck fucking hates this guy.
"No," Puck lies. It's pretty damn easy to do, too. Now he wishes he'd said he had a girlfriend, 'cause he could've said she was his girl and...
Seriously, this is stupid. Fucking yesterday he didn't give a shit what she did. Today he's pissed that other guys are looking at her.
If Felix says anything gross about her, Puck can't promise he won't punch the guy in his already-previously-broken nose.
"Too bad. She's like..."
Puck stops listening, cause he can't afford to get into a fight, and then interrupts anyway and asks about game attendance (which is pretty much pathetic) and coaching staff (no one he's ever heard of).
When he gets back to the group, Rachel bounces over to him, links her arm through his and smiles at him.
"In your absence, I only asked two questions, and tried really rather hard not to offend anyone in the process." Puck chuckles and looks down at her. "I almost succeeded. You should be proud."
He fucking is? Is that possible?
"Whatever, Rachel. Maybe someday you'll be able to open your mouth without making someone cringe."
He thinks he's gone too far, especially since he's mostly dicking with her, but she shrugs her shoulder and it doesn't really seem to bother her. Or if it does, she's choosing not to let on. Fuck, he hopes that's not what's happening.
"Baby steps."
He laughs louder than he wants to, shakes his head and pulls his arm away from her. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and like, two minutes later she's holding onto him again, so yeah. He's kind of fucking confused. He wants her, but he doesn't want to want her, but he wants her to want him.
After a minute or so of walking in silence, the group ahead of them again - and he doesn't even understand how that keeps happening - Rachel lets out this quiet breath and her fingertips dig into his arms a little bit.
"I don't want to go here."
Puck sort of grunts and pulls her closer, slips his arm around her shoulder and smiles to himself when she puts hers around his waist.
"No shit. Me neither."
Rachel stops walking and grabs his hand so he turns to face her. She's got this worried, desperate look on her face, and he knows from like, history and shit that when she makes this face it's fucking serious. At least to her. And he usually goes along with whatever it is she's gonna say. Which is also terrifying.
"So let's not," she says, and it's like she's begging him.
And he likes that this is like, something they're doing together. He likes it enough that he just nods his head and puts his arms around her when she leans against his chest. It's fucking dramatic and a bit dumb, but whatever. She's scared of not making New York happen, and he's trying to reassure her or whatever. Fuck, it's not like he's seen anything here that makes him want to come, so it's not killing him to say he won't apply either and they can be together in that.
"C'mon. I'm starving and I saw a Chipotle when we were driving onto campus. I could slay a burrito bowl."
Rachel laughs a little bit and pulls away from him, and he can tell as they start walking that she was this close to crying when he broke the tension. Thank god.
… … …
The problem isn't that Rachel's like…fucking…hot? It's that Dodge is apparently more charming than he looks and convinced this woman to buy him a bottle of SoCo. And like, this is fucking dumb and could get them both into huge shit, and Puck doesn't want to know what his mom'll do to him if he gets kicked off this trip, or like, refused entry to any schools or whatever 'cause of underage drinking.
But. Well. Alcohol.
SoCo isn't even good, it's just there, and Dodge is generous enough to share with Puck, this guy Brandon, and Rachel. Well, he offers some to Rachel but she says no. Which makes sense completely. Puck like can't even picture her drinking.
Anyway, they're stupid enough to do this shit in Puck's room, but Mr. Cliff is turning out to be like, the most laid back chaperone ever, and he actually made some comment about how he really only took this trip to have some time away from his house while his wife's sister was in town or some shit.
Really Puck just knows that the guy hasn't actually knocked on any doors, and if he had, Puck would've heard about it.
But. Yeah. Rachel being hot. That's this thing Puck's noticing like, all the time. Plus, she's wearing jeans and a white tee shirt and her boobs look awesome. So he's got that to deal with, too.
"How did I end up with all the boys?" Rachel asks after Brandon belches, which is actually a bit gross even to Puck. She doesn't really seem bothered. Or Puck's just buzzed enough to have missed it.
"Luck," Puck says, and Dodge just laughs.
"Hardly." Rachel turns up her nose and shakes her head again when Brandon offers the bottle to her for the third time.
"You're always with guys," Brandon says, and Rachel looks at him like he's insane. "I mean 'cause your dads…"
"Dude," Puck says gruffly. "If you're about to be shitty, you can get the fuck out."
No, he's not gonna look at Rachel and see her reaction to that. It's like, not even all about her. Puck's just not down for people being idiots about stuff like that. As far as he's concerned, sleep with whoever you want to sleep with. None of his business.
"No, whatever. It's not even like that," Brandon says dismissively, brows scrunched a bit, as if to say that wasn't where he was going with that sentence. "I'm just saying."
"Maybe." Rachel shrugs her shoulder and takes another sip of water from her pink plastic water bottle. "Anyway, I don't think the girls like me very much."
None of the guys say anything. Puck hopes neither Dodge nor Brandon says what they're all definitely thinking.
Dodge takes a pull off the bottle - there's probably only like four sips left for each of them - and hands it to Puck. "I mean, you're kind of a bitch."
Fuck. That's definitely not what Puck was thinking. Rachel's just sitting there with a blank look on her face. She obviously (obvious to Puck) can't believe Dodge just said that.
"Excuse me?"
"Seriously," Dodge says again, then leans forward - closer to her - and looks right at her. Puck thinks the guy isn't necessarily trying to be an asshole. He's probably just gonna say some of the same shit Puck's already said. "You come off stuck up, even if you aren't. Like, it takes so long to get to this part, you know?"
Rachel asks, "What part?" timidly, and Puck's like, this close to fucking hugging her. Goddammit this girl brings a lot of shit on herself, yeah, but she also gets a lot she doesn't deserve.
"You're fun," Dodge says, smiling and shrugging his shoulder. "And when you let other people talk, it's like, cool to be around you."
Rachel looks at him like this is the biggest compliment she's ever received (and hello, it isn't, 'cause Puck's definitely say way better shit to her). "Thank you, Nathan."
Nathan touches her knee and must see the look on Puck's face, 'cause he pulls it away quickly and leans back in his chair again.
Right. This is the part where her being hot really comes into play.
He wants to be alone with her.
When the fuck did that start up again?
… … …
"The thing is," he says to her, sitting down on the grass next to where she's reading on the quad of the last school of their trip.
Shit. He's distracted by the way she looks over at him and has this little smile playing at her lips. She's just listening. Like, she's not interrupting or rolling her eyes or being shitty. She actually gives a shit about the words that come out of his mouth. Fucked up as it is, she might be the only person in his life who actually does it, and he didn't realize it until just this moment.
"The thing is?"
He clears his throat and tries to focus. "Maybe I don't wanna go to school."
Rachel's eyes widen a bit, but not enough for him to think she's actually surprised. So that's weird. It's actually like she's concerned or something. "Do you really think your mom is going to be okay with that?"
Puck looks down, knees bent and elbows resting on them. "No."
"What are you going to do, then?"
"I dunno." He throws on a smirk because he doesn't want to think about shit and seeing her laugh would be better. "Think there's anything for me in New York?"
Rachel smiles all pretty and tilts her head to the side. "Noah, there's something for you anywhere you want to go."
She didn't laugh.
Shit.
She actually believes that.
… … …
She sits with him on the bus ride home. It's like, six hours and they're late leaving, 'cause somehow no one thought to add time for eating food. And Mr. Cliff doesn't want to get fast food, so they stop at a restaurant before leaving the city.
Puck can tell Rachel's tired when it starts getting a bit darker out, but the sun's in Puck's eyes basically the whole way, so he turns to look at her. She's just like, really pretty, and he'd tell her that, but she either wouldn't believe him or she'd ask what his motives are.
"I'm gonna fall asleep," she says, sort of laughing at herself. "You should keep me up."
He looks at her like she's nuts. "Why don't you just sleep?"
She sort of bats her lashes at him and then rubs her lips together a bit. "I don't have a pillow."
When she glances at his shoulder, he almost wants to laugh, but he just takes a deep breath and holds his arm out for her, and she smiles and leans over, cuddles up next to him and slips her feet out of her shoes.
"Thanks, Noah."
He says, "Mhm," and tips his head back, looks out the window and watches the sun go down.
… … …
His mom's not in the parking lot when the bus pulls up, but he's not surprised about that, either. He'd texted to let her know the bus was getting in late, and she said she took an extra shift and couldn't pick him up at the new time. Which is fine, 'cause it's not like he doesn't have two good legs and a house key. He grabs his things off the bus and says goodbye to Nathan and Brandon, who he thinks he might actually like, be friends with now. Rachel got off the bus before him and her dads practically crushed her into hugs like they hadn't seen her in months.
He's just started walking across the parking lot in the direction of his house - it's like a half hour walk, and he actually doesn't hate the thought of being alone for a bit after being around everyone else.
"Noah!" he hears behind him, and turns around to see Rachel jogging towards him.
"What's up?"
"Can we give you a ride?" she offers, and he looks over her shoulder to see her dads waiting in the car, lights on and engine running.
"Nah." He hitches his backpack up over his shoulder and looks at her. "I'm gonna walk."
"Okay." He's kind of just standing there looking at her, 'cause he figures there's more. "Would you like to hang out sometime?" she asks, and it's not even like, super eager or weird. She's just asking like she's genuinely curious. Also like she already knows the answer.
"Yeah," he says. "I mean, sure, whatever." She rolls her eyes and he smiles at her. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
Rachel nods, says, "Bye," and takes a step backwards, which is hotter than it should be, if you ask him. This big smile breaks on her face right before she turns around, and Puck takes a deep breath and starts walking again. No, he doesn't know what the hell's gonna happen with her, or school, or pretty much anything. But when he looks over his shoulder, he sees her all backlit in the headlights of her dads' car, and he's starting to think figuring it all out might actually not be the worst thing.
Character: Puck/Rachel
Summary: He was totally okay when he thought he didn't really know anyone else going on this trip. But now that Rachel's here, that's all shot to hell, 'cause she knows him, okay? She fucking knows him, and he can't pretend around her that he's got any better prospects than this.
Word Count: 6,261
Disclaimer: Don't own.
"You've gotta be kidding me."
"Be nice," his mom growls, nudging him forward with her elbow in his side, as if that'll make him any fucking happier to be standing outside this short bus on a fucking Saturday morning in the McKinley parking lot.
And that's not even the worst part.
Rachel Berry is walking up with her stupid pink suitcase, and like, couldn't anybody drive her? She's walked all the way here? It's like three miles. Maybe not. He doesn't know. He just knows her two dads have three cars between them and there's no way Rachel should be fucking around walking with luggage.
(For a three day trip, might he add, but whatever.)
He was totally okay when he thought he didn't really know anyone else going on this trip. And yeah, his is sorta more or less court mandated (and one hundred fucking per cent mom mandated). There're like 12 of them getting on this bus and driving a few hours to West Virginia to look at some colleges and whatever. He recognizes the people milling around waiting for their chaperone (Mr. Cliff, who asks everyone to call him Phil, which no one does). Like, there's the kid who was in his freshman gym class and is literally the best dodgeball player Puck's ever seen, and the quiet girl from his homeroom who he knows missed half of last semester because of a car accident that like, broke her neck.
The thing is, when it was just these people he barely knows, he could walk around and act like he didn't give a fuck and didn't have to be looking at these schools no one's actually ever heard of. That was his plan, anyway. But now that Rachel's here, that's all shot to hell, 'cause she knows him, okay? She fucking knows him, and he can't pretend around her that he's got any better prospects than this. She'll see through all his bullshit and constantly remind him to pay attention and take this seriously. Which, fine, is probably a good thing.
It just doesn't explain why she's here.
He turns to his mom, crosses his arms and narrows his eyes.
"Did you do this?"
"Oh, for Pete's sake, Noah," she says, exhausted, and pins him with a glare that's slightly terrifying. "I can't control what other people do."
"Not for lack of trying," he mumbles, and she tilts her head, and abort mission, that's what she does when she's real fucking sick of his shit.
"I barely know Rachel."
Rachel, who's leaving her suitcase with the rest of the bags. Because everyone else recognized that you need one pair of pants and three shirts for this length of trip and didn't empty their closet into a fucking station wagon sized…
Okay he's really gotta just go with it, 'cause he knows they'll end up talking and stuff, and there's nothing he can do about it. Other than jump from a moving vehicle, but shit, she's not that bad.
It's just…She's loud and annoying and they kind of have this weird relationship, 'cause she doesn't understand like, social queues, and he doesn't think before he talks. That combination of stuff is horrendous and means they piss each other off most of the time. The rest of the time, they just totally get each other, and that honestly scares the bejeezus out of him. Not because he doesn't want people to understand him, but because he can't figure out why it's her who sees past all that shit.
He says goodbye to his mom and helps Mr. Cliff load up the bags 'cause no one else seems like they're going to and the guy's not in the best shape and looks like he might have a stroke or something if he lifts all this shit himself. He thanks Puck and pats him on the back, so whatever, they're off to a good start. He's not dumb enough to think he'll be able to get up to any shit on this trip, 'cause it's a small group and he knows damn well his mom's gonna have like, a pop quiz for him as soon as she picks him up Monday night.
Rachel's sitting at the front of the bus and he's the last one on, so he ends up sitting in the seat behind her, leaning over the seat to say, "Hey," because he doesn't want her calling him an asshole or being bratty if he doesn't acknowledge her or whatever.
"Good morning. I didn't know you were coming."
"I'm pretty surprised to see you, too." She almost smiles, then ducks her head, and he's not super comfortable with the seat digging into his arms when he leans like this, but they're like, having a conversation? Maybe? And he's not just gonna bail without ending it somehow. "D'you walk from home? What the hell?"
She looks at him like he's lost his mind or never had one to begin with. "My dad dropped me at the corner. He had to take the car in because the brakes need changing and he's completely paranoid about having me in it at all, let alone going down the hill towards the school. So," she says, and Puck's just trying to keep up, "I walked about 300 feet. You just weren't paying attention."
"Oh." Well, he'd feel dumb, but how would he have known? "Probably distracted by mom like telling me to be on my best behaviour."
Rachel giggles a little bit and gives him a look. "I'm not sure I'd even know what that looks like."
Puck smirks. "Me neither." She pushes her hair behind her ear and reaches for her iPod, so he thinks she wants to be left to that, but he's got more questions. "Why're you coming?"
She sighs and sort of glares at him, but whatever. "Against my will also. My fathers are terrified because I haven't gone to see any schools. They signed me up, without my knowledge, for the next available school-sanctioned trip. It's absolutely ridiculous. Why on God's Earth would I pick any of these schools? I've never even heard of two of them!"
When she's done her little tirade, Puck's fists are clenched and he grinds his teeth a bit. God, she's fucking unbelievable. And the kid sitting the next seat over just heard all that and looks like he feels like shit about it, too.
So Puck just says, "Yeah," and sits back in his seat, lets her put on her music and, honestly, wishes she wasn't even here.
… … …
The first school they stop at is like barely a step above a community college, but the first girl he sees is seriously hot, so he's already paying more attention than he thought he would today. Nathan (who Puck calls Dodge, and he can tell the guy loves it) is walking next to him, and Puck doesn't even mind if they sort of stick together. It's not like they're friends, but they're easily the two most popular people here, though Puck is definitely way ahead on that scale. The guy's cool and they started talking on the bus, so whatever. At this point he's happy to have someone to talk to so he doesn't have to put up with Rachel and her bitch-face attitude all weekend.
"Oh my god, it's like they let loose all the hot girls when they know high school guys are coming," Dodge says, and Puck's busy looking at this one girl's tits, but yeah, he'd believe that and grunts in agreement.
"I assure you these women are not here to be ogled and degraded by boys who wouldn't know what to do with them even if they did have a chance," Rachel says as she walks by, doesn't even look at them, and Puck glares so hard he thinks he might be able to make her feel it.
"She. is. the. literal. worst," Dodge tells him once Rachel's out of earshot.
And the fucked up thing is that Puck's first instinct is to defend her.
… … …
They're staying in the dorms on campus, 'cause apparently there's just a chunk of rooms reserved for this kind of trip. And Puck isn't a fan of sleeping on a mattress a bunch of other people've slept on. Yeah, he did that in juvie and was hoping to never have to do it again.
These rooms are small as fuck and the only redeeming thing about them is they're singles, so he doesn't have to share with any of these people he doesn't really care to get to know any better. Like, yeah he's cool walking around with Dodge, but that doesn't mean he wants to fucking sleep four feet from the guy.
Rachel's room is two doors down and across the hall from his. He notes it only so he knows where to stay away from.
She's the only one who has her door closed while they all settle in and drop their things before dinner.
… … …
He's stuck sitting next to her at dinner.
And by that he means no one else would go within 10 feet of her and she was sitting alone, and he's not enough of an asshole to just leave her out on a limb. He knows how she feels when that shit happens - she's told him, in the privacy of her bedroom after they made out once and he was actually listening. He doesn't want to sit with her, but he doesn't have it in him to like, make her cry, either.
"You can go sit with your friends," she tells him, and she's not being shitty. She sounds super sad and depressed and she's looking at him, not the menu in her hands.
Puck shrugs his shoulder. "They're not my friends."
Rachel just stares at him, blank expression on her face. "Neither am I, right?"
Yeah, she's never gonna let him live down that day last year when she broke up with him and he only said that to hurt her. He doesn't even think she knows that's what he was doing, is the thing. Seriously, she probably thinks he meant it, and he doesn't actually feel like having that conversation with her, telling her he was just being an asshole and…
Whatever.
"Everything looks terrible," she says when he doesn't reply, and her eyes are on her menu again.
"Yeah, this place is a shithole," he says quietly, leaning across the table. She looks suspicious as to why he's so close. "What? I don't want anyone to hear. Don't want a loogie in my burger."
"God, Noah," she whines, scrunching her nose. She closes her menu and pushes it across the table as though she'll catch a disease just touching it.
She orders a salad with dressing on the side, and he wants to ask her about like, protein or any sort of thing that's gonna like, fill her up. But she's a big girl and her eating habits are none of his fucking business, to be honest. And fuck, when the food comes hers looks about 10 times better than his burger and fries anyway. She drizzles dressing over it and takes a bite, and he can't help himself after a bit, spears a piece of lettuce and a dried cranberry with his fork and pushes it into his mouth. She just smiles back at him, and fuck, he absolutely hates how much he likes the way she looks when she does that. It's like, a legitimate weakness for him. She could ask him to rob a bank for her right now and he'd probably start drawing up plans.
Honestly, it'd be so much more convenient if he felt that shit about a girl he could actually, you know, tolerate for longer stretches of time.
Mr. Cliff tells them they can explore campus all they want, that curfew is 10:00 and room/door checks are at 10:30. They're doing the thing where he puts a piece of tape across their doors on the outside so he can tell if someone sneaks out 'cause the tape'll be broken. Whatever. Puck's got no intentions of fucking around, 'cause the first person who'd find out would be his mom, and he's already living a life of misery at home and doesn't need her to up her pain-in-the-ass-mom game.
"Gosh, you'd think some of them have never left Lima before," Rachel says, sort of joking, as he walks with her a bit behind the rest of the group. Everyone else is being loud and joking and doing what most kids do when they're given freedom away from parents and chaperones.
Puck reminds her, "Maybe they haven't," and Rachel thinks about that for a moment, then nods, and he feels good knowing he might've made her see something she couldn't before.
"I just…I can't imagine that," she admits quietly, and he's trying not to jump to a judgement and say she's being shitty, but he really thinks that's where this is heading. "I can't imagine this being my big dream."
She gestures to the campus buildings around them, and yeah, they aren't exactly pretty. It's like a typical place that was built in the 70's and could use upgrading but isn't bad enough for that yet. Everything's pretty like, institutional, and Puck can't say he's super jazzed about this place, either. But he's also not in any position to judge anyone for going to college, 'cause he doesn't even know at this point if he could get in anywhere.
He doesn't say anything. And because it's Rachel and she can't read people like normal human beings can, she just thinks that means she should keep talking.
"I just don't want to be here." Puck rolls his eyes and bites his tongue. "I'm going to New York. I understand my dads' logic, but if they want me to visit schools, they should send me there, not to some place where the best I can earn is a certificate in paralegal studies."
Puck's fucking had it. Seriously. Like, he fucking knows all that and she didn't even have to say it. She's just so goddamn selfish that she can't keep that shit to herself. She's gotta let everyone know exactly what she's thinking, whether they want to hear it or not. He's just so fucking sick of hearing people talk shit all the time. If he fucking wanted that, he would've suggested they have glee club rehearsals all weekend instead of coming on this trip. Lord knows no one in that group knows how not to be a prick to the others.
"Look, princess, some of us don't have your money and your talent," he says, and Rachel stops and looks at him like he's crazy. Which is fucking backwards if you ask him. "We need the subpar shitty schools you don't even want to know the names of. So quit shitting all over everything and think about someone else for a change. Snot."
He can tell as soon as he's finished that she's about to start crying, and shit, that really wasn't what he was going for. But she's spent the whole day acting like this whole trip is for losers and she's too good for it, and he just wants her to cut it the fuck out.
But if she starts to cry in front of him, he's gonna be apologizing and they're gonna have to have a conversation about things, and frankly, he doesn't have the energy for that right now. So he just turns around and starts jogging to catch up with the group.
(He knows, though, that she walks behind them all the way back to the dorms, then stays in her room when the rest of them go out to get frozen yoghurt at the place they saw earlier. He doesn't want her to come. She'd probably lecture them all on the horrors of the milk production industry or some shit and make everyone puke. So fuck it. He leaves her alone.)
… … …
When she walks into the dining hall in the morning, she looks hotter than he's ever seen her. Seriously. Legitimately. Not even exaggerating. She's got on jeans and a black v-neck tee shirt, her hair down and curled a bit like the last time they sang together, and just…
Look, he's never denied that he's attracted to her.
She gets a bowl of cereal and some orange juice - which is surprising 'cause she once told him about sugar and acid and whatever else and said the stuff is like drinking poison - and sits down alone, and like, she's her own worst enemy, you know? She just assumes everyone hates her, so she isolates herself, then people think she's weird and don't wanna be around her 'cause they think she's either a bitch or a weirdo or just plain wants to be left alone.
He sits down across from her with his plate of bacon, scrambled eggs and toast, puts his coffee down and waits for her to say something or look at him. She does neither.
After he takes a few bites of (mediocre) eggs, he sighs and washes them down with coffee, then looks right at her.
"Really? Not gonna talk to me?" Yep. Ignored. "All right. I'm good at the silent game. I got a little sister who pulls this shit all the time. I can talk about just about anything. For a long time."
"Stop it, Noah," she says, sounding exhausted. "I don't feel like socializing." Puck scoffs and looks at her like he sees right through that load of bullshit. "I can't say I'm having the most fun."
"You're not trying," he shoots back, and Rachel just stares, looking like she sort of wants to hit him, not that she ever would. "Seriously, we had fun last night, and you were locked in your room."
"And I wonder why that was," she hisses back, leaning forward, like not raising their voices is going to hide the fact that they're fighting. Or disagreeing. Whatever's happening. "You were…You were mean."
"Only 'cause you were mean first!"
"Shh!" She looks around, like even one of these college students up for early classes gives a fuck about these two high school kids. "Of all the things you've ever said and done to me…"
"Oh, come on," he groans, narrowing his eyes at her. "Are we really bringing up that shit now."
"It's just an interesting track record," she says, then literally sips her tea like she's winning. Which. What the fuck. She's not. "You lash out at me when you…"
"Don't," he says lowly.
She stops.
Seriously, he doesn't lash out at her. He's been in counselling and he fucking knows that's not what it is. The fact that she thinks his shit has anything to do with her sort of pisses him off, and he's just not about to let her think he's proving her right. He takes a deep breath and thinks about what he's gonna say.
"Look, everyone and their fucking mother knows you're going to New York." She just looks at him, as if she's thankful he understands and knows that. "But I'm not. Dodge isn't. Clarissa isn't."
Rachel's eyes go all soft like they do when he does something awesome. He has no idea what he's done this time. Last time, he sang a line exactly how she'd told him to. Yeah, he remembers some shit, okay? Fuck.
"You've learned everyone's names?" She stirs the milk in the bottom of her bowl. He figures she's not gonna drink it.
"There're like 13 people," he says, confused. It's not hard to keep track of 'em.
Rachel shrugs her shoulder slowly, looks back up at him. "It's nice." She pauses, lets out a little laugh, and Puck wishes he knew how she goes from angry to laughing so quick. Really, he just wishes he knew how to do that without doing something mean or stupid, usually at someone else's expense. "You're nicer than I am."
He doesn't really want to believe that might be true.
"Yeah. Right."
Rachel tilts her head, then looks down the table at everyone else. "Will you help me integrate into the group?"
Puck just rolls his eyes. Jesus Christ, it's high school. All she has to do is stop being an asshole to them and they won't care. Well, stop being an asshole and stop being annoying. He's pretty sure the second thing'll be harder than the first.
"Will you like, say half the amount of words you usually say, and at least pretend like these schools aren't hell on Earth?"
She looks like she wants to be pissed, but nods her head and steals a triangle of his toast. "I'll certainly try."
"Ah, ah, ah," he says, pointing his fork at her. "Just say 'yes, Puck.'"
Well, fuck. Yeah, he's…Let's just say he's heard her say it before when the situation was super different, and he'd fucking love a repeat of that moment.
She blinks at him from across the table, takes a tiny nibble of toast, and says, "Yes, Noah," like she can fucking read his mind.
He doesn't know what the hell she's trying to do to him.
… … …
On the bus from the first school to the next, she says something so funny it makes Dodge spit orange juice into his hand. Seriously. It's fucking hilarious and the guy just looks at Puck like he wants to ask if this is the same girl from yesterday or if she was lobotomized in the night.
It's just the Power of Puck, really.
She's sitting next to him and her hand bumps against his, and when she pulls it away, she looks anywhere but at him, then backs up on the seat so it's her ass he's touching. He nearly pulls his hand away like he's the one doing something wrong, but he doesn't want to call attention to it or to make her think he doesn't want to touch her ass, so he just leaves it be.
Better than he got when they were dating, to be honest.
… … …
"What was that back there?" he asks during their guided tour. He hasn't had a chance to bring it up when there weren't other people too close.
"Shh. I'm listening."
Puck snorts. "You don't give a fuck. Are you flirting with me?"
She looks mad when she finally glances over at him. "If you have to ask, perhaps you're not even sure what you're looking for."
Then her hand shoots up and the tour guide (aka: ultra nerd) calls on her and she's asking some shit about green spaces on campus and Puck is just…Who fucking cares? He knows for damn sure she doesn't.
… … …
They get split up because of sports, as if Puck's good enough at any of them to play at a school. And like, he's not an idiot. He knows that if he were going to be scouted and given an offer to play, it would have happened by now. But Mr. Cliff said something to the guide about Puck being good at football and then he's being pulled away from the group so someone can show him the Athletics facilities, which are, to be honest, like, barely better than what they have at McKinley. Sue might be crazy as fuck, but she prioritizes health and fitness. Or she just doesn't want to see chunky people. That's what he's heard her say anyway.
Anyway, this guy Felix is showing him the locker room and Puck's just going with it. Fuck, if showing a little interest means maybe he can talk to coach and see...He doesn't want to get his hopes up but he can't help it if he's thinking getting money from some shitty school to play on a terrible team is better than having to pay for college totally out of pocket.
"Got a girlfriend?"
Puck knows he's fucked when he thinks of Rachel immediately. Totally fucked.
"No."
Felix gets this creepy as shit smirk on his face. "'S'good. We got cheerleaders."
Puck scoffs. He's so done with cheerleaders, to be honest. Not saying he'd never go there again, but man, so much drama. And the ones he's been with have been so goddamn fickle and downright mean, you can't blame a guy for looking elsewhere. He's pretty sure Felix says the same shit to everyone, too, and like. Puck's just not here for being lumped in with the crowd, you know?
"Who's the hot brunette you were talking to? She single?"
Yeah, Puck fucking hates this guy.
"No," Puck lies. It's pretty damn easy to do, too. Now he wishes he'd said he had a girlfriend, 'cause he could've said she was his girl and...
Seriously, this is stupid. Fucking yesterday he didn't give a shit what she did. Today he's pissed that other guys are looking at her.
If Felix says anything gross about her, Puck can't promise he won't punch the guy in his already-previously-broken nose.
"Too bad. She's like..."
Puck stops listening, cause he can't afford to get into a fight, and then interrupts anyway and asks about game attendance (which is pretty much pathetic) and coaching staff (no one he's ever heard of).
When he gets back to the group, Rachel bounces over to him, links her arm through his and smiles at him.
"In your absence, I only asked two questions, and tried really rather hard not to offend anyone in the process." Puck chuckles and looks down at her. "I almost succeeded. You should be proud."
He fucking is? Is that possible?
"Whatever, Rachel. Maybe someday you'll be able to open your mouth without making someone cringe."
He thinks he's gone too far, especially since he's mostly dicking with her, but she shrugs her shoulder and it doesn't really seem to bother her. Or if it does, she's choosing not to let on. Fuck, he hopes that's not what's happening.
"Baby steps."
He laughs louder than he wants to, shakes his head and pulls his arm away from her. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and like, two minutes later she's holding onto him again, so yeah. He's kind of fucking confused. He wants her, but he doesn't want to want her, but he wants her to want him.
After a minute or so of walking in silence, the group ahead of them again - and he doesn't even understand how that keeps happening - Rachel lets out this quiet breath and her fingertips dig into his arms a little bit.
"I don't want to go here."
Puck sort of grunts and pulls her closer, slips his arm around her shoulder and smiles to himself when she puts hers around his waist.
"No shit. Me neither."
Rachel stops walking and grabs his hand so he turns to face her. She's got this worried, desperate look on her face, and he knows from like, history and shit that when she makes this face it's fucking serious. At least to her. And he usually goes along with whatever it is she's gonna say. Which is also terrifying.
"So let's not," she says, and it's like she's begging him.
And he likes that this is like, something they're doing together. He likes it enough that he just nods his head and puts his arms around her when she leans against his chest. It's fucking dramatic and a bit dumb, but whatever. She's scared of not making New York happen, and he's trying to reassure her or whatever. Fuck, it's not like he's seen anything here that makes him want to come, so it's not killing him to say he won't apply either and they can be together in that.
"C'mon. I'm starving and I saw a Chipotle when we were driving onto campus. I could slay a burrito bowl."
Rachel laughs a little bit and pulls away from him, and he can tell as they start walking that she was this close to crying when he broke the tension. Thank god.
… … …
The problem isn't that Rachel's like…fucking…hot? It's that Dodge is apparently more charming than he looks and convinced this woman to buy him a bottle of SoCo. And like, this is fucking dumb and could get them both into huge shit, and Puck doesn't want to know what his mom'll do to him if he gets kicked off this trip, or like, refused entry to any schools or whatever 'cause of underage drinking.
But. Well. Alcohol.
SoCo isn't even good, it's just there, and Dodge is generous enough to share with Puck, this guy Brandon, and Rachel. Well, he offers some to Rachel but she says no. Which makes sense completely. Puck like can't even picture her drinking.
Anyway, they're stupid enough to do this shit in Puck's room, but Mr. Cliff is turning out to be like, the most laid back chaperone ever, and he actually made some comment about how he really only took this trip to have some time away from his house while his wife's sister was in town or some shit.
Really Puck just knows that the guy hasn't actually knocked on any doors, and if he had, Puck would've heard about it.
But. Yeah. Rachel being hot. That's this thing Puck's noticing like, all the time. Plus, she's wearing jeans and a white tee shirt and her boobs look awesome. So he's got that to deal with, too.
"How did I end up with all the boys?" Rachel asks after Brandon belches, which is actually a bit gross even to Puck. She doesn't really seem bothered. Or Puck's just buzzed enough to have missed it.
"Luck," Puck says, and Dodge just laughs.
"Hardly." Rachel turns up her nose and shakes her head again when Brandon offers the bottle to her for the third time.
"You're always with guys," Brandon says, and Rachel looks at him like he's insane. "I mean 'cause your dads…"
"Dude," Puck says gruffly. "If you're about to be shitty, you can get the fuck out."
No, he's not gonna look at Rachel and see her reaction to that. It's like, not even all about her. Puck's just not down for people being idiots about stuff like that. As far as he's concerned, sleep with whoever you want to sleep with. None of his business.
"No, whatever. It's not even like that," Brandon says dismissively, brows scrunched a bit, as if to say that wasn't where he was going with that sentence. "I'm just saying."
"Maybe." Rachel shrugs her shoulder and takes another sip of water from her pink plastic water bottle. "Anyway, I don't think the girls like me very much."
None of the guys say anything. Puck hopes neither Dodge nor Brandon says what they're all definitely thinking.
Dodge takes a pull off the bottle - there's probably only like four sips left for each of them - and hands it to Puck. "I mean, you're kind of a bitch."
Fuck. That's definitely not what Puck was thinking. Rachel's just sitting there with a blank look on her face. She obviously (obvious to Puck) can't believe Dodge just said that.
"Excuse me?"
"Seriously," Dodge says again, then leans forward - closer to her - and looks right at her. Puck thinks the guy isn't necessarily trying to be an asshole. He's probably just gonna say some of the same shit Puck's already said. "You come off stuck up, even if you aren't. Like, it takes so long to get to this part, you know?"
Rachel asks, "What part?" timidly, and Puck's like, this close to fucking hugging her. Goddammit this girl brings a lot of shit on herself, yeah, but she also gets a lot she doesn't deserve.
"You're fun," Dodge says, smiling and shrugging his shoulder. "And when you let other people talk, it's like, cool to be around you."
Rachel looks at him like this is the biggest compliment she's ever received (and hello, it isn't, 'cause Puck's definitely say way better shit to her). "Thank you, Nathan."
Nathan touches her knee and must see the look on Puck's face, 'cause he pulls it away quickly and leans back in his chair again.
Right. This is the part where her being hot really comes into play.
He wants to be alone with her.
When the fuck did that start up again?
… … …
"The thing is," he says to her, sitting down on the grass next to where she's reading on the quad of the last school of their trip.
Shit. He's distracted by the way she looks over at him and has this little smile playing at her lips. She's just listening. Like, she's not interrupting or rolling her eyes or being shitty. She actually gives a shit about the words that come out of his mouth. Fucked up as it is, she might be the only person in his life who actually does it, and he didn't realize it until just this moment.
"The thing is?"
He clears his throat and tries to focus. "Maybe I don't wanna go to school."
Rachel's eyes widen a bit, but not enough for him to think she's actually surprised. So that's weird. It's actually like she's concerned or something. "Do you really think your mom is going to be okay with that?"
Puck looks down, knees bent and elbows resting on them. "No."
"What are you going to do, then?"
"I dunno." He throws on a smirk because he doesn't want to think about shit and seeing her laugh would be better. "Think there's anything for me in New York?"
Rachel smiles all pretty and tilts her head to the side. "Noah, there's something for you anywhere you want to go."
She didn't laugh.
Shit.
She actually believes that.
… … …
She sits with him on the bus ride home. It's like, six hours and they're late leaving, 'cause somehow no one thought to add time for eating food. And Mr. Cliff doesn't want to get fast food, so they stop at a restaurant before leaving the city.
Puck can tell Rachel's tired when it starts getting a bit darker out, but the sun's in Puck's eyes basically the whole way, so he turns to look at her. She's just like, really pretty, and he'd tell her that, but she either wouldn't believe him or she'd ask what his motives are.
"I'm gonna fall asleep," she says, sort of laughing at herself. "You should keep me up."
He looks at her like she's nuts. "Why don't you just sleep?"
She sort of bats her lashes at him and then rubs her lips together a bit. "I don't have a pillow."
When she glances at his shoulder, he almost wants to laugh, but he just takes a deep breath and holds his arm out for her, and she smiles and leans over, cuddles up next to him and slips her feet out of her shoes.
"Thanks, Noah."
He says, "Mhm," and tips his head back, looks out the window and watches the sun go down.
… … …
His mom's not in the parking lot when the bus pulls up, but he's not surprised about that, either. He'd texted to let her know the bus was getting in late, and she said she took an extra shift and couldn't pick him up at the new time. Which is fine, 'cause it's not like he doesn't have two good legs and a house key. He grabs his things off the bus and says goodbye to Nathan and Brandon, who he thinks he might actually like, be friends with now. Rachel got off the bus before him and her dads practically crushed her into hugs like they hadn't seen her in months.
He's just started walking across the parking lot in the direction of his house - it's like a half hour walk, and he actually doesn't hate the thought of being alone for a bit after being around everyone else.
"Noah!" he hears behind him, and turns around to see Rachel jogging towards him.
"What's up?"
"Can we give you a ride?" she offers, and he looks over her shoulder to see her dads waiting in the car, lights on and engine running.
"Nah." He hitches his backpack up over his shoulder and looks at her. "I'm gonna walk."
"Okay." He's kind of just standing there looking at her, 'cause he figures there's more. "Would you like to hang out sometime?" she asks, and it's not even like, super eager or weird. She's just asking like she's genuinely curious. Also like she already knows the answer.
"Yeah," he says. "I mean, sure, whatever." She rolls her eyes and he smiles at her. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
Rachel nods, says, "Bye," and takes a step backwards, which is hotter than it should be, if you ask him. This big smile breaks on her face right before she turns around, and Puck takes a deep breath and starts walking again. No, he doesn't know what the hell's gonna happen with her, or school, or pretty much anything. But when he looks over his shoulder, he sees her all backlit in the headlights of her dads' car, and he's starting to think figuring it all out might actually not be the worst thing.