Can't You Stay Where You Are [1/2]
Title: Can't You Stay Where You Are [1/2]
Pairing: Finn/Marley
Summary: Marley's a sweetheart, okay? And he tries to ignore how adorable she is because he's in this sort of serious position, and even though she's not that much younger than him, she is younger than him. Plus he works for the school and he's not an idiot and he's in love with Rachel and Marley's just…No. But he's allowed to think she's cute.
Word Count: 20,000 (total)
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Finn is…really really cute. None of the other girls are saying it, but there's no way they haven't noticed, too. She's sort of heard about his complicated love life - Tina gave the new kids the Cliff's notes - and Marley has been hanging out with Jake, herself, but…
That doesn't mean Finn isn't really cute.
She feels like she let everyone down, and they're not exactly being shy in agreeing with that. Well, some of them. For whatever reason, Tina feels like Marley personally attacked her or something, and stole the trophy away, and Artie just isn't talking to her at all. Jake and Ryder are fine about it, and more worried about her than anything. Kitty, apparently (if Marley's reading things properly) doesn't know what to say to her. Sam, so far, is the only one who's come up to her and told her not to worry about it, which she thinks is a pretty amazing thing, considering she can tell how disappointed he is, too.
She wants to know how Finn really feels about it. He's told her not to apologize, and every day he asks how she's feeling, which is embarrassing enough as it is. It's nice of him, too, because obviously he's been dealing with a lot this week. It's just like she wants some kind of stupid validation or something, because he's a…Well, he's not a teacher. But he's their coach and she needs to know that he isn't blaming her, too.
She won't quit glee, like everyone else, because she loves it. She loves singing and even if it's just on the steps outside in the freezing cold, she wants to be able to keep doing it. And she sort of feels like she owes it to Finn.
And she gets the feeling that he's got something to lose, too. Like he'll take it personally or see it as a failure if he can't get the club to come around.
The same goes for most people, really, but she thinks he looks best when he's happy.
… … …
Marley knocks on his door after school, backpack slung over her shoulder and her coat draped over her arms. He looks up and she sort of smiles and says, "Hey," like she's not sure if he's going to let her into the office or something.
"Hey. What's up?"
"I, um…"
"Come in," he laughs, then sets down his pen. He was making a list of songs for each member, things he thinks they'd do well as solos. That's kind of the awesome thing about not having to prepare for competition, you know? It'll give literally every member a chance to have the spotlight without anyone bitching and moaning. He wishes Will had thought of it years ago, actually. "What are you still doing here?"
She looks down and…Shit. Yeah. Some of the other kids actually stayed on their new teams or clubs or whatever. Like Ryder and Jake are playing basketball, and Joe is doing that paintball thing. Maybe she's…
"I have to…It's like counselling, I guess."
"Oh."
Shit. He shouldn't have asked.
"It's okay." Marley smiles at him, so he nods and gives her a sympathetic smile back. "It's just with Miss. Pillsbury, and there are a few other girls there."
"That's good." He stares at her for a second. "Right?"
"Yeah," she sort of laughs. "Anyway, um. I was just thinking, and I don't think glee club has ever done a country assignment."
Finn chuckles. "That's because nobody likes country. I just got them back. I don't want them to quit again."
Marley rolls her eyes, smiling. "Some people like country. And…I mean, can't you see Kitty singing Fancy, or something?"
"I don't know what that is."
Marley bites her bottom lip like she wants to make fun of him, but won't. It's weird that these kids act like this, like there's some kind of line between them. There is, obviously, since he's the authority figure or something. It's just that they're all so close in age. He's only like two and a half years older than Marley and they're sitting on opposite sides of the desk. It's weird.
"Look it up," she suggests, gently; she's not bossing him around. "And…I don't know. It's just a suggestion."
"Okay. I'll think about it. I mean, there're lots of weeks, right?" She sort of giggles, and it reminds him of Rachel, and fuck, that's the worst thought ever to be having right now. "I'll probably fit it in."
"Good." She looks so happy it's insane. "I also just think it'd be sort of hilarious to see Joe in a cowboy hat."
Finn laughs harder than he should, probably, and Marley says she has to go, but that she'll see him tomorrow.
He looks up Fancy on YouTube after she's gone, and okay, maybe country week wouldn't be totally lame, so he marks it down in his day planner. He's using one of those now. Rachel'd love it, since she spent like, all of high school bitching at him about remembering things and being more organized.
… … …
She and Jake are walking around downtown the night of the tree lighting. And she likes him so much, you know? He's got this rough (really sexy) exterior, but he's so sweet, and he's really nice to her. Everyone expected her to stick with Ryder, and it would have been easy to do it, since he's practically a saint, and he's popular, and…Okay, she won't say he's boring, but he's doesn't have that thing that Jake has. She couldn't even tell you what it is, really, but she likes it and that's all that matters, really.
They're taking it slow because…
Jake says it's different, with her, and she loves that it is, and that he doesn't see her as just some girl to sleep with. When she was being an insecure moron (which she still is sometimes) she questioned more than once if that just meant he didn't think she was hot enough, or sexy enough. That's not it and she's trying really hard not to believe it is, every time he doesn't do anything more than kiss her gently at the end of a date. She doesn't want to sleep with him - or anyone, yet - but the really girly part of her would like to know that he wants to sleep with her.
They don't hold hands or anything, and she likes that. She sort of thinks it's stupid when couples parade each other around and can't be separated. It's like they want to show off, or something, and she's just not like that. Everyone knows they're seeing each other; she doesn't need to lose the use of one hand to get that point across.
(Sometimes he plays with her fingers when they're watching movies, or driving around. And if they're sitting together eating, he'll make sure his knee is touching hers. She likes that.)
"It's so messed up that he's like, friends with them," Jake laughs, and she follows his line of sight, sees Finn standing with Blaine, Sam, Brittany and Tina. Mike Chang is there, too, with his arm loosely around Tina's shoulders. Marley knew they'd gotten back together. They're a cute couple.
"They went to school together."
"I know, but he's still our teacher."
Marley laughs, scrunches her shoulders up against the cold. "He's not a teacher." Jake rolls his eyes and she swats at his hip with her hand. "He's an advisor."
He scoffs, but she ignores it. They're walking over anyway, so she just smiles and waves a little when everyone says hi. They sort of all talk for a while - and Marley sees the way Mike pokes Tina in the side when she's being particularly rude - and Jake and Sam are laughing about something. It's nice, actually, to hang out with these people outside of school and glee club. She wonders why they don't do it more often. She sees Finn smiling at her after she says something about how much she loves Christmas decorations.
Then he says, "We were talking about going to get hot chocolate before this thing starts," and stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Wanna come?"
Everyone looks at her and Jake and she realizes that they're all thinking they're crashing a date or something. And they are, she supposes, but she and Jake just hang out. They don't call what they do dates. They're not even officially a couple or anything. Actually, maybe that's why everyone's acting like it's such a big deal right now. Like she and Jake need to be alone to - she doesn't know - get to know each other or something. It almost makes her laugh.
"Yeah, that sounds perfect."
Perfect? Why did she say that?
She ends up sitting next to Finn at The Lima Bean, listening to him tell her that he had his first sip of coffee a couple weeks ago and he'll never touch the stuff again. It makes her laugh, because he's like, 19 or something and acting like an eight year old about how gross coffee is. It's cute, though. He's cute.
Jake's sitting across from her, sipping his black coffee and practically oozing sex appeal as he and Mike talk about dance.
"That's, um. Going okay?" Finn asks, setting his cup down on the table again.
"Yeah," she says, and as soon as the word is out of her mouth she realizes it sounds uncertain, which really wasn't her intention. "It's great. He's great." Jake must hear her, because he touches her foot under the table with his. It makes her smile and look down at her cup of tea. "Are you asking as a teacher, or as a…"
She can't say friend.
Finn says, "I'm not a teacher," and it makes her laugh.
Then she looks at him and notices how brown his eyes are. "I think you'd be a good one, though."
He starts blushing. Jake starts talking to her. She doesn't want to think he's jealous, but he probably is. She hates that she doesn't mind.
… … …
He never learned to play guitar too well. Puck tried to teach him when they were like 12, but Finn's hands were too big not to fumble over his own fingers. He knew basic chords and whatever, but that's it. Then Artie taught him that Fleetwood Mac song in like 20 minutes junior year, which was fine. He's got a guitar because his mom and Burt found it cheap in a pawn shop in DC the last time they were there and thought he might like it, so in his spare time he sort of fucks around and watches YouTube lessons, and he's getting a little better. He'll never be as good as Puck or Artie or Sam, but it's something.
He's in his office - thankfully he still has an office - in January, two weeks after Christmas break. The kids are working on duets, and he paired up the ones who can play instruments with the ones who can't. And he tried to keep the couples away from each other as much as possible, because they sing together enough as it is. So it's Sam and Marley, Jake and Tina, Artie and Kitty, Joe and Ryder. You get the idea. He also thinks it'll like, bond them closer together, too. They're getting pretty good at not being dicks to each other and he wants to keep the momentum going. It sort of reminds him of his first year in glee club where it was like there was two sides to the room and you could only ever be on one or the other.
"Hey, Finn," Sam says, standing at the door with Marley. He's holding his guitar case and Finn mutes the strings on his own. "We need someplace to practice. Everyone else is on the steps and we can't hear ourselves. Kitty's making it some kind of like, competition."
Sounds like her.
(Honestly if there's one kid in glee he doesn't like as much as the others…)
And yeah, the fact that Sam still lives in Finn's basement is a little weird, but only because they agreed to keep their friendship and glee club separate, and that's a pretty hard thing to do when you stay up until like one in the morning playing Halo and then can't talk about it the next day. And they eat breakfast together and go to the school together, most days, but they part ways at the door and leave it at that. It's sort of messed up. Sam's been one of his best friends for a couple years now and everyone knows that.
Anyway, he doesn't really get why Sam doesn't just go home so they can practice.
"What's wrong with your bedroom?"
Marley blushes the prettiest shade of pink Finn's ever seen. It makes him smile, but he wants to hide it so she doesn't think he's making fun of her.
"My mom, um." She rolls her eyes. "She has this rule against me…Your parents are away right now, right?"
Finn nods. Totally understandable. "Right."
(He fucking loves it when his mom and Burt are away and he and Sam get to do things like order pizza and drink a couple beers and leave the kitchen sort of a mess until they get back.)
So yeah, he tells them they can practice in his office, and he does have work he should be doing, instead of playing I'll Be Alright Without You on guitar badly. So he does some stuff on his computer - glee isn't a graded course, but he does have to like, follow rules for the school district, and they need to know about stuff or whatever - while he listens to Marley and Sam sing When The Lights Go Down, which yeah, he Googles so he knows who it's by. They trade off verses and then harmonize really well on the chorus, and like, it's not even a duet, but they make it one, and he sort of loves that.
He's totally biased because this is his best friend or whatever, and the girl he thinks is…
Whatever. Marley's a sweetheart, okay? And he tries to ignore how adorable she is because he's in this sort of serious position, and even though she's not that much younger than him, she is younger than him. Plus he works for the school and he's not an idiot and he's in love with Rachel and Marley's just…No.
But he's allowed to think she's cute.
And he drives her home after, because he's obviously taking Sam, too, and neither of them are the kind of guys who'd just leave her there to find her own way. She thanks him and literally jumps down out of his truck, and yeah, he thinks it's sort of awesome that she wears, like, cowboy boots and isn't afraid to be different than everyone else.
… … …
She's kept in touch with Santana. Well, she was sort of forced into it. Santana basically said she wanted to keep checking up and making sure Marley wasn't making any more 'piss poor choices'. Marley likes Santana anyway, even if she is sort of abrasive. It's nothing she can't handle, and a text exchange a week isn't exactly overwhelming.
It's when she starts asking about Jake that Marley gets a little uncomfortable. She's asking for details Marley doesn't want to give, and maybe it's because she's never really had a lot of girlfriends, but she doesn't really buy into the whole girl talk thing. Jake's her boyfriend and has been officially for a while now, and what happens between them is their business and no one else's. She made him promise not to do the stupid locker room talk thing, and she's pretty sure he's kept up his end of that deal, or she's positive Ryder would tell her. (Or punch Jake.) It wouldn't exactly be fair if she then turned around and talked about things with other people.
And it's not as though she's got a wealth of experience or anything.
"I'm not uncomfortable talking about sex, but I don't want to do it often, or with a girls I barely know.
"Funny," Santana says through the phone line, "I'm actually getting used to that part."
Marley blushes, sitting in her room, because god, she just can't imagine being that open about her sex life. She doesn't even have a sex life.
"Santana, I…"
"I really just want to know how he compares to his brother, is all."
"His…"
"Yeah. Puck and me, we…We had a thing," Santana says, and makes it sound all nonchalant. Marley isn't going to say anything about sexuality or anything, because none of this is her business at all. "I dated guys before…You know. It's not like I always knew I was a lesbian."
Marley is quiet for a moment. "Okay."
"And I seriously hope that sexual prowess runs in that family. For your sake, I mean. Puck's amazing. Way better than Finn was."
Marley's chest feels hollow, or full of rocks. She can't decide which and isn't thinking about that right now anyway.
"You…and Finn?"
"Mhm. Sam, too."
Marley knows Santana is just continuing to talk about this to get a rise out of her and make her uncomfortable, and she's fallen right into the trap. She's really relieved when her mom calls her for help with something and she has a valid excuse to get off the phone. And as she's folding the laundry, she can't stop thinking about Finn and Santana. It makes sense, she supposes. They're the same age and went to school together forever. From what she's heard, though, she's gotten the impression they hate each other.
And she though Finn and Rachel were together through all of high school. That's how people talk about them anyway. So is she one of a few people who even know Finn slept with Santana? Or does Rachel know he cheated on her? Marley hates to jump to that conclusion, but she can't help it. She should give him the benefit of the doubt, but…Well. Finn and Rachel aren't together anymore, and he doesn't talk about why. Maybe it's because…
It's hard to look him in the eye on Monday, and he seems to notice she's avoiding it. He doesn't say anything, though, and he probably has bigger things to worry about than whether or not one of his students is being a brat.
At the end of the week, she's walking by his office and she hears sort of a crash, looks over to see him standing there with his hands balled into his fist and his desk chair knocked over. He sees her looking, which nixes her plan of just walking away like she hadn't seen anything.
"Are you okay?" she asks carefully and watches him take a deep breath, then reach down to set his chair upright again.
"Yeah." She just watches him. "No." See, this is why it's awkward. She has no idea if she's within her boundaries to ask what's wrong. If it's something to do with glee club she probably is, but if not it's really none of her business. "I just found out my ex-fiancée has been dating this guy for like three months and no one thought to tell me."
"Oh my god," she breathes, looking at him. He looks…completely devastated. She honestly doesn't blame him. "I'm sorry."
"Thanks." It's curt, but sincere. She honestly doesn't know how he can pull that off, but he does. Then he just stares at her for a second, like he's sizing her up or… "Why have you been avoiding me all week?"
"I…I haven't."
"Marley," he says, and she looks up at him instead of at the weird coffee stain on the linoleum at her feet. "I just…The truth would be kind of awesome."
She bites her lip and nods, because god, it's really not an unreasonable thing to ask. Ever, but especially now. "I heard something." He looks confused. "About you, when you were here. A student, I mean."
He narrows his eyes suspiciously. "You heard what?"
She doesn't wait too long because this is already bad enough as it is. "You and Santana." He lets out this sort of laugh thing that sounds more bitter than he probably intends it to. "I just thought you and Rachel…"
"Rachel and I were broken up."
"But didn't it still hurt her?" she asks, and sounds angry, but when he snaps at her like that it's really easy to get her defences up. "You're broken up now and you just pushed over a chair because…"
"I kicked it, and that's not even…" He scrunches his face all up and holds his hands in the air, stops talking. "This isn't…I don't understand what's happening right now."
"I thought…" This is going to get her into trouble. "You're like this standup guy, role model…thing. Or you're supposed to be, and…"
"Marley." He's never sounded so authoritative, and she stops talking because of it. "You think every teacher in this place hasn't made mistakes?" She wants to tell him he's not a teacher, but she doesn't get a chance. "And honestly, my personal life isn't any of your business."
"Right." She squares her shoulders and looks him right in the eye. He's holding his ground, too. "I guess knocking over furniture is easier than talking to someone who actually cares."
He says her name when she's leaving, but she keeps walking because she feels like she's going to cry and it's completely stupid.
… … …
Watching Marley and Jake walk around together sort of pisses Finn off. Not because…He's not jealous of Jake or anything insane like that, he just misses that, being 16 and dating the girl he wanted and just not even having to worry about the future yet. It was like, the best time of his life, being with Rachel without New York or college or separation looming over them. If he could relive any stage of his life, it'd be that, which makes him feel like a loser, because he's 19 and he shouldn't already want to relive some part of his past, should he?
These are supposed to be the best days of his life, and he's practically always on the verge of being sick because he's waiting for his acceptance from any of the schools he applied to, and Will's trying to get him a part time paid job at the school co-directing glee for next year.
Sam and Brittany break up when she gets her acceptance to the same school Santana's at, because like, sorry Sam but you don't have a chance. Finn feels so bad for him, too, because he's like, super in love with Brittany. She wasn't leading him on or anything, but it's kinda hard not to see Sam as some kind of place holder, if her plan all along was to get into this school. Like, what did they think was going to happen?
They plan this guys' night at Ryder's place to cheer Sam up, and it's basically light beer and snacks and video games while someone's iPod plays in the background. Until Jake shows up with two bottles of alcohol Finn should probably be more concerned about. But whatever. It's the weekend and he's not working and no one's driving anyway. Plus he's not that drunk and he can make sure no one does anything stupid.
"How do you do it, man?" Sam asks, and Jake happens to look over, too.
"Do what?"
"This," Sam says, and rubs his palm across his forehead. "Like. Be heartbroken."
Finn laughs a bit and tries not to look at Jake's face, for some reason. "You just do it. It's not like you've got a choice or anything."
Jake shakes his head and pours more shots. "You two are the saddest bastards around."
It makes everyone laugh, and whatever. Finn's fine with that. He just wants everyone to have a good time.
But this thing happens when he drinks whiskey. It makes him think way too hard. It's like…He can't stop thinking about if he knew this was going to happen, you know? Not the Sam and Brittany thing, but the Rachel and Brody thing. Or actually the Rachel and any guy in New York thing. Finn broke up with her and sent her off to a huge city where she'd fit in and be gorgeous to like, everyone. Was he really just pushing her towards someone new? And how could he not see that at the time? He set her free so she'd come back to him, not so she could change completely and find someone who fit the new her better.
"You look like you want to punch someone." He looks over from where he's sitting on this swing on Ryder's front porch. He came out for air. He didn't expect to see Marley in baggy sweats and a denim jacket. "Or kick a chair."
He laughs because it's funny. Makes sense to do it. "Just thinking."
"Yeah," she almost whispers, then looks at the door for a second before walking over and sitting down next to him. She's got a Bengals hoodie under her jacket, and she pulls the sleeves down over her hands before setting them on either side of her thighs.
She's sort of incredibly pretty, you know?
"What are you doing here?"
She juts her chin towards the old Jeep sitting at the curb. "Jake called for a ride." Finn nods. She's a good girlfriend. It's like 1:30 in the morning. "Mom doesn't like that he drinks, but she'd rather I use the car and he get home safe than…I mean, I don't think he's that stupid, but."
Finn laughs. "His brother did it more than once."
"He's not his brother."
Shit. He didn't mean to offend her. "That's not…No, I…" She laughs a little, so he figures he's safe and can stop talking. "I feel like things are weird between us."
Her eyes go a little wide. "Us, me and you?" He shrugs, then nods. He wouldn't hate just one more beer. He's walking home soon with Sam anyway. "Sometimes I don't know how to act around you."
"Why?"
God, she has such a nice smile. He really hopes Jake tells her how great she is, you know? Because she is and she deserves to hear it. He doesn't know much about their relationship, other than the fact that they've been dating for almost an entire school year.
"Because I like you and I feel like we could be friends, but you're a teacher."
"I'm not a teacher," he reminds her. She's looking at her feet in her beat up Converse sneakers. "You like me?"
She tilts her head, smiles, then punches his arm lightly. "Finn."
The front door opens and Jake walks out, says, "Hey, baby. When'd you get here?" and reaches for her hands, pulls her up and then kisses her, and it's honestly the first time Finn's ever seen them do it.
He looks away.
(And when he gets home and he's lying in bed, he's really super drunk because Sam suggested beers for the walk home and they filled their pockets. He can't help thinking about being 16 again, and what it might have been like if Marley'd have been 16 at the same time he was. He feels like an asshole for even considering it, because Rachel, but fuck, he doesn't know what he would have done.)
… … …
She gets a summer job at a daycare centre near her place, and basically gets paid to play with kids all day. Okay, there's a little more to it than that, but it's an easier job than some people have. Like Ryder, who works at Dairy Queen, and Jake, who works in the pro shop at the country club and deals with rich jerks all day.
It's really strange not to see her friends every day. It's hard for them to all coordinate schedules and hang out all together, but sometimes she'll spend time one on one. She and Unique go to new romantic comedies that Jake basically refuses to be seen at, and she and Ryder have this thing where they'll meet in town and he'll bring her a Blizzard and they'll talk. He's sort of dating this new girl and he asks her for advice. It's cute. The newly graduated seniors are doing the whole 'last summer of freedom' thing, so there have been some parties.
The kids are on a day trip to the local splash pad, which means she's wearing a bathing suit under her cotton shorts and Happy Beginnings polo shirt. She's got on a black ball cap, too, because the sun is insane but the kids like to pull her sunglasses off her face and it's really easier to just not bother. She's walking down the sidewalk with the four kids she's responsible for. They're so cute, too. She's been assigned four year olds because that age group seems to respond to her best, for whatever reason, and they're all holding hands, with her in the middle.
She's holding children's hands, and she feels awful for thinking Finn looks sexy running down the sidewalk in loose shorts and a sleeveless Mckinley tee shirt. He's sweaty and breathing hard, and god, she's always been just a little attracted to him, but this is something new.
They turn in to the park before he gets close enough to see that it's her. She turns to get a look at him from behind.
… … …
He nearly chokes on his lemonade when he sees her on stage at the town fair in August, wearing a white summer dress with little blue flowers on it, her cowboy boots, and singing some song he's never heard before in his life. People are loving it, clapping along, and she laughs when she's done and everyone goes crazy for her. It's like she's having the time of her life, and the craziest thing is that she's like this every time she sings, and he's noticing it now because he hasn't seen it in a while.
He's missed it.
He doesn't stick around to talk to her after. Partly because he's actually on his way to meet his mom and Burt for some 'official' duty or something where they have to appear as a family. Kurt's around here somewhere.
Finn glances over his shoulder at Marley as she starts her next song. His cup of lemonade is sweating in his hand, and it's totally all in his head, but he fucking swears he can smell the perfume she wears.
… … …
She sleeps with Jake because she's ready, and for no other reason than it's something she wants to do and experience, and wants it with him. She loves him and he's said he loves her, too, and this summer with him has been one of her favourite things she's ever gotten to do.
They're in her bed, because she's most comfortable there, and he's amazing, and she couldn't ask for anything more.
His hands tremble when he touches her and they're both undressed, and he looks down at her, gives her this gorgeous smile, and says, "You're making me nervous."
"I'm not doing anything," she practically whispers, feeling his fingertips slide down her side and over her hip.
Jake laughs quietly, leans down to kiss her. "Yes you are."
… … …
The classes he's taking at OSU Lima are pretty easy to schedule around his commitments to the school. And now that Will has secured all this money for the arts, and one of the gym teachers had a heart attack, Finn's working basically like, three quarters time (a little over half, so…) at the school. He's assistant coach on the football and basketball teams for this year, and he's helping with glee the same way he did last year after Will returned from his thing. He's not getting paid a lot, obviously, but he also doesn't pay rent and he drives an old beat up truck, so basically everything he makes goes into the bank. Tuition took a chunk of it, but it wasn't hard to part with when he considered what he'd be getting in return.
He's seen the kids a lot over the summer. They're all sort of friends, and he was friends with their friends, and it's weird, now, sitting in a room with Marley and Jake and Ryder and having that sort of…The people who made it okay for all of them to hang out are gone, and now it feels like he is the authority figure and they're the students and there's no grey area there where they can get away with being friendly.
There's the typical, beginning-of-the-year member search. Especially after last year, when they didn't do much of anything at all. One girl comes out to audition and she's really good, and Kitty doesn't even scare her off with that like, evil glare. The girl says glee club just always looks like it's having the most fun, even when they're just singing for no reason and not preparing for a competition.
They've got eight members, which isn't enough, and the harmonies aren't as rich as they could be, but they sound good. Jake takes the lead on the song they do for the first time, and man, that kid has a good voice and Finn thinks they should use it more this year as they gear up to actually win Sectionals. As soon as they find four more members.
He sees Marley talking to a group of freshman girls, which is a little weird, but she's nice, and he thinks she's like some kind of peer advisor or something anyway. Then she hands them each a sheet of paper, and as he's walking by he reads over this girl's shoulder. It's a flyer Marley's made for the glee club, with a picture of the group from last year, and a list of cool songs they've done in the past.
"What's that?" he asks her, jogging a little to catch up.
She's got this tan from the summer, and she's started wearing this really simple silver chain she doesn't take off, that he heard she got from Jake for her birthday. This…he doesn't want to call it a thing. He doesn't have a thing for her. There's just something about her. She's special.
"We can't compete with eight members."
He gives it a second, smiles at Mrs. Rathburn, who still thinks he's a student here. "You're not still trying to make up for last year's Sectionals, are you?"
She doesn't confirm or deny, just says, "I don't want to lose again this year. I wanna know what it feels like to be first, you know?"
Finn chuckles a little. "Yeah. I know."
She stops walking and looks up at him. "Do you…Do you think we can do it?"
He smiles at her because she's so sweet and so like, eager, but not in a pushy way. He puts his hand on her shoulder and leans down the slightest bit. "Marley, after all the crap the club went through when I was part of it, I think anything's possible."
She smiles, hugs her books to her chest and hits him with, "You're still part of the club, Finn," before she leaves him standing there so she can catch up with a group of guys he's pretty sure are in the French club.
It's so messed up that she says things like that and always makes him think.
… … …
She walks into The Lima Bean and Finn is sitting there with Rachel Berry, and Marley feels so uncomfortable already that she just wants to turn and leave. And she would, but she's meeting with her partner for a history project, so there's no way she can act like she didn't see them and just go.
The tension is visible in the way Finn's sitting, and Rachel looks so relaxed it's almost unnerving. How can she be so calm like that, sitting across from the guy she said she'd marry? Marley's heard bits and pieces of the story until she figured she had pretty much the whole thing, and she doesn't know which of them she feels most sorry for. Probably Finn, at this point, because Rachel's moved on. Puck told Jake that she's still with this guy named Brody and it's this big, serious relationship.
Finn spots her and smiles, gives her a nod. Rachel turns around to see who he's acknowledging, and Marley gives a little wave. God, Rachel is so beautiful. Like, it's sort of unfair how gorgeous and talented and practically perfect she is. She's a top student at the best dramatic arts school in the country, and it just feels like everything comes so naturally to her. She's heard that high school wasn't the easiest for Rachel, but you wouldn't know or think that to look at her. She's stunning and Marley is jealous.
Jordan arrives and the two of them get to work, trading research notes and outlining their presentation and deciding which of them will do what. She's really glad she has a partner who isn't going to slack.
She feels like the slacker right now, actually, because she's totally distracted, watching Finn play with his bottle of water as Rachel sips her tea and they talk. His smile is sort of pained and Rachel gestures dramatically, hands flying all over, and pushing her hair around and stuff. Marley wonders if Rachel just doesn't even notice how uncomfortable he is, or if she's acting the way she is to try and plough through the awkwardness.
He catches Marley's eye at one point, and she feels like she might die of embarrassment over being caught staring, but he sort of smiles at her, then looks down at the table and back to Rachel, and…
He's not flirting and she knows that because he wouldn't. But she's pretty sure that if he were going to flirt, that's how he'd do it.
… … …
Things are totally over with Rachel, and he's moving on, and apparently that means letting Will talk him into going on a date with someone. Anyone. Just a date. "One date, just to get yourself back out there."
Like he's a divorcee or something.
And seriously, it's not like he's been…Okay, he's been in love with Rachel, yeah, but he's a dude and he like, has urges and stuff, and he hasn't just sat around pathetic and lonely. He went to visit Mike in Chicago at the end of last school year and there was a girl there, and when Puck was home for a week in the summer, they went out to Indian Lake for a couple nights camping and he fooled around with this super hot girl he knew he'd never see again.
He doesn't want to go on a date. Like, trying to find a girlfriend has never actually appealed to him. He wants to know the girl, go after her, and date her. He doesn't want to go to coffee or dinner and have it be like a job interview where you go in knowing nothing about one another and spend all time making stupid small talk. That's just not his thing.
And anyway, he's got a football team that's on a roll, and a glee club that's going to Sectionals in a week. He has bigger things to worry about than what shirt to wear for a date he doesn't even want to be on.
Finding Marley crying in a stairwell 45 minutes before they're supposed to go on stage is just…He came looking for her, but he thought she might be running scales or getting some fresh air. Not dabbing a Kleenex against her cheeks and blinking fast and trying not to ruin her makeup. She looks great in her burgundy dress and silver shoes and just…He hates it when pretty girls cry. It's actually the worst.
He sits down next to her and gives her a few seconds to 'fess up before he says her name.
"Ryder just told me he's in love with me."
Finn's only reaction is to say, "Whoa." Which isn't likely very helpful. "When? Why?"
"About 15 minutes ago. And I guess because he does?" she suggests, which…Okay. Stupid question.
He wants to put his arm around her or something, but if someone saw, it'd be a big deal. "Why are you crying, though?"
"Because now I feel like a jerk! I had no idea, and…We've just been friends, and…God, maybe I sort of had a feeling, but..." She turns to him all fast, the curled ends of her hair flying around and tumbling over her shoulder. "Jake can't find out. They're best friends. If…"
Finn doesn't mean to laugh, but come on. This is so fucking familiar to him that it's actually hilarious.
"Sorry. It's just like, when I was your age it was the Puckerman ruining the relationship." Okay, she looks pissed. "I mean me and Quinn. With…"
"I know what you mean. I'm not…This isn't like that." Then she adds, "Not exactly, anyway."
She covers her face with her hands, and he smiles again and rolls his eyes, because she's being so dramatic, but he can sort of see why. It must feel pretty intense to be her right now. He stands, then goes down a few steps and reaches for her wrists, pulls them away and looks her in the eye.
"Look, you can't control how someone else feels about you, all right?" he says, and that's totally the truth. It sucks for Ryder, too, but it's not like Marley owes him anything just because he's in love with her. If she doesn't feel the same, there's nothing anyone can do about that.
"Why would he tell me?"
Finn laughs quietly. "Because sometimes you have to, and like…Sometimes not saying it can hurt more."
She just looks at him with her eyes all shiny. "Why do I feel like you're speaking from experience?"
"The first time I told Rachel, we were literally about to go on stage. I just blurted it out like an idiot." Marley laughs tearfully. It's a good sound. "Come on. You've got a solo to sing and you need to warm up."
"I feel like I'm going to…"
"Don't say pass out."
She pushes at his shoulder and they laugh together, and when she gets on stage to sing her song. It's a solo, but Jake is playing guitar for her as she sings a stripped down version of The Way I Loved You, which is a Taylor Swift song Finn didn't even know existed. The theme for Sectionals this year is 'Make It New', which is the lamest thing he's ever heard of, but it's kind of a blank canvas and let them do something like this.
She's sitting on a stool next to her boyfriend and they both have spotlights on them, but Finn can't take his eyes off her.
She's the kind of girl who cries when someone says they love her and she can't love them back, for whatever reason she can't.
This thought passes through his head just once: He sort of loves that about her.
And they win, and she throws herself into his arms, and he's so completely screwed, because so far the only girl he'd even consider going on a date with…
… … …
She doesn't mean to…God, this always happens. She's just minding her own business, grabbing the book she forgot and had to call the main office to be let into the school to get. Yes, she's just cool enough to completely space on taking home the text she needs in order to complete an assignment due two days after winter break. Anyway, it's fine, she supposes, she just had to make a special trip to get it, and Mrs. Cohen, who works in the office, told Marley in no uncertain terms that if her mom didn't work at the school, she would have been out of luck.
Anyway.
She's walking down the hall and she hears shouting, or…well. It's a serious conversation in Finn's office. Schue's office. It's weird to think of it as anything but Finn's, if she's being honest. Most of the teachers are around, because technically the Friday before break officially starts is a PD day or something. She doesn't know.
"No, that's…You can't just show up here, and…"
"I miss you!"
Finn sighs and says, "Rachel," and Marley stops, because she doesn't know how to pass without calling attention to the fact that she's definitely heard that and they'll know it.
"I don't miss you," he tells her, and Marley holds her breath and leans against the wall. She'll go around the long way to the main door and walk to where her mom is waiting for her. In a minute. "I mean…Like, yeah, I wish we…But everything's changed now, okay? And it's like…You'e with another guy."
Rachel sniffles. "We should be able to be friends. You said you wanted to."
"I was stupid."
"You're not stupid," Rachel snaps. "I don't see how my being in a relationship with someone else…"
"You got over me!" he shouts, and Marley really needs to… "What did you expect, Rachel? That I'd just like, sit around and wait until you…Like, what are you trying to do here? You're off screwing Brody, and..."
"That's not fair. It isn't like that!"
There's a beat, then, "Are you in love with him?"
A door opens down the hall, breaking the silence and scaring the hell out of Marley, and she bashes her elbow on the wall and then whimpers, and Finn comes out to see what's going on. The look of terror she can feel is on her face is…He shouldn't smile.
"Hey," he says, and then Rachel's there, too, and Finn's insane. "Thanks for coming on your day off."
What?
He gives her this sort of pleading look, and she hates lying, but she can't imagine leaving him to get an answer from Rachel to that question he asked.
"Yeah, no problem."
"Finn," Rachel tries.
"I told you I have stuff to do."
He's so cold and dismissive and Marley is insanely uncomfortable when tears fall from Rachel's eyes and she grabs her coat and leaves without another word. Marley follows Finn into his office because she can't just leave now, and he sits down and tips his head back.
"My life is like a fucking soap opera." He looks mortified over swearing. "Sorry." She just laughs, because what else is she supposed to do at this point? "I wanna say I can't believe her, but I totally can. It just pisses me off that she stands there and pretends she'd be totally fine if I was the one dating someone new."
Marley can't stop herself from saying, "Why aren't you?"
Finn just sort of laughs, then looks at her in a way that makes her completely unable to look anywhere but at him. "It's complicated."
She bites the inside of her lip as she nods her head.
Later, when Jake bumps her shoulder with his and asks what's got her so distracted, she tells him it's nothing because she's not about to tell him she can't stop thinking about the way Finn looked at her and said, "It's complicated" as though she's the complication.
… … …
He's completely stoked when they win Regionals, too. Like, he honestly…He thought they could. They're talented enough and they practiced so hard. So hard. They had everything as close to perfect as they could, so it was really just a matter of the competition, and this year it was kinda tough. But they win, and there's this little party in Jake and Ryder's room, and he's just sort of watching the group be crazy and happy and goof off and celebrate.
It's going to be really, really hard to tell them he's leaving.
The classes he's been taking have been pretty general, and it's been really good for him, and he applied to take music education and he was accepted, so he's going to Columbus to the main campus, and…It's not until September, which is months away, but still. He's leaving, and he can't decide if he should tell them now, or wait. Or just not tell them at all. That'd probably be shitty, but Schue could just tell them Finn had to go. Shit. He's not a coward, though.
Fuck, he wishes he could get Marley off his mind. It's not even like it's creepy or anything, or some kind of awful crush. It's not. He just thinks she's great, and the more he hears her sing, the more he thinks she's capable of. She lacks confidence and he hates that, and even though he's seen her grow so much, she could…God, she could be even more amazing if she only believed it.
He leaves after a while, because he doesn't want to like, interfere, and the kids should totally just have fun without having to worry about anyone reporting back to their teacher. Not that he'd do that, but they probably think he would, or could.
He's halfway down the hall when he hears, "Hey," and footsteps, and then Marley's touching his arm, and her cheeks are all pink from all the laughing she was doing back there. (Okay, so maybe he left because of that, too. Because he couldn't not watch her like that.) "Where are you going?"
He shrugs. "My room, I guess."
She tilts her head like he's being stupid or something. "Come celebrate with us."
"No," he answers, shaking his head as he looks to the ground. "No, you go be with your friends and your boyfriend."
Marley just looks at him, and shit. He shouldn't have said boyfriend.
"Finn, are…" She sort of bites her lip, then looks up, and rocks on the balls of her feet like she does sometimes when she's nervous. "Are we just not going to talk about…"
He blurts out, "I'm leaving," to stop her from actually putting it out there, the fact that they've got this stupid chemistry, or whatever it is, and she's got a fucking boyfriend. And it works, too, because she stops and her mouth is open, and then she looks really sad or hurt or something. "I'm going to school in Columbus, and it's…I'll be out of your way, and…"
"You're not in my way," she almost whispers, and then takes a step towards him, and this whole thing has trouble written all over it.
He's not trying to be mean when he says, "You're sort of in mine," but maybe she doesn't realize that. "It's just…This is insane and I can't like, actually acknowledge what I'm trying to say, but…" She laughs, a little bit, and says his name, but god, she should stop doing that. It doesn't help. "I'm leaving anyway, so it's nothing."
"Right," she says, and her hair falls in her face when she looks down again. She plays with the sleeve of her sweater, and he has no idea how she's managing to look so naive and so sexy at the same time. "You're right. It's nothing."
Oh god. It's something to her, too.
"Marley."
She points over her shoulder with her thumb, says, "I'm gonna go back," and he just nods and watches her walk away.
He's getting a little sick of watching girls walk away, to be honest.
... ... ...
Jake's not going to break up with her. He won't do it. He loves her, and he'll just keep turning a blind eye to the fact that their relationship isn't the same as it used to be, doesn't feel the same. She wants to say she has no idea why, but that isn't exactly true and she's not going to be insulting and say so. There are a few reasons, really, and they can't keep ignoring them. Even if there wasn't an obvious reason, it wouldn't change the fact that they aren't…
She loves him. She really does. But it doesn't feel as intense as it did when she first realized it, and she's been struggling with that, because god, she can't honestly imagine a relationship that stays that passionate forever. Obviously you evolve, and your feelings will, too. But she's been thinking about it lately, and she just…What, are they going to be together forever? She used to be able to see that, she could, but now she just can't. She can't see them going to the same college, and she can't see them managing to survive anything long distance.
This thing that keeps happening where Finn finds her crying is actually becoming super embarrassing. This time it's a Saturday morning and she's on the bleachers, because her mom said that if she caught her crying at home again she was going to get really worried. As if she's not allowed to cry over ending her year and a half long relationship. She can't stop when she thinks about it, and it's like…She knew Jake would have stayed with her through all of high school, probably, and that's such an attractive option, even if it's really not fair to her, and it's horribly unfair to him. He'll start to see things her way eventually. Right now he's mad, which is just his way of channeling his heartbreak, and god, the look on his face when she'd done it…
"It's freezing out here," Finn says, and he comes up behind her, scaring the hell out of her. "What are you…Hey."
She wipes her eyes and tries to smile, but it's not like he can unsee her crying, so she stops bothering to hide it. And he sits next to her anyway, and looks kind of awkward, like he wants to touch her but won't.
"You haven't heard." He just stares. "I broke up with Jake."
Something flashes through his eyes, and she refuses to think it's hope, because that's stupid, and just because she's single doesn't mean any of this can be anything at all.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
She closes her eyes and scrunches her nose a bit. (It's always been her way of keeping herself from crying. Or at least attempting not to cry.) "Don't."
Finn nods and looks out over the field. She wishes she knew why he was here. It doesn't matter, really, but it's weird that he's just randomly around when her heart's breaking.
"Are you okay?" He's not looking at her, but she nods anyway. "I'm really gonna miss this."
Seriously, there are there months left of school, but she can't stop thinking about it either. Him leaving.
"Yeah, I guess you can't really keep away from the field, can you?"
"No, that's…" He laughs a little, sets his elbows on his knees. "I really just said that because I can't actually say that I'll miss you."
"Finn."
"I'm sorry," he sighs. "You don't need this right now."
"No, that's not…You just…I don't even understand this thing between us."
He doesn't say anything, just sits there quietly with her until her phone goes off and it's her mom, telling her to come home for dinner, and Finn makes sure she's okay to drive before he tells her he'll see her later. He stays on the bleachers. She still doesn't know why he was there at all.
Pairing: Finn/Marley
Summary: Marley's a sweetheart, okay? And he tries to ignore how adorable she is because he's in this sort of serious position, and even though she's not that much younger than him, she is younger than him. Plus he works for the school and he's not an idiot and he's in love with Rachel and Marley's just…No. But he's allowed to think she's cute.
Word Count: 20,000 (total)
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Finn is…really really cute. None of the other girls are saying it, but there's no way they haven't noticed, too. She's sort of heard about his complicated love life - Tina gave the new kids the Cliff's notes - and Marley has been hanging out with Jake, herself, but…
That doesn't mean Finn isn't really cute.
She feels like she let everyone down, and they're not exactly being shy in agreeing with that. Well, some of them. For whatever reason, Tina feels like Marley personally attacked her or something, and stole the trophy away, and Artie just isn't talking to her at all. Jake and Ryder are fine about it, and more worried about her than anything. Kitty, apparently (if Marley's reading things properly) doesn't know what to say to her. Sam, so far, is the only one who's come up to her and told her not to worry about it, which she thinks is a pretty amazing thing, considering she can tell how disappointed he is, too.
She wants to know how Finn really feels about it. He's told her not to apologize, and every day he asks how she's feeling, which is embarrassing enough as it is. It's nice of him, too, because obviously he's been dealing with a lot this week. It's just like she wants some kind of stupid validation or something, because he's a…Well, he's not a teacher. But he's their coach and she needs to know that he isn't blaming her, too.
She won't quit glee, like everyone else, because she loves it. She loves singing and even if it's just on the steps outside in the freezing cold, she wants to be able to keep doing it. And she sort of feels like she owes it to Finn.
And she gets the feeling that he's got something to lose, too. Like he'll take it personally or see it as a failure if he can't get the club to come around.
The same goes for most people, really, but she thinks he looks best when he's happy.
… … …
Marley knocks on his door after school, backpack slung over her shoulder and her coat draped over her arms. He looks up and she sort of smiles and says, "Hey," like she's not sure if he's going to let her into the office or something.
"Hey. What's up?"
"I, um…"
"Come in," he laughs, then sets down his pen. He was making a list of songs for each member, things he thinks they'd do well as solos. That's kind of the awesome thing about not having to prepare for competition, you know? It'll give literally every member a chance to have the spotlight without anyone bitching and moaning. He wishes Will had thought of it years ago, actually. "What are you still doing here?"
She looks down and…Shit. Yeah. Some of the other kids actually stayed on their new teams or clubs or whatever. Like Ryder and Jake are playing basketball, and Joe is doing that paintball thing. Maybe she's…
"I have to…It's like counselling, I guess."
"Oh."
Shit. He shouldn't have asked.
"It's okay." Marley smiles at him, so he nods and gives her a sympathetic smile back. "It's just with Miss. Pillsbury, and there are a few other girls there."
"That's good." He stares at her for a second. "Right?"
"Yeah," she sort of laughs. "Anyway, um. I was just thinking, and I don't think glee club has ever done a country assignment."
Finn chuckles. "That's because nobody likes country. I just got them back. I don't want them to quit again."
Marley rolls her eyes, smiling. "Some people like country. And…I mean, can't you see Kitty singing Fancy, or something?"
"I don't know what that is."
Marley bites her bottom lip like she wants to make fun of him, but won't. It's weird that these kids act like this, like there's some kind of line between them. There is, obviously, since he's the authority figure or something. It's just that they're all so close in age. He's only like two and a half years older than Marley and they're sitting on opposite sides of the desk. It's weird.
"Look it up," she suggests, gently; she's not bossing him around. "And…I don't know. It's just a suggestion."
"Okay. I'll think about it. I mean, there're lots of weeks, right?" She sort of giggles, and it reminds him of Rachel, and fuck, that's the worst thought ever to be having right now. "I'll probably fit it in."
"Good." She looks so happy it's insane. "I also just think it'd be sort of hilarious to see Joe in a cowboy hat."
Finn laughs harder than he should, probably, and Marley says she has to go, but that she'll see him tomorrow.
He looks up Fancy on YouTube after she's gone, and okay, maybe country week wouldn't be totally lame, so he marks it down in his day planner. He's using one of those now. Rachel'd love it, since she spent like, all of high school bitching at him about remembering things and being more organized.
… … …
She and Jake are walking around downtown the night of the tree lighting. And she likes him so much, you know? He's got this rough (really sexy) exterior, but he's so sweet, and he's really nice to her. Everyone expected her to stick with Ryder, and it would have been easy to do it, since he's practically a saint, and he's popular, and…Okay, she won't say he's boring, but he's doesn't have that thing that Jake has. She couldn't even tell you what it is, really, but she likes it and that's all that matters, really.
They're taking it slow because…
Jake says it's different, with her, and she loves that it is, and that he doesn't see her as just some girl to sleep with. When she was being an insecure moron (which she still is sometimes) she questioned more than once if that just meant he didn't think she was hot enough, or sexy enough. That's not it and she's trying really hard not to believe it is, every time he doesn't do anything more than kiss her gently at the end of a date. She doesn't want to sleep with him - or anyone, yet - but the really girly part of her would like to know that he wants to sleep with her.
They don't hold hands or anything, and she likes that. She sort of thinks it's stupid when couples parade each other around and can't be separated. It's like they want to show off, or something, and she's just not like that. Everyone knows they're seeing each other; she doesn't need to lose the use of one hand to get that point across.
(Sometimes he plays with her fingers when they're watching movies, or driving around. And if they're sitting together eating, he'll make sure his knee is touching hers. She likes that.)
"It's so messed up that he's like, friends with them," Jake laughs, and she follows his line of sight, sees Finn standing with Blaine, Sam, Brittany and Tina. Mike Chang is there, too, with his arm loosely around Tina's shoulders. Marley knew they'd gotten back together. They're a cute couple.
"They went to school together."
"I know, but he's still our teacher."
Marley laughs, scrunches her shoulders up against the cold. "He's not a teacher." Jake rolls his eyes and she swats at his hip with her hand. "He's an advisor."
He scoffs, but she ignores it. They're walking over anyway, so she just smiles and waves a little when everyone says hi. They sort of all talk for a while - and Marley sees the way Mike pokes Tina in the side when she's being particularly rude - and Jake and Sam are laughing about something. It's nice, actually, to hang out with these people outside of school and glee club. She wonders why they don't do it more often. She sees Finn smiling at her after she says something about how much she loves Christmas decorations.
Then he says, "We were talking about going to get hot chocolate before this thing starts," and stuffs his hands in his pockets. "Wanna come?"
Everyone looks at her and Jake and she realizes that they're all thinking they're crashing a date or something. And they are, she supposes, but she and Jake just hang out. They don't call what they do dates. They're not even officially a couple or anything. Actually, maybe that's why everyone's acting like it's such a big deal right now. Like she and Jake need to be alone to - she doesn't know - get to know each other or something. It almost makes her laugh.
"Yeah, that sounds perfect."
Perfect? Why did she say that?
She ends up sitting next to Finn at The Lima Bean, listening to him tell her that he had his first sip of coffee a couple weeks ago and he'll never touch the stuff again. It makes her laugh, because he's like, 19 or something and acting like an eight year old about how gross coffee is. It's cute, though. He's cute.
Jake's sitting across from her, sipping his black coffee and practically oozing sex appeal as he and Mike talk about dance.
"That's, um. Going okay?" Finn asks, setting his cup down on the table again.
"Yeah," she says, and as soon as the word is out of her mouth she realizes it sounds uncertain, which really wasn't her intention. "It's great. He's great." Jake must hear her, because he touches her foot under the table with his. It makes her smile and look down at her cup of tea. "Are you asking as a teacher, or as a…"
She can't say friend.
Finn says, "I'm not a teacher," and it makes her laugh.
Then she looks at him and notices how brown his eyes are. "I think you'd be a good one, though."
He starts blushing. Jake starts talking to her. She doesn't want to think he's jealous, but he probably is. She hates that she doesn't mind.
… … …
He never learned to play guitar too well. Puck tried to teach him when they were like 12, but Finn's hands were too big not to fumble over his own fingers. He knew basic chords and whatever, but that's it. Then Artie taught him that Fleetwood Mac song in like 20 minutes junior year, which was fine. He's got a guitar because his mom and Burt found it cheap in a pawn shop in DC the last time they were there and thought he might like it, so in his spare time he sort of fucks around and watches YouTube lessons, and he's getting a little better. He'll never be as good as Puck or Artie or Sam, but it's something.
He's in his office - thankfully he still has an office - in January, two weeks after Christmas break. The kids are working on duets, and he paired up the ones who can play instruments with the ones who can't. And he tried to keep the couples away from each other as much as possible, because they sing together enough as it is. So it's Sam and Marley, Jake and Tina, Artie and Kitty, Joe and Ryder. You get the idea. He also thinks it'll like, bond them closer together, too. They're getting pretty good at not being dicks to each other and he wants to keep the momentum going. It sort of reminds him of his first year in glee club where it was like there was two sides to the room and you could only ever be on one or the other.
"Hey, Finn," Sam says, standing at the door with Marley. He's holding his guitar case and Finn mutes the strings on his own. "We need someplace to practice. Everyone else is on the steps and we can't hear ourselves. Kitty's making it some kind of like, competition."
Sounds like her.
(Honestly if there's one kid in glee he doesn't like as much as the others…)
And yeah, the fact that Sam still lives in Finn's basement is a little weird, but only because they agreed to keep their friendship and glee club separate, and that's a pretty hard thing to do when you stay up until like one in the morning playing Halo and then can't talk about it the next day. And they eat breakfast together and go to the school together, most days, but they part ways at the door and leave it at that. It's sort of messed up. Sam's been one of his best friends for a couple years now and everyone knows that.
Anyway, he doesn't really get why Sam doesn't just go home so they can practice.
"What's wrong with your bedroom?"
Marley blushes the prettiest shade of pink Finn's ever seen. It makes him smile, but he wants to hide it so she doesn't think he's making fun of her.
"My mom, um." She rolls her eyes. "She has this rule against me…Your parents are away right now, right?"
Finn nods. Totally understandable. "Right."
(He fucking loves it when his mom and Burt are away and he and Sam get to do things like order pizza and drink a couple beers and leave the kitchen sort of a mess until they get back.)
So yeah, he tells them they can practice in his office, and he does have work he should be doing, instead of playing I'll Be Alright Without You on guitar badly. So he does some stuff on his computer - glee isn't a graded course, but he does have to like, follow rules for the school district, and they need to know about stuff or whatever - while he listens to Marley and Sam sing When The Lights Go Down, which yeah, he Googles so he knows who it's by. They trade off verses and then harmonize really well on the chorus, and like, it's not even a duet, but they make it one, and he sort of loves that.
He's totally biased because this is his best friend or whatever, and the girl he thinks is…
Whatever. Marley's a sweetheart, okay? And he tries to ignore how adorable she is because he's in this sort of serious position, and even though she's not that much younger than him, she is younger than him. Plus he works for the school and he's not an idiot and he's in love with Rachel and Marley's just…No.
But he's allowed to think she's cute.
And he drives her home after, because he's obviously taking Sam, too, and neither of them are the kind of guys who'd just leave her there to find her own way. She thanks him and literally jumps down out of his truck, and yeah, he thinks it's sort of awesome that she wears, like, cowboy boots and isn't afraid to be different than everyone else.
… … …
She's kept in touch with Santana. Well, she was sort of forced into it. Santana basically said she wanted to keep checking up and making sure Marley wasn't making any more 'piss poor choices'. Marley likes Santana anyway, even if she is sort of abrasive. It's nothing she can't handle, and a text exchange a week isn't exactly overwhelming.
It's when she starts asking about Jake that Marley gets a little uncomfortable. She's asking for details Marley doesn't want to give, and maybe it's because she's never really had a lot of girlfriends, but she doesn't really buy into the whole girl talk thing. Jake's her boyfriend and has been officially for a while now, and what happens between them is their business and no one else's. She made him promise not to do the stupid locker room talk thing, and she's pretty sure he's kept up his end of that deal, or she's positive Ryder would tell her. (Or punch Jake.) It wouldn't exactly be fair if she then turned around and talked about things with other people.
And it's not as though she's got a wealth of experience or anything.
"I'm not uncomfortable talking about sex, but I don't want to do it often, or with a girls I barely know.
"Funny," Santana says through the phone line, "I'm actually getting used to that part."
Marley blushes, sitting in her room, because god, she just can't imagine being that open about her sex life. She doesn't even have a sex life.
"Santana, I…"
"I really just want to know how he compares to his brother, is all."
"His…"
"Yeah. Puck and me, we…We had a thing," Santana says, and makes it sound all nonchalant. Marley isn't going to say anything about sexuality or anything, because none of this is her business at all. "I dated guys before…You know. It's not like I always knew I was a lesbian."
Marley is quiet for a moment. "Okay."
"And I seriously hope that sexual prowess runs in that family. For your sake, I mean. Puck's amazing. Way better than Finn was."
Marley's chest feels hollow, or full of rocks. She can't decide which and isn't thinking about that right now anyway.
"You…and Finn?"
"Mhm. Sam, too."
Marley knows Santana is just continuing to talk about this to get a rise out of her and make her uncomfortable, and she's fallen right into the trap. She's really relieved when her mom calls her for help with something and she has a valid excuse to get off the phone. And as she's folding the laundry, she can't stop thinking about Finn and Santana. It makes sense, she supposes. They're the same age and went to school together forever. From what she's heard, though, she's gotten the impression they hate each other.
And she though Finn and Rachel were together through all of high school. That's how people talk about them anyway. So is she one of a few people who even know Finn slept with Santana? Or does Rachel know he cheated on her? Marley hates to jump to that conclusion, but she can't help it. She should give him the benefit of the doubt, but…Well. Finn and Rachel aren't together anymore, and he doesn't talk about why. Maybe it's because…
It's hard to look him in the eye on Monday, and he seems to notice she's avoiding it. He doesn't say anything, though, and he probably has bigger things to worry about than whether or not one of his students is being a brat.
At the end of the week, she's walking by his office and she hears sort of a crash, looks over to see him standing there with his hands balled into his fist and his desk chair knocked over. He sees her looking, which nixes her plan of just walking away like she hadn't seen anything.
"Are you okay?" she asks carefully and watches him take a deep breath, then reach down to set his chair upright again.
"Yeah." She just watches him. "No." See, this is why it's awkward. She has no idea if she's within her boundaries to ask what's wrong. If it's something to do with glee club she probably is, but if not it's really none of her business. "I just found out my ex-fiancée has been dating this guy for like three months and no one thought to tell me."
"Oh my god," she breathes, looking at him. He looks…completely devastated. She honestly doesn't blame him. "I'm sorry."
"Thanks." It's curt, but sincere. She honestly doesn't know how he can pull that off, but he does. Then he just stares at her for a second, like he's sizing her up or… "Why have you been avoiding me all week?"
"I…I haven't."
"Marley," he says, and she looks up at him instead of at the weird coffee stain on the linoleum at her feet. "I just…The truth would be kind of awesome."
She bites her lip and nods, because god, it's really not an unreasonable thing to ask. Ever, but especially now. "I heard something." He looks confused. "About you, when you were here. A student, I mean."
He narrows his eyes suspiciously. "You heard what?"
She doesn't wait too long because this is already bad enough as it is. "You and Santana." He lets out this sort of laugh thing that sounds more bitter than he probably intends it to. "I just thought you and Rachel…"
"Rachel and I were broken up."
"But didn't it still hurt her?" she asks, and sounds angry, but when he snaps at her like that it's really easy to get her defences up. "You're broken up now and you just pushed over a chair because…"
"I kicked it, and that's not even…" He scrunches his face all up and holds his hands in the air, stops talking. "This isn't…I don't understand what's happening right now."
"I thought…" This is going to get her into trouble. "You're like this standup guy, role model…thing. Or you're supposed to be, and…"
"Marley." He's never sounded so authoritative, and she stops talking because of it. "You think every teacher in this place hasn't made mistakes?" She wants to tell him he's not a teacher, but she doesn't get a chance. "And honestly, my personal life isn't any of your business."
"Right." She squares her shoulders and looks him right in the eye. He's holding his ground, too. "I guess knocking over furniture is easier than talking to someone who actually cares."
He says her name when she's leaving, but she keeps walking because she feels like she's going to cry and it's completely stupid.
… … …
Watching Marley and Jake walk around together sort of pisses Finn off. Not because…He's not jealous of Jake or anything insane like that, he just misses that, being 16 and dating the girl he wanted and just not even having to worry about the future yet. It was like, the best time of his life, being with Rachel without New York or college or separation looming over them. If he could relive any stage of his life, it'd be that, which makes him feel like a loser, because he's 19 and he shouldn't already want to relive some part of his past, should he?
These are supposed to be the best days of his life, and he's practically always on the verge of being sick because he's waiting for his acceptance from any of the schools he applied to, and Will's trying to get him a part time paid job at the school co-directing glee for next year.
Sam and Brittany break up when she gets her acceptance to the same school Santana's at, because like, sorry Sam but you don't have a chance. Finn feels so bad for him, too, because he's like, super in love with Brittany. She wasn't leading him on or anything, but it's kinda hard not to see Sam as some kind of place holder, if her plan all along was to get into this school. Like, what did they think was going to happen?
They plan this guys' night at Ryder's place to cheer Sam up, and it's basically light beer and snacks and video games while someone's iPod plays in the background. Until Jake shows up with two bottles of alcohol Finn should probably be more concerned about. But whatever. It's the weekend and he's not working and no one's driving anyway. Plus he's not that drunk and he can make sure no one does anything stupid.
"How do you do it, man?" Sam asks, and Jake happens to look over, too.
"Do what?"
"This," Sam says, and rubs his palm across his forehead. "Like. Be heartbroken."
Finn laughs a bit and tries not to look at Jake's face, for some reason. "You just do it. It's not like you've got a choice or anything."
Jake shakes his head and pours more shots. "You two are the saddest bastards around."
It makes everyone laugh, and whatever. Finn's fine with that. He just wants everyone to have a good time.
But this thing happens when he drinks whiskey. It makes him think way too hard. It's like…He can't stop thinking about if he knew this was going to happen, you know? Not the Sam and Brittany thing, but the Rachel and Brody thing. Or actually the Rachel and any guy in New York thing. Finn broke up with her and sent her off to a huge city where she'd fit in and be gorgeous to like, everyone. Was he really just pushing her towards someone new? And how could he not see that at the time? He set her free so she'd come back to him, not so she could change completely and find someone who fit the new her better.
"You look like you want to punch someone." He looks over from where he's sitting on this swing on Ryder's front porch. He came out for air. He didn't expect to see Marley in baggy sweats and a denim jacket. "Or kick a chair."
He laughs because it's funny. Makes sense to do it. "Just thinking."
"Yeah," she almost whispers, then looks at the door for a second before walking over and sitting down next to him. She's got a Bengals hoodie under her jacket, and she pulls the sleeves down over her hands before setting them on either side of her thighs.
She's sort of incredibly pretty, you know?
"What are you doing here?"
She juts her chin towards the old Jeep sitting at the curb. "Jake called for a ride." Finn nods. She's a good girlfriend. It's like 1:30 in the morning. "Mom doesn't like that he drinks, but she'd rather I use the car and he get home safe than…I mean, I don't think he's that stupid, but."
Finn laughs. "His brother did it more than once."
"He's not his brother."
Shit. He didn't mean to offend her. "That's not…No, I…" She laughs a little, so he figures he's safe and can stop talking. "I feel like things are weird between us."
Her eyes go a little wide. "Us, me and you?" He shrugs, then nods. He wouldn't hate just one more beer. He's walking home soon with Sam anyway. "Sometimes I don't know how to act around you."
"Why?"
God, she has such a nice smile. He really hopes Jake tells her how great she is, you know? Because she is and she deserves to hear it. He doesn't know much about their relationship, other than the fact that they've been dating for almost an entire school year.
"Because I like you and I feel like we could be friends, but you're a teacher."
"I'm not a teacher," he reminds her. She's looking at her feet in her beat up Converse sneakers. "You like me?"
She tilts her head, smiles, then punches his arm lightly. "Finn."
The front door opens and Jake walks out, says, "Hey, baby. When'd you get here?" and reaches for her hands, pulls her up and then kisses her, and it's honestly the first time Finn's ever seen them do it.
He looks away.
(And when he gets home and he's lying in bed, he's really super drunk because Sam suggested beers for the walk home and they filled their pockets. He can't help thinking about being 16 again, and what it might have been like if Marley'd have been 16 at the same time he was. He feels like an asshole for even considering it, because Rachel, but fuck, he doesn't know what he would have done.)
… … …
She gets a summer job at a daycare centre near her place, and basically gets paid to play with kids all day. Okay, there's a little more to it than that, but it's an easier job than some people have. Like Ryder, who works at Dairy Queen, and Jake, who works in the pro shop at the country club and deals with rich jerks all day.
It's really strange not to see her friends every day. It's hard for them to all coordinate schedules and hang out all together, but sometimes she'll spend time one on one. She and Unique go to new romantic comedies that Jake basically refuses to be seen at, and she and Ryder have this thing where they'll meet in town and he'll bring her a Blizzard and they'll talk. He's sort of dating this new girl and he asks her for advice. It's cute. The newly graduated seniors are doing the whole 'last summer of freedom' thing, so there have been some parties.
The kids are on a day trip to the local splash pad, which means she's wearing a bathing suit under her cotton shorts and Happy Beginnings polo shirt. She's got on a black ball cap, too, because the sun is insane but the kids like to pull her sunglasses off her face and it's really easier to just not bother. She's walking down the sidewalk with the four kids she's responsible for. They're so cute, too. She's been assigned four year olds because that age group seems to respond to her best, for whatever reason, and they're all holding hands, with her in the middle.
She's holding children's hands, and she feels awful for thinking Finn looks sexy running down the sidewalk in loose shorts and a sleeveless Mckinley tee shirt. He's sweaty and breathing hard, and god, she's always been just a little attracted to him, but this is something new.
They turn in to the park before he gets close enough to see that it's her. She turns to get a look at him from behind.
… … …
He nearly chokes on his lemonade when he sees her on stage at the town fair in August, wearing a white summer dress with little blue flowers on it, her cowboy boots, and singing some song he's never heard before in his life. People are loving it, clapping along, and she laughs when she's done and everyone goes crazy for her. It's like she's having the time of her life, and the craziest thing is that she's like this every time she sings, and he's noticing it now because he hasn't seen it in a while.
He's missed it.
He doesn't stick around to talk to her after. Partly because he's actually on his way to meet his mom and Burt for some 'official' duty or something where they have to appear as a family. Kurt's around here somewhere.
Finn glances over his shoulder at Marley as she starts her next song. His cup of lemonade is sweating in his hand, and it's totally all in his head, but he fucking swears he can smell the perfume she wears.
… … …
She sleeps with Jake because she's ready, and for no other reason than it's something she wants to do and experience, and wants it with him. She loves him and he's said he loves her, too, and this summer with him has been one of her favourite things she's ever gotten to do.
They're in her bed, because she's most comfortable there, and he's amazing, and she couldn't ask for anything more.
His hands tremble when he touches her and they're both undressed, and he looks down at her, gives her this gorgeous smile, and says, "You're making me nervous."
"I'm not doing anything," she practically whispers, feeling his fingertips slide down her side and over her hip.
Jake laughs quietly, leans down to kiss her. "Yes you are."
… … …
The classes he's taking at OSU Lima are pretty easy to schedule around his commitments to the school. And now that Will has secured all this money for the arts, and one of the gym teachers had a heart attack, Finn's working basically like, three quarters time (a little over half, so…) at the school. He's assistant coach on the football and basketball teams for this year, and he's helping with glee the same way he did last year after Will returned from his thing. He's not getting paid a lot, obviously, but he also doesn't pay rent and he drives an old beat up truck, so basically everything he makes goes into the bank. Tuition took a chunk of it, but it wasn't hard to part with when he considered what he'd be getting in return.
He's seen the kids a lot over the summer. They're all sort of friends, and he was friends with their friends, and it's weird, now, sitting in a room with Marley and Jake and Ryder and having that sort of…The people who made it okay for all of them to hang out are gone, and now it feels like he is the authority figure and they're the students and there's no grey area there where they can get away with being friendly.
There's the typical, beginning-of-the-year member search. Especially after last year, when they didn't do much of anything at all. One girl comes out to audition and she's really good, and Kitty doesn't even scare her off with that like, evil glare. The girl says glee club just always looks like it's having the most fun, even when they're just singing for no reason and not preparing for a competition.
They've got eight members, which isn't enough, and the harmonies aren't as rich as they could be, but they sound good. Jake takes the lead on the song they do for the first time, and man, that kid has a good voice and Finn thinks they should use it more this year as they gear up to actually win Sectionals. As soon as they find four more members.
He sees Marley talking to a group of freshman girls, which is a little weird, but she's nice, and he thinks she's like some kind of peer advisor or something anyway. Then she hands them each a sheet of paper, and as he's walking by he reads over this girl's shoulder. It's a flyer Marley's made for the glee club, with a picture of the group from last year, and a list of cool songs they've done in the past.
"What's that?" he asks her, jogging a little to catch up.
She's got this tan from the summer, and she's started wearing this really simple silver chain she doesn't take off, that he heard she got from Jake for her birthday. This…he doesn't want to call it a thing. He doesn't have a thing for her. There's just something about her. She's special.
"We can't compete with eight members."
He gives it a second, smiles at Mrs. Rathburn, who still thinks he's a student here. "You're not still trying to make up for last year's Sectionals, are you?"
She doesn't confirm or deny, just says, "I don't want to lose again this year. I wanna know what it feels like to be first, you know?"
Finn chuckles a little. "Yeah. I know."
She stops walking and looks up at him. "Do you…Do you think we can do it?"
He smiles at her because she's so sweet and so like, eager, but not in a pushy way. He puts his hand on her shoulder and leans down the slightest bit. "Marley, after all the crap the club went through when I was part of it, I think anything's possible."
She smiles, hugs her books to her chest and hits him with, "You're still part of the club, Finn," before she leaves him standing there so she can catch up with a group of guys he's pretty sure are in the French club.
It's so messed up that she says things like that and always makes him think.
… … …
She walks into The Lima Bean and Finn is sitting there with Rachel Berry, and Marley feels so uncomfortable already that she just wants to turn and leave. And she would, but she's meeting with her partner for a history project, so there's no way she can act like she didn't see them and just go.
The tension is visible in the way Finn's sitting, and Rachel looks so relaxed it's almost unnerving. How can she be so calm like that, sitting across from the guy she said she'd marry? Marley's heard bits and pieces of the story until she figured she had pretty much the whole thing, and she doesn't know which of them she feels most sorry for. Probably Finn, at this point, because Rachel's moved on. Puck told Jake that she's still with this guy named Brody and it's this big, serious relationship.
Finn spots her and smiles, gives her a nod. Rachel turns around to see who he's acknowledging, and Marley gives a little wave. God, Rachel is so beautiful. Like, it's sort of unfair how gorgeous and talented and practically perfect she is. She's a top student at the best dramatic arts school in the country, and it just feels like everything comes so naturally to her. She's heard that high school wasn't the easiest for Rachel, but you wouldn't know or think that to look at her. She's stunning and Marley is jealous.
Jordan arrives and the two of them get to work, trading research notes and outlining their presentation and deciding which of them will do what. She's really glad she has a partner who isn't going to slack.
She feels like the slacker right now, actually, because she's totally distracted, watching Finn play with his bottle of water as Rachel sips her tea and they talk. His smile is sort of pained and Rachel gestures dramatically, hands flying all over, and pushing her hair around and stuff. Marley wonders if Rachel just doesn't even notice how uncomfortable he is, or if she's acting the way she is to try and plough through the awkwardness.
He catches Marley's eye at one point, and she feels like she might die of embarrassment over being caught staring, but he sort of smiles at her, then looks down at the table and back to Rachel, and…
He's not flirting and she knows that because he wouldn't. But she's pretty sure that if he were going to flirt, that's how he'd do it.
… … …
Things are totally over with Rachel, and he's moving on, and apparently that means letting Will talk him into going on a date with someone. Anyone. Just a date. "One date, just to get yourself back out there."
Like he's a divorcee or something.
And seriously, it's not like he's been…Okay, he's been in love with Rachel, yeah, but he's a dude and he like, has urges and stuff, and he hasn't just sat around pathetic and lonely. He went to visit Mike in Chicago at the end of last school year and there was a girl there, and when Puck was home for a week in the summer, they went out to Indian Lake for a couple nights camping and he fooled around with this super hot girl he knew he'd never see again.
He doesn't want to go on a date. Like, trying to find a girlfriend has never actually appealed to him. He wants to know the girl, go after her, and date her. He doesn't want to go to coffee or dinner and have it be like a job interview where you go in knowing nothing about one another and spend all time making stupid small talk. That's just not his thing.
And anyway, he's got a football team that's on a roll, and a glee club that's going to Sectionals in a week. He has bigger things to worry about than what shirt to wear for a date he doesn't even want to be on.
Finding Marley crying in a stairwell 45 minutes before they're supposed to go on stage is just…He came looking for her, but he thought she might be running scales or getting some fresh air. Not dabbing a Kleenex against her cheeks and blinking fast and trying not to ruin her makeup. She looks great in her burgundy dress and silver shoes and just…He hates it when pretty girls cry. It's actually the worst.
He sits down next to her and gives her a few seconds to 'fess up before he says her name.
"Ryder just told me he's in love with me."
Finn's only reaction is to say, "Whoa." Which isn't likely very helpful. "When? Why?"
"About 15 minutes ago. And I guess because he does?" she suggests, which…Okay. Stupid question.
He wants to put his arm around her or something, but if someone saw, it'd be a big deal. "Why are you crying, though?"
"Because now I feel like a jerk! I had no idea, and…We've just been friends, and…God, maybe I sort of had a feeling, but..." She turns to him all fast, the curled ends of her hair flying around and tumbling over her shoulder. "Jake can't find out. They're best friends. If…"
Finn doesn't mean to laugh, but come on. This is so fucking familiar to him that it's actually hilarious.
"Sorry. It's just like, when I was your age it was the Puckerman ruining the relationship." Okay, she looks pissed. "I mean me and Quinn. With…"
"I know what you mean. I'm not…This isn't like that." Then she adds, "Not exactly, anyway."
She covers her face with her hands, and he smiles again and rolls his eyes, because she's being so dramatic, but he can sort of see why. It must feel pretty intense to be her right now. He stands, then goes down a few steps and reaches for her wrists, pulls them away and looks her in the eye.
"Look, you can't control how someone else feels about you, all right?" he says, and that's totally the truth. It sucks for Ryder, too, but it's not like Marley owes him anything just because he's in love with her. If she doesn't feel the same, there's nothing anyone can do about that.
"Why would he tell me?"
Finn laughs quietly. "Because sometimes you have to, and like…Sometimes not saying it can hurt more."
She just looks at him with her eyes all shiny. "Why do I feel like you're speaking from experience?"
"The first time I told Rachel, we were literally about to go on stage. I just blurted it out like an idiot." Marley laughs tearfully. It's a good sound. "Come on. You've got a solo to sing and you need to warm up."
"I feel like I'm going to…"
"Don't say pass out."
She pushes at his shoulder and they laugh together, and when she gets on stage to sing her song. It's a solo, but Jake is playing guitar for her as she sings a stripped down version of The Way I Loved You, which is a Taylor Swift song Finn didn't even know existed. The theme for Sectionals this year is 'Make It New', which is the lamest thing he's ever heard of, but it's kind of a blank canvas and let them do something like this.
She's sitting on a stool next to her boyfriend and they both have spotlights on them, but Finn can't take his eyes off her.
She's the kind of girl who cries when someone says they love her and she can't love them back, for whatever reason she can't.
This thought passes through his head just once: He sort of loves that about her.
And they win, and she throws herself into his arms, and he's so completely screwed, because so far the only girl he'd even consider going on a date with…
… … …
She doesn't mean to…God, this always happens. She's just minding her own business, grabbing the book she forgot and had to call the main office to be let into the school to get. Yes, she's just cool enough to completely space on taking home the text she needs in order to complete an assignment due two days after winter break. Anyway, it's fine, she supposes, she just had to make a special trip to get it, and Mrs. Cohen, who works in the office, told Marley in no uncertain terms that if her mom didn't work at the school, she would have been out of luck.
Anyway.
She's walking down the hall and she hears shouting, or…well. It's a serious conversation in Finn's office. Schue's office. It's weird to think of it as anything but Finn's, if she's being honest. Most of the teachers are around, because technically the Friday before break officially starts is a PD day or something. She doesn't know.
"No, that's…You can't just show up here, and…"
"I miss you!"
Finn sighs and says, "Rachel," and Marley stops, because she doesn't know how to pass without calling attention to the fact that she's definitely heard that and they'll know it.
"I don't miss you," he tells her, and Marley holds her breath and leans against the wall. She'll go around the long way to the main door and walk to where her mom is waiting for her. In a minute. "I mean…Like, yeah, I wish we…But everything's changed now, okay? And it's like…You'e with another guy."
Rachel sniffles. "We should be able to be friends. You said you wanted to."
"I was stupid."
"You're not stupid," Rachel snaps. "I don't see how my being in a relationship with someone else…"
"You got over me!" he shouts, and Marley really needs to… "What did you expect, Rachel? That I'd just like, sit around and wait until you…Like, what are you trying to do here? You're off screwing Brody, and..."
"That's not fair. It isn't like that!"
There's a beat, then, "Are you in love with him?"
A door opens down the hall, breaking the silence and scaring the hell out of Marley, and she bashes her elbow on the wall and then whimpers, and Finn comes out to see what's going on. The look of terror she can feel is on her face is…He shouldn't smile.
"Hey," he says, and then Rachel's there, too, and Finn's insane. "Thanks for coming on your day off."
What?
He gives her this sort of pleading look, and she hates lying, but she can't imagine leaving him to get an answer from Rachel to that question he asked.
"Yeah, no problem."
"Finn," Rachel tries.
"I told you I have stuff to do."
He's so cold and dismissive and Marley is insanely uncomfortable when tears fall from Rachel's eyes and she grabs her coat and leaves without another word. Marley follows Finn into his office because she can't just leave now, and he sits down and tips his head back.
"My life is like a fucking soap opera." He looks mortified over swearing. "Sorry." She just laughs, because what else is she supposed to do at this point? "I wanna say I can't believe her, but I totally can. It just pisses me off that she stands there and pretends she'd be totally fine if I was the one dating someone new."
Marley can't stop herself from saying, "Why aren't you?"
Finn just sort of laughs, then looks at her in a way that makes her completely unable to look anywhere but at him. "It's complicated."
She bites the inside of her lip as she nods her head.
Later, when Jake bumps her shoulder with his and asks what's got her so distracted, she tells him it's nothing because she's not about to tell him she can't stop thinking about the way Finn looked at her and said, "It's complicated" as though she's the complication.
… … …
He's completely stoked when they win Regionals, too. Like, he honestly…He thought they could. They're talented enough and they practiced so hard. So hard. They had everything as close to perfect as they could, so it was really just a matter of the competition, and this year it was kinda tough. But they win, and there's this little party in Jake and Ryder's room, and he's just sort of watching the group be crazy and happy and goof off and celebrate.
It's going to be really, really hard to tell them he's leaving.
The classes he's been taking have been pretty general, and it's been really good for him, and he applied to take music education and he was accepted, so he's going to Columbus to the main campus, and…It's not until September, which is months away, but still. He's leaving, and he can't decide if he should tell them now, or wait. Or just not tell them at all. That'd probably be shitty, but Schue could just tell them Finn had to go. Shit. He's not a coward, though.
Fuck, he wishes he could get Marley off his mind. It's not even like it's creepy or anything, or some kind of awful crush. It's not. He just thinks she's great, and the more he hears her sing, the more he thinks she's capable of. She lacks confidence and he hates that, and even though he's seen her grow so much, she could…God, she could be even more amazing if she only believed it.
He leaves after a while, because he doesn't want to like, interfere, and the kids should totally just have fun without having to worry about anyone reporting back to their teacher. Not that he'd do that, but they probably think he would, or could.
He's halfway down the hall when he hears, "Hey," and footsteps, and then Marley's touching his arm, and her cheeks are all pink from all the laughing she was doing back there. (Okay, so maybe he left because of that, too. Because he couldn't not watch her like that.) "Where are you going?"
He shrugs. "My room, I guess."
She tilts her head like he's being stupid or something. "Come celebrate with us."
"No," he answers, shaking his head as he looks to the ground. "No, you go be with your friends and your boyfriend."
Marley just looks at him, and shit. He shouldn't have said boyfriend.
"Finn, are…" She sort of bites her lip, then looks up, and rocks on the balls of her feet like she does sometimes when she's nervous. "Are we just not going to talk about…"
He blurts out, "I'm leaving," to stop her from actually putting it out there, the fact that they've got this stupid chemistry, or whatever it is, and she's got a fucking boyfriend. And it works, too, because she stops and her mouth is open, and then she looks really sad or hurt or something. "I'm going to school in Columbus, and it's…I'll be out of your way, and…"
"You're not in my way," she almost whispers, and then takes a step towards him, and this whole thing has trouble written all over it.
He's not trying to be mean when he says, "You're sort of in mine," but maybe she doesn't realize that. "It's just…This is insane and I can't like, actually acknowledge what I'm trying to say, but…" She laughs, a little bit, and says his name, but god, she should stop doing that. It doesn't help. "I'm leaving anyway, so it's nothing."
"Right," she says, and her hair falls in her face when she looks down again. She plays with the sleeve of her sweater, and he has no idea how she's managing to look so naive and so sexy at the same time. "You're right. It's nothing."
Oh god. It's something to her, too.
"Marley."
She points over her shoulder with her thumb, says, "I'm gonna go back," and he just nods and watches her walk away.
He's getting a little sick of watching girls walk away, to be honest.
... ... ...
Jake's not going to break up with her. He won't do it. He loves her, and he'll just keep turning a blind eye to the fact that their relationship isn't the same as it used to be, doesn't feel the same. She wants to say she has no idea why, but that isn't exactly true and she's not going to be insulting and say so. There are a few reasons, really, and they can't keep ignoring them. Even if there wasn't an obvious reason, it wouldn't change the fact that they aren't…
She loves him. She really does. But it doesn't feel as intense as it did when she first realized it, and she's been struggling with that, because god, she can't honestly imagine a relationship that stays that passionate forever. Obviously you evolve, and your feelings will, too. But she's been thinking about it lately, and she just…What, are they going to be together forever? She used to be able to see that, she could, but now she just can't. She can't see them going to the same college, and she can't see them managing to survive anything long distance.
This thing that keeps happening where Finn finds her crying is actually becoming super embarrassing. This time it's a Saturday morning and she's on the bleachers, because her mom said that if she caught her crying at home again she was going to get really worried. As if she's not allowed to cry over ending her year and a half long relationship. She can't stop when she thinks about it, and it's like…She knew Jake would have stayed with her through all of high school, probably, and that's such an attractive option, even if it's really not fair to her, and it's horribly unfair to him. He'll start to see things her way eventually. Right now he's mad, which is just his way of channeling his heartbreak, and god, the look on his face when she'd done it…
"It's freezing out here," Finn says, and he comes up behind her, scaring the hell out of her. "What are you…Hey."
She wipes her eyes and tries to smile, but it's not like he can unsee her crying, so she stops bothering to hide it. And he sits next to her anyway, and looks kind of awkward, like he wants to touch her but won't.
"You haven't heard." He just stares. "I broke up with Jake."
Something flashes through his eyes, and she refuses to think it's hope, because that's stupid, and just because she's single doesn't mean any of this can be anything at all.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
She closes her eyes and scrunches her nose a bit. (It's always been her way of keeping herself from crying. Or at least attempting not to cry.) "Don't."
Finn nods and looks out over the field. She wishes she knew why he was here. It doesn't matter, really, but it's weird that he's just randomly around when her heart's breaking.
"Are you okay?" He's not looking at her, but she nods anyway. "I'm really gonna miss this."
Seriously, there are there months left of school, but she can't stop thinking about it either. Him leaving.
"Yeah, I guess you can't really keep away from the field, can you?"
"No, that's…" He laughs a little, sets his elbows on his knees. "I really just said that because I can't actually say that I'll miss you."
"Finn."
"I'm sorry," he sighs. "You don't need this right now."
"No, that's not…You just…I don't even understand this thing between us."
He doesn't say anything, just sits there quietly with her until her phone goes off and it's her mom, telling her to come home for dinner, and Finn makes sure she's okay to drive before he tells her he'll see her later. He stays on the bleachers. She still doesn't know why he was there at all.