No Easier Than It's Ever Been
Title: No Easier Than It's Ever Been
Chapter: 1/1
Warning: Some language
Pairing: Nate/Blair Friendship. Some CB, NS, N-JBC, and S/Ca if you squint real hard.
Summary: Her life is a disaster, and it takes being drunk on a sidewalk in Queens to realize it.
Word Count: 4,400
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl.
She's standing on the sidewalk in this stupid pretty dress with her stupid pretty hair still neatly done and her stupid pretty shoes pinching at her toes and her stupid stupid driver is taking his time.
And she's just a little drunk.
A lot drunk.
This may just have been the worst night of her life.
(No. Not the worst. That one was exactly five nights ago and she can't forget it, no matter how hard she tries. Hence the drunkenness.)
She hates this. She loves that Dorota is happy and all that, and that her mother is amazing and that this wedding went relatively smoothly, save for her own scene.
She is in Queens.
She is drunk, on a sidewalk, in Queens.
Her life is a disaster, and it takes being drunk on a sidewalk in Queens to realize it.
"Blair?"
She turns around, teeters on her stupid pretty heels a little bit, sighs. "Nate."
--
"You're drunk," he observes with a smile.
"You're...Nate."
He laughs and nods. "I am."
She knows he's expecting more. She's almost thinking of something to say when she remembers that her car is nowhere in sight.
"You would think that someone whose sole purpose is to drive a car could do it with some efficiency!" she says, tutting her heel on the pavement.
His limo pulls up and he opens the door. "Get in," he says, jerking his head towards the car.
She smiles, sticks her nose in the air, and says something about chivalry.
The sound of his laughter follows her into the car until he's sitting there next to her.
--
"How are you?" he asks, head tipped back against the seat, mimicking the way she's sitting.
"I'm fine."
"Fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional?" he asks with a grin.
She rolls her eyes.
She hates it when he's right.
--
They're somewhere on Park when she rests her head on his shoulder. He's always had such nice shoulders.
"So where's your girlfriend?" she asks lightly, poking at his ribs with her index finger.
She likes teasing he and Serena. Mostly because it's about time they got it together.
"Dunno," he says, looking out the window. She pulls away from him and tugs his arm until he looks at her again. "She took off, apparently."
"But..."
"Carter's back."
There's a pause and their eyes lock.
"Oh."
--
The car stops in front of her building and she sees there are no lights on in her penthouse. It's not surprising. It's barely midnight.
"Come in?" she asks sleepily. He seems to think about it. "Nate, just come in. If the way Chuck was dancing with that seven foot tall model is any indication, you won't want to be at your place."
He comes in.
--
"I danced with Dan Humphrey," she says, disdain clear in her tone as she scrunches her nose.
"Jenny was like, relentlessly hitting on me all night."
She pulls another face. "You win."
--
They're on her bed, her in her modest pajamas and him with his shirt untucked, tie off and jacket draped over a chair. She's sipping a glass of water and he's eating crackers.
Messily.
"This is vile," she says, wiping crumbs off the bedspread.
"Hey!" he laughs. "Am I not the kind of guy who can get away with this?"
He wags his eyebrows and she rolls her eyes.
They're both smiling.
--
Breakfast at Tiffany's (his suggestion, to cheer her up) is playing in the background, Blair mouthing the words like she's always done. Nate is opening and closing his phone, over and over again, until Blair takes it away from him and stuffs it in the drawer of her bedside table.
"You'll hear it if she calls," she says without even looking at him.
(She doesn't call.)
--
Halfway through the movie, Nate shrugs gently to get her attention, and she lifts her head off his shoulder.
"How are you, Blair? Really."
"Really?" she asks. He nods subtly. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "I'm a little heartbroken."
"I'm sorry," he says quietly, draping his arm around her.
"Me too," she whispers.
And if there are tears in her eyes, it's just because this is her favourite part of the movie.
--
Blair wakes up in the morning with Nate's head on her stomach, a headache behind her eyes, and her shocked mother standing in her doorway.
"Nathaniel?" Eleanor hisses.
Blair can't help but smile. This is hardly a scandal.
"We just slept, Mother."
Eleanor smiles knowingly and pulls the door closed.
Nate opens his eyes and looks up at Blair. "Hey."
"Good morning. Breakfast?"
"Is Dorota even here?" he asks, rubbing at his eyes.
"I knew I shouldn't have let her get married!"
Nate laughs and sits up, tugging her hand to get her out of bed. "Come on. We'll go out."
--
Their breakfast is strictly platonic, but they end up on Gossip Girl anyway, since Nate is in last night's clothes and Blair is Chuck Bass' ex-girlfriend.
--
Blair runs into Dan on campus one day and asks for Jenny's number.
"Don't you have it already?" he asks, confused.
Blair sends him a withering glance (of course she doesn't) and arches her brow until he sighs and recites the number.
--
"...So stay away from Nate, Little J, because not only is he taken, but Serena is your sister, and blood is thicker than water."
(The two girls don't share blood, but Blair is going for dramatics.)
"Blair, you don't even know..."
"I know you'll never be good enough for him. It's best I just tell you now before you make an even bigger fool of yourself. Ta!"
She hangs up the phone and listens to the click of her heels on her marble foyer floor as she leaves the house.
--
She and Nate never meet at his place, for obvious reasons.
There is, however, a part of her that's dying to know what Chuck's reaction is to her spending time out with Nate.
This is the third day in a row.
She sees someone snap a photo and she makes sure she's smiling.
--
"I haven't heard from Jenny in like, two days. It's...It's kind of awesome," Nate says, laughing at himself as he sips coffee at that little place he and Dan seem to love so much.
"Oh?" she says, raising her brows over her coffee cup.
He smiles at her and leans forward. "What did you do?" he asks knowingly, grin still on his lips.
"Me? Nothing," she says coyly.
He laughs and shakes his head and she dabs her lip with a napkin.
--
Serena calls her one night as she's trying to do homework and says that she's on her way back to New York.
"What are you going to tell Nate?" Blair asks.
"I...I don't know yet. Something. The truth."
"That you left town with Carter Baizen for reasons unknown?"
"I didn't leave with Carter. I mean, not really."
"Nate thinks you did."
"Yeah, you two have looked really cozy on Gossip Girl since I've been away," Serena says.
Blair doesn't miss the jealousy there.
"You left. I don't have Chuck. Nate and I are friends. And I'm just worried about him."
"Nate?" Serena asks bitterly. "The guy you broke up with twice?"
"The guy who loves you, S," Blair argues.
There's a beat of silence and then a sigh. "Blair, I have to go."
"You're going to lose him, Serena. I'm not exaggerating."
"I have to go," Serena repeats.
And Blair thinks that Nate doesn't deserve this.
--
She's waiting on a dozen suitors, wearing a stylish dress and ensuring the fruit arrangements are up to par, and the elevator dings.
Nate walks in wearing jeans and a plaid shirt. It hardly fits her dress code.
"What are you doing here?" she hisses, rushing towards him, trying to push him back towards the elevator.
He's laughing. "Really, Blair? A brunch?"
"Who told you that?" she whispers, glancing over her shoulder at the help. He tilts his head. "Chuck."
"I just...I can't let you go through with this," he says. He's still laughing. She's glaring, crossing her arms and standing her ground. "Blair, c'mon. You can't honestly think you're going to meet the guy who'll help you get over Chuck at some brunch."
"It's my brunch! And I oversaw everything, I'll have you know. Will you just leave? My guests will be arriving shortly."
"You're coming with me."
"I am not!"
He grabs her coat in one hand, her wrist in the other, pulls her towards the elevator.
She stops fighting it around the time his fingers twine with hers.
--
"So, Serena's back," he says as they walk through the park.
They're dangerously close to the duck pond. She doesn't think he realizes that.
"Is she?"
"She told me you two talked," he tells her, glancing over at her.
She hides behind her coffee cup. "Did she?"
"Worried about me, Waldorf?" he asks, nudging her elbow with his.
"Always, Archibald."
(The alliteration is on purpose, even if she knows he won't notice. And he started it, anyway.)
--
"We broke up," he admits after a few minutes of their normal playful banter.
"What?" She stops walking, stares at him.
He shrugs lazily, like he's resigned to it.
Blair knows the feeling.
--
Serena is at her house when she gets home. Blair smiles and they hug and trade I missed you's because that's what they always do and it's always true.
"Nate and I broke up," Serena says sadly.
Blair pretends she hasn't spend all morning listening to Nate's side of the story.
"Oh, S. I'm sorry," Blair says.
She really, really means it.
--
"Why are you so dressed up?" Serena asks, surveying Blair's dress.
Serena laughs as she listens to the story of the brunch, and they both end up with tears in their eyes when they realize they've both lost their boys.
"It's just...Carter..."
Blair's heart cracks a little. For the first time in a long time, it's not for herself.
--
Blair sees Chuck one day on her way to meet Nate for lunch. He's working, talking to people, and he gets this sad, longing look in his eyes when he notices her.
She thinks he still loves her.
She knows she still loves him.
It's just that she's not ready to not be angry with him.
And the way she holds grudges, she doesn't think she ever will be.
--
She's crying when she calls Nate to cancel, and she tries to hide it, but she's forgotten that Nate has heard her cry almost more than Serena or Dorota.
"Blair..."
"I saw him."
He sighs into the phone. "Let's get out of town," he suggests after a moment.
"What!? We have classes! I know you feel those are optional, but some of us..."
"Grandfather's estate? He's in Washington."
She gnaws at her bottom lip as she mentally peruses her wardrobe.
"Can we take the helicopter?" she asks, as if that's the bargaining chip.
He laughs and tells her to be ready in a couple hours.
--
She lets out a dreamy sigh and runs her hand over the back of an antique settee in the library of Nate's grandfather's house.
"I love this house," she says needlessly.
"I know," he laughs. He flops down on the sofa in the room and clasps his hands behind his head.
"It's just so big! And the moldings, and the marble floors, and the goldleaf on the ceiling in the ballroom." She sits down next to him, pushing his legs onto the floor. "Remember when we thought this would be ours someday?"
"You thought that," he reminds her, giving her that grin of his. "You asked his assistant for square footage and property tax reports."
"I was just being thorough, Nate," she says seriously, though she's smiling at him.
They both laugh a little bit and she looks around the room, the wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. She remembers picturing little brunette kids in the yard and the van der Bilt diamond on her hand. It seems like ages ago that she dreamed that.
She looks at him and wonders if he's thinking the same thing.
"Wouldn't it just be so much easier if it was still you and I?" she asks.
He sits up and drapes his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, dropping a kiss to her temple.
"Probably."
--
They order dinner in.
(Honestly, Blair wonders what's wrong with people. No one wanted to deliver all the way to the van der Bilt manor.
"Do you understand the size of the gratuity you'll receive from us if you just deliver? This isn't a negotiation. You'll come. It's the impossibly big grey house at the end of the long lane. Now, I want two of the..."
And after she hangs up, Nate is just standing there staring at her.
"What?" she asks. He laughs.)
So they eat Chinese in the main dining room, at the table built to seat at least 20. The sit right in the middle of it, across from one another, their cardboard containers spread out between them.
She squeals and kicks him under the table when he throws a chicken ball at her.
"You're so immature. Honestly."
They both ignore the fact, hanging heavy over them, that Serena would have started an all out food fight, and Chuck would have pulled Blair to another room to eat 'like civilized human beings.'
--
The king sized bed in the room she's staying in is more comfortable than should be considered legal.
Blair is terrified.
The house is completely quiet, not a sound coming from anywhere. She's used to New York, to noise and commotion.
When she gets up at two in the morning and leaves her room, she's holding her robe tightly to her body and walking down the hall to Nate's room.
It's hard to find in the dark.
She opens at least five doors before finding him sleeping in a room decorated in navies and whites.
"Nate," she whispers, closing the door.
"Mmm."
"Nate." He doesn't budge. She shakes him. "Nate!"
"What?" he asks, finally pulling his head off the pillow. "'S'wrong?"
"This house is creepy."
He gets this lazy smile on his face as he rolls onto his back and looks at her.
"And you wanted to raise our kids here," he teases.
She scowls at him.
She gets into bed anyway.
--
They go for a walk after they try - and mostly fail - to make breakfast. Toast and juice is sufficient, she supposes.
It's still a little cool outside, and she holds her jacket close to her body.
"You still love Serena."
It's not a question.
He shrugs his shoulder. That's a yes.
"You should get her back."
"Yeah?" he asks, looking over at her. She senses there's more. "What about you?"
"Chuck and I are slightly more complicated," she insists.
He shrugs again. She thinks that could get very irritating.
"You love him?" She doesn't answer. That's a yes. "So?"
They don't talk much after that.
--
"Pizza?" he suggests as he leafs through the yellow pages. She makes a face. "What?"
"Isn't pizza...pedestrian?"
"We are pedestrians," he teases, reaching for the phone.
She pouts when he gets no flack from the restaurant about wanting delivery.
"That hardly seems fair," she says after he's hung up.
"I'm just charming like that."
He winks. She scowls. She pushes him backwards when he tries to muss her hair.
--
She decides that if they're going to be eating something as uncouth as pizza, they at least need a fine wine to drink with it.
She insists that he follow her to the wine cellar, since "there are spiders down there!"
He stands in the doorway and watches as she looks at dusty bottles and wanders around the room.
"This one," she says, reaching for a bottle. It's red, Italian, and there are five more just like it.
"How come?"
She smiles and hands the bottle to him as she passes. "It's pretty."
He laughs at her again, and she doesn't even care.
It's not a secret that she likes pretty things.
--
She's not going to admit it, but this pizza is really good.
The wine is even better.
They've opened a second bottle.
It's dark out now, and they're sitting in a room that neither of them can actually name. It's something of a cross between an office, a living room, and a bar. She's twirling the stem of her wine glass between her fingers.
"Thank you for bringing me here, Nate," she says sincerely.
"Ah. No problem. 'S'good to get away."
She looks at him, his hair pushed up off his forehead like he's been wearing it lately. His blue sweater looks lovely. His forearm is resting on the bar, their elbows touching.
She rests her hand on his cheek and pulls his face to hers, kisses him softly, just once, just to see.
Her eyes are closed when they part, and she rests her forehead against his.
"It would just be so much easier," she says quietly.
He lets out a breathy chuckle, puts his hand on her cheek and kisses the side of her mouth in a way that can only be described as friendly.
"Get him back."
He clinks his glass against hers and she's already thinking of a plan.
--
The helicopter is late to pick them up and Blair curses the pilot.
"Wouldn't you think airspace is controlled? Why on earth is he stalling? If we perish in a fiery crash, I want my mother to know who to sue!"
Nate laughs. He never takes her seriously. They'd never work, not really.
(Chuck would either soothe her, have his lawyer on the phone, or somehow arrange for their own chopper. At least she likes to believe he would.)
--
She's tired when they get back to the city. Nate carries her bags up to her apartment for her.
Chuck and Serena are sitting in the living room.
--
Serena launches herself into Blair's arms, and Nate smiles because no matter what, those girls will always love one another a little harder than they love any boy along the way.
"You didn't even call me!" Serena cries, swatting Blair with a pillow.
"I was..." Blair stops, catches her breath. (Chuck is watching her a little too closely.) "We needed to disengage from all things New York."
"Does that even make sense?" Serena laughs.
"No," Chuck adds before taking a sip of his coffee. "Nathaniel."
"Chuck," Nate says. Nate laughs and holds out his hand and the boys shake. Then Serena is standing in front of him, biting her lip nervously. "You uh...talk?"
"Talking would be good," she says.
Blair smiles when she sees Serena slip her hand into Nate's and lead him up the stairs.
Chuck looks amused.
"You know their talks always end up with them naked," Blair says. Chuck laughs. She runs a hand over the front of her dress.
"Relaxed, are we?" Chuck asks, brow cocked and smirk on his lips.
"Quite," Blair says. She finds herself trying not to smile. "I had a lovely long weekend."
"I'm glad. You look well."
She sighs. She hates this. She'd love to just let him know that forgiveness isn't out of the question. It'll be a long road, that she doesn't know when they'll get there, but she wants it.
"Chuck?"
"Yes?"
He's standing closer now. She can smell his cologne. She bites the inside of her lip and lets her eyes meet his.
"Do you love me?" she asks quietly. A little smile graces his lips before it disappears. She's come to love those brief little smiles.
He takes her hand, kisses her knuckles, never taking his eyes off hers. "Of course I do. Always."
"Okay," she says. She smoothes out the front of his suit jacket. "Alright then."
"Alright?" he asks in amusement. He's teasing her. She's missed how he can do that with just one word. "That's it?"
"No," she says coyly, toying with his tie. "But if I know that, then maybe everything else will be easier."
She can't stop him from kissing her.
She doesn't think she wanted to anyway.
--
She's come over to his suite for a civilized breakfast before class. She's in her tailored Chanel skirt and silk blouse, Chuck in his black suit with red accents. He refills her coffee cup.
"No!"
They hear Serena's voice from the other end of the apartment, then a giggle, then Nate's laugh and the door open.
"They're like rabbits," Blair hisses.
She pretends to ignore Chuck's comment about their own lack of a sex life. She's refusing until they work out their issues. His attempts at seducing her have almost worn her down.
"Oh! Hi!" Serena says, walking into the dining room wearing just one of Nate's plaid shirts and a pair of socks. Her hair is a mess and there's a...
"Is that a hickey?!" Blair shouts.
"Huh? Where?" Serena asks. Nate comes up behind her, kissing her quickly before stealing a piece of melon off the table.
"On your thigh!"
Chuck laughs and raises his coffee cup to Nate, who's looking far too accomplished. He sits next to Blair at the table and she crosses her arms, pouting.
Nate leans over, kisses her cheek in a brotherly way, and she rolls her eyes.
"We still on for dinner tonight?" he asks.
Chuck and Serena look at one another, then Nate and Blair.
"What?" Blair asks. She picks at her yoghurt. "We have a friend date."
She smiles and checks the time, announces that she has to go, and kisses Chuck quickly.
--
She asks Nate how in the world to get Chuck to stop trying to sleep with her, because she's not sure how much longer she can deny him.
"Just give in," he says, laughing at her across the table. "'S'more fun that way."
"But...but then he wins!"
He wags his eyebrows. "But so do you."
"Nate," she laughs.
"Look, you're Blair Waldorf, right?" he asks needlessly. He shrugs his shoulder. "Just make it seem like he's winning, but at the same time get whatever it is you want."
She smiles broadly and sips her champagne.
"You know me very well, Nate Archibald."
He winks. She grins.