I Ain't Too Proud
Title: I Ain't Too Proud
Pairing: Puck/Rachel
Prompt: Oh so kiss him again/Just to prove to me that you can/And I will stand here/And burn in my skin
For: nova802
Disclaimer: Don't own.
The only reason he's here is because his mom's a nag and like, guilted him into coming home over Christmas. He's a busy guy and he's got shit to do in New York that don't include sitting on his ass in his mom's living room and gaining 10 pounds because she feels the need to constantly feed people whether they need it or not.
And his sister's a little bitch these days, but he really can't blame her, and she's not exactly a bitch to him. It's mostly towards his mom's new boyfriend, Lance.
His mom's dating a dude named Lance. It's apparently pretty serious, too. The first night Puck was home, Lance stayed over. In Puck's mom's room.
What the fuck?
Puck honestly cannot remember his mom ever seriously dating someone. His dad leaving fucked her up and she didn't date for years, until Carole Hudson set her up with this dude she knew from work, and they went out for a few dinner dates when Puck was like 13. There were a few meals here or there with other guys, but Puck, until now, didn't really believe his mom'd even so much as kissed someone since his dad.
Now she's sharing a bed with Lance and Puck's finding it hard to sleep on this old, lumpy ass mattress in the room he grew up in.
... ... ...
He knows he's gonna see Rachel sooner or later, and he's only home for a week, so it's pretty much all sooner, really. He catches a glimpse of her at temple when his mom forces him to go. And can he just say that he thinks it's really fucking hypocritical than she's dating a goy when she always made such a big fucking deal about who her kids dated? Even the guy Hannah's fucking around with behind their mom's back is a Jew.
And Puck was with Rachel for two years. He'd still be with her, too, if they hadn't had that stupid fucking fight and ended up saying shit they didn't mean. Or, well, he didn't mean what he'd said. She called him a barely-reformed slut, and it stung enough that he couldn't just ignore it, and called her a selfish bitch. He told her to go fuck herself, which, to him, meant they were broken up, and so when he fucked someone else that night he was in the clear.
Rachel disagreed.
They didn't break up because he stopped being in love with her like a dumbass. And he's seen her once or twice in the city, but it was like, awkward hellos, or he'd see her walking down the street from where he was standing and not approach her.
What the fuck do you say to the best woman you ever fucked things up with?
(He'll tell you what, though, if he could go back in time, he'd take back having sex with that woman that night and proving Rachel right.)
"Hello," Rachel says, and he nods at her. "I didn't expect you to be in Lima."
"Yeah, well. Mom." She actually smiles like she understands. He thinks she looks pretty in this dress. "How've you been?"
He can tell that every fucking gossiping asshole in this place is watching them, waiting to see what's going to happen. It's no secret that they were together in New York, and it's no secret the breakup was messy. There are about five different versions of the story that got passed around this town. None of them are true, as far as he knows.
"Good. Busy."
"Yeah. I saw the posters for the show."
"I thought you might."
He's a project manager and he travels around to job sites. Those fucking posters are everywhere in the city, and he thinks a good 80 per cent of them have to be plastered on the plywood fences around his build sites.
"You going to that thing at Tina's?" he asks, because honestly, whether or not she goes will decide whether or not he does. He's not sure how, but whatever. Like, maybe he won't go if she does.
"Yes, I'll be going, but..."
His phone chirps in his pocket and he apologizes, but grabs it. Rachel doesn't look offended, really, but she looks something. He can't describe it. That fucks him up, too, because since when does he not know all her expressions? They haven't even been broken up a year.
He's got a text from Hannah, which he was expecting. She's at a friend's place and needs a ride, because even though she has her license, his mom still just has the one car and obviously it's here; his mom's going to Lance's after this. Puck drove from New York because he had some overtime hours to turn into days off in lieu and figured the road trip would do him good. Plus, he just bought his new truck in the fall and he wanted to break her in properly.
"I've gotta go. Hannah." Rachel opens her mouth, but he cuts her off. He doesn't know why. "I'll see you at Tina's."
"Noah, I should really..."
But he pulls his keys from his jacket pocket and gives her a nod before walking away.
He figures it's always going to suck to talk to her and just make stupid fucking conversation when they used to tell one another practically everything. Maybe it's not the same for her, but he really just didn't want to stand there and feel that way any more.
... ... ...
Tina lives in Lima and owns this boutique that sells all sorts of stuff for women that they'd usually have to drive to Cleveland of Columbus to get, like some really expensive brands of stuff, and whatever. It's good, he thinks, even if it was just her 'fall back' when her career as a performer didn't pan out. She always looks happy when he sees her, and he knows she and Sam have been together since last summer, which is fucking weird, but hey. Puck's not gonna judge. Mike Chang's off dancing on tour with Justin Timberlake and shit, and that relationship crashed and burned shortly after high school anyway. Puck just always thought that if any couple from high school was going to make it, it'd be them.
He's working on his first drink - there will be others - and talking with one of the guys who used to be on the football team with him when Rachel walks in.
With some guy. And not just walking with him, the guy has his hand on her waist and he pulls her coat down off her arms. She's laughing at something he's saying and she tips her head back to look at him. The guy's got dark skin and eyes that look fake or some shit. (Puck's not thinking clearly.) He's wearing a fucking tie and everything, and Puck feels like he can't breathe.
He should not give a fuck. He shouldn't. She's not his because they're idiots to each other and basically fucked up any chance they ever had.
But who the fuck is this guy, and why the fuck is he only finding out about it now? If Rachel's dating someone new and it's serious enough that she's bringing him home for the holidays, how come Puck hasn't heard about it before?
The first person whose eye he catches who might know what the fuck is going on here is Quinn, and she looks away quickly enough that he knows she doesn't want to be the one to tell him.
Rachel looks at him after about five minutes, and he can see on her face that she at least feels bad.
And fuck this. He isn't the guy who stands along the wall and waits for shit to happen around him. He downs the last sip of his drink and holds onto his glass, but he's not going to refill it yet, because if she doesn't do anything else tonight, Rachel'll judge him for getting drunk to deal with how fucked up this is.
"Hey," he says when he's standing in front of them, and he knows Sam and Tina are watching closely, but fuck, he's not going to start a brawl at a holiday party.
"Hi." Rachel's voice is all soft. Puck wonders if the new guy's seen pictures of him or something. "This is my...This is Jackson." The guy holds out his hand and Puck's not a dick, so he shakes it. "Jackson, this is Noah."
"Nice to meet you," the guy says, even though Puck can tell he knows the story here. Jackson turns to Rachel, sets his hand on her back. "I'll get you a drink."
She nods at him and smiles the way she used to smile at Puck.
He's never felt worse. This is honestly worse than the breakup.
"When'd that happen?" he asks her once the guy's out of earshot. Puck wonders if Jackson knows Rachel likes olives and lemon rind in her martinis.
"March," she says, and looks at him through her lashes. The two of them broke up in January. He's pissed. "He's a doctor." Puck grinds his teeth. She must be able to notice. "Please don't. I tried to tell you the other day, but you ran off so..."
"I didn't run off," he snaps. "I had to pick up my sister. I wasn't avoiding you."
Rachel sighs. "I really don't want to make a scene, Noah. Everyone's staring."
He shakes his head. Always worried about appearances, this one. "I wouldn't have come if I'd known you were bringing some guy," he says honestly, because she can tell anyway. And now he can't leave because everyone'll think he's not over her.
He might not be, but it's not like he wants to advertise it.
"Noah."
"Whatever."
He walks away before he can say something stupid, like insult her for finding a replacement so quickly. Like, was his side of the bed even cold before she brought someone else into it? (He has no room to talk, since the first thing he did when he thought they were over was fuck another woman. He's so stupid.)
And leave it to Rachel to make a thing out of a rebound.
Jackson comes back into the room with a beer in one hand and a martini in the other. Olives and lemon rind.
Sam pours Puck another glass of whiskey and keeps him in the kitchen, and they talk about stupid fucking shit that doesn't matter, and all Puck can think of anyway is Rachel with someone else.
When he heads back into the living room, Rachel's facing Jackson and they're talking, and then the guy leans down to kiss the corner of her mouth. She looks at Puck when she notices him staring, and she tilts her head the slightest bit, like she doesn't want to ruin his night. Which is kind of nice of her, but fuck, she's ruining more than just his night. If he's being honest.
He heads out onto the porch and really wishes he had a smoke. Like, badly. He averages about one cigarette every month or two, but fuck, he'd kill for one right now.
The door opens behind him a few minutes later, and then closes and she's standing next to where he's leaning against the porch railing. She leans back against it, and the wood hits right at the small of her back. He watches his hands fiddle with nothing and just waits.
"Can you look at me?" she asks, quietly.
He scoffs. "Usually can't stop."
"Noah," she breathes, eyes closed as she shakes her head. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this. I really didn't want to ruin your holiday, but...I didn't expect you to be in Lima."
"You didn't ask anyone, either."
"You haven't come home in three years."
"Yeah, well." He scrubs a hand over his head and she shivers, but as much as he'd like to keep her warm, that's not his job any more. "Look, are you in love with this guy or something?"
He knows the answer before she even says a thing. Which she doesn't, actually, she just nods her head. "I wasn't expecting...I wasn't looking for it, after you and I." He just looks over at her. He doesn't want to fucking hear this, but he might need to. "It's not as though I ever thought I'd end up with a doctor."
He pushes off the railing, stands up straight in front of her. "End up with?"
She just looks at him, confused. "Why are you acting like there was ever any hope of us getting back together?"
Well, fuck. That's a really good question, and he doesn't have an answer, really. "My life just fucking sucks right now," he tells her. It's not weird to confess things to her that he's never said to anyone else. And really, other than his job, which is great, everything else is shit. "I've spent the last two days thinkin' about you and feeling something other than miserable, so."
She's quiet for a few moments, and then she puts her hand on his arm and looks up at him with sad eyes. "I'm sorry."
She means it, he can tell. It should make things better, not worse.
"I'm gonna go."
"No. Please, don't," she pleads. "This is Tina's first time hosting a holiday party, and..."
"Rachel," he interrupts, a little sharply. He sets his hand on her cheek, lets his fingertips brush her ear like they used to. She sucks in a breath like she's scared he's going to kiss her, and he is, but not the way she thinks. He brushes his lips against her forehead, lingers there a second. "I'll see you."
He's not even close to drunk, so he's got no problem driving home like this. He can see her still standing on the porch as he turns the key and lets his truck warm up. It's not until he signals and pulls out onto the street that she goes back inside.
He's a fucking idiot for wondering if she was waiting for him to change his mind and stay.
He knows she wasn't.
Pairing: Puck/Rachel
Prompt: Oh so kiss him again/Just to prove to me that you can/And I will stand here/And burn in my skin
For: nova802
Disclaimer: Don't own.
The only reason he's here is because his mom's a nag and like, guilted him into coming home over Christmas. He's a busy guy and he's got shit to do in New York that don't include sitting on his ass in his mom's living room and gaining 10 pounds because she feels the need to constantly feed people whether they need it or not.
And his sister's a little bitch these days, but he really can't blame her, and she's not exactly a bitch to him. It's mostly towards his mom's new boyfriend, Lance.
His mom's dating a dude named Lance. It's apparently pretty serious, too. The first night Puck was home, Lance stayed over. In Puck's mom's room.
What the fuck?
Puck honestly cannot remember his mom ever seriously dating someone. His dad leaving fucked her up and she didn't date for years, until Carole Hudson set her up with this dude she knew from work, and they went out for a few dinner dates when Puck was like 13. There were a few meals here or there with other guys, but Puck, until now, didn't really believe his mom'd even so much as kissed someone since his dad.
Now she's sharing a bed with Lance and Puck's finding it hard to sleep on this old, lumpy ass mattress in the room he grew up in.
... ... ...
He knows he's gonna see Rachel sooner or later, and he's only home for a week, so it's pretty much all sooner, really. He catches a glimpse of her at temple when his mom forces him to go. And can he just say that he thinks it's really fucking hypocritical than she's dating a goy when she always made such a big fucking deal about who her kids dated? Even the guy Hannah's fucking around with behind their mom's back is a Jew.
And Puck was with Rachel for two years. He'd still be with her, too, if they hadn't had that stupid fucking fight and ended up saying shit they didn't mean. Or, well, he didn't mean what he'd said. She called him a barely-reformed slut, and it stung enough that he couldn't just ignore it, and called her a selfish bitch. He told her to go fuck herself, which, to him, meant they were broken up, and so when he fucked someone else that night he was in the clear.
Rachel disagreed.
They didn't break up because he stopped being in love with her like a dumbass. And he's seen her once or twice in the city, but it was like, awkward hellos, or he'd see her walking down the street from where he was standing and not approach her.
What the fuck do you say to the best woman you ever fucked things up with?
(He'll tell you what, though, if he could go back in time, he'd take back having sex with that woman that night and proving Rachel right.)
"Hello," Rachel says, and he nods at her. "I didn't expect you to be in Lima."
"Yeah, well. Mom." She actually smiles like she understands. He thinks she looks pretty in this dress. "How've you been?"
He can tell that every fucking gossiping asshole in this place is watching them, waiting to see what's going to happen. It's no secret that they were together in New York, and it's no secret the breakup was messy. There are about five different versions of the story that got passed around this town. None of them are true, as far as he knows.
"Good. Busy."
"Yeah. I saw the posters for the show."
"I thought you might."
He's a project manager and he travels around to job sites. Those fucking posters are everywhere in the city, and he thinks a good 80 per cent of them have to be plastered on the plywood fences around his build sites.
"You going to that thing at Tina's?" he asks, because honestly, whether or not she goes will decide whether or not he does. He's not sure how, but whatever. Like, maybe he won't go if she does.
"Yes, I'll be going, but..."
His phone chirps in his pocket and he apologizes, but grabs it. Rachel doesn't look offended, really, but she looks something. He can't describe it. That fucks him up, too, because since when does he not know all her expressions? They haven't even been broken up a year.
He's got a text from Hannah, which he was expecting. She's at a friend's place and needs a ride, because even though she has her license, his mom still just has the one car and obviously it's here; his mom's going to Lance's after this. Puck drove from New York because he had some overtime hours to turn into days off in lieu and figured the road trip would do him good. Plus, he just bought his new truck in the fall and he wanted to break her in properly.
"I've gotta go. Hannah." Rachel opens her mouth, but he cuts her off. He doesn't know why. "I'll see you at Tina's."
"Noah, I should really..."
But he pulls his keys from his jacket pocket and gives her a nod before walking away.
He figures it's always going to suck to talk to her and just make stupid fucking conversation when they used to tell one another practically everything. Maybe it's not the same for her, but he really just didn't want to stand there and feel that way any more.
... ... ...
Tina lives in Lima and owns this boutique that sells all sorts of stuff for women that they'd usually have to drive to Cleveland of Columbus to get, like some really expensive brands of stuff, and whatever. It's good, he thinks, even if it was just her 'fall back' when her career as a performer didn't pan out. She always looks happy when he sees her, and he knows she and Sam have been together since last summer, which is fucking weird, but hey. Puck's not gonna judge. Mike Chang's off dancing on tour with Justin Timberlake and shit, and that relationship crashed and burned shortly after high school anyway. Puck just always thought that if any couple from high school was going to make it, it'd be them.
He's working on his first drink - there will be others - and talking with one of the guys who used to be on the football team with him when Rachel walks in.
With some guy. And not just walking with him, the guy has his hand on her waist and he pulls her coat down off her arms. She's laughing at something he's saying and she tips her head back to look at him. The guy's got dark skin and eyes that look fake or some shit. (Puck's not thinking clearly.) He's wearing a fucking tie and everything, and Puck feels like he can't breathe.
He should not give a fuck. He shouldn't. She's not his because they're idiots to each other and basically fucked up any chance they ever had.
But who the fuck is this guy, and why the fuck is he only finding out about it now? If Rachel's dating someone new and it's serious enough that she's bringing him home for the holidays, how come Puck hasn't heard about it before?
The first person whose eye he catches who might know what the fuck is going on here is Quinn, and she looks away quickly enough that he knows she doesn't want to be the one to tell him.
Rachel looks at him after about five minutes, and he can see on her face that she at least feels bad.
And fuck this. He isn't the guy who stands along the wall and waits for shit to happen around him. He downs the last sip of his drink and holds onto his glass, but he's not going to refill it yet, because if she doesn't do anything else tonight, Rachel'll judge him for getting drunk to deal with how fucked up this is.
"Hey," he says when he's standing in front of them, and he knows Sam and Tina are watching closely, but fuck, he's not going to start a brawl at a holiday party.
"Hi." Rachel's voice is all soft. Puck wonders if the new guy's seen pictures of him or something. "This is my...This is Jackson." The guy holds out his hand and Puck's not a dick, so he shakes it. "Jackson, this is Noah."
"Nice to meet you," the guy says, even though Puck can tell he knows the story here. Jackson turns to Rachel, sets his hand on her back. "I'll get you a drink."
She nods at him and smiles the way she used to smile at Puck.
He's never felt worse. This is honestly worse than the breakup.
"When'd that happen?" he asks her once the guy's out of earshot. Puck wonders if Jackson knows Rachel likes olives and lemon rind in her martinis.
"March," she says, and looks at him through her lashes. The two of them broke up in January. He's pissed. "He's a doctor." Puck grinds his teeth. She must be able to notice. "Please don't. I tried to tell you the other day, but you ran off so..."
"I didn't run off," he snaps. "I had to pick up my sister. I wasn't avoiding you."
Rachel sighs. "I really don't want to make a scene, Noah. Everyone's staring."
He shakes his head. Always worried about appearances, this one. "I wouldn't have come if I'd known you were bringing some guy," he says honestly, because she can tell anyway. And now he can't leave because everyone'll think he's not over her.
He might not be, but it's not like he wants to advertise it.
"Noah."
"Whatever."
He walks away before he can say something stupid, like insult her for finding a replacement so quickly. Like, was his side of the bed even cold before she brought someone else into it? (He has no room to talk, since the first thing he did when he thought they were over was fuck another woman. He's so stupid.)
And leave it to Rachel to make a thing out of a rebound.
Jackson comes back into the room with a beer in one hand and a martini in the other. Olives and lemon rind.
Sam pours Puck another glass of whiskey and keeps him in the kitchen, and they talk about stupid fucking shit that doesn't matter, and all Puck can think of anyway is Rachel with someone else.
When he heads back into the living room, Rachel's facing Jackson and they're talking, and then the guy leans down to kiss the corner of her mouth. She looks at Puck when she notices him staring, and she tilts her head the slightest bit, like she doesn't want to ruin his night. Which is kind of nice of her, but fuck, she's ruining more than just his night. If he's being honest.
He heads out onto the porch and really wishes he had a smoke. Like, badly. He averages about one cigarette every month or two, but fuck, he'd kill for one right now.
The door opens behind him a few minutes later, and then closes and she's standing next to where he's leaning against the porch railing. She leans back against it, and the wood hits right at the small of her back. He watches his hands fiddle with nothing and just waits.
"Can you look at me?" she asks, quietly.
He scoffs. "Usually can't stop."
"Noah," she breathes, eyes closed as she shakes her head. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this. I really didn't want to ruin your holiday, but...I didn't expect you to be in Lima."
"You didn't ask anyone, either."
"You haven't come home in three years."
"Yeah, well." He scrubs a hand over his head and she shivers, but as much as he'd like to keep her warm, that's not his job any more. "Look, are you in love with this guy or something?"
He knows the answer before she even says a thing. Which she doesn't, actually, she just nods her head. "I wasn't expecting...I wasn't looking for it, after you and I." He just looks over at her. He doesn't want to fucking hear this, but he might need to. "It's not as though I ever thought I'd end up with a doctor."
He pushes off the railing, stands up straight in front of her. "End up with?"
She just looks at him, confused. "Why are you acting like there was ever any hope of us getting back together?"
Well, fuck. That's a really good question, and he doesn't have an answer, really. "My life just fucking sucks right now," he tells her. It's not weird to confess things to her that he's never said to anyone else. And really, other than his job, which is great, everything else is shit. "I've spent the last two days thinkin' about you and feeling something other than miserable, so."
She's quiet for a few moments, and then she puts her hand on his arm and looks up at him with sad eyes. "I'm sorry."
She means it, he can tell. It should make things better, not worse.
"I'm gonna go."
"No. Please, don't," she pleads. "This is Tina's first time hosting a holiday party, and..."
"Rachel," he interrupts, a little sharply. He sets his hand on her cheek, lets his fingertips brush her ear like they used to. She sucks in a breath like she's scared he's going to kiss her, and he is, but not the way she thinks. He brushes his lips against her forehead, lingers there a second. "I'll see you."
He's not even close to drunk, so he's got no problem driving home like this. He can see her still standing on the porch as he turns the key and lets his truck warm up. It's not until he signals and pulls out onto the street that she goes back inside.
He's a fucking idiot for wondering if she was waiting for him to change his mind and stay.
He knows she wasn't.