(no subject)
I'm so fucking sick of being this way. I hate myself. I hate the things I say, the things I do. I'm always wrong, no matter what the circumstances. I can't say something without having it used against me. I can't smile when I'm supposed to be sad. I can't laugh when something is funny. I can't have feelings, I can't feel.
I wish I could stop myself from falling in love. I wish I could instantly turn people away. I wish I wasn't so unnatractive... I wish I was good enough.
This isnt going to go away, I'm not going to deal with this in a somewhat good way. I dont want to. I'm sick of pretending to be happy.
I'm sick of being alive now. I just want to die sometimes.
This is all rediculious, and stupid. It's a game, I see now. Its like everytime something like this happens, I go back another 3 spaces, then something good happens, I move ahead. And then, I find myself moving back further and further each time. I'm moving bakckwards.
Suicide is stupid and selfish. I realize that now, after thinking about it so many times. But who says slicing my skin to see myself bleed, feeling the adrenaline, admiring the scars, who says I'll end up dead? And who says I'll be alive.
I dont care what happens either way, thats probably what I like about it. Hell, I barely even understand why I do it sometimes.
I'm done with this shit, dont leave stupid comments unless you really want to piss me off.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me..
I wish I could stop myself from falling in love. I wish I could instantly turn people away. I wish I wasn't so unnatractive... I wish I was good enough.
This isnt going to go away, I'm not going to deal with this in a somewhat good way. I dont want to. I'm sick of pretending to be happy.
I'm sick of being alive now. I just want to die sometimes.
This is all rediculious, and stupid. It's a game, I see now. Its like everytime something like this happens, I go back another 3 spaces, then something good happens, I move ahead. And then, I find myself moving back further and further each time. I'm moving bakckwards.
Suicide is stupid and selfish. I realize that now, after thinking about it so many times. But who says slicing my skin to see myself bleed, feeling the adrenaline, admiring the scars, who says I'll end up dead? And who says I'll be alive.
I dont care what happens either way, thats probably what I like about it. Hell, I barely even understand why I do it sometimes.
I'm done with this shit, dont leave stupid comments unless you really want to piss me off.
I know you well enough to know you never loved me..