I miss my best friend.

[smashedruby]

Its been a couple of years now since the break up but sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday.

Maybe its the holidays.

I wonder what things would have been like had we stayed together and made things work. Would I have been in grad school? Maybe we would have been married, living in Miami, decorating our christmas tree. Making plans for my birthday? Watching tv together?

If we would have stayed together, I woudnt have moved to Philadelphia. And my mom wouldnt have left Miami and things wouldnt have been so complicated I guess.

Today he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes and I just wish he knew. I wish he knew that what I wanted was a little box shaped like two hearts with tiny pearls set in it. But thats not one of his talents. I hate that I have to tell him what I want, he still just doesnt know.

Im not saying my life here is bad or that I am unhappy. I am just saying I wonder what things would have been like had things been different.

Theres no going back now I suppose, but its nice to dream sometimes.