Marked
I never really comtiplated the Holy Spirit until this year, until this semester, until for the first time about four weeks ago. I pray that I will never forget this day, so that I may never underestimate or take for granted that which we call the Holy Spirit. I am a wholistic being--I speak this confidently now.
I'm still a little weak from earlier today and that was a little over two hours ago. I don't really feel like any strength has been restored. Its amazing what kind of effects the spiritual world can have on the physical world. I am calm right now. I don't know if I will ever be able to describe fully what happened to me this afternoon. The word that others used was deliverance, for some reason that word doesn't seem strong enough for what happened even though it is a strong word. Disimprisonment is much more descriptive, because I did feel as if I were incarcerated. I have these red spots around my eyes...I dont' know if blood vessels bursted while I was screaming or what. I don't know if I will have them tonight, tomorrow, or for the rest of my life. I almost want them to stay-so I could tell people when they asked how I recieved them.
I remember seeing myself thrash about, seeing my self try and hit or grab at people, but I couldn't see any one else's face. I remember feeling such hatred pouring out of me when I screamed, and how much it hurt. And how I was afraid. But how I knew that it was because I just didn't understand what was goin on, I knew that despite the frightening situation that it was going to be ok, that I wasn't going to perish.
I felt God's presance. Almost from the very beginning that they and I started praying. I remember asking the Holy Spirit to fill me, and just saying Fill me up over and over. I think I was moving, I felt like I was being lifted up I highly doubt that I was levitating though, but I did feel safe. And then what did I pray, I don't remember, but I do remember slowly falling foward. Cody said that I fell ontop of his legs-because he was lying on his back. I never said anything out loud. I couldn't. I remember that I started praying I need you Lord and I repeated that over and over. Then I prayed Deliver me, deliver me over and over and I kept saying it, and then my hands started to shake...I kept asking God to deliver me, and then I started to shake again, and I prayed You are my Lord not this and You alone have power over me, You alone decide my fate, and can tell me what to do, You are me Lord-Deliver me. I believe in this, I believe in You, Holy Spirit, deliver me, you are my Lord, I believe in this, I do not doubt, deliver me. That was when I finally mad an audible noise, I started to cry, and I whimpered and then a scream came out of me uncontrolably. And I thrashed about. After a while, I don't know how long, finally it stopped. I think I coughed, and Tai-ann kept telling me to cough and so I did, I coughed and coughed and blew my nose-and blood came out.
I coughed for I don't know how long. I was so drained physically. I could barely sit up to drink some water. Finally all that was coming out was mucus-it was over. But it isn't finished.
I'm still a little weak from earlier today and that was a little over two hours ago. I don't really feel like any strength has been restored. Its amazing what kind of effects the spiritual world can have on the physical world. I am calm right now. I don't know if I will ever be able to describe fully what happened to me this afternoon. The word that others used was deliverance, for some reason that word doesn't seem strong enough for what happened even though it is a strong word. Disimprisonment is much more descriptive, because I did feel as if I were incarcerated. I have these red spots around my eyes...I dont' know if blood vessels bursted while I was screaming or what. I don't know if I will have them tonight, tomorrow, or for the rest of my life. I almost want them to stay-so I could tell people when they asked how I recieved them.
I remember seeing myself thrash about, seeing my self try and hit or grab at people, but I couldn't see any one else's face. I remember feeling such hatred pouring out of me when I screamed, and how much it hurt. And how I was afraid. But how I knew that it was because I just didn't understand what was goin on, I knew that despite the frightening situation that it was going to be ok, that I wasn't going to perish.
I felt God's presance. Almost from the very beginning that they and I started praying. I remember asking the Holy Spirit to fill me, and just saying Fill me up over and over. I think I was moving, I felt like I was being lifted up I highly doubt that I was levitating though, but I did feel safe. And then what did I pray, I don't remember, but I do remember slowly falling foward. Cody said that I fell ontop of his legs-because he was lying on his back. I never said anything out loud. I couldn't. I remember that I started praying I need you Lord and I repeated that over and over. Then I prayed Deliver me, deliver me over and over and I kept saying it, and then my hands started to shake...I kept asking God to deliver me, and then I started to shake again, and I prayed You are my Lord not this and You alone have power over me, You alone decide my fate, and can tell me what to do, You are me Lord-Deliver me. I believe in this, I believe in You, Holy Spirit, deliver me, you are my Lord, I believe in this, I do not doubt, deliver me. That was when I finally mad an audible noise, I started to cry, and I whimpered and then a scream came out of me uncontrolably. And I thrashed about. After a while, I don't know how long, finally it stopped. I think I coughed, and Tai-ann kept telling me to cough and so I did, I coughed and coughed and blew my nose-and blood came out.
I coughed for I don't know how long. I was so drained physically. I could barely sit up to drink some water. Finally all that was coming out was mucus-it was over. But it isn't finished.