wow so much
omg, do i really have to grow up now?
canihasyufmorepleez?
my awesome companion aka "the killa", "dam dog", "crack-mo", or the "precious mozzarella" is going to leave us soon. she's been with me everywhere ... i bring her to work and to any place where i am allowed to have my doggy. And if she couldn't go with me, i'd leave her in the car to watch after me or at work, locked into the store to stare out at the parking lot for me to come back.
she's in the next room, passed out unless coughing. Or coughing up blood. she's got lung cancer. non-treatable kind not like there's a tumor here or there. She's super healthy otherwise ... awesome blood tests, healthy other organs. but her lungs are covered with teh cancer. :( what actually prompted us into medical care was the pneunomia that she also got. Ugh. So we knocked down the pneunomia but her lungs are still going to fail her. They're going to close again and not going to give her the oxygen she needs to stay with us.
i talked to my awesome ex-wife today about what we're going to do. her little guy has been with her forever and he's DONE. i mean deaf, blind, wearin diapers, can't always get up off the floor. we've been kinda waiting for his ski lift to the big golden doggie bowl to come. and now our other dog is likely to go soon. Once my baby's lungs fail her again, we'll have a ceremony with a vet doc and our old friends can be in peace.
i cried my eyes out on katnmouse this mornin when i got the news. My neck and shoulders were killing me, so i got a massage today after talking with my ex and before rescuing my little white bitch from prison. omg, i needed that so bad. the tension was horrible and wreaked havoc on my muscles. :P but it helped me calm down and go face the executioner... she came out so alive and so happy. then couged up some blood. then puked in the car... but we got her to eat some turkey for dinner. and used some cheese (brie, no less) to coax her into taking her pills (3 antibiotics and an asthma pill).
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work has been starting to make me believe it's going to be ok. all the work i've done for years, and the latest project is beginning to pay off. which lets me reduce stress some, which makes me happier. And lets me play!
--------------------------
play has been picking up. bit by bit. we're introducing the Lesbian Bean Stalk to kink and she's found her home. we are her tribe and we love her. She's stone butch, rides a bike, super hot, and looking for a femme. Let's say that i have noticed her particular lust for carmen from the L word. ;) she's been a great friend to us and helps keep me grounded at times.
we've been meeting with m2k recently ... and arranging for me to play with her and her new hubby. and she's soon going to be m3k. The great thing is that this means i get to take care of my poly needs. Those poly feelings and needs have been making trouble in my head. This is really good so that these feelings don't start making trouble with my heart.
--------------------------
my crazee: is doing really well. or i am and it's not being too much of a problem. i feel pretty normal. the strattera is keeping me pretty normal. i'm super happy with my mind and feelings. i love feeling emotions and then being able to recover and go to bed. Or talk throught them and cry. or laugh. or love.
--------------------------
my back: omg. between all the work and all the sick, my back has been killin me a few times. so i'll soak in the hot tub with the power jets beating on me ... or daddy would massage me ... and i'll sleep with pillows under my knees and back. i got massaged by a friend from the community and it's been a while since i've been to her. she's amazing and i need to go back more often...
i ok ... one day at a time.
i ok.
canihasyufmorepleez?
my awesome companion aka "the killa", "dam dog", "crack-mo", or the "precious mozzarella" is going to leave us soon. she's been with me everywhere ... i bring her to work and to any place where i am allowed to have my doggy. And if she couldn't go with me, i'd leave her in the car to watch after me or at work, locked into the store to stare out at the parking lot for me to come back.
she's in the next room, passed out unless coughing. Or coughing up blood. she's got lung cancer. non-treatable kind not like there's a tumor here or there. She's super healthy otherwise ... awesome blood tests, healthy other organs. but her lungs are covered with teh cancer. :( what actually prompted us into medical care was the pneunomia that she also got. Ugh. So we knocked down the pneunomia but her lungs are still going to fail her. They're going to close again and not going to give her the oxygen she needs to stay with us.
i talked to my awesome ex-wife today about what we're going to do. her little guy has been with her forever and he's DONE. i mean deaf, blind, wearin diapers, can't always get up off the floor. we've been kinda waiting for his ski lift to the big golden doggie bowl to come. and now our other dog is likely to go soon. Once my baby's lungs fail her again, we'll have a ceremony with a vet doc and our old friends can be in peace.
i cried my eyes out on katnmouse this mornin when i got the news. My neck and shoulders were killing me, so i got a massage today after talking with my ex and before rescuing my little white bitch from prison. omg, i needed that so bad. the tension was horrible and wreaked havoc on my muscles. :P but it helped me calm down and go face the executioner... she came out so alive and so happy. then couged up some blood. then puked in the car... but we got her to eat some turkey for dinner. and used some cheese (brie, no less) to coax her into taking her pills (3 antibiotics and an asthma pill).
--------------------------
work has been starting to make me believe it's going to be ok. all the work i've done for years, and the latest project is beginning to pay off. which lets me reduce stress some, which makes me happier. And lets me play!
--------------------------
play has been picking up. bit by bit. we're introducing the Lesbian Bean Stalk to kink and she's found her home. we are her tribe and we love her. She's stone butch, rides a bike, super hot, and looking for a femme. Let's say that i have noticed her particular lust for carmen from the L word. ;) she's been a great friend to us and helps keep me grounded at times.
we've been meeting with m2k recently ... and arranging for me to play with her and her new hubby. and she's soon going to be m3k. The great thing is that this means i get to take care of my poly needs. Those poly feelings and needs have been making trouble in my head. This is really good so that these feelings don't start making trouble with my heart.
--------------------------
my crazee: is doing really well. or i am and it's not being too much of a problem. i feel pretty normal. the strattera is keeping me pretty normal. i'm super happy with my mind and feelings. i love feeling emotions and then being able to recover and go to bed. Or talk throught them and cry. or laugh. or love.
--------------------------
my back: omg. between all the work and all the sick, my back has been killin me a few times. so i'll soak in the hot tub with the power jets beating on me ... or daddy would massage me ... and i'll sleep with pillows under my knees and back. i got massaged by a friend from the community and it's been a while since i've been to her. she's amazing and i need to go back more often...
i ok ... one day at a time.
i ok.