"All the spoils of a wasted life, all of this was for u "
Things seem to be workin out for me again, it seems i might be movin in with a little friend of mine same in a week or 2, we have spoken alot abuot it, and well if it happens like we have talked about it should be fab, so i am becommin a little more excited about the situation, but still i am sad at leavin so many memories behind...
The last week has beena nitemare for me, so many feelings, emotions ect ect have been flyin through my head i jsut havent known what to do....
I think the main reson i havent been motorvaited has been the lack of company ... its like i am so fuckin lonley it aint funny....Yesh the realtionship i had had been on and off over the months, but i became used to havin someone by my side 95% of the time, and thats what i miss, The closeness i shared, the wakin up in the morning and lookin over and smilin casue i was happy... .....
All these things do my head in so badly, because if i was smart i could have had the world in the palm of my hand, but i have made so many mistakes that just gettin through each day is a mission....
So hopefully as i am told, that after i leave this place, i have no ties to my past life that ruined me so badly.... and it will be the past....*sighs*
I have sat at work the last 2 nights wish i could go back and change things... i never would have left collingwood park bak then if i knew it would have been like this.. I left there and followed in the hope of love and happyness, all i seemed to get was pain and heartache...Yesh again to my own stupid fault for goin back so many times....
SO now that i have learned this bullshit lessons, i have no idea what to do or where to turn to..
Like all days some are easy and some seem to never end, but i always seem to make it through no matter what... i wish it wasnt so some times, but mabye one day i will be really happy and live in total bliss..
Another thing i have been think about heaps at work is what it would have been like if ang had had the child, like yesh yadda yadda yadda i know things between her and i were never fantastic, but i so wanted that child, and i so wanted her to be the mother of it, even if we wernt togther, but again cruel fate had to take that away from me aswell....Its just Ghey sometimes how life works...
Everywhere i go there seem to be a sad memory that takes me back to angie, i so wish i could just leave victoria point, even brisbane for good, so i didnt have to think abuot it anymore, and or feel the hurt again, but i cant jsut pack up and leave, i cant live without a job.... so i have to stay and try to be strong and deal with my feelings and emotions like a grown up for once in my sorry life...
SO many choice to make... I hope i choose the right ones for myself this time...
Again there was so much i wanted to say , but when its written down it doesnt make sense of sounds like shit, so i will work on that and post it all later........
Meh.. gettin tired, and i have to sleep for 2nite ... YAYAY another fryday night off...
This is the last night for a while that i can bake myself nicely, so marie is commin down and stayin over and anna and sam are commin over aswell... YAY for acid, i am so goin to melt my brain tonight... mabey i can push the last feelings i have out, or mabye i can find some local poon to take my mind off thing, all i knwo is that i am gonn abe FUked up hary in a few hrs......
Till the next time...
*hugs* to all friends, and fuk the rest of u !!
"So haunted is my silent heart
Dreaming only of the moon
When velvet darkness falls tonight
The thirst crescends anew...
Only for you
Inspired to mortal nightmare
Ebony dressed for sunset
In the dulcet whispers of the damned...
The last week has beena nitemare for me, so many feelings, emotions ect ect have been flyin through my head i jsut havent known what to do....
I think the main reson i havent been motorvaited has been the lack of company ... its like i am so fuckin lonley it aint funny....Yesh the realtionship i had had been on and off over the months, but i became used to havin someone by my side 95% of the time, and thats what i miss, The closeness i shared, the wakin up in the morning and lookin over and smilin casue i was happy... .....
All these things do my head in so badly, because if i was smart i could have had the world in the palm of my hand, but i have made so many mistakes that just gettin through each day is a mission....
So hopefully as i am told, that after i leave this place, i have no ties to my past life that ruined me so badly.... and it will be the past....*sighs*
I have sat at work the last 2 nights wish i could go back and change things... i never would have left collingwood park bak then if i knew it would have been like this.. I left there and followed in the hope of love and happyness, all i seemed to get was pain and heartache...Yesh again to my own stupid fault for goin back so many times....
SO now that i have learned this bullshit lessons, i have no idea what to do or where to turn to..
Like all days some are easy and some seem to never end, but i always seem to make it through no matter what... i wish it wasnt so some times, but mabye one day i will be really happy and live in total bliss..
Another thing i have been think about heaps at work is what it would have been like if ang had had the child, like yesh yadda yadda yadda i know things between her and i were never fantastic, but i so wanted that child, and i so wanted her to be the mother of it, even if we wernt togther, but again cruel fate had to take that away from me aswell....Its just Ghey sometimes how life works...
Everywhere i go there seem to be a sad memory that takes me back to angie, i so wish i could just leave victoria point, even brisbane for good, so i didnt have to think abuot it anymore, and or feel the hurt again, but i cant jsut pack up and leave, i cant live without a job.... so i have to stay and try to be strong and deal with my feelings and emotions like a grown up for once in my sorry life...
SO many choice to make... I hope i choose the right ones for myself this time...
Again there was so much i wanted to say , but when its written down it doesnt make sense of sounds like shit, so i will work on that and post it all later........
Meh.. gettin tired, and i have to sleep for 2nite ... YAYAY another fryday night off...
This is the last night for a while that i can bake myself nicely, so marie is commin down and stayin over and anna and sam are commin over aswell... YAY for acid, i am so goin to melt my brain tonight... mabey i can push the last feelings i have out, or mabye i can find some local poon to take my mind off thing, all i knwo is that i am gonn abe FUked up hary in a few hrs......
Till the next time...
*hugs* to all friends, and fuk the rest of u !!
"So haunted is my silent heart
Dreaming only of the moon
When velvet darkness falls tonight
The thirst crescends anew...
Only for you
Inspired to mortal nightmare
Ebony dressed for sunset
In the dulcet whispers of the damned...