(no subject)
so this year has not started off that great.
since going away to college i've grown apart from someone and it hurts a lot. but thats old news everyone knows.
and now i might be losing someone else who is like the sister i never had but always wanted. she means a lot to me. and it sucks because i have no control over what happens.
and it is the worst feeling to see someone i love and care about so much going through so much pain, and not being able to do anything about it. i tried, but now it's up to him to come and talk to me if he feels up to it.
i honestly feel that the reason that i am afraid of commitment and my not wanting to settle down is mostly because of the lack of stable relationships throughout my family, divorce, breakups, unmarried, alone all things i am not looking forward to. relationships are hard for me.
and now with this all happening it makes it so much worse.
if i had one wish in the whole world it would be that everyone in my family could be truly happy. not even me i dont care if im happy because its horrible knowing that most of my family is not happy with the lives that they are living, it gives me nothing to look forward to. and it hurts me so much to see my aunts or my cousins or whoever unhappy but the worst thing in the world is knowing that my mom, my dad, and my brother (at least for right now), are all unhappy, and i really want to make things right for them more than anything.
since going away to college i've grown apart from someone and it hurts a lot. but thats old news everyone knows.
and now i might be losing someone else who is like the sister i never had but always wanted. she means a lot to me. and it sucks because i have no control over what happens.
and it is the worst feeling to see someone i love and care about so much going through so much pain, and not being able to do anything about it. i tried, but now it's up to him to come and talk to me if he feels up to it.
i honestly feel that the reason that i am afraid of commitment and my not wanting to settle down is mostly because of the lack of stable relationships throughout my family, divorce, breakups, unmarried, alone all things i am not looking forward to. relationships are hard for me.
and now with this all happening it makes it so much worse.
if i had one wish in the whole world it would be that everyone in my family could be truly happy. not even me i dont care if im happy because its horrible knowing that most of my family is not happy with the lives that they are living, it gives me nothing to look forward to. and it hurts me so much to see my aunts or my cousins or whoever unhappy but the worst thing in the world is knowing that my mom, my dad, and my brother (at least for right now), are all unhappy, and i really want to make things right for them more than anything.