(no subject)
In fact I heard a voice that wasn’t quite my own, come out of my mouth and say something very odd.
I heard myself say that “I don’t think I’ve ever been happy”- but of course that’s ridiculous, not something I would say ever at all. Of course I’ve been happy, loads of times. In fact, I was happy just a few minutes ago.
But there it was.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been happy,” said in a far-off voice, one that sounded old and nostalgic for a moment that hadn’t yet passed; nostalgic for today, even as I lived it. It was strangled and tight, and not coming from anywhere inside my head. A voice from far away, maybe here and now, reaching back and telling me it wasn’t real, the years we had, the times we had, the feeling of belonging, none of it was real. Soon, too soon, I was going to be tumbling and falling with you, and we would both feel the pain of separation, of being taken away from everything that we worked so hard to build.
But as I said the words-“I don’t think I’ve ever been happy”-it wasn’t time yet, we were still together, alive, free. It was odd and wrong coming from my throat like it did.
-Party Monster
I heard myself say that “I don’t think I’ve ever been happy”- but of course that’s ridiculous, not something I would say ever at all. Of course I’ve been happy, loads of times. In fact, I was happy just a few minutes ago.
But there it was.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been happy,” said in a far-off voice, one that sounded old and nostalgic for a moment that hadn’t yet passed; nostalgic for today, even as I lived it. It was strangled and tight, and not coming from anywhere inside my head. A voice from far away, maybe here and now, reaching back and telling me it wasn’t real, the years we had, the times we had, the feeling of belonging, none of it was real. Soon, too soon, I was going to be tumbling and falling with you, and we would both feel the pain of separation, of being taken away from everything that we worked so hard to build.
But as I said the words-“I don’t think I’ve ever been happy”-it wasn’t time yet, we were still together, alive, free. It was odd and wrong coming from my throat like it did.
-Party Monster