AU - May we die in the forest
Who: A wild Ivysaur and everyone who crosses his path
What: Your nature walk just got more interesting
Where: FDC woods
When: He'll be here all week until he's murdered
Warnings: Fighting, swearing, violence towards flora, Death
( Read more... )
What: Your nature walk just got more interesting
Where: FDC woods
When: He'll be here all week until he's murdered
Warnings: Fighting, swearing, violence towards flora, Death
( Read more... )
"Fuck!" said 'Bulba' in a very un-Bulba-like manner. This wasn't good. This... guy was fucking HUGE.
There was a loud clanging as everything his vines were holding were dropped on the spot. A burst of leaves flew at Max - razor sharp as they were, it was really just a distraction for the Ivysaur as he bolted back in the direction of the forest, as fast as his legs could carry him.
Funny how his voice kind of sounded like... a younger version of Vinnie. Weird.
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"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN'" Max called out a second time, crashing through the forest after him.
"GET BACK HERE," he also helpfully suggested.
Man look at all of those trees and things he's just breaking branches off as he crashes through like a madman. Sure is a pity there isn't some Guardian of the Forest running around who could do something about all of that senseless destruction.
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HOLY SHIT. This guy didn't just drive a tank, he was a tank. This bastard was plowing through the forest harder than most bulldozers, and goddamn, he had to be stopped. The Ivysaur couldn't just keep running to keep himself safe when his forest was threatened.
But what could he do against a force like that? The razor leaves only seemed to annoy him. He'd just have to try to drain the energy out of this monster, even if Giga Drain was normally a last ditch move.
Green light surrounded them both, illuminating the night. Max's strength sucked out of him in a stream of flowing energy, but it was pretty obvious how the glow of absorption was completely giving away the Ivysaur's location.
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But who could it possibly be?
Oh well, it made whoever was doing this to him blatantly obvious. Red flower, huh. Bulba was yellow. Nope, this was someone else. But who?
"WHO ARE YOU?"
Max dove at his Ivysaur assailant, trying to wrassle him to the ground and pin him there so he could ask him a few questions.
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Who indeed. With a terrified yelp, the Ivysaur tried to scramble away from the 370 pound mass of meat lunging for him, with only limited success. He wasn't flattened into a pancake, but he was definitely grabbed.
In desperation, his bud shot out thick clouds of purple pollen, engulfing the two of them in toxic spores. Max was too close to the flower for the Poison Powder to possibly miss - the more worked up he was, the faster his heart beat, then the faster it'd be spread through his body.
"Fuck you! Fuck! Get away from me! Get the fuck out!"
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"FIRST OFF, STOP SWEARIN' AT ME YOU LITTLE PRICK"
Oh right good, do as I say, not as I do.
"SECOND, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU."
Yes, keep that up. It's working very well so far.
"THIRD," started Max. But instead of words coming out of his mouth, Max used Sludge Bomb. And by that I mean to say, he suddenly vomited up the contents of his stomach. All over Vinnie. Max is a very big eater. This was a lot of food.
How do you like it when it happens to you, Vinnie?
"OH MY GOD DID THAT PURPLE CRAP MAKE ME DO THAT?" Max asked kindly, using a mouth that tasted of everything terrible in life. "WHAT THE HELL, YOU DOUCHEBAG."
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He squirmed and writhed for dear life, trying to shake off Max. Maybe all this vomit was loosening Max's grip on him... oh god the smell, some of it got in his mouth. He could taste Max's stomach. It tasted like suffering.
The fact that Max would understand his Pokeswears wasn't even registering right now. In a move of brilliance, the Ivysaur brought its vines out again, lashing out against the human.
"I'm protectin' the forest from fuckheads like you!"
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"THE ONLY TIME I EVER DID ANYTHING TO THE FOREST WAS RIGHT NOW WHEN I CHASED ON AFTER YOU 'CAUSE YOU DECIDED THAT PROTECTIN' SOMETHIN' MEANS GOIN' OFF AND ATTACKIN' PEOPLE WHO AIN'T DONE NOTHIN' WRONG TO YOU. SO GUESS WHAT. YOU'RE THE CAUSE OF ME TAKIN' OUT HALF A DOZEN TREES BACK THERE. YOU WANT TO PROTECT THE FOREST? THEN..."
Of course Max couldn't possibly get all the contents of his stomach out in one go. Max was a beast, he couldn't possibly have gotten out several pounds of protein and complex carbs in one go. Oh look, the sweet potatoes and carrots were back. At least one hopes that horrid orange color is the result of sweet potatoes and carrots. And some random chunks of protein, as well.
Man, Vinnie, you are lookin' pretty miserable right now. (Did it get inside your flower? It sort of looks like it might have.) So is the guy who is covered in his own vomit and trying to yell at you at the same time.
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And now the Ivysaur was doubly disgusting, and trapped. The human had his hands on his vines, oh god this was definitely the best time for freaking out. Every instinct he had was terrified for the safety of his flower, but he was too blinded by rage at this stupid, stinking, sick human.
"FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR TANK, SHITHEAD. I KNOW YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING, AND I'M GONNA STOP YOU. GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER FOREST!"
Another flurry of razor sharp leaves burst from his bud, cutting through the air around him. The cuts were superficial to a behemoth like Max, but he had to bleed him out somehow. Maybe in the human's poisoned state, it'd be enough to overwhelm him just for an instant, long enough to let go? Ha ha unlikely.
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But he wasn't thinking that. He was thinking 'OH MY GOD THIS DICKWAD IS SUCH A HUGE DICK.'
"LISTEN, YOU DICKWAD," said Max, voicing his innermost feelings. "YOU TOUCH MY TANK AGAIN I'LL KNOCK YOU INTO NEXT WEEK."
He got to his knees, while holding the mystery ivysaur in the crook of one impossibly large arm. "YOU GOT THAT? NOW KNOCK YOUR SHIT OFF, YOU DICKWAD. OR I'LL KNOCK THAT SMUG LOOK OFF YOUR FACE."
Oh look at that, no vomiting this time, maybe he was done with that. Maybe.
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While sharp, it was a pity that Ivysaur teeth weren't exactly the cutting fangs of a predator. But it summed up pretty succinctly his feelings for Max on the entire matter.
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The Ivysaur went flying into the dark depths of the night, until the vines that Max was holding pulled taut. And Max jerked them back.
Yeah, this felt really familiar.
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"Woe betide me," said the nameless Ivysaur.
The Ivysaur was indeed throttled far and away into the night sky, then yanked backwards again into the trajectory of Max's unmatched fists. It would've been a perfect re-enactment, if it weren't for the fact that the second stage Pokemon didn't have anywhere near the strength of a Venusaur. A single punch from Max was all it took to break through any semblance of pain tolerance he had.
He could only go limp as his head nearly split in half by the agony, blinding and paralyzing. In fact, this could very well just go on for as long as Max desired. The Ivysaur was completely at his mercy, helpless as he was pulled in for a second round of hurt.
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Max was sort of worried that he'd killed the ivysaur. So when he yanked the vines back once they were pulled taut, instead of punching it off again, he caught it in his manly arms and looked at it to see if it was dead.
"Hey, you. You alive?"
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His breathing was weak and ragged, but the Ivysaur was indeed, somehow, alive. It took a moment for him to make any sound at all, but what came out was an involuntary whimper rather than words.
Even still, when the overwhelming pain faded just enough for him to notice that he wasn't airborne anymore, the Ivysaur persisted in trying to snap his teeth at Max. Only it was less like snapping and more like a feeble, pathetic sort of attempt at chewing the air.
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Max started to walk out of the forest with the ivysaur held tight in his arms, keeping the things stupid mouth away from any parts of his biteable flesh.
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