Culinary Arts #1 -- Introduction and the Ravings of a Mad Hypocrite
Who: Loving, infinitely-wise leader Volgin, his students, and possibly, maybe unforunately YOU.
What: Culinary Arts
Where: Somewhere near the kitchen, a re-approximated space Volgin is still touching up to his liking needs moar propaganda
When: Wednesday, August 18th
Warnings: Screaming, psycho Stalinist Communist.
Ah, so some of you decided to be brave despite what you might have heard about me. I have to commend you.
This is Culinary Arts, and I am going to teach you lot how to appreciate food as an art. Keep up with me, and you will be better than a simple gulag cook. You might even be worthy to work under the ranks of an officer held in high esteem such as myself, but I doubt any of you bastards are going to approach that caliber.
[Of course Volgin would have a study pointing stick. It goes WHAP on the desk.]
Prove me wrong.
[A grand ham gesture to the chalkboard he filched from somewhere:]
I am your instructor, Yevgeny Borisovich Volgin, and I spent my entire life furthering the glory of beautiful Mother Russia. I killed Nazi scum so you all don't have to be saluting my enslaved self with a Heil mein Führer! I rightfully slaughtered those who would threaten the future of my country! The blood that stains my hands is the blood of THE ENEMY!
[His voice completely drops from the fervor pitch as he calms and collects himself. Nonchalantly dusts himself off. There we go.]
But enough about me. Let's discuss these simple class rules:
[He reaches on his desk for his reading classes, cooly sliding those on before a sharp WHAP, goes his pointing stick next to the indicated number:]
RULE ONE:
Here, I am your god. I know what I am doing, and I am going to (rightfully) assume you don't! My word is law.
[WHAP, next rule:]
RULE TWO:
If I say you're wrong: You're WRONG. Did I attain my holdings and position from being wrong? When I was your age, being wrong KILLED YOU.
[WHAP on the board]
RULE THREE:
If you are unclear, refer to Rule One. If in doubt, refer to Rule One. If you are unsure about something, refer to Rule One. Is that clear?
[Mellow adjustment of glasses. Innocent squeaking of rubber gloves.]
Now, we are ready to begin. I will be handing out your books required for this course.
[Wait wait, "A Gift to Young Housewives"? Shut up, Ivan loves it.]
What: Culinary Arts
Where: Somewhere near the kitchen, a re-approximated space Volgin is still touching up to his liking needs moar propaganda
When: Wednesday, August 18th
Warnings: Screaming, psycho Stalinist Communist.
Ah, so some of you decided to be brave despite what you might have heard about me. I have to commend you.
This is Culinary Arts, and I am going to teach you lot how to appreciate food as an art. Keep up with me, and you will be better than a simple gulag cook. You might even be worthy to work under the ranks of an officer held in high esteem such as myself, but I doubt any of you bastards are going to approach that caliber.
[Of course Volgin would have a study pointing stick. It goes WHAP on the desk.]
Prove me wrong.
[A grand ham gesture to the chalkboard he filched from somewhere:]
I am your instructor, Yevgeny Borisovich Volgin, and I spent my entire life furthering the glory of beautiful Mother Russia. I killed Nazi scum so you all don't have to be saluting my enslaved self with a Heil mein Führer! I rightfully slaughtered those who would threaten the future of my country! The blood that stains my hands is the blood of THE ENEMY!
[His voice completely drops from the fervor pitch as he calms and collects himself. Nonchalantly dusts himself off. There we go.]
But enough about me. Let's discuss these simple class rules:
[He reaches on his desk for his reading classes, cooly sliding those on before a sharp WHAP, goes his pointing stick next to the indicated number:]
RULE ONE:
Here, I am your god. I know what I am doing, and I am going to (rightfully) assume you don't! My word is law.
[WHAP, next rule:]
RULE TWO:
If I say you're wrong: You're WRONG. Did I attain my holdings and position from being wrong? When I was your age, being wrong KILLED YOU.
[WHAP on the board]
RULE THREE:
If you are unclear, refer to Rule One. If in doubt, refer to Rule One. If you are unsure about something, refer to Rule One. Is that clear?
[Mellow adjustment of glasses. Innocent squeaking of rubber gloves.]
Now, we are ready to begin. I will be handing out your books required for this course.
[Wait wait, "A Gift to Young Housewives"? Shut up, Ivan loves it.]