(no subject)
So...life. Here is how life went tonight.
Let's start with last night. My aunt randomly texted me to tell me a song she heard in a bar reminded her of me. Then, of course, came the obligatory questions about my future. Which, of course, made me cry A LOT last night. Today, had been sitting around on my ass all day. Had plans to meet with girl I have been flirting with for a while. Let me just say I had no idea if it was a date or if I even wanted to do it. An hour before I randomly decided to text my aunt again and tell her that I needed to see her, visit her all the way up in CT because we needed to sit face to face and discuss my future because she's the only one I can talk to and the only one I will listen to and a phone won't cut it and I need a damn intervention.
My thoughts are so jumbled right now it's hard to get the whole spiel out. Ok. I've been wanting to get up to CT to get to NYC at least once. My thinking is that Stephanie March may end up on Broadway again soon because she loves the stage and she doesn't really have a job. I figured as soon as she was on stage again, I'd head up there and go visit my aunt and go see and meet Stephanie March. Now, okay, I shouldn't base my life around meeting a celebrity but you guys don't get it. The cool shit NEVER happens to me. Just once I want something to happen. Yes, I was going to force my life to be interesting. Besides, I admire Stephanie so much and...well I'm not going to explain all my reasoning, but it would mean a lot to me to meet her. My aunt wants me to come up within the next two weeks. NO WAY Smarch would be on Broadway this soon and have it not be announced...obviously. So I'd use my money to go see my aunt and watch, with my luck, Stephanie will be on Broadway in two months. Just a feeling I have. And then I won't have money to go see her and my parents will never understand why I have to go to CT twice in such a short time. My aunt's thinking: come up when she has her boys. We can go to my cousin's retirement party that Friday. She has her boys. Uhm... I love my little cousins and I haven't seen them in ages, but when she and I need to be SERIOUSLY talking about my future, babysitting two little boys is going to get in the way...Not to mention, she and I will have no nights to go out and just...idk bond or something...I realize that she is 40 and fully responsible and a mother but I NEVER get to see her and I told her flat out that I need her. I don't want to be rude and be like "I need to come when they aren't there." I don't want her to think I don't love my cousins but...UGH. Which means we will only be able to talk at night. Not to mention, there goes my chance at getting her to take a subway into NYC with me and just letting me live and breathe the life for a day. Just a taste. I'm going to be SO close to it all...and yet so far. That feeling is going to suck. It's sucked every time I've been in CT and begged someone to take me to NYC. Last time I went? July 2001. First time too. You think you want to go to cities you've never been to? Oh it is so much worse once you've had a taste and are denied it. UGH. Anyways, she's gonna call my dad tomorrow and play it like she and I talked about going up there to check out the job scene from there.
Ok moving along to GIRL: We've been texting back and forth A LOT and I was starting to wonder just how into it I was but tonight we went out and we just TALKED...like A LOT...and we didn't even realize how much time had passed and we had conversations about our freaky exes without any amount of awkwardness and it was just great. And a cop actually came cuz we were parked at a park and he actually laughed when we said it was either that or Wal Mart. He totally understood that there was nothing to do and let us go after like a minute. She and I were both expecting to be there for like 10 minutes. But we did talk a lot about all kinds of things and she let me go on my "Why I hate SVU" rant which was awesome...not to mention, she doesn't even watch the show and knows Olivia is a lesbian lmfao. Anyways...so yeah we hung out from 9:00-1:00 so a good amount of time for sure. A few minutes after I got in the door, she texted me to say that she had wanted to kiss me and chickened out. And she also texted that it was a good first date. So...IT WAS A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!! But yeah and she wants to get together again and she's gonna kidnap me some time to watch a movie at her place. She's totally cool with me living with my parents. Circumstances made her move back in with hers too. I don't know all the reasons, just had to guess from other things she told me, but it's really legit...like lol more legit than my reasons XD
So yeah...I like how I meet a girl as soon as my future goes up in flames. I like how I meet a girl as soon as I finally start opening doors to escape. Good thing: She isn't as deeply rooted in the south as I thought. She talked about living in Florida with a girlfriend once. So she might be open to moving if I do stay here for a while and move to NY years down the road. WOW I am such a damn lesbian...already planning to live together...but I'm not doing it LIKE THAT. I just mean...at least I can still in good consciousness pursue this relationship without having a thought in the back of my mind that it'll never work in the long run. I'm free to see where it goes. Yeah...when it comes to relationships, I think 10 moves ahead. I've broken up with someone before because I analyzed their quirks and decided that if we dated long term, they would start to annoy me and we'd break up in a few months anyway so I did it after like a week. I'm weird.
ANYWAYS. This has been long and convoluted and if you have read this far, thank you. I love you. XD
Let's start with last night. My aunt randomly texted me to tell me a song she heard in a bar reminded her of me. Then, of course, came the obligatory questions about my future. Which, of course, made me cry A LOT last night. Today, had been sitting around on my ass all day. Had plans to meet with girl I have been flirting with for a while. Let me just say I had no idea if it was a date or if I even wanted to do it. An hour before I randomly decided to text my aunt again and tell her that I needed to see her, visit her all the way up in CT because we needed to sit face to face and discuss my future because she's the only one I can talk to and the only one I will listen to and a phone won't cut it and I need a damn intervention.
My thoughts are so jumbled right now it's hard to get the whole spiel out. Ok. I've been wanting to get up to CT to get to NYC at least once. My thinking is that Stephanie March may end up on Broadway again soon because she loves the stage and she doesn't really have a job. I figured as soon as she was on stage again, I'd head up there and go visit my aunt and go see and meet Stephanie March. Now, okay, I shouldn't base my life around meeting a celebrity but you guys don't get it. The cool shit NEVER happens to me. Just once I want something to happen. Yes, I was going to force my life to be interesting. Besides, I admire Stephanie so much and...well I'm not going to explain all my reasoning, but it would mean a lot to me to meet her. My aunt wants me to come up within the next two weeks. NO WAY Smarch would be on Broadway this soon and have it not be announced...obviously. So I'd use my money to go see my aunt and watch, with my luck, Stephanie will be on Broadway in two months. Just a feeling I have. And then I won't have money to go see her and my parents will never understand why I have to go to CT twice in such a short time. My aunt's thinking: come up when she has her boys. We can go to my cousin's retirement party that Friday. She has her boys. Uhm... I love my little cousins and I haven't seen them in ages, but when she and I need to be SERIOUSLY talking about my future, babysitting two little boys is going to get in the way...Not to mention, she and I will have no nights to go out and just...idk bond or something...I realize that she is 40 and fully responsible and a mother but I NEVER get to see her and I told her flat out that I need her. I don't want to be rude and be like "I need to come when they aren't there." I don't want her to think I don't love my cousins but...UGH. Which means we will only be able to talk at night. Not to mention, there goes my chance at getting her to take a subway into NYC with me and just letting me live and breathe the life for a day. Just a taste. I'm going to be SO close to it all...and yet so far. That feeling is going to suck. It's sucked every time I've been in CT and begged someone to take me to NYC. Last time I went? July 2001. First time too. You think you want to go to cities you've never been to? Oh it is so much worse once you've had a taste and are denied it. UGH. Anyways, she's gonna call my dad tomorrow and play it like she and I talked about going up there to check out the job scene from there.
Ok moving along to GIRL: We've been texting back and forth A LOT and I was starting to wonder just how into it I was but tonight we went out and we just TALKED...like A LOT...and we didn't even realize how much time had passed and we had conversations about our freaky exes without any amount of awkwardness and it was just great. And a cop actually came cuz we were parked at a park and he actually laughed when we said it was either that or Wal Mart. He totally understood that there was nothing to do and let us go after like a minute. She and I were both expecting to be there for like 10 minutes. But we did talk a lot about all kinds of things and she let me go on my "Why I hate SVU" rant which was awesome...not to mention, she doesn't even watch the show and knows Olivia is a lesbian lmfao. Anyways...so yeah we hung out from 9:00-1:00 so a good amount of time for sure. A few minutes after I got in the door, she texted me to say that she had wanted to kiss me and chickened out. And she also texted that it was a good first date. So...IT WAS A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!! But yeah and she wants to get together again and she's gonna kidnap me some time to watch a movie at her place. She's totally cool with me living with my parents. Circumstances made her move back in with hers too. I don't know all the reasons, just had to guess from other things she told me, but it's really legit...like lol more legit than my reasons XD
So yeah...I like how I meet a girl as soon as my future goes up in flames. I like how I meet a girl as soon as I finally start opening doors to escape. Good thing: She isn't as deeply rooted in the south as I thought. She talked about living in Florida with a girlfriend once. So she might be open to moving if I do stay here for a while and move to NY years down the road. WOW I am such a damn lesbian...already planning to live together...but I'm not doing it LIKE THAT. I just mean...at least I can still in good consciousness pursue this relationship without having a thought in the back of my mind that it'll never work in the long run. I'm free to see where it goes. Yeah...when it comes to relationships, I think 10 moves ahead. I've broken up with someone before because I analyzed their quirks and decided that if we dated long term, they would start to annoy me and we'd break up in a few months anyway so I did it after like a week. I'm weird.
ANYWAYS. This has been long and convoluted and if you have read this far, thank you. I love you. XD