lying
holy shit it's late.
i have to work tomorrow but i don't think until five.
erin leaves for france tomorrow, but right now she's sleeping on my couch. we have a coffee date to haul our asses out of bed at 8.30. i'm in dutch's room, but he moved over into the centre of the bed - wait, let me make sure - yes, directly face down in the middle of the bed. it's not my bed, so i really can't complain. dutch has to wake up at 7 to go to wonderland. i hope he can get the bike out of the living room now that a sofa bed is blocking it in fairly well.
i'm getting so unfamiliar with the internet. and no one's awake when i am anymore, so if i am on msn, there's no one to talk to. i shouldn't have had that coffee on the bus. i should go for a run tomorrow, but my iPod is almost dead. and i'll probably just end up having a nap before work instead.
i wasted a lot of time writing emails and checking this thing and facebook. it made me thankful not to be in oshawa and it got me thinking about a lot of high school stuff.
i'm not afraid of this situation, it's just a little new to me is all. i keep standing in apartments, or hanging out with roommates and realizing i'm a lot older than i think i am. i wore pigtails to the beach and realized how deceivingly younger i look than i should. i thought about piercings and tattoos and how everyone says i can't live like this forever, but i think i could, and i think it would be okay and i wouldn't regret anything. it's all phases though, right, so who am i honestly kidding?
i should email jay wilman. i never really finished off that getting together thing we planned last summer or before then.
i've been thinking a lot about relationships and what i want, and whether it's feasible. companionship on crazy terms sorta but not really. so to sum that up: i don't know. obviously. i have to figure somethings out pretty fast i think, otherwise this year....ah, fuck this year. i will be fine. i have more vices than ever before because i have access to whatever i want. if i quit something else, i could have my tattoo at the end of summer, i'm just not willing to quit yet.
i feel like i should make plans to talk to people i use to talk to almost two years ago. or earlier. i don't know why. because they know the root of this? no. because i've changed and they haven't? or they have? why? i guess it's because everything else is losing grip, maybe i should gain control of little things.
maybe that's it. my life is just beyond my control while it's still fully exactly what i want it to be. i can stop whenever i want. whatever i want. or at least i really believe that and i just haven't chosen to stop yet. everyone's quitting smoking, so i figure i will too, just once this phase runs out.
i'm worrying about how bored i get. how i don't want to do anything and nothing really peaks my interest completely right now. i wonder how other people do it. what should i be concentrating on right now? i wish i hadn't left those books at my mother's. i should probably be reading more books that aren't time wasters and brain-draining. they're just so mindless and easy.
i think that was enough spillage. i just get crazy dilusional at night, or whenever fingers get near keys or paper. i left everything downstairs, so i was too lazy to write with a computer right in front of me.
apologies for the long entry. kudos to those who read it.
i have to work tomorrow but i don't think until five.
erin leaves for france tomorrow, but right now she's sleeping on my couch. we have a coffee date to haul our asses out of bed at 8.30. i'm in dutch's room, but he moved over into the centre of the bed - wait, let me make sure - yes, directly face down in the middle of the bed. it's not my bed, so i really can't complain. dutch has to wake up at 7 to go to wonderland. i hope he can get the bike out of the living room now that a sofa bed is blocking it in fairly well.
i'm getting so unfamiliar with the internet. and no one's awake when i am anymore, so if i am on msn, there's no one to talk to. i shouldn't have had that coffee on the bus. i should go for a run tomorrow, but my iPod is almost dead. and i'll probably just end up having a nap before work instead.
i wasted a lot of time writing emails and checking this thing and facebook. it made me thankful not to be in oshawa and it got me thinking about a lot of high school stuff.
i'm not afraid of this situation, it's just a little new to me is all. i keep standing in apartments, or hanging out with roommates and realizing i'm a lot older than i think i am. i wore pigtails to the beach and realized how deceivingly younger i look than i should. i thought about piercings and tattoos and how everyone says i can't live like this forever, but i think i could, and i think it would be okay and i wouldn't regret anything. it's all phases though, right, so who am i honestly kidding?
i should email jay wilman. i never really finished off that getting together thing we planned last summer or before then.
i've been thinking a lot about relationships and what i want, and whether it's feasible. companionship on crazy terms sorta but not really. so to sum that up: i don't know. obviously. i have to figure somethings out pretty fast i think, otherwise this year....ah, fuck this year. i will be fine. i have more vices than ever before because i have access to whatever i want. if i quit something else, i could have my tattoo at the end of summer, i'm just not willing to quit yet.
i feel like i should make plans to talk to people i use to talk to almost two years ago. or earlier. i don't know why. because they know the root of this? no. because i've changed and they haven't? or they have? why? i guess it's because everything else is losing grip, maybe i should gain control of little things.
maybe that's it. my life is just beyond my control while it's still fully exactly what i want it to be. i can stop whenever i want. whatever i want. or at least i really believe that and i just haven't chosen to stop yet. everyone's quitting smoking, so i figure i will too, just once this phase runs out.
i'm worrying about how bored i get. how i don't want to do anything and nothing really peaks my interest completely right now. i wonder how other people do it. what should i be concentrating on right now? i wish i hadn't left those books at my mother's. i should probably be reading more books that aren't time wasters and brain-draining. they're just so mindless and easy.
i think that was enough spillage. i just get crazy dilusional at night, or whenever fingers get near keys or paper. i left everything downstairs, so i was too lazy to write with a computer right in front of me.
apologies for the long entry. kudos to those who read it.