Hmmmm....
Wow. I'm in a mood. I don't know how to descibe it. It's kind of like an intense let-down feeling. But, behind it (because it is certainly less prevalent of a feeling...) is one of hope and happiness. I'm happy because I have great friends. Friends at camp. Friends at school. Friends at home. Even some friends I met last weekend, and now i'm In a facebook relationship with her. Becky Gray. LOVE HER! Period. I'm happy because I'm always happy. It's part of who I am. My spiritual Gift. Chipperness. There is usually no reason for me to be smiley, but I always have on the inside (and ususally on the outside) a big goofy grin. I like that about myself. Even when I feel like shit, I can't help but know that eventually it'll be all right. Even if it's something small like being introduced to sex and the city by Maureen, or sitting in the park watching the girl I pass on the sidewalk regualrly but never talk to swinging on the swings for an hour without a care in the world. These moments give me Hope. Hope is critical. For living. For everything a person does. "Everything that is done in this world is done by hope" ~ Martin Luther. What do you do when that hope is shattered though?
What if it is shattered by itself? Like, I have hope of becoming a pastor. But that hope doubles back on itself and kicks it in the face. I can only become a pastor if I abstain from homosexual sexual relationships. THAT SUCKS! I am completely unable to do such a thing. My worst fear in the world is not finding a husband, and now the church exacerbates that fear by telling me I'm not allowed.
There's way more to this, but it's all I feel like saying right now. I'm so sick of the Chruch as an institution right now because it is on the wrong side, YET AGAIN, of a hugely important civil rights issue.
What if it is shattered by itself? Like, I have hope of becoming a pastor. But that hope doubles back on itself and kicks it in the face. I can only become a pastor if I abstain from homosexual sexual relationships. THAT SUCKS! I am completely unable to do such a thing. My worst fear in the world is not finding a husband, and now the church exacerbates that fear by telling me I'm not allowed.
There's way more to this, but it's all I feel like saying right now. I'm so sick of the Chruch as an institution right now because it is on the wrong side, YET AGAIN, of a hugely important civil rights issue.