Destiny's Crossfire Chapter 15 Part 1
Title: Destiny's Crossfire
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Length: Chaptered (15/20)
Genre: Angst, drama, Non-AU, bandfic, romance, post-lawsuit
Summary: Sometimes the only things that brings us together are the accidents that make up our worst nightmares.
A/N: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ADULT THEMES AND CONTENT. PLEASE, READ ONLY IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT. I GAVE FAIR WARNING AHEAD OF TIME, AND THIS IS THE LAST TIME THAT I WILL GIVE IT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
A/N: Aaaaand because LJ is a butt, this chapter had to be split in two. Sorry >.<
Chapter 15: Unforeseen Part 1
The wind furiously barreled against Yunho's back, sending rain hurtling at his body with alarming precision. Droplets swirled through the air in miniature cyclones, splattering against any resistance met with a reckoning force. It was a battle amongst nature itself; however the seasoned singer didn’t care, or more accurately didn’t perceive it, lost as he was in a world of his own. With his crutches as sturdy supports to hold him upright, he continued to pace the length of the roof, eyes focused on the drenched paneling that made up the rooftop floor, numb to the needle-like sting of the propelled rainwater.
The mixture of wind and rain had drastically decreased the temperature, turning what was supposed to be the beginnings of summer into an illusion of the impeding autumn. Cold reigned with an iron fist, blowing leaves from trees and daring to snap at the clothes shielding his back. Goosebumps littered the skin of his arms as he hobbled across the decorated exterior, the storm clouds above his head sitting in giant clusters in the sky, giving the impression that they were just out of reach, a finger’s length away.
As the weather continued to wage war around him, Yunho’s mind was blank to the undeniable chill, unseeing of the puddles his slipper clothed feet fell into as he tried to wrap his mind around the revelations thrust onto him by Yoochun’s slip of the tongue.
He did not see Changmin positioned by the door, avoiding the wind and rain as he stood under the small overhang. Nor hear him for that matter as the younger man called out to him, repeating his name over and over again like a sailor at sea. His voice carrying through the barreling wind, shirt rippling as he cupped his hands over his mouth.
No…he did not even register his presence.
“It’s my damn body, Yunho! Stop trying to tell me what to do with it! I know myself better than anyone else. And for that matter, I know what I’m feeling better than anyone else! If I say I’m not scared then I damn well mean I’m not scared! Just fucking lay off!”
“He’s not scared of you, Yunho!”
“Because I know why he’s scared!”
His mind was preoccupied with a different conundrum.
Somehow he couldn’t help but feel that Jaejoong’s words held a double meaning, his earlier assumption becoming more defined and holding more weight with Yoochun’s momentary indiscretion. It was a chilling thought and yet a very likely scenario. Knowing the way his lover functioned, he was almost sure of it. Jaejoong did not waste words, and even in the crippling veil of anger, he spoke true. A feat admirable and yet also vexing.
Yunho grunted, leaning on his crutches a little more as he blinked the blinding water from his eyes, thoughts swimming in a storm of their own making, ears deaf to the chattering of his own teeth. Somehow he couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was something big he was missing. A huge piece of a puzzle, unknown to him…just out of reach. If he could somehow snag it, grasp the fleeting unknown, he was sure everything would fall into place.
He puffed his cheeks, eyebrows furrowing even further as he turned and proceeded pacing in the direction he’d come from, eyes still locked on the water logged ground. His hair matted down and sticking to his scalp like a second skin as he stumbled onwards, blind and deaf to his surroundings. Mind still turning over each knew stone in his path.
Without a shadow of a doubt he knew that Yoochun held the key to whatever he wasn’t seeing. The guy knew something…probably the whole damn thing if he had to guess. Information that would make sense out of everything-make Jaejoong’s actions and words have life and meaning. A meaning he could grasp and understand for once. And for some reason, for whatever purpose…Yoochun was uneager to share his knowledge. Almost as if he were scared of the consequences they would bring.
It was one of the things that distressed him, far greater then Jaejoong’s attempts at trying to wiggle his way out of his questions. It nagged at him, assaulting his mind like a predatory falcon. Talons bared as it dived to capture its unsuspecting prey in its crippling hold.
Yunho shivered and shook his head, droplets flying from his soaked locks in a ring around him as sheets of water continued their assault on the living world.
Yoochun knew, and he’d be damned if he didn’t pull it out of the younger man one way or the other.
Just how? How was he supposed to do that?
It felt like Yoochun was always on his guard around him, watching him and waiting for a slip up of sorts. Like a cat and mouse. Every day his careful and watchful eye was on him, judgment still clouding his perception like a veil of black.
Yunho could understand why……but after all this time, and when even Jaejoong had forgiven him……why couldn’t Yoochun just drop it?
“Aish…” He grumbled aloud to himself, shoulders bunching as a strong wind hit his chest.
He needed to pull it out of him…somehow…he needed to get him alone…
Alone…
Where he wouldn’t be able to drop out on a whim….where he’d be forced to talk whether he wanted to or not………
And then it hit him.
Yunho stopped midstride, head popping up for the first time in almost an hour.
Yes. Why hadn’t he thought of it before?
Jaejoong had graced them with the perfect opportunity, what with his inborn desire to keep secrets. Almond eyes widened as his thoughts quickly began to link together, a plan of sorts coming alive in his head. Yes, yes! It could work! Yoochun would be worried to the point that he wouldn’t think twice about it. He’d agree just to fulfill his own desire of numbing himself to the core. Too wrapped in his own thoughts and shortcomings to even think about what he’d really want.
Drunk.
He just needed to get him drunk enough to start talking.
It was a low move-he knew that. But he was desperate.
If his instincts were ever right about something, it had to be this. He could feel it right to the marrow of his bones. Something was not right, and Yoochun was helping cover up whatever it was.
If Jaejoong wasn’t scared of him like he originally thought……….then someone must have done something-hurt him somehow…in a way he wasn’t able to forget.
“Yunho!”
Hearing his name being called for the first time, Yunho snapped his head in the direction the sound came from, finally seeing Changmin standing by the door.
The maknae sighed in relief when he saw Yunho acknowledge him, his arms falling to his sides. Thank god….finally…
:::
“Where’s Yunho?”
Yoochun and Junsu looked up from their seats on the leather couch, expressions blank as they took in Jaejoong’s questioning face, a silence resting on their shoulders thick enough to slice through. It made Jaejoong inwardly shiver, their stares neither accusing nor forgiving. He shuffled on his feet a little before licking his lips out of nervousness. Fingers coming to wrap around his elbow as he stood there waiting for some sort of reply. When neither of them answered his query for a crippling handful of minutes, the eldest member of the group asked again, his tone more cautious and weary.
“Where is Yunho? Did he leave?”
Unable to bare seeing Jaejoong’s expression darken and cloud with a familiar misery, Junsu let his shoulders drop. His arms falling to his lap as he rubbed his clothed thighs with open palms, tired. Eyes drifting to the floor to stare at his bare feet he mumbled a response, “He’s up on the roof.”
Jaejoong automatically jerked his face to the window, taking in the still storming weather outside. In alarm he turned back to the younger man, eyes taking up half the space on his face. His worry and distress betrayed by his overpowering emotion. “He’s outside in the rain?”
“Mhm.”
“Why did you let him go?” Jaejoong gaped, hands jumping to his hair in a nervous habit, raking through his locks as his brain came up with different scenarios, each more horrific than the next. “He can barely walk! What if he falls? On the roof? Aish! Why didn’t you stop him!”
“You’re one to talk,” Yoochun replied bitterly, eyes still on the eldest as he sat stiffly, muscles rigid like rock. “Apparently neither of you listens to reason. Changmin’s been trying to get him down for the past half hour.”
Junsu wiggled his phone, showing the log of texts he received from the maknae. “Yunho is either ignoring him or too lost in his thoughts to even register his presence.”
Jaejoong grabbed the phone out of Junsu’s hands. In his eagerness he accidently scratched the younger man, blind to his fault in his desperation to see for himself what the maknae had recorded. Junsu flinched, pulling his hand away and up to his mouth to give the scratch a comforting lick. Hurt but silent, his eyes cautiously watched Jaejoong as the man speed read through the handful of exchanged messages.
When the singer was satisfied that Yunho was not on the ground bleeding from a crack in his head, Jaejoong let his shoulders relax. His pulse decreasing in its intensity, heart rate dropping to a rhythm far less lethal, given his situation. His body all but trembling as he shakily reached his arm out with the phone for Junsu to take.
“He shouldn’t be out there…” He mumbled, more so to himself then the two men sitting on his couch.
Yoochun grunted. “Well that makes two people who are doing things that they shouldn’t be doing.”
“Yoo-”
“Save it, Jae.” The baritone replied coldly, standing to his feet and looking blankly upon the familiar pallor of Jaejoong’s complexion. Not letting himself become swayed by the captivating gaze emitting from the set of ebony orbs. “I don’t need an apology. Just for fucking once, I’d like you to tell us the truth.” He tone low as a fist clenched by his side. “Quit hiding things from us, okay? You sure give us hell when we do it to you…”
“Yah, Yoochun.” Junsu chided, frowning. “Don-”
“Am I saying something wrong here?” Yoochun growled, one eyebrow rising into his forehead questioningly. “You were just saying the same thing! Neither of us like it! Why aren’t we allowed to say something?”
“I get it, Chunnie.” Jaejoong attempted to control the situation, knowing much of the blame rested with him. However he still didn’t understand why everyone was blowing things out of proportion. If it had been something severe, he wouldn’t hesitate to come crying to them. But apparently that wasn’t enough for his dongsaengs. “Okay? I’ll let you know if it happens again, alright? I just didn’t think it was that bad, you know? I feel fine now. I swear if it had been something else, I would have come running.”
“Jae,” Yoochun sighed, his emotions finally expressing on his face, clear as day. Unable to maintain his anger with the way those eyes pleadingly stared at him, watery and fearful. “I…I just…I’m just tired. Maybe…maybe I’ll stay by my brother tonight…I just need some space.”
Jaejoong internally punched down the desire to cry and grab his arm, pushing the feelings of sorrow as far away as he could while he watched Yoochun mumble his goodbye and walk towards the door.
He reminded himself to breathe through his nose, telling himself that Yoochun wasn’t mad at him and that the guy just needed some time to himself. It wasn’t an unusual desire. He was familiar with the feeling too. He just needed to let Yoochun go and sort things out for himself. It was best for everyone.
Even Junsu wasn’t saying anything, perceptive enough to realize that there were a lot of things Yoochun needed to think through. So he sat quietly on the couch watching as the dark haired singer pulled on his shoes and grabbed an umbrella. His form disappearing through the doorway and leaving behind the tell tale sound of a slamming door.
“He’s not mad.” He said after a few minutes of intense silence. Jaejoong staring at the door like an abandoned child. “You know that, right?”
A stiff nod was his response and then a buzzing sensation in his hand. With a sigh Junsu checked the text to his phone, unsurprised when Changmin was still unsuccessful with their unelected leader. “Well…Changmin isn’t having any luck.”
Jaejoong in turn replied with a sigh of his own before shuffling over and taking Yoochun’s vacated seat. He let his body sink into the leather seats, head falling back as he slowly closed his eyes.
Yunho would probably be cold when he came back. He needed to distract himself…think of something else. Should he run a bath for him?
“Yoochun is right though…”
Jaejoong opened an eye at that, his head slowly turning to the side so he could get a better view of the other.
“I got really scared, Jae…”
The muscles in his body tensed at that, a cold and intense rippling feeling starting from his stomach and echoing out through every pore of his being.
“…I know…” Junsu awkwardly pulled on the hair at his nape. “…I know you probably feel like we’ve invaded every single bit of privacy you had but…we…we were really scared, Jae. You don’t know what it was like…standing around your bed, watching the blankets rise and fall to make sure you were breathing. Y-Yoochun took it really hard…w-we all did. That’s why we want to make sure that everything is okay. We just need to know you’re alright. E-Even if it’s just shortness of breath…we’d like to know about it…just in case…”
Jaejoong bit his lip, feeling extremely guilty. His heart clenching in his chest as if squeezed by a fiery fist. Carefully he slid his upper body across the couch and tentatively rested his head on Junsu’s lap, body yearning for the closeness provided by the position. Oddly feeling very alone.
He couldn’t see his face but Jaejoong heard Junsu’s familiar laugh, quiet as it was as his hand began to gently run through his hair soothingly.
“I’m sorry, Junsu-yah.” Jaejoong mumbled, lightly tugging on the man’s pant leg. “I promise I will next time. Really, I will.”
“Mmm,” Junsu murmured, muscles relaxing. “Good.”
When Junsu received another text from Changmin he read it aloud for Jaejoong to hear.
Upon the maknae’s success, the eldest sat straight up, tongue in cheek as he mulled over a thought. Apparently after deciding on it he stood up and mumbled that he was going to run a bath for Yunho, requesting that Junsu send him to the bathroom when he came back in. Then giving the man a small appreciative smile Jaejoong scurried to run a bath.
Changmin and Yunho came back into the apartment a few minutes later, the youngest almost completely dry while Yunho mimicked a drenched pup quite spectacularly, teeth chattering and lips showing hues of blue in many different shades. Rather agitatedly Changmin pulled the turned slippery crutches from out of Yunho's arms, giving his shoulder as a support instead. In two strides Junsu was by Yunho's side as well, offering his shoulder in turn as he led the cold-to-the-touch leader to the bathroom. Blubbering about how Jaejoong was running a bath.
“Jaejoong!” Changmin called as they slowly moved towards the bathroom. “Open the door!”
The pale singer had the poor wooden door all but flying off its hinges as he rushed to clear the way. His jaw all but falling open when catching sight of the waddling group, eyes growing wide.
“God damn it, Yunho!” He rushed to help, pulling the taller man into the bathroom much to the protest of the other two men who had to practically leap in order for Yunho not to fall.
“Aish, Jae! Careful!”
“I got it! I got it!” Jaejoong hammered, pushing the two confused and worried faces out of the room once they had sat Yunho down on the lidded toilet. They gawked at him as he mumbled a quick apology before closing the door, locking it for good measure before turning around and nervously accessing his lover. Disregarding his dongsaengs, knowing they’d understand.
“Yah….” He furrowed his brow after coming to stand beside the chilled man, touching his icy cheek warily. “What the hell is wrong with you? Does your brain work?”
Not bothering to wait for a reply, Jaejoong began to hurriedly peel the wet clothes off a frozen Yunho. The protests issued at him falling on deaf ears as he gripped the hem of the soaked through shirt and lifted it over Yunho's head. Water drenching his fingers as the soaked fabric rang itself out through incessant pulling.
Jaejoong ignored the pain blossoming in his chest, more concerned with the fact that his idiot of a lover would catch pneumonia in this state. So disregarding his own discomfort, he stripped the taller man until he was sitting naked before him, teeth chattering and all.
Body cold Yunho had barely managed to muster pushing Jaejoong away, finally failing at the task and letting the concerned man have his way. His plotting and planning having exhausted his store of energy along with the amount of pacing he had done in the pouring rain. Toes and fingers numb with cold.
“Joongie…” Yunho mumbled, fingers trembling as he held onto a familiar bicep. “…I can do it myself.”
“Aish!” Jaejoong clucked, holding Yunho's icy foot and rubbing it in efforts of warming it up. “Couldn’t you put some shoes on before storming off?” He muttered, brows creased and face betraying his worry as he leaned down to breathe on the icy foot.
“Yah…” Yunho glumly muttered, fingers curling in on themselves as he eyed the bath full of steaming water. He could take any reprimand thrown at him if he could just jump into that steaming pool.
“I know it was a little fight but god, Yunho…” Jaejoong stood to his feet, eyes betraying his inner emotions. “Don’t leave like that. Follow m-me if you have to but d-don’t leave, okay?”
Yunho silently lifted his head, taking in the paleness of Jaejoong’s cheeks and nodded understandingly, too cold to bother arguing. Then sluggishly licking his purplish lips he gave Jaejoong a small smile. “Okay.”
“Good.”
With that Jaejoong grabbed Yunho's arms and with a little help pulled him to his feet, his shoulder acting as a support while the taller man hobbled over to the tub.
Yunho grit his teeth as he put one foot into the steaming water then hurriedly fell in, sloshing some of it out on the sides as he did so. The tiles now just as drenched as he.
“Ah! Ah!” He hissed, shutting his eyes tight as the water wrapped itself around him like a blanket, the heat penetrating his cold and shattering it. “So hot!”
Jaejoong sighed as he took in the sight. He took up a position crouched by the tub, bottom lip fully sucked into his mouth as he watched Yunho painstakingly move around, his ebony irises following every move with the precision of a falcon. The steam from the gathered water rose into the air and licked at the underside of his chin but the stubborn Jaejoong didn’t move. Instead he let the vapors gather on his ivory skinned throat and jaw, allowing it to condense and form droplets that glistened in the bathroom light like sweat after a good hour’s workout. The shirt on his back began to grow heavy as his body sucked in the heat and caused him to perspire. The cotton drawing in moisture around him like a towel and in just a few measly minutes left his face flushed, wet and breath heavy.
Yunho sunk deeper into the tub, allowing for the water to rise to his chin, eyes remaining shut as his muscles were slowly brought back to life. His mind for once blank like the expanse of a smooth sheet of paper. Unmarred by the twisting marks and dashes pressed upon it by the permanent ink of a pen. He sighed, expelling the remainder of air from his lungs, feeling the water soak the back of his hair as he tilted his chin.
“You can come in if you want.” He murmured, addressing Jaejoong by statement alone.
Jaejoong’s eyes immediately jerked towards Yunho's outstretched foot. His concern apparent as his brow knitted in thought. “…But your foot?”
“You can sit between my legs,” Yunho supplied, not daring to open his eyes. “We’ve done it plenty of times before.”
In less time it took to blink, Jaejoong’s whole face turned crimson.
However he was undeterred.
Quickly he began to undress himself, not allowing time for his brain to catch up on the severity of their actions. They hadn’t been intimate for such a long time and jumping straight in like this probably wasn’t the best idea. But he didn’t care. He wanted this. He wanted Yunho. This was the first time since their reunion that Yunho initiated any intimacy. And he wasn’t just about to let this opportunity slide.
With one good shake of the head, Jaejoong let his last article of clothing fall to the tiled floor before cautiously lifting a foot and letting it break through the water’s surface.
In his head Yunho kept reminding himself that Jaejoong wasn’t scared of him. That this was okay, that they both wanted this. It was an offer the shorter man had every ability to turn down if he wanted. He was not pressuring him into anything.
When Yunho felt the water slosh around him he slowly let his eyelids lift, world becoming filled with color once again.
Below the surface of the rippling blanket of heat, skin met skin causing both occupants of the tub to internally shiver. The familiar tightening of the stomach once thought a forgotten presence, back full force to reclaim its permanent residency. Yunho swallowed with a bit of difficulty as his eyes took in the pale skin of Jaejoong’s throat and collarbone. His vision slowly drawing downwards only to stop at the blemish on Jaejoong’s once portrait perfect chest. Almost without thinking, Yunho reached out his arm, fingers hesitating just a hairsbreadth away from the scar.
Jaejoong blinked once before sucking in his lip and leaning forwards, closing the gap and allowing the pads of Yunho's fingers to press against his chest. “It’s okay. You can touch it if you want.”
The emotion in Yunho's almond eyes was something he could not hide as he traced the discolored scar, magnified by the water.
“I’m going to have a tattoo drawn over it…” Jaejoong mumbled, feeling Yunho's other arm draw around his waist and pull him gently forwards. The action causing his knees to bend more, legs drawing up and bridging over Yunho's thighs. His breath hitched as the space between them became almost inexistent, the level of intimacy at a stage his body wasn’t used to after such a long time. However he didn’t dare move back. Instead he allowed himself to be pulled even closer until their bodies touched, a ball of fire snaking up and down his spine at the feeling of being so near.
Yunho let his eyes close as he drew Jaejoong into his chest, wrapping his arms around the man protectively as he rested his chin on his shoulder. The palms of his hands caressing Jaejoong’s lean torso and movingly lightly over his wet skin.
In response Jaejoong draped his arms around Yunho’s bulkier form, nipples brushing against the darker chest as he too extended his neck over his lover’s shoulder.
The steam continued to rise into the air, clouding the mirrors and creating a haze as they held each other close. Sharing each other’s unvoiced emotions and thoughts. Breathing in tandem and composing a melody completely their own, the instruments being their worn out bodies and the maestro their beating heart.
Jaejoong pressed his cheek into Yunho's shoulder, eyes closed as he simply basked in the serenity. His inner demons banished as he stayed in his lover’s protective embrace. The heat from the water and the warmth emitting from deep within him creating an illusion of nonexistence. Where the world was limited to the two of them and nothing else mattered. It was just that. The two of them, together like this. He shivered in joy from the thought.
His whole word was in his arms, holding him tight. Nothing would be able to separate them now. Never again.
Never.
“Joongie…”
“Hm?”
Yunho lifted his head, eyes coming to rest on Jaejoong’s serene expression. Lips full, cheeks rosy and eyes shining bright like the midnight sky illuminated by thousands of twinkling stars. A smile tugged on his own mouth as he traced Jaejoong’s plump bottom lip with his thumb, feeling its smooth texture glide over his skin. His lashes lifted, allowing him to gaze into the ebony orbs. Eyes mirroring the same desire he felt.
“Yunho…”
Jaejoong wasn’t scared…
And he himself wasn’t afraid anymore…
Cupping Jaejoong’s face, Yunho breathed in, nose brushing gently against his lover’s as he closed the distance between them with an innocent kiss.
Sealing them together for the remainder of their lives.
One unit.
One body.
Forever………until existence itself melted away into the all consuming abyss.
Part 2