Destiny's Crossfire Chapter 13
Title: Destiny's Crossfire
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: R
Length: Chaptered (13/20)
Genre: Angst, drama, Non-AU, bandfic, romance, post-lawsuit
Summary: Sometimes the only things that brings us together are the accidents that make up our worst nightmares.
A/N: I had such a hard time writing this chapter *pulls at hair* It just kept deviating from what I wanted it to be. Not to mention having to write an awkward situation is as difficult as pulling teeth OTL. Not 100% happy with this, but I hope the rest of you enjoy. Thoughts at the end would be appreciated.
Chapter 13: Two Halves Of A Whole
The two of them stood there by the door bodies tense and rigid, neither man moving after the initial awkward exchange of greetings. A long stretch of silence then ensued only to be interrupted by the occasional honk of a car or the sound of the wind hitting against the window glass.
Jaejoong swallowed, eyes falling to the ground and taking a rather sudden interest in the wooden polish of his floors.
This was the first time in a long while that both parties were conscious and aware of the other’s presence.
Where pretending or avoiding the other was completely out of the question.
Yunho kept a steady gaze on Jaejoong while gulping half consciously, his grip on his crutches tightening as he tried to subtly shift his weight around. Okay, Yunho…don’t blow this. Be cool. Don’t freak him out or anything…he’s still hurt……he’s got a fucking bullet wound….no need to shock him with any sudden proclamations….just take it easy…….don’t make him feel awkward….just act normal…
Tugging lightly at the sleeve of his sweater, Jaejoong quietly accessed the taller man’s foot, lip jutting out just a little as his eyes perused the injured limb. It was heavily wrapped in an assortment of coppery bandages keeping the brace secure around his ankle and thus rendering it immobile. Gradually his eyes traveled upwards, finally ending in a deadlock held by the other’s unwavering gaze.
His heart instantly fluttered, body breaking out into goosebumps at the intensity of the stare. Mouth suddenly dry he blinked owlishly while at the same time internally berating himself. Okay…don’t make this awkward….you’ve been pining after him all this time and he didn’t know………don’t jump into anything off the bat……don’t harass him with questions or you’ll scare him off…….just act naturally……don’t make him feel uncomfortable…breathe, Jaejoong…just breathe…
“How’s yo-”
“Is you-”
Both instantly stopped short. Jaejoong coloring and immediately dropping his gaze back to the comforts of the floor while sucking his bottom lip into his mouth.
At the same time Yunho inwardly cursed himself. Wanting nothing more than to pull his hair out at the rather smooth way he managed to cut the smaller man off accidently. Leave it to him to break an attempted start at conversation.
“Um…” Jaejoong released his lip, letting his tongue rove over it as his fingers anxiously dug into the skin of his wrist while he looked up nervously. “Y-You hungry?”
Yunho blurted, “Starving.” Instantly relieved at the comfort some food would bring to their otherwise intensely awkward and failed attempt at small talk. Food was something he could work with. No matter how nervous and tongue tied he got.
Sucking in his cheeks and rocking a little on his heels, Jaejoong fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater a bit more. “Um…do you want some help?” He motioned to Yunho's foot.
“Uh….n-no I’m fine.” Yunho mumbled, catching the smaller man’s gaze. “I’ve had a pair of these before if you remember.”
“Yeah,” Jaejoong nervously smiled, recalling a time long since past. “I’ve had my fair share of time with those too.”
“Mhmm.”
Turning his back to Yunho, Jaejoong began to walk swiftly towards the kitchen. Inwardly gritting his teeth at the way his heart thumped boldly in his chest. He needed to remain unthreatening. Show Yunho that he was open and approachable.
Behind him he heard the dull thumps the crutches made against the floor as Yunho followed him. The rhythmic sound being the only comfort in the otherwise crushing silence. He brushed the tip of his nose with the side of his hand before entering into the kitchen, finding a big sense of comfort at standing amidst his pots and pans. As he stepped towards the counter, opening a drawer and extracting a cutting board he heard Yunho grunt. Eyes darting to the source of the sound he watched bemusedly as Yunho leaned his crutches against the side of the bar before hobbling over to sit in one of the stools at the kitchen counter.
“You want anything in particular?” Jaejoong asked, pulling out a long cutting knife as well.
From his perch a mere two feet away Yunho shrugged his shoulders. “No not really. I like everything you make.”
Jaejoong restlessly ran a hand through his hair, deciding to go with what he was originally going to make for dinner. “How about Soondubu Jjigae?”
“That’s fine.”
Jaejoong nodded, fingers itching to start on the spicy soft tofu stew. He furrowed his brow in concentration as he flitted about the kitchen opening and closing various cabinets while searching for all the ingredients he needed, and then later bustling over to the refrigerator as well to pull out the necessary odds and ends. Consumed by his task he unintentionally forgot his nervousness, settling into the familiar routine of measuring, gathering and chopping.
The beef was cut into thin strips, knife a blur in Jaejoong’s expert hands as he continued to wield it. Shrimp cleaned and soaked already sitting in a bowl awaiting their turn on the counter.
His eyes were focused, brow relaxed without a wrinkle in sight and mouth lax, pulling in even breaths through his partially parted lips. Laying the knife down once he had finished the simple task, his body moved to the side. Sleeves pulled up to hug his elbows as he rinsed his hands off in the sink, head jostling to the side and exposing the paleness of his neck.
Yunho observed him from his stool silently. Easing into the false sense of comfort as the singer bustled about. The kitchen was Jaejoong’s dance floor, his private stage where he wasn’t required to please an audience of thousands. Where it was alright to just stand at the center and take comfort in the familiar surroundings. Not be bothered with harsh orders barked into your ear, plaster on a smile and pretend everything was alright when deep inside a part of you was slowly dying. Decaying from the inside out as everything that ever mattered was shattered into a million shards of glass, never to be put back together in the same way again.
Shaking his head to remove the numb feeling slowly creeping into his limbs, Yunho followed Jaejoong’s movements. Watching as the other’s feet nimbly scurried to the stove. Hands grabbing a pot and setting it atop the front right burner. He then bounced back to the counter, grabbing a few onion stalks he had pulled out earlier and headed to the sink. Tongue peeking out from his mouth as he washed a few of the long green onions. He saw Jaejoong give his head a shake and then watched as he brushed a few tendrils of fallen hair from his line of sight with the inside of his arm, nose scrunching cutely as he did so.
Throughout it all Yunho continued to observe Jaejoong work silently, elbows leaning against the counter as his palm cradled his cheek, head tilted to the side. The familiar pull at his heart increased in its intensity as his eyes took in the way Jaejoong dried the greens before setting them on the board, damp hands wiping themselves dry against his hips as he contemplated which ingredient to go at next.
This would have been us, he thought bitterly, this would have been our life.
He was sure of it. If not for the poison that had ravaged their world and tainted it so completely with its pain, anger and hurt. This would have been his every day. Every morning and every blessed night…Jaejoong standing at the kitchen counter preparing a meal for five while Changmin whined about the time it was taking. Junsu, in a fervent display of rivalry would be busy trying to beat the maknae in whatever videogame they were engrossed in at the current moment while Yoochun lazily lolled on the couch texting on his phone or jotting down some lyrics to a tune in its earliest stages of development.
And he…he would have been just here…right where he was. Beside the man to whom his heart belonged to even after all this time. Sitting or standing, it didn’t matter…either exchanging nonsense or whispering nothings while he attempted to help the other in any way he could. Cutting vegetables or simply stirring a pot as Jaejoong chopped, mixed or diced..
His eyes took on a faraway look, glazing over as he lost himself in the world his mind created out of his deepest desire.
If only he could go back in time and fix things….
If only he could change the past…
“Here,” Jaejoong moved the cutting board towards Yunho, the stalks of green onion already lying dry on the wooden surface. “Cut these for me.”
Unintentionally a small ghosting chuckle left his lips.
Hearing it, Jaejoong glanced up. Eyes raking over Yunho's saddened expression as the man picked up the knife and turned the board towards himself.
“What?”
“It’s nothing,” Yunho mumbled, the brief smile that had been stretched across his face in a moment’s forgetfulness gone to be replaced by an all too familiar frown. “Just…just wishing things could be different…that they could go back...”
Jaejoong frowned, creases appearing on his usually smooth forehead.
“If…if only we could just be like this again…” Yunho said numbly, knife cutting into the fresh stalks and cutting the first few rings. “…You…me……….just everything…”
“Yun-”
“-I’m so sorry, Joongie.” Yunho dropped the knife, eyes coming up to catch Jaejoong’s open gaze. “God I’m so sorry. For everything…all of it…if….i-if only…I…I…I would never have J-Joongie…n-never, I swear I wouldn’t have.” His voice shook with intensity, eyes growing moist as he continued on. “…It…I…I would have never done it, I swear Jaejoong-ah…I…I…Y-Yoochun doesn’t believe it but I s-swear…I-I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had done it. I-”
“-I know.” Jaejoong’s voice was soft but his eyes mirrored them same intensity as Yunho's did. Lip trembling slightly as he drew closer to the counter…closer to Yunho. “I know you wouldn’t have, Yunho. I know you wouldn’t have.”
“Joongie, I’m so sorry-”
“-I know.” Jaejoong repeated, nodding his head and casting his eyes to the floor. “That time you came into my room…I heard it all…I heard it, Yunho-yah.”
Yunho's eyes suddenly went wide, jaw dropping down an inch or two. “You hea-”
“-Mhm,” Jaejoong nodded his head, eyes refusing to meet with Yunho's shocked expression.
The taller man felt heat rush into his face, embarrassment flooding his system like a raging tsunami. He made a choking sound, recalling his overly emotional and less than cool attempt at an apology. It had been a train wreck if he remembered correctly. Just a flood of words that at times didn’t tie to the point or trailed off into oblivion-in other words a perfect mess if he was being honest with himself.
“Ugh,” Yunho covered his flaming face with his hands. “Y-You heard that?”
Jaejoong nodded once again, cautiously looking up and finding the younger man rubbing his face furiously. His heart fluttered at seeing it, a warmth creeping back into the core of his heart which had remained vacant for the past four years. He swallowed, eyes blinking as Yunho continued to hide his face.
“…I knew you r-read them…” Jaejoong started, feeling a flash of heat against his cheek. “…M-My texts…and it…i-it was a little too much for me…h-having four years of my life displayed all at once like a m-manuscript….” He swallowed again. “…When you c-came in I wasn’t r-ready…I…you…I…I thought that all this time…all this time you had left m-me.”
The hands around Yunho's face slowly dropped, almond eyes peeking through the slits of his fingers as they gradually fell from his face. Heart pounding against his ribcage like an African drum.
“…In a way it dulled t-the hurt I guess…” Jaejoong spoke wistfully, finally meeting with the familiar set of ebony eyes. “…but…still…why? Why didn’t you try? Why………why didn’t you ever try and r-reach me? Why……why did you…n-never contact me?”
Yunho felt his insides twist, pain scorching him like a fire as it weaved through his veins and boiled his blood. He wanted to hurt himself, punish his own body for the completely broken look on Jaejoong’s face. The turmoil and pain years of neglect had scarred him with making it all too easy to read through the poorly hidden cracks in his usually seeming cold and uncaring mask. This cover he wore as a last barrier of defense against the cruelties and horrors one needed to face in this world.
“Why, Yunho?”
If his heart could physically break, it would have already done so.
More than a million times.
“Why didn’t you try?”
Yunho hung his face in shame. Breath leaving him like it would an unfastened balloon. “I…I…a-at first I was so angry with you.” He looked up morosely, eyes dull. “…I couldn’t believe what you had done…w-when you were conscious enough to k-know…w-when you e-even had a w-warning…and…..and yet you did it anyway-”
“-I’m so sorry about that, Yunho.” Jaejoong hurriedly went to apologize, even when he had done so numerous times through every viable form of communication. “You don’t know how much I wish t-that I c-could go b-back in time and s-stop myself…”
“I know, Joongie…” Yunho sighed, having long since forgiven the offense. “I know that…but back then……I couldn’t even look at you…I was so mad……I just couldn’t understand.” He swallowed thickly, throat closing up at the recollection. “…And when the anger finally started to fade away…I listened to the voicemail you left me…I knew you were sorry but I still couldn’t yet forgive you…my d-dad…there was just too much going on....”
“…I know…”
“….Then your calls stopped abruptly and the lawsuit started. I wondered….I wondered why you had decided to stop….” Yunho's shoulders trembled. “…I kept saying to myself that you would call again and then I would talk to you…I didn’t want to call first…I-I…I wanted you to call just once more…try once more……and then w-when you d-didn’t…I just…j-just….” He grabbed at the bridge of his nose, rubbing away the tension he could feel creeping into his skull.
“….Then it was announced that you guys tried to call us…get in contact with me and Changmin.” Yunho swallowed with some difficulty. “…But neither of u-us got anything…not a single t-text or p-phone call….and then slowly….s-slowly we started to believe…”
“Yun-”
“Lee Soo Man told us to forget…our m-managers told us to forget.” Yunho shut his eyes tightly, hearing their voices in his ear. “…We were told not to contact you three….Changmin didn’t listen though…” Yunho's voice broke. “But…but I did…”
Jaejoong bit his lip, eyes wide as he stared at Yunho. Fingers trembling as the other continued on with obvious difficulty.
“I hurt…it hurt, Jaejoong-ah…” Yunho shook his head. “It just…..j-just hurt t-too much to think about it…I…I j-just couldn’t….I…I…I just…just….”
“It’s okay,” Jaejoong said, voice barely above a whisper.
He cast his gaze down, hand lifting deftly by his side to grab the bowl of thinly sliced beef off the counter. He then turned, heading to the pot on the stove and grabbing a set of cooking chopsticks. Almost as if trying to keep himself from thinking he overturned the bowl of beef into the pot, adding the sesame oil, garlic and kochukaru before leaning his head down and turning up the gas.
Yunho looked up, face haggard as he took in the sight of Jaejoong’s hunched shoulders. His back appearing smaller than when it did just a few minutes ago. Even through the thickness of the sweater he could still see the outline of his backbone, a fact that bothered Yunho greatly as he sat there watching the smaller man work.
The quiet was gradually invaded by the sound of sizzling as Jaejoong stir fried the beef, one hand crossing over to grab the container of prepared broth he had stored away. As he poured the rich liquid over the browned meat, he heard the stool by the counter protest as it was moved back against the floor. Picking up a ladle he began to stir the soup blankly, ears listening for the tell tale sound of crutches. However he was greatly surprised when he was suddenly turned around, ladle falling into the pot as two hands gripped him firmly by the arms. Startled he looked up at Yunho, eyes flickering over his face before turning down to his foot. No crutches in sight.
“Your foo-”
“I don’t care about my foot, Jaejoong.” Yunho licked his lips anxiously staring into his eyes, tensing as Jaejoong began to pull back a little. “I need you to understand something.”
“You shouldn’t be putting weight on it,” Jaejoong mumbled nervously, “You should sit, Yunho.”
“Not until you hear me out.”
“Yu-”
“-Please.” Yunho all but begged, growing desperate. “Please, Joongie. I need you to hear this.”
Jaejoong swallowed, adam’s apple bobbing. “Okay.”
“I…I just…just wanted you to k-know,” Yunho stumbled, swallowing the urge to wince as pain flared through his leg. “…That even though I never contacted you…I always, always looked for you…r-read about you…l-listened to your s-songs….m-my….w-when people talked and your name was d-dropped…I just waited, holding my breath for them to talk more…let me k-know how you were doing.” His grip on Jaejoong loosened a bit as he shifted, the pain growing more unmanageable the longer he stood. “…When no one was looking and C-Changmin was out I-I…I would go on your fan pages…read all of them…l-look at your photos and h-hope you were a-alright…t-that things w-weren’t hard…I would be on there for hours at n-night…sometimes the s-sun would be rising b-but I still c-came back…I w-would g-go back until i-it hurt too much to do it…and then I’d still-”
Before Yunho could finish Jaejoong swallowed a sob, his arms darting forwards to wrap around Yunho as he buried his face in the man’s chest. Nose digging into the soft breast as his eyes closed, letting fall a stray tear while his body trembled.
In response Yunho swallowed the smaller man into his embrace, resting his chin against the honey haired crown and inhaling the fragrant smell of his shampoo in one large breath. He tightened his hold, feeling an overwhelming flood of emotions as Jaejoong’s warmth seeped into him. Enveloping his body in an almost forgotten way, one only remembered in the tossing and turning of a dreamlike state.
Tightening his grip in the other’s shirt, Jaejoong inhaled longingly. Reminding his soul of the comforting scent of Yunho's cologne, “Me too.”
Yunho nodded, running one hand down Jaejoong’s trembling back in a soothing gesture he hadn’t offered in over four years.
“Almost every d-day,” Jaejoong continued, trying to keep his voice from shaking as he spoke. “I would s-stare at our pictures…t-trace your face with my f-fingers until the ink in the photo w-would start t-to ebb away. Those…spots I-I traced b-becoming less vibrant than the r-rest of the picture……” He pressed closer. “…Y-Yoochun tried so hard to get me to s-stop but I-I….I couldn’t…I c-couldn’t….b-because t-that w-was all I h-had left of y-you…” His body shuddered, recalling those days when he would sit curled up in his chair, arms around his ankles as he held a photo of Yunho's smiling face, one arm around him as they both stared into the camera.
Yunho nodded in understanding, the grip on his own urge to cry held back by only a flimsy shred of self control. All he could do was just hold the long since turned incoherent Jaejoong in his arms while the soup of the stove slowly began to boil, time becoming an irrelevant form of nature as they stood there together in the empty room. The exchange of thoughts and emotions a wordless matter as their bodies remained pressed desperately together, longing and heartache finally showing signs of its arduous end after its prolonged stretch over the course of four painstaking years.
Souls finally allowed the chance at healing as apologies were whispered again and again, mumbled…broken and choked. Words of comfort and forgiveness repeated in throaty shudders, exhaled breaths and murmurs. Their arms wrapped around each other, afraid to let go as if fearing the loss of touch would render the moment a figment of their desperate imagination. An aching dream that no matter how hard you tried you simply couldn’t fall back into…….no matter how much you begged and pleaded with your mind.
The tears shed from Jaejoong’s eyes soaked the front of Yunho's shirt but the taller man didn’t mind. Instead he pressed the smaller man closer, hugging him tighter to his chest to ensure the contact wouldn’t end soon. Jaejoong just nestled closer, aching to melt into Yunho so fiercely that it hurt on a physical level. His chest burned but he paid it no heed, wanting nothing more than to stay firmly in Yunho's arms and never have to leave. All those years of pain and anger, melting away as relief and a sense of tranquility weaved its way into his being. Scouring away the years of destitution his heart had to bear and the self infliction he had incurred upon himself over the course of the passing of time.
It was all being stripped away, layer by layer as the heat from Yunho's embrace penetrated into his very core. Like a giant ball of light it pierced into the darkness, evaporating every shadow from existence until there was no more retched self doubting and loathing flicker to be seen. In its wake everything shown brilliantly, reflecting the golden rays at every surface and crack and thus turning what was once a dismal barren wasteland into a garden rivaling that of Eden itself.
Yunho's fingers gently ran through Jaejoong’s hair feeling the feather softness of his sun burned locks. He rested his lips on the crown of his head, placing but the lightest of kisses wherever he could reach. It was affection readily received by the smaller man who only pressed closer, one denim clad leg brushing against Yunho's thigh.
The only cause to their pulling away was the rather loud sound of boiling soup coming from just a mere hand’s length away.
“Aish!”
Jaejoong jumped towards the stove, lowering the heat before leaning across the counter and grabbing the bowl of shrimp, dumping them into the bubbling pot. He stared with a frown on his face as he stirred the broth, wondering if he might have burned the beef at the bottom. Carefully he filled the ladle, bringing it up to his face and taking a tentative whiff. When the aromatic scent hit his senses instead of the acrid smell of burned meat he sighed in relief, returning the ladle back to the pot.
Yunho hobbled back to where he left his crutches, grabbing for them. When he rested his weight upon their sturdy frames he grunted in respite, tension melting off his face like a block of ice in the heat of the summer sun. He crossed the short distance to where Jaejoong was standing. Chest pressing into the other’s back while Jaejoong stirred their dinner. Feeling Yunho's solid form behind him, Jaejoong licked his lips and tentatively leaned back. Eyes closing in a sense of contentment he hadn’t felt in grossly too long of a time. When Yunho's chin came to rest against his shoulder, a small smile began to tug on his lips. He breathed in deeply, memories of their younger days flooding his mind for the first time without the addition of stinging loss.
Yunho was here…just like he had been all those years ago…
“I’m never going to let you go again.” Yunho's voice whispered into his ear, sending a small shiver down the length of his spine. “Never. Once was enough…a second time and I’d rather die…”
Jaejoong nodded, inwardly wondering the extent of the meaning of Yunho's proclamation. However he chased those negative thoughts from his mind, completely intent on keeping this moment a happy one without the bitter reminders of reality.
“You dare even try and I swear I’ll break both your legs.” Jaejoong murmured, unable to keep the smile from penetrating outwards. “Having my heart ripped out once is more than enough for me.”
“Mhmm.”
“Did you finish cutting the onion?” Jaejoong asked after a few minutes, admiring the red color of the broth after adding the tofu.
Yunho winced, having forgotten the task allotted to him completely. “Uh…I’ll do that right now.”
“It’s fine.” Jaejoong quickly added, turning around and facing the taller man. “I’ll do it. You can go have a seat.”
Yunho gave a sheepish smile, nodding his head before turning around and hobbling back to his stool. By the time had had situated himself Jaejoong already had two bowls of the steaming Soondubu Jjigae on the counter top. The smaller man pulled out two spoons and set them down, nudging a bowl towards Yunho before grabbing the cutting board and making quick work of the green stalks.
Taking a deep whiff of the freshly made soup Yunho's mouth watered. Stomach rumbling at the realization he hadn’t had any of Jaejoong’s cooking in a long while. With a quick lick of the lips he lifted his spoon, waiting for Jaejoong to sprinkle some onion on the top and sit down before plunging it into the liquid and getting a taste.
Jaejoong let out a tinkling laugh as he watched Yunho's eyes go wide, mouth full with the scorching stew. The younger man flopped his mouth open like a fish, attempting to cool its contents all the while staring at him, nostrils growing wider as his jaw moved. Snorting, Jaejoong brought a hand to his mouth in a poor effort at hiding his amusement at the other’s expense.
“Yah!” Yunho cried out, eyes watering as he felt his tongue burning from the heat and the incredible amount of pepper Jaejoong had somehow snuck in. “Wah…ohm…ma…hawt!”
Another snort, all though this one hidden a little better, Jaejoong stirred his soup. Spoon moving towards his lips so he could blow gently on the steaming liquid before taking a cautious taste.
When Yunho finally swallowed, face red from exertion he threw Jaejoong a fierce look. “Thah wasn’t fuhnny…”
Jaejoong wiggled his eyebrows, licking his spoon clean and shrugged. “Want a cup of water?”
Yunho vehemently nodded.
With a cup by his bowl and two minutes of blowing on the steaming liquid, Yunho decided it was safer to eat. He carefully filled his spoon, bringing it up to his mouth and blowing, just in case before putting it past his lips.
From across the short width Jaejoong watched, palm cradling his chin as he leaned his elbow on the counter, sucking on his spoon. He couldn’t bring himself to believe what was right in front of his eyes. It just seemed too good to be true. That Yunho was here, eating with him as if nothing of the past four years had occurred. He simply couldn’t pull his eyes away. Instead he took to watching him eat, refilling his cup with more water when it dwindled down.
“Yah, Joongie.” Yunho said, slurping a bit as he fished out a piece of beef. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something…….since it has been bothering me a lot…”
Plucking the spoon out of his mouth, Jaejoong tilted his head. “What?”
Yunho sniffed, the spicy kick giving his nose a run for its money. He paused in his devouring of the stew, spoon falling into the bowl as he looked up at Jaejoong, eyes clear and curious. “Well…back then….when I…I…well when we fought,” Yunho cleared his throat, thumb coming to brush against his nose. “…You…why didn’t you throw me off?”
Jaejoong stilled, eyes flashing as Yunho looked at him searchingly.
“You were strong enough,” he continued, voice falling an octave as he began to mumble. “…You could have easily thrown me off. That’s why…I find it kind of strange that you didn’t.”
He blinked, heart beating erratically in his chest as a flood of blocked memories pierced through the wall of his mind.
He visibly flinched.
Yunho frowned, seeing the visible distress his words had caused on the other. “Jaejoong?”
The skin of his face grew a shade whiter as he tried to break free from the onslaught of suppressed memories.
He wouldn’t let them control him again…he had gotten out.
Broken free, they couldn’t do anything to him now.
He just had to forget. Yes forget.
Jaejoong furiously shook his head, grabbing his spoon and swiftly filling it before shoving it into his mouth and preventing himself from having to give an answer. Quickly he lowered his gaze, concentrating on the small oil bubbles floating on the surface of the vibrant red broth, mouth full.
Yunho's brow creased, not sure exactly what he was witnessing. “Joongie?”
“Eat your soup before it gets cold.” Jaejoong mumbled, swallowing the remainder of his mouth’s contents before looking up, eyes devoid of their previous luster.
“Jae-”
Jaejoong shook his head, hiding his trembling hand in his lap. “No…nothing…there was no reason.”
“Bu-”
“Please.”
Jaejoong silently pleaded, begging inwardly for Yunho to drop the topic. It was in the past. A part of a time he didn’t remember fondly and he just wanted to forget. Erase it from his memory and have it disappear into the framework of time.
“Okay…okay, Joongie.”
Yunho looked back down at his soup, brow creased, feeling something wasn’t right. Especially from the way Jaejoong had so adamantly resisted breaching the subject.
It was hard to see but it was still there…that small crack…that tiny window that allowed him to see behind Jaejoong’s perfectly erected wall.
Fear.
There was fear.
And that…that scared him.
Chapter 14