Set Fire to the Rain 6/12
Title: Set Fire to the Rain 6/12
Author: smartasswillow
Fandom: The Closer
Rating: M
Pairing: Brenda/Sharon
CHAPTER 6
Lust. Bad stuff. Lust and feelings? You might as well shoot yourself. Brenda woke up from an awful dream. All sweaty she got rid of the dead weight of her husband's arm on her chest. No wonder she had nightmares if he was trying to suffocate her in her sleep. Here she was again, it wasn't her husband's fault if she'd got the hots for that woman. Obviously it was that woman's fault. If only Sharon could forgive her and maybe indulge, every now and then, in the same lust she was sure they both still shared, life would be perfect. No more nightmares, no more embarrassing business meetings in her office. And she could be even more focused on her marriage.
L.A.'s air was cool on her face. It was April; Sharon couldn't believe a whole month had already passed by. Her heels were getting uncomfortable but she loved to walk at night. Listening to the city, being no one, nowhere. After a few more attempts at sleeping with strangers she had given up. She found herself no longer able to fight lust with lust. A sad discovery. Probably connected with her age. So she quit fucking and started walking. It was healthier too. And she could let her mind wander, play with what ifs. What if Brenda wasn't a crazy lunatic? What if she wasn't a manipulative bitch? What if she was a little less sensitive in her job and a little more sensible in her life? Would she feel the same for Brenda anyway?
The Chief was done trying to sleep. Fritz's light snoring was getting straight into her head. She went into the guest room and opened the window. Fresh air for fresh thoughts. She put on an old yellow cardigan and sat leg-crossed on the bed. She didn't notice the mobile in her hands until Joel jumped on her lap. Absently stroking the cat, she thought that if she didn't plan it then it couldn't be her fault. Things happen. Stupid things happen even more often. Brenda flipped open the phone and wrote. "I can't sleep because of you." It was the truth. Nothing more, nothing less. She waited for a while and when she was about to doze off a loud beep filled the room. "Shit!" She held her breath but no sounds were coming from her room. She looked at the text. "I keep walking because of you." So she was still with her in this madness. Wasn't this what she was wishing for? Then where was all this sudden fear coming from?
Brenda wasn't texting back. Good. Sharon shouldn't have answered the message in first place. It was almost 3 a.m.; she blamed the late hour for her temporary weakness.
She left the guest room and went back in her bed. She couldn't afford more mistakes. She needed to be prepared this time. Make up some sort of plan as Sharon had told her to that day. Brenda knew that if she wanted to succeed she should first have a clear goal in her mind. But she couldn't think about that right now. She just wanted to do things properly.
-o-
After a long weekend off, Brenda was back at work. She had agreed with Captain Raydor for a meeting every Monday morning until the investigation would be over. She hadn't sent any more texts and they both kept a professional façade during their weekly encounter. It was boring and quite irritating being forced to justify every little step of a case and the more trivial the details, the more Raydor seemed to enjoy herself. God that woman. Every time she had talked with this arid bureaucrat in the past weeks Brenda had looked for a clue, anything to be reminded of the sweet, passionate person who once held her so tight.
She looked at the woman in front of her. Sharon was strong, meticulous, smart, single-minded and stubborn. Somehow Brenda had grown to like this side too, and now where other people saw harshness she saw outspokenness, where everybody else saw severity she saw integrity.
Of course all this getting soft wasn't something Brenda was willing to admit.
She was proud of herself for being so professional. She was trying to prove she could be a grown-up, she could separate work and emotions, manage lust and resist temptations. And she wanted to prove it to Sharon, gain her trust and respect back. Caring so much of someone else's opinion was new to her. And she felt silly. Funny how the more she acted as an adult the more childish she was truly being.
That night she waited for Fritz to fall asleep then went in the guest room. This time she consciously took her phone. Since Sharon left her office she's been thinking of what she should write, but didn't come up with anything appropriate. Should she be romantic? Hot? Vague? She wasn't able to pick a tone. She snorted with impatience. She couldn't spend the night there, what if Fritz woke up? She opened the phone and 20 second later the message was sent.
Sharon was laying in bed. Waiting. The blonde had been too calm this morning, too focused on the job. Obviously she was up to something. Beep. With the quickness of a thirteen year old Nintendo player she grabbed the mobile from the nightstand and flipped it open. "I can feel your hands."
"Because I'm touching you." Sharon pushed OK. But the phone was wrong. It wasn't ok.
When Brenda fell asleep she dreamt of skilful long fingers.
-o-
They started a new routine. Most of the days they didn't cross paths. During Monday meetings they talked strictly about work. No calls, no attempts at politeness. No efforts to catch a glimpse of each other. But at night.
At night things shifted, doors were opened. They exchanged messages. No more than one or two. But it was every night. At 4 a.m. after a rough case, at 9 p.m. on a lazy Sunday evening. They were hiding from the world, hiding from themselves, secretly hoping that what they were doing wasn't really happening.
"The old lady today… she was so shaken she couldn't even cry. God, I just want your arms around me."
"I have no idea what you are talking about. As usual. But I'll take your word for it and hold you as long as you need me to."
"Provenza said you were wearing a red dress and up to no good. I told him next time he should take a picture."
"It wasn't red. It was burgundy. And if he just shows the desire to take a picture of me I'll have him in jail in no time."
"The day was awful. Then I sat on the couch. I swear I could smell you."
"I doubt that. But I'm glad hallucinating about me helped you through the day."
"Needing something sweet."
"You. Me. A giant bowl of smarties."
"Something naughty?"
"Finally sexting."
"Sexting?"
"Never mind."
"Ok this morning I looked up sexting on the google thing. Totally up for it!"
"You looked up sexting on your office's computer?"
"Yeah… why?"
"You do know they control our computers, don't you?"
"You just spoiled the mood."
"Sharon?"
"Yes, Brenda?"
"Sharon…"
"God, it's one of those days…"
"I want you here."
"Wouldn't that be a little too hard to explain to Agent Howard?"
"He's not home. He comes later every night. I think something's wrong."
"I'm not your therapist."
"What are you then?"
"Let's all think about it for a few days, shall we? Night Brenda."
It was their first argument. The first since they quit talking and started texting. They both knew that what they had wasn't enough yet too much. They needed to move forward and at this point any path looked good.
Author: smartasswillow
Fandom: The Closer
Rating: M
Pairing: Brenda/Sharon
CHAPTER 6
Lust. Bad stuff. Lust and feelings? You might as well shoot yourself. Brenda woke up from an awful dream. All sweaty she got rid of the dead weight of her husband's arm on her chest. No wonder she had nightmares if he was trying to suffocate her in her sleep. Here she was again, it wasn't her husband's fault if she'd got the hots for that woman. Obviously it was that woman's fault. If only Sharon could forgive her and maybe indulge, every now and then, in the same lust she was sure they both still shared, life would be perfect. No more nightmares, no more embarrassing business meetings in her office. And she could be even more focused on her marriage.
L.A.'s air was cool on her face. It was April; Sharon couldn't believe a whole month had already passed by. Her heels were getting uncomfortable but she loved to walk at night. Listening to the city, being no one, nowhere. After a few more attempts at sleeping with strangers she had given up. She found herself no longer able to fight lust with lust. A sad discovery. Probably connected with her age. So she quit fucking and started walking. It was healthier too. And she could let her mind wander, play with what ifs. What if Brenda wasn't a crazy lunatic? What if she wasn't a manipulative bitch? What if she was a little less sensitive in her job and a little more sensible in her life? Would she feel the same for Brenda anyway?
The Chief was done trying to sleep. Fritz's light snoring was getting straight into her head. She went into the guest room and opened the window. Fresh air for fresh thoughts. She put on an old yellow cardigan and sat leg-crossed on the bed. She didn't notice the mobile in her hands until Joel jumped on her lap. Absently stroking the cat, she thought that if she didn't plan it then it couldn't be her fault. Things happen. Stupid things happen even more often. Brenda flipped open the phone and wrote. "I can't sleep because of you." It was the truth. Nothing more, nothing less. She waited for a while and when she was about to doze off a loud beep filled the room. "Shit!" She held her breath but no sounds were coming from her room. She looked at the text. "I keep walking because of you." So she was still with her in this madness. Wasn't this what she was wishing for? Then where was all this sudden fear coming from?
Brenda wasn't texting back. Good. Sharon shouldn't have answered the message in first place. It was almost 3 a.m.; she blamed the late hour for her temporary weakness.
She left the guest room and went back in her bed. She couldn't afford more mistakes. She needed to be prepared this time. Make up some sort of plan as Sharon had told her to that day. Brenda knew that if she wanted to succeed she should first have a clear goal in her mind. But she couldn't think about that right now. She just wanted to do things properly.
-o-
After a long weekend off, Brenda was back at work. She had agreed with Captain Raydor for a meeting every Monday morning until the investigation would be over. She hadn't sent any more texts and they both kept a professional façade during their weekly encounter. It was boring and quite irritating being forced to justify every little step of a case and the more trivial the details, the more Raydor seemed to enjoy herself. God that woman. Every time she had talked with this arid bureaucrat in the past weeks Brenda had looked for a clue, anything to be reminded of the sweet, passionate person who once held her so tight.
She looked at the woman in front of her. Sharon was strong, meticulous, smart, single-minded and stubborn. Somehow Brenda had grown to like this side too, and now where other people saw harshness she saw outspokenness, where everybody else saw severity she saw integrity.
Of course all this getting soft wasn't something Brenda was willing to admit.
She was proud of herself for being so professional. She was trying to prove she could be a grown-up, she could separate work and emotions, manage lust and resist temptations. And she wanted to prove it to Sharon, gain her trust and respect back. Caring so much of someone else's opinion was new to her. And she felt silly. Funny how the more she acted as an adult the more childish she was truly being.
That night she waited for Fritz to fall asleep then went in the guest room. This time she consciously took her phone. Since Sharon left her office she's been thinking of what she should write, but didn't come up with anything appropriate. Should she be romantic? Hot? Vague? She wasn't able to pick a tone. She snorted with impatience. She couldn't spend the night there, what if Fritz woke up? She opened the phone and 20 second later the message was sent.
Sharon was laying in bed. Waiting. The blonde had been too calm this morning, too focused on the job. Obviously she was up to something. Beep. With the quickness of a thirteen year old Nintendo player she grabbed the mobile from the nightstand and flipped it open. "I can feel your hands."
"Because I'm touching you." Sharon pushed OK. But the phone was wrong. It wasn't ok.
When Brenda fell asleep she dreamt of skilful long fingers.
-o-
They started a new routine. Most of the days they didn't cross paths. During Monday meetings they talked strictly about work. No calls, no attempts at politeness. No efforts to catch a glimpse of each other. But at night.
At night things shifted, doors were opened. They exchanged messages. No more than one or two. But it was every night. At 4 a.m. after a rough case, at 9 p.m. on a lazy Sunday evening. They were hiding from the world, hiding from themselves, secretly hoping that what they were doing wasn't really happening.
"The old lady today… she was so shaken she couldn't even cry. God, I just want your arms around me."
"I have no idea what you are talking about. As usual. But I'll take your word for it and hold you as long as you need me to."
"Provenza said you were wearing a red dress and up to no good. I told him next time he should take a picture."
"It wasn't red. It was burgundy. And if he just shows the desire to take a picture of me I'll have him in jail in no time."
"The day was awful. Then I sat on the couch. I swear I could smell you."
"I doubt that. But I'm glad hallucinating about me helped you through the day."
"Needing something sweet."
"You. Me. A giant bowl of smarties."
"Something naughty?"
"Finally sexting."
"Sexting?"
"Never mind."
"Ok this morning I looked up sexting on the google thing. Totally up for it!"
"You looked up sexting on your office's computer?"
"Yeah… why?"
"You do know they control our computers, don't you?"
"You just spoiled the mood."
"Sharon?"
"Yes, Brenda?"
"Sharon…"
"God, it's one of those days…"
"I want you here."
"Wouldn't that be a little too hard to explain to Agent Howard?"
"He's not home. He comes later every night. I think something's wrong."
"I'm not your therapist."
"What are you then?"
"Let's all think about it for a few days, shall we? Night Brenda."
It was their first argument. The first since they quit talking and started texting. They both knew that what they had wasn't enough yet too much. They needed to move forward and at this point any path looked good.