Title: Set Fire to the Rain 8/12
Author:
smartasswillowFandom: The Closer
Rating: M
Pairing: Brenda/Sharon
CHAPTER 8
Every morning at 6 o'clock Sharon Raydor woke up ready to start her day. Most of those mornings Sharon Raydor was awake way before the alarm, with nowhere to go and lots of dark thoughts to keep her company. That particular morning Sharon Raydor hit the clock off the nightstand and turned to the other side. She had kept her eyes shut but she was sure she was alone. What was she thinking last night? God, she couldn't trust herself anymore. She grabbed the pillow and put it on her head. Her shampoo… Great. She took the fluffy hostile object and threw it away.
"Hey!"
Hey? "Brenda?"
"Were you expecting someone else?"
Sharon finally opened her eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh… I'm sorry. I thought… Never mind." The blonde moved to get off the bed but Sharon stopped her.
"No! NO!"
"You are sending mixed signals, Sharon."
"I'm sorry, I was sure you had already left."
"Oh... ok."
"I'm happy you stayed. Come here." Brenda was still unsure but let the Captain hug her.
Slowly she relaxed in her lover's arms. "You were so desperate 'cause you thought I left in the middle of the night?"
"I wouldn't say desperate."
"It's cute."
"I don't do CUTE."
"Ok."
"I'm serious."
Brenda blatantly rolled her eyes.
"I hope I don't look as awful as you do."
"Jeee Sharon, next time I'll wake up earlier to put some make up on."
"Next time?"
"Did I say so?"
"You did."
Brenda nuzzled on her neck. "Do we have to talk about this now?"
"No. We can have breakfast."
"Yes! I'm starving."
Brenda was enjoying her pancakes. Sharon was looking at her, sure she had some silly smile printed on her face.
"You're not eating."
"Mmmm?"
"Food, Captain. You're not having any."
"Oh, I'm not hungry."
"Really?"
"And we are late, too. We should take a shower and go to work."
"Is that a proposal?"
"I'm not taking a shower with you, Chief."
"Why?"
Brenda was wearing her robe. It was too big for her. She seemed so minute. Vulnerable. But she was not. Sharon was hopelessly trying to remind herself that this beautiful, delicate woman meant only troubles. But it was hard with all that maple syrup on her lips.
"Sharon? Baby? What are you doing?" Sharon leaned on and cleaned her up with a long passionate kiss.
"That's better."
"Thank you?"
"You're welcome. I'll go get a shower, finish your breakfast."
Why was Brenda in her kitchen? What happened to Fritz? Did she call him while she was sleeping? Did last night change things? Sharon couldn't shut her brain up and the hot water wasn't carrying any answer but at least it was nice. When the shower stall opened she couldn't help a smile.
"You can't take a no for an answer, can you?"
-o-
Brenda had to go home before work. It was already late but she couldn't show up with the same clothes she was wearing the day before. They were men but also detectives. So there was still a chance they could figure something out. And this was not going to happen. She was terrified by her own ability to deny things. Not tiny details but things such as her marriage, Fritz and her job when she was with Sharon. She hadn't been pretending to be calm and happy. She truly was. But now, in her car, the whole world was slowly collapsing on her. Reality was simply catching up with Brenda. And she couldn't breathe. She stopped the car and got out. Her head was spinning and she had to lean on the vehicle. What have I done? God, was it really me? She felt sick. She put a hand on her mouth in an effort not to throw up. But she did anyway. The pancakes. People passed by looking at her thinking she was drunk or something else. Sweaty and pale she got back in the car and decided to give herself five minutes to cry it all out.
-o-
Fritz was waiting for her on the couch. Already suited up and with the briefcase between his feet.
"Good morning Brenda."
"Hi." Brenda froze on the doorstep.
"Or maybe I should say good evening since I don't know which time zone you're living in lately."
"Yes, I'm sorry. Can we talk tonight? I really have to hurry up." She stepped in and headed to the bedroom.
"I didn't sleep. You weren't answering your phone. I called everybody you know. It didn't take long. I called the hospitals, I even called your parents!"
"Mama?" God, her mama was in this story too?
"I called them back to tell them I'd found you."
"Oh thank you Fritzi."
"Thank you, Brenda? Thank you? Where the fuck have you been?"
"I don't want to talk now. We'll do it when I get back from work, ok?" Brenda was desperately trying to gain time to think. The bad taste in her mouth and the dizziness weren't helping.
"We'll talk now."
"I can't Fritz, ok? I just can't now." She tried to walk away but he grabbed her arm. "Are you insane? Let go of me."
"Where did you spend the night?"
"Out, I was out."
"That I know. Where?"
"In a club." And it was true, for a small time she was in a club.
"Till 7 in the morning?"
"Of course not." That's what happened when you had to improvise.
"Brenda start telling the truth or I swear to God…"
"What Fritz? What would you do?" She changed tactics.
"If you don't tell me the truth it's over Brenda." So much for offence is the best defence.
"I just need time Fritz, a little bit, please."
"Whatever it is, it's been going on for months. You already had time."
So he knew it. How could he? Or maybe it was a trap and she was falling right into it. Why couldn't she think clearly? Everything was so fuzzy.
She looked firmly in his eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Fritz let her go. He walked to the small table under the window and leaned on it. He looked defeated, sad, surrendered. Brenda felt pity. Shouldn't she have felt guilty? What was wrong with her? She reached for him and touched his shoulder. "Fritz?"
He lifted the table with both hands and threw it away. What was with people throwing objects today? Sharon. Sharon in bed, dark messy hair spread on white sheets, sweet morning kisses, her body tensing under the water.
"Brenda!" She was losing her mind. She was losing everything.
He was holding her by the arms. She couldn't move, she knew that Fritz wouldn't ever hurt her. He was a good guy and she had made him mad.
"What did you do?" He would never stop. He'd keep yelling at her forever. She had to make him stop.
"I… I slept with somebody."
She could read it in his eyes, he wanted to slap her. But he wouldn't, she knew Fritz. And Fritz let go of her and hit the wall.
"Who?"
"Who?" Brenda was confused, wasn't it over?
"Who did you sleep with?"
"It doesn't matter who she is!"
The room went dead silent.
Brenda had stopped thinking of Sharon as a woman long time ago. She was just Sharon. But for Fritz it was fresh news.
He turned slowly. "She?" His voice dangerously low.
"Oh Fritz don't be mad!"
"It's a little too late for that, Brenda."
She couldn't stand upright anymore and sat on the couch.
"You're having an affair with a woman?"
"What's the difference?"
"I don't know Brenda. You're the expert, enlighten me."
"God Fritz she is… she's…"
"Who is it?"
"You don't want to know."
"Try me."
"It's Captain Raydor."
"That bitch?"
"She's not a bitch!" Her strength decided to pop out in the perfect wrong moment.
"She screwed my wife. What should I call her? A nice old lady?"
"And she's not old. Jeee…"
"Why Brenda? Why her?"
"Do you really want me to talk about her?"
"How could it be worse?"
"Sharon is… weird. But in a nice way. She's not that nice but somehow she is. She loves her job probably as much I do. So a lot. And she's good at it. A little bit by the book but she has to be. She's funny and smart. And can sort anyone out with a glare. They're green, her eyes, I've never seen… well they're green. She cares, she doesn't show it but she does. She can be cute too. She'd kill me if… but she can be adorable. She's strong and never complains, she always does what needs to be done. Yet there's something vulnerable in her. Something you immediately want to protect. And yes, she can be a bitch too."
Fritz was staring at her.
"Fritz? Talk to me. I told you you didn't want to know."
"No, it's… actually it's ok."
"Ok?"
"Yes. Now I can make a decision. See you tonight Brenda."
"Fritz! What decision?" But he was already out.