confusion about my future
I know I have a while to figure this out, but still...so while I'm working at ASU, I might as well take advantage of the fact that I get tuition for up to 9 credits of grad school per semester at ASU, U of A or NAU for only $25. TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS. And I get 10% off at the bookstore.
So I'm like, Hell, I ought to take advantage of this. I'm kind of a school nerd, and I wouldn't mind picking up another degree. After researching, I figured out that all the top people at ASU were PhDs. in various subjects. Capaldi, the provost, has a PhD. in psychology. Crow, the president, has a PhD. in public administration. Jacobs, the Dean of the honors college, has a PhD. in biology and the other dean of the honors college has one in Anthropology. The VP of edcuation partnership has a PhD. in human development. So, basically...it's kind of open.
So, I'm like, what kind of PhD would I want? Do I want a PhD? Should I just get an MBA and then see if I can do like, hospital administration? Do I still want to go the healthcare route?
OMG, it's like suddenly I have too many options:
1. I could get an MBA and work on Banner's administrative board (Banner's CEO is an MBA). Or basically everywhere else. Except the thing is, I think with a skil-based masters like an MBA the highest I could be is some kind of manager...it's much more rare to be the CEO of Banner. I guess everything's that way. What's the pay cap for the typical MBA I wonder? I would get $25 tuition for an MBA but would have to pay out my ass in program fees (like 13 K per year or more).
2. I could get a PhD and be a professor, but in order to follow the tenure track I would also have to complete research prior to being hired, public however many papers to get tenure, and then continue research. Or I could be clinical but I think they get paid less and are contracted. Research isn't all that bad though- I really liked it at Barrow. And I think if were doing less traditional scientific, bench-work research, it might not be lonely and might be more collaborative. What I really didn't like was the solitude and mundaneness of literary research. Which I would definitely have to do...but maybe it'd be easier to ready literary pieces about every-day topics like sustainability or public administration instead of heavy microbiology, cell-biology and biochemistry laden papers. I mean, I might have an undergraduate background in biochemistry but it is HORRIFIC to just read. I can't even read my own thesis without sleeping...
3. Perhaps that PhD could lead to administrative stuff like a Provost's position. I seriously wonder if I could talk to Crow. I actually KNOW a girl who works directly with him. I could tell him I'm very interested in that kind of thing...higher education but like, not always a lowly position. Can I work up from where I am? What steps do I need to take? Or should I look more in to pursuing a certain PhD, become a professor and publish stuff, THEN Crow it up?
I feel like I have SO many optoins. On one hand, I feel SO much happier with that prospect that I did with medical school, which I just kind of felt so stifled by and frankly, anxious about. But on I also feel confused and unsure. I mean, I at least have a job to pay the bills now and it's something I think I'll really like...but in five years I don't want to be in the same position. I want to be a top dog...
It's weird to be almost 25 and evaluating this all over again. When I was 18, I thought 25 was SO old and that I'd have it all figured out by then and that I'd like, be married. If you'd told me I was going to be 25 and single, with no boyfriend prospects at all, I think I would've thought the world was over. But it's really not that bad. Age is kind of relative. I keep thinking I want to be married by 30. But realistically, I'd have to meet someone within the next two years. Two years is a long time, but two years ago I thought the same thing and basically I've met no one that it's even gotten close to progressing to a REAL (not almost, not half-assed) relationship with. Because there's no way I'd except engagement with someone after only a year, unless maybe I'd known them all my life or something. Two years minimum. Year engagement, married. That puts me at 30. I wanna have kids but I don't want to be older than 36 with my last one. But I want to be married a while before I have them. So that's constraining. But maybe at 30, I'll look back and think 25 is so young and I'll feel like 30 isn't that old, and why rush my life? Just like I do now...
But in the end, you can't really predict how life'll go. Who knows if what's true today will be true in a month. I don't and every time I've tried to alter my actions (at least in personal stuff like finding a boyfriend) to match what I want in the future, I've been disappointed. I can definitely map out my academic future and goals and frankly it's important that I do that now and stick to it. I can't alter the things that pertain entirely to ME for anyone else. I can mold stuff, but having a clearly defined sense of self is the first step in confident living. If I know what I want out of life, then things like a guy dumping me or not wanting to date me because HE wants to pursue HIS career won't seem like abandonment...because I've got my OWN shit to take care of that he isn't a part of, and I'm only losing 50% of what's important to me, not 100%.
I seriously need to research this more. And I need to talk to Crow. I'm going to email that girl and ask her if that's ever possible...
So I'm like, Hell, I ought to take advantage of this. I'm kind of a school nerd, and I wouldn't mind picking up another degree. After researching, I figured out that all the top people at ASU were PhDs. in various subjects. Capaldi, the provost, has a PhD. in psychology. Crow, the president, has a PhD. in public administration. Jacobs, the Dean of the honors college, has a PhD. in biology and the other dean of the honors college has one in Anthropology. The VP of edcuation partnership has a PhD. in human development. So, basically...it's kind of open.
So, I'm like, what kind of PhD would I want? Do I want a PhD? Should I just get an MBA and then see if I can do like, hospital administration? Do I still want to go the healthcare route?
OMG, it's like suddenly I have too many options:
1. I could get an MBA and work on Banner's administrative board (Banner's CEO is an MBA). Or basically everywhere else. Except the thing is, I think with a skil-based masters like an MBA the highest I could be is some kind of manager...it's much more rare to be the CEO of Banner. I guess everything's that way. What's the pay cap for the typical MBA I wonder? I would get $25 tuition for an MBA but would have to pay out my ass in program fees (like 13 K per year or more).
2. I could get a PhD and be a professor, but in order to follow the tenure track I would also have to complete research prior to being hired, public however many papers to get tenure, and then continue research. Or I could be clinical but I think they get paid less and are contracted. Research isn't all that bad though- I really liked it at Barrow. And I think if were doing less traditional scientific, bench-work research, it might not be lonely and might be more collaborative. What I really didn't like was the solitude and mundaneness of literary research. Which I would definitely have to do...but maybe it'd be easier to ready literary pieces about every-day topics like sustainability or public administration instead of heavy microbiology, cell-biology and biochemistry laden papers. I mean, I might have an undergraduate background in biochemistry but it is HORRIFIC to just read. I can't even read my own thesis without sleeping...
3. Perhaps that PhD could lead to administrative stuff like a Provost's position. I seriously wonder if I could talk to Crow. I actually KNOW a girl who works directly with him. I could tell him I'm very interested in that kind of thing...higher education but like, not always a lowly position. Can I work up from where I am? What steps do I need to take? Or should I look more in to pursuing a certain PhD, become a professor and publish stuff, THEN Crow it up?
I feel like I have SO many optoins. On one hand, I feel SO much happier with that prospect that I did with medical school, which I just kind of felt so stifled by and frankly, anxious about. But on I also feel confused and unsure. I mean, I at least have a job to pay the bills now and it's something I think I'll really like...but in five years I don't want to be in the same position. I want to be a top dog...
It's weird to be almost 25 and evaluating this all over again. When I was 18, I thought 25 was SO old and that I'd have it all figured out by then and that I'd like, be married. If you'd told me I was going to be 25 and single, with no boyfriend prospects at all, I think I would've thought the world was over. But it's really not that bad. Age is kind of relative. I keep thinking I want to be married by 30. But realistically, I'd have to meet someone within the next two years. Two years is a long time, but two years ago I thought the same thing and basically I've met no one that it's even gotten close to progressing to a REAL (not almost, not half-assed) relationship with. Because there's no way I'd except engagement with someone after only a year, unless maybe I'd known them all my life or something. Two years minimum. Year engagement, married. That puts me at 30. I wanna have kids but I don't want to be older than 36 with my last one. But I want to be married a while before I have them. So that's constraining. But maybe at 30, I'll look back and think 25 is so young and I'll feel like 30 isn't that old, and why rush my life? Just like I do now...
But in the end, you can't really predict how life'll go. Who knows if what's true today will be true in a month. I don't and every time I've tried to alter my actions (at least in personal stuff like finding a boyfriend) to match what I want in the future, I've been disappointed. I can definitely map out my academic future and goals and frankly it's important that I do that now and stick to it. I can't alter the things that pertain entirely to ME for anyone else. I can mold stuff, but having a clearly defined sense of self is the first step in confident living. If I know what I want out of life, then things like a guy dumping me or not wanting to date me because HE wants to pursue HIS career won't seem like abandonment...because I've got my OWN shit to take care of that he isn't a part of, and I'm only losing 50% of what's important to me, not 100%.
I seriously need to research this more. And I need to talk to Crow. I'm going to email that girl and ask her if that's ever possible...